Parents Confused and I just have to ask...

[bogwoppit]

There is no issue with staying, if it works for you do it. I live 50 mins from gym and have other kids. I find, as do many others, that staying at the gym exposes you to those kinds of crazy comments the op experienced.

There is no judgement, do what you like but there is no way for the gym to police the parents and therefore you will hear stuff that is offensive.

The op should not have to put up with it, but unless she actually tells the other person to stop talking, here is little she can do except leave. That is what many parents end up doing. Not condescending, just experienced advice.

It is hard to be perceived as a supportive message board when we have 3000 members, each with their own opinions.

 

[MdGymMom01]

I do not have an issue with people that stay and watch practice. I just choose not to stay and watch because I find it quite boring at times. But, I do have an issue with some of the parents that stay and watch and they constantly criticize other peoples children, are complaining about this and that, and trying to intimidate other parents by "talking trash". It is these parents that ruin the whole "watching practice" experience for people that do want to stay.

I am sorry Krystan if you feel that all you have noticed is the negativity on this board, because while this board can be opinionated at times, I find it to be very informative, supportive and a wealth of knowledge. I also find that some of the topics, while they can get heated, are very informative and make for a great debate. And, of course, we all have to take what is said on any message board with a grain of salt and not take it too personally.

 

[Krystan]

But, I do have an issue with some of the parents that stay and watch and they constantly criticize other peoples children, are complaining about this and that, and trying to intimidate other parents by "talking trash". It is these parents that ruin the whole "watching practice" experience for people that do want to stay.

I totally agree, this sounds terrible. Luckily I have not noticed that at my gym, although honestly I have my head in my knitting most of the time and probably look unapproachable!

Also, I agree that I took things a little too personally today (haven't figured out how to multi-quote yet). Thanks MdGymMom01!

 

[lilgymmie7]

I totally agree, this sounds terrible. Luckily I have not noticed that at my gym, although honestly I have my head in my knitting most of the time and probably look unapproachable!

Also, I agree that I took things a little too personally today (haven't figured out how to multi-quote yet). Thanks MdGymMom01!

Now that's what I'm talking about! "We all need to get along..."
On another note, I too rarely stick around. At DD's previous gym, watching was pretty much outlawed by the owner and coaches so no one ever stayed. At her new gym, it is also strongly advised not to. The only time at her new gym that I stayed to watch was on her first day. And that was only because she was apprehensive. I then because I had been accustomed simply dropped her off and ran errands or visited my sister who lives 10min. down the road. I live 50+ min. away from the gym. However, about two weeks ago, I did stay on a Fri. (not for the whole practice-about an hour and a half) only because I had a pretty bad head cold and I just vegged. Around that time, I noticed this parent who I understand has been at the gym for a while, about 3 years or so. At first, we simply talked about nothing but then she began. It seems like she is worried about her DD moving up.
Thank you "K" for your words too. Sometimes, I get to feeling guilty because I often "dump-n-run" little DD. I have actually done that since she was 5 and she started the 4 hrs./4 days a week practice. I always watched my other two kids activities when they were young like DD. I understand DD's personality is different than her older siblings, but there have been times that she has wanted me to stay. Like I said earlier, I just 'wondered' why some parents get so over involved because that just isn't me. Nothing I say or do could ever make a difference in my DD's gymnastics, I know that. Her progression is up to her and her coaches. Thus far, she is doing well. DD has become such a determined and super focused little girl because of her independence in gymnastics. Trust me if I ever do decide to really stay to watch, it will not matter what crazy comments I hear. I will still wonder what makes these kinds of people 'tick' though. I think it's because I try to rationalize too much and think there has to be "A" reason for such unraveling. I know I have to stop over analyzing.
I also think that through everyones' post many parents can 'hang' on to something big or small that makes sense to them. Thanks All!!

 

[MdGymMom01]

I totally agree, this sounds terrible. Luckily I have not noticed that at my gym, although honestly I have my head in my knitting most of the time and probably look unapproachable!

Also, I agree that I took things a little too personally today (haven't figured out how to multi-quote yet). Thanks MdGymMom01!

No problem Krystan!

 

[Granny Smith]

My dd practices for 4 hrs at a clip. I have to dump and run because of my other child. I do stay the entire time on Saturdays unless other child has a game. I also come back for at least the last hour of her training, if not a little longer. I love to watch my child. I also feel that if I don't watch her at practice, I'll never see her during the week since she goes straight to the gym from school. Funny thing is that even though I am there, I much more enjoy talking to my friends - other gym Moms, then always watching my child. Just yesterday dd was working front aerials and she asked me if I saw them. I told her that I knew she was working them, but I was too busy talking to my friends to see her actually do any!

I will say though, if I come at the end and she's conditioning I have no problems going out in my car and reading my book! Conditioning is like watching paint dry!

Krystan - I just want to say to you because I know you are new and I've seen other threads where you express the same thoughts about us parents. In regards to what is said to you hear, you need to take in what works for you and completely brush off what doesn't. Do not take everything as a personal critique against you, it's simply not how it's meant to be.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

There is always the slight possibility, though doubtful, that the mom is trying to make friends and maybe gymnastics is all she can find to talk about. I'm always trying to see the other side, like maybe they didn't mean it that way. Sometimes if there is a mom I don't know very well I might ask a question related to their kids gym just to get a conversation started. It's probably doubtful. Also maybe she's just curious, but then again I'd ask someone, not tell them my opinion if I was curious.

Nope.... we were all together at the very first gym where both girls were training. She always had negative comments to make about my DD's age (she was one of the oldest in the group), all kinds of other negative comments/gossip about coaches, etc. The gym closed, we all went out separate ways and now she's back again!!! I just try to avoid the whole situation.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

I know I am new here and have already been on the receiving end of major condescension while just asking for input & support, but I can't resist. I completely understand the "dump and run" mentality. It is too easy to get emotionally wrapped up in your child's practice if you stay all the time. But I find that people on this list are very nasty and judgmental of parents that enjoy staying to watch gymnastics practices - in this way they are just as bad as the ultra-competitive parent. There are plenty of non-psychotic reasons a parent may stay. Maybe they live too far away, maybe they have dds with anxiety issues that insist they stay when they've changed levels, maybe it is the only time in the darn day where they get to sit in one place, put their feet up, and read a book. Maybe they enjoy watching gymnastics, seeing their child progress. And maybe they don't blindly trust their coach/gym yet (especially if they are new), hear something going on from dd, and want to keep an eye on things. They are paying, and it is their child, after all. I get that you don't want to become too involved/wrapped up. That's why when I go I bring a good book or a complicated knitting project. I try to hit a practice every other week or so, and I've had all of the above reasons in the past.

Oh my!! I don't quite know what to say. I have not taken a single person's response as "judgmental." We have all just posted how we deal with this sometimes crazy sport!!! Granted, some people live to far away to be able to leave practices, especially for the younger ones. However, I do believe that it's so easy to get caught up in watching every little thing that goes on at practice and then perceiving something a different way than what is actually happening. At my DD's previous gym, so much was taken out of context by parents sitting through every practice that it just became a hot mess to venture into the waiting room! That's when I just decided rather than get caught up in all of that, it was easier to avoid it and then let DD surprise me w/her newly acquired skills whenever she wanted to talk about it, or when she would actually show me at her first meet. I have to say, at her first L7 meet, I was soooo amazed by what she had accomplished. It was truly a nice surprise!!

 

[ek2]

My dd practices for 4 hrs at a clip. I have to dump and run because of my other child. I do stay the entire time on Saturdays unless other child has a game. I also come back for at least the last hour of her training, if not a little longer. I love to watch my child. I also feel that if I don't watch her at practice, I'll never see her during the week since she goes straight to the gym from school. Funny thing is that even though I am there, I much more enjoy talking to my friends - other gym Moms, then always watching my child. Just yesterday dd was working front aerials and she asked me if I saw them. I told her that I knew she was working them, but I was too busy talking to my friends to see her actually do any!

I will say though, if I come at the end and she's conditioning I have no problems going out in my car and reading my book! Conditioning is like watching paint dry!

Krystan - I just want to say to you because I know you are new and I've seen other threads where you express the same thoughts about us parents. In regards to what is said to you hear, you need to take in what works for you and completely brush off what doesn't. Do not take everything as a personal critique against you, it's simply not how it's meant to be.

I totally agree with this! Especially watching conditioning lol!

However, I will say that the parent's I know that stay at practice most days, tend to end up more stressed out than the "dump and run" parents. Because gymnastics is so hard and it is a sport of perfection, many parents have a hard time watching their "susie" go through the process of learning... it is just natural. And that applies to me. I cannot tell you the times when my dd came off the floor, and knowing she had a bad practice, I felt the need to go over every detail because I saw what she struggled with. When, if I had not been there, she would not have mentioned anything, brushed the practice off, and been fine. Just my thoughts...

 

[Bella's Mom]

I agree that there are many reasons that some parents stay and benefits to dumping and running as well. I also understand what Krystan means about sometimes feeling some condescension from more experienced parents.

Like Bog, I don't live in the same town as Bella's gym so when she was practicing 2-3 hours and gas was over $3.50, I was going to sit in that lobby and I didn't give a rat's patootie what other people thought about my motive. I didn't have the income to go shopping like some of the other mom's did and I wasn't going to sit in my car in the cold or summer heat. I took stuff to do and would watch small portions. I have other reasons for watching that are in my child's best interest. I don't interfere with coaching and I don't try to coach at home.

There were a coule of other parents who stayed for similar reasons and we would chat with one another. On the contrary, I've made deep friendships with a few of the other parents. Luckily, I've never had an experience like the OP as far as other parents giving unsolicited advice. The parents of our gym are so supportive of the entire team. I've only been involved in a very small mini drama and it was as standard as a little girl on my daughter's team talking about my daughter to someone who is a mutual acquaintance. That's the extent of drama. LOL

I think it is sad that there are parents who must tear down others or to be the gym know it all. We all know it comes from a place of insecurity. It makes me appreciate my gym all the more. We may be small, but we really are like family....each member cheering on the other girls.

 

[Mom2Gymgirls]

The danger of watching too much practice is that you get a biased or faulty view of the progression. You see a lot of conditioning, you may see some new cool skills executed very well, and some old skills executed very poorly. By seeing a lot happening, it opens your mind up to a lot of drama from other parents and emotions which can run from excited, happy, sad, frustrated, worried and angry. We all want to know that our kids are progressing and they ALL WILL, in THEIR OWN TIME. So, by not watching practice, you eliminate all this unnecessary "drama and emotional baggage" that occurs and develops.

You've all hear the expression "a watched pot never boils." Well, I'll take that a step further. Watching practices all the time is like watching water boil with varying degrees of heat. The end result is the same. The water WILL boil. It just may take a little longer, that's all .

Very well said!!

 

[bogwoppit]

Another issue is that watching aquiring skills is boring, repetitions of the same skills over and over again. The child is not often bored, but the parents are, they project it onto their kid and voila, a kid complaining of being bored at gym. I have seen so many parents complaining that their kid is bored in the gym with the same old skills, but when you watch their kid, they are totally happy. Sometimes you just see too much.

BUt by all means, sit there, read a book, make some friends, do clean up if you have a snack. But NEVER, NEVER , NEVER discuss another gymnast negatively in the viewing area, that can lead to you being tossed out of the club, having a parent whack you (oh yes that has happened!) or you just being very embarrassed when you realise said kids mom is sitting right behind you.

I LOVE gymnastics, I could watch it for days on end, but I also realised that it was my kids sport, when they were with their coaches, and after that I made a point of doing something for me. Walking, running, grocery shopping, reading a book etc. Now they are both pretty much finished with the sport I am glad I did my own thing too, as the transition from gym mom to mom has really been a breeze. PLus I am so much richer now!!! LOL

 

[lilgymmie7]

I never realized how much I have missed being home until today. DD is off this entire week from the gym; it's their "summer break". Next week, she starts the 7 a.m. morning practices and I am the lucky one of the carpool to drive the morning "to the gym" route. 7 a.m. means we are in the car by 6 a.m. Far too early to "spook" little girls with my 'groovy' hair styles!! I really am however excited to finally have the summer off to paint the inside of my house. We have been here for almost three years and the walls are the same 'beige' color throughout. Time to get busy!!
DD came home from practice Saturday with,"HC said he wants me to work on giants!" Now that is exciting, but scary! It will be fun to see what new skills she does acquire this summer since I will be "dumping and running" The HC has planned a fun 'water park' adventure in July, so the friendships I have developed at DD's new gym can continue. I'm excited to see what DD accomplishes this summer as a whole plus her added independence will be great to witness.

 

[bigtiny]

. But NEVER, NEVER , NEVER discuss another gymnast negatively in the viewing area, that can lead to you being tossed out of the club, having a parent whack you (oh yes that has happened!) or you just being very embarrassed when you realise said kids mom is sitting right behind you.

LOL

Well said, Bog, well said.