Parents DD's Question

[lilgymmie7]

DD has not stopped asking when she will get to go back to her old gym to say good bye to her friends. I know that I posted on here that when DD's old coaches heard she was trying out at a new gym they asked her to leave. They really were looking at the situation on a business stand point and knew that once she had her try out she would talk about it to her teammates. DD is very much the verbal, social butterfly.
Although I was taken aback a bit about the whole thing and in retrospect, I now understand it was for the best. Timing is everything, and I did move her about a month and a half before states. They had the other gymmies to think about at the time.
The problem however is that DD was with her level 5 team since she was 4 and the level 6 team since she was 5. Altogether, she had been with them for three years. She probably sees them as her big sisters. She loves her new gym: She says this all the time! She has made great friends already at her new gym.

My question: Is it a good idea for DD to go in to say goodbye to her friends? I have communicated with the other parents via phone and/or FB and I have been able to say good bye, but DD is only 7 and she has not been able to do that. I just want her to know that I hear her and that I respect her feelings.

I wouldn't have a concern other than when I messaged a friend who is still there asking if I should bring her in she replied "No." That the old feelings would come back. DD had broken down when she saw her old level 5 team at a meet she was at with her new gym. However, DD does miss her old teammates but loves her new ones and the entire gym, especially her new coaches. What to do???

 

[gym law mom]

Could you arrange to meet up with them for something like ice cream? That would be something nice and relaxing and not at a gym. If your dd wanted to make cute little cards, you could always help her put her address in them so the girls know how to get in touch.
I would not go back by the old gym

 

[justanothergymmom]

I have been in your shoes and if I had it to do over again, I would not go back to the old gym...especially if the coaches actually asked your DD to leave. They may not be all that welcoming of her and that could really hurt her feelings. It also may be disruptive (not that you would intend it to be!) for the other girls who I am sure miss your daughter a great deal. I think planning a meetup for ice cream or pizza is a great idea.

 

[lilgymmie7]

Good idea. We are supposed to get together with some parents after level 8 regionals. One of the girls has a level 8 sister who is competing this weekend. I just feel so awful telling DD," We will meet them outside of the gym." DD is so little and does not really understand.
Today at practice, a level 10 from her new gym told her she met a past friend of hers at 9/10 regionals and asked her to tell DD "Hello" for her. This little girl left about a year prior. Word got around fast that DD is at a new gym. That brought back the notion, "Mom, when am I..."

 

[Deleted member D3987]

no, not a good idea.

 

[mariposa]

It never would have crossed my mind to take my DD back to her old gym to say goodbye after we had left, didn't want anyone to think I was recruiting other people to leave. My DD did get to say goodbye to some of her teammates, but not all of them, it was sad. We made play dates with the ones that she was really close to and she still sees those girls on a regular basis. We see the others at meets and cheer for them just like we used to.

I think the idea of having a party and inviting them would be good. But definitely wouldn't take her by the old gym, it could also turn out badly for your DD, emotions run high among coaches/owners when gymnasts leave their program. They definitely take it personally and things could be said in the heat of the moment that would not be good. Best to avoid that. Have a party somewhere and invite them to it.

Leaving friends is always tough. Hopefully she will still get to see them once in awhile. You could invite them to her next b-day party, maybe, etc.

 

[GymGirl's Mom]

I would not. Maybe arrange to have a pizza party or something like that at a place near your old gym before/after one of the days she used to have practice and invite all the girls she was friendly with.

IMO if you were asked to leave don't walk back in there-- don't expose your daughter to any bad feelings and words that may be communicated by staff and/or parents if you were to go in.

I know it's hard- for her. I think you should focus on the positives of her new gym, tell her you can't go back to the old gym- but you can still visit with old friends outside of the gym.

 

[bogwoppit]

DO not go back, the club has made it's position clear. SO either arrange a meet up with the other friends outside of gym or just tell DD the truth. SHe is old enough to understand that the old club was not happy and that you cannot go back.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

I was going to suggest the same as GymLaw Mom. Since you're still in touch w/all the parents, have them meet up at a neutral place.

I agree with Mariposa!!!! Do NOT take her back to the gym!!! I let Katy go back to the "crazy" gym after she quit, and it just mushroomed into a huge fiasco.... the most ridiculous was that I got billed for her going to gym that night because "other parents saw her practicing!" WHAT?!?! She came in jeans and a t-shirt BEFORE practice started just to say goodbye to everyone!!! And then the "talk" just ballooned from there... I was eventually "banned" from even going to that gym to support her ex-teammates at their home meets because I was supposedly "recruiting" girls to move to the gym she went to immediately after. What a crock. But once again, I digress.....

She NEEDS to say goodbye to her friends. The weather is getting warmer (at least here in Virginia) and ice cream sounds like a great idea, or meet at a park, etc. Tons of things that she can do to say goodbye.

 

[lilgymmie7]

Point taken! I will not bring her back in to the gym. The little one that asked to say hello to DD brought it all back to me. The gymmies and parents at her old gym were always very geniune to DD. It is sad to leave in that respect. But everyone is right. I wouldn't want DD to get emotionally hurt for anything 'shotty' that could be said to her. Her emotional well being is the reason I looked elsewhere.
Her new gym is so great and DD is progressing so nicely. It's just hard to say good bye sometimes. Especially when so many friends were made. Thanks all for the responses. I have to have a heart to heart with DD and she will understand. One of her old teammates is moving to California in the summer. Her family was so great to DD! We will definitely miss them!!

 

[Panda-girl's Mom]

It is hard for them but they eventually get over it and make new friends. It was really hard for my daughter her 1st year her entire group left except for one she was your daughters age ( a few switched gyms but others just left the sport). My daughter still talks about that year she was 7 but when we see them at meets they do not always get along my daughter is usually cordial but she does harbor feelings of anger when one of her teamates leaves for another gym or quits. I know this is silly but I often wonder if it was because she was so young when it happened if effected her in some way. So you do not really know how these girls feel about your daughter switching gyms, they could be having trouble dealing with it themselves they might really miss your daughter but not fully understand the situation so I think checking with their parents is best.

 

[emorymom]

I moved DS to another gym in January and he was very upset about missing his old group. I would not take him over there, period. It would be too hard on him. I think he will be OK seeing them at meets but they have six months before that and he will have upped his hours with his new group, gotten the uniform, been through team camp together, etc. Of course he did get to say goodbye.

On the other hand, playdates with the guys he likes over there go fine. At the houses, you know.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

did you mean shoddy instead of "shotty"? or maybe snotty?

 

[lilgymmie7]

did you mean shoddy instead of "shotty"? or maybe snotty?

I've always enjoyed your humor! Yeah, I know I misspelled it. But now since you put it that way, I'm not sure...

 

[lilgymmie7]

It is hard for them but they eventually get over it and make new friends. It was really hard for my daughter her 1st year her entire group left except for one she was your daughters age ( a few switched gyms but others just left the sport). My daughter still talks about that year she was 7 but when we see them at meets they do not always get along my daughter is usually cordial but she does harbor feelings of anger when one of her teamates leaves for another gym or quits. I know this is silly but I often wonder if it was because she was so young when it happened if effected her in some way. So you do not really know how these girls feel about your daughter switching gyms, they could be having trouble dealing with it themselves they might really miss your daughter but not fully understand the situation so I think checking with their parents is best.

I never thought of that really. But the average age of DD's old team was 10/11. DD was the only little one. The next young one was 9 and the age went up to 13. That was one issue I looked at when making my final decision to move her. on DD's new team, she is again the only 7 yo. but there are several 8 yo.
We are making plans to meet up for pizza. DD seems okay with that, but it was hard getting her to understand.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

I've always enjoyed your humor! Yeah, I know I misspelled it. But now since you put it that way, I'm not sure...

sincerely didn't know what word you intended.

 

[my4buffaloes]

Just tell her that you can't go back. the gym asked you to leave and you can't go back. You might have to explain a little about how some people act versus how your family would act in that situation, but I am sure you can word it to go over for a 7 year old. It is hard, but it is best to not go back. You never know how the old coaches would treat her and if it is like our old gym, it wouldn't be pretty.

 

[Blackie6]

Not a good idea. At this point there is no reason for "good bye's" at the old gym. It would be confusing for the girls and awkward for you & the other parents! Instead, make the friendships last outside the gym! Have a get-together! We left old gym 2 years ago, but thankfully most of the team came with my daughter to new gym. In the past two years though friends have left gymnastics or the gym for a new one, but we always have get togethers every so often to catch up. We were a small group of about 8 so we usually hook up at Applebee's for dinner and dessert. Next time we are thinking about hooking up at a local roller skating rink! My DD is 10 now and I allow her to have a FB (which I monitor) page in which she has her old team and others from her old gym as well as new one. Old is gold, the girls love to see each other again outside the gym, love to dress up for dinner, and love to take pictures together afterwards and compare how they've grown over the years. It's not easy to work around several different gym practice schedules, but we squeeze it in when we can. There are times when if we know we will be at same meet we go out afterwards or sit together too. It's always sad to move on or change gyms, I hope you can get your daughter and her old teamates together soon!

 

[3rd_time_around]

I was going to say the same as most others, don't go back. It is very awkward when people do that. Unless a girl quits qym completely or moves, (in that case they are welcomed with open arms), there are usually hard feelings involved, even if the feelings are not "out there," the feelings are there. We had a little class kid come in to see someone once--the class kid had moved to the new gym across town--and we heard (while she was in the gym) that she was "really advancing there." Implying that she just did nothing at our gym. So, it's best to not go back in the doors of your old gym. Your daughter is young, but she will understand if you explain it carefully. These things are tough, but good life lessons.

 

[lilgymmie7]

Well as it turns out, we did the unthinkable. Today, we walked into DD's old gym. My DS needed to have his service hour sheet signed by this Friday. I called a good friend who is the gym's secretary and honestly could probably run the meet DD's old gym runs single-handedly and asked if she could sign the sheet. Of course she said yes. She told me to stop by either on Saturday or Sunday. I first asked if I could meet her somewhere, and then I opted to just go in on Sunday. I thought NOONE would be there then. Yikes, they were hosting a meet! I even considered not going in, but DS really needed that sheet signed in order to fulfill his requirements at school.
Poor DD, she asked me prior to going why they didn't want her there. I never said that to her, but that is her impression. It turned out positive though. Some of her old teammates were there and they all ran to hug her and told her how much they miss her. I did FB the coach she saw at the meet because DD told me she glared at her. I just felt the need to clarify why we were there. I certainly do not want any nasty rumors to go flying around.