WAG Fear is setting in

[paige1027]

Hi,
I have a 12yr old second year level 8 gymnast. Yesterday she confessed that the skills are getting scary for her. Now that the level 8's are allowed C skills she is up a killing much more. She said that she is so afraid to get hurt. That she thinks while trying a skill she will panic and hurt herself.
How do you help them get over this or can you? Is it time for her to quit knowing the skills just get harder and scarier? She loves it so much and doesn't wanna quit but we need to be realistic if she is scared of it?
Advice and or past experience please? She is losing confidence and is feeling like she is falling behind from her peers because they are willing to try skills and she takes much much longer to get the guts to try something.
Thanks!

 

[MaryA]

No advice, but as the mother of a 12-year-old level 8, I feel your pain. It seems like, up till now, being the oldest one in her training group has helped her... increased maturity, increased body control, etc. Now it seems like the young ones are rushing by her... easier to spot and more fearless. Nothing to be done for it, I don't think, if she's getting good coaching. Either their (your daughter and mine) love of the sport will carry them through or it won't. If it reaches the point where the fear takes all of the fun out of it, I hope they will let us know. And, quite frankly, after watching a level 8/9/10 mock meet last night with only 11 girls and at least 3 falls that made the parents gasp and cover their eyes, it IS scary at those upper levels!

 

[shelovestoflip]

My daughter is a 14 y/0 first year level 9. She has never had any true fears that have gotten in her way. Rather, she takes her time and goes at a skill when she feels ready.

Sure, she took a bit longer to get the flyaway....in fact took a hit and didn't compete it a few meets....but always picks up by mid season.

My philosophy always is to let the coaches coach and I just support and make sure she's happy. I def DON'T try to say "do this or this" because that's not my job (and really, I have no idea how to tell her to flyaway or double back or whatever!!)

My question when she gets in the car is always the same..."Did you have fun?"

If she tells me she is scared or can't do something, I always tell her to talk to the coach (and on occasion I will text/email the coach to give a heads up) However if my daughter is expressing a concern, you can be sure the coaches already know and are doing something to help her!

Mostly, I"d say be sure you love her coaches and that they love her and have her emotional and physical well being in mind. If that's in place, I hope that then she can get past the fears and succeed.

 

[vagymmomma]

We just had our first L8 meet yesterday and it was rather eye opening to see the number of event scratches. I don't remember seeing that before. And I can tell you that with the girls on our team, fear was the key driver of a scratch. One of the mother's of a second year L8 was really frustrated because her DD's series on the beam is the same as last year, but these big fears have just arisen. Her daughter grew a lot and says things "look different" now. Our coaches bring the girls back a couple steps and start building back up. So this girl is back to working the series on the low beam.

I think the coaches need to drive these efforts. Have you spoken with them? Just try not to add to the pressure (it's so hard as a parent - we just want to help). Maybe a Doc Ali program would help? I've never tried it, but a lot of posters here say it works.

I think the gymnast needs to talk to someone of knowledge and explain what and why they're afraid of. It will help them address it better. My DD has surprised me her insight on why she doesn't have fears when she has a scary fall (which seems to trigger a lot of fears). She says that she knows what she did wrong and knows to correct it. She doesn't fear the skill because she know it was just a mistake on her part. My point is the gymnast needs to understand why they're afraid and then maybe the coach or other expert can help them address the fear itself.

Clearly any gymnast's upward mobility will be limited if they can't overcome the fears. Understand that it's very common at the higher levels and the gymnast is the one who has to want to overcome it more than anything else. If they can't conquer the fear, Xcel is always a great option is they want to continue in the sport. Also, some gymnasts become individual event specialists and can continue to compete at higher levels.

 

[gymgal]

I have a just turned 13yr old level 8 and your dd is right - those skills are scary! Have you discussed this with the coaches? What are their thoughts on how to handle the fears?

We have always told dd that the skills will come when she is ready. She can't wish her way through them and the coaches can't bully her into them either. When she is ready physically and mentally, she will get them.

I would just keep talking with your dd that it's not about keeping up with her friends or a self imposed timeline. It's about doing something she enjoys. If that means that she tops out at a level 8, so be it, or maybe she just needs a more time to wrap her head around the scary skills (that is my dd) and then she will see progress. The most important thing here is that she has supportive coaches who allow her to go at her own pace.

 

[Muddlethru]

I wish we could just hold them in our arms and tell them everything will be fine, like we did when they were younger. The truth is we're not even certain they will not get hurt. I think all we can do is be supportive and keep the lines of communication open. I don't see why you'd even consider quitting. Fear is common in gymnastics. If it comes to a point that her fears are debilitating, then quitting may be an option. In the interim, I'd just make certain safety is a primary concern of her coaches and that they are supportive of their gymnasts,

 

[gymgal]

I would just keep talking with your dd that it's not about keeping up with her friends or a self imposed timeline. It's about doing something she enjoys. If that means that she tops out at a level 8, so be it, or maybe she just needs a more time to wrap her head around the scary skills (that is my dd) and then she will see progress.

just wanted to add that by topping out at L8, I didn't mean quitting, but being happy staying at level 8, much like how many girls stay at 10 for 3-5 years. At some point, she will become bored (either because she is winning all the time or because she wants to learn more skills) and how she is feeling at that point will determine whether she pushes through the fears or decides end her career in gymnastics. Also, if she has fears in only one or two events, she can always become a specialist in her favorite events, as long as her coaches support this.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Hi,
I have a 12yr old second year level 8 gymnast. Yesterday she confessed that the skills are getting scary for her. Now that the level 8's are allowed C skills she is up a killing much more. She said that she is so afraid to get hurt. That she thinks while trying a skill she will panic and hurt herself.
How do you help them get over this or can you? Is it time for her to quit knowing the skills just get harder and scarier? She loves it so much and doesn't wanna quit but we need to be realistic if she is scared of it?
Advice and or past experience please? She is losing confidence and is feeling like she is falling behind from her peers because they are willing to try skills and she takes much much longer to get the guts to try something.
Thanks!

==
I only say this because she is a second year 8,,,, she is telling you she want's to retire. So let her, if she changes her mind then excellent, if not then she is really at wits end with this sport.

 

[iwannacoach]

Consider everything possible including the retirement coachp mentioned. The retirement thing is something I've seen a few times and it happens that for a variety of reasons, like not knowing how to process how they feel about what the sport has become.

The coaches need to be told what's going on with your daughter. I don't know how deep her problem runs, but when it gets to a certain point these fears may become reality because she'll focus on them instead of concentrating on how to move through her skills.

 

[paige1027]

Thank you so much for all the support. As a second year 8 and the new rules and a new coach the skills she is scared of is new level 9 and even 10 skills like double back off bars. She doesn't want to quit but doesn't want to get hurt.
I did tell her coach and we talked so we will see how this season goes. She has all her level 8 stuff it's up skulking that is freaking her out. Stuff she isn't even going to use this year but it does give her a glimpse into next year.

 

[iwannacoach]

She needs a lecture about seizing the day and letting the future be taken care of by progress made from seizing the day. Gymnastics skills evolve as a child progresses in gymnastics. Each level presents new challenges, and it can be hard for some kids to consider where they're at and equate that with their level 5 experience. Really the skills get harder as a child moves through the levels, but their training, preparation, and experience make them nearly as easy as the glide kip they had to learn a few years ago.

 

[gymgal]

Thank you so much for all the support. As a second year 8 and the new rules and a new coach the skills she is scared of is new level 9 and even 10 skills like double back off bars. She doesn't want to quit but doesn't want to get hurt.
I did tell her coach and we talked so we will see how this season goes. She has all her level 8 stuff it's up skulking that is freaking her out. Stuff she isn't even going to use this year but it does give her a glimpse into next year.

this adds more perspective. I would just continue to encourage her to take one day at a time. What seems scary now may not in 6 months. With my dd, I remind her of all the skills she used to call scary. All the ones she said she'd never get and now is doing them. Dd's coaches are also very good about easing her into skills - talking about it for a few weeks to let her wrap her head around the idea, then simple drills, then more intense. Seems to work for her...

 

[B&M's mom]

What does she want to do? As much as I want to help my kids, they have to want to do it more. It may be her way of telling you that she wants to quit without her putting it so bluntly. If she doesn't want to quit, then recognize the state she's in, give her an ear if she needs to talk and trust that it will work out. When my daughter went through something similar, I learned the hard way that there was little I could do. She had to work through it and I just had to stand on the sidelines and be the support system, not the coach.

 

[thefellowsmom]

She has all her level 8 stuff it's up skulking that is freaking her out. Stuff she isn't even going to use this year but it does give her a glimpse into next year.

My dd used to do this. About a year ago she stopped doing her ROBHS for weeks before I finally got her to tell me that she knew it was coming later on the beam and if she got it on the floor then eventually she would have to do it on the beam. Then she got all freaked out jumping to the high bar because if she did that then some day she was going to have to do giants. Geez they are adorable head cases sometimes

As IWC said, we used a seize the day approach and explained that exactly like others have said what is scary today isn't going to be nearly as scary once you are ready to learn it and nobody is going to ask you to learn something you aren't ready to learn.

So, go to practice and work your very hardest to make the most of every repetition and try your hardest to make the corrections and have good form because that is what is going to keep you safe and it is the only thing you have complete control of. Be totally in the moment today and tomorrow's practice will take care of itself tomorrow.

It took some time but since she made this mental shift, the doors have flown open for her and now she is doing those backhandsprings on the beam and giants years before she ever thought she would and with confidence.

Good luck, listen to her, support her and trust your mom gut. It usually knows the right thing to do well before our chattering minds ever catch up. Good luck and hugs to you and your girl.

 

[iwannacoach]

My dd used to do this. About a year ago she stopped doing her ROBHS for weeks before I finally got her to tell me that she knew it was coming later on the beam and if she got it on the floor then eventually she would have to do it on the beam. Then she got all freaked out jumping to the high bar because if she did that then some day she was going to have to do giants. Geez they are adorable head cases sometimes ......thefellowsmom

It happens all the time, but is often overlooked by parents and coaches. Geez, there's even kids who don't know it themselves, but it's there.

 

[paige1027]

I know she doesn't want to quit but she does if she will be the last to get certain skills. She is worries like that and competitive.
At least for now. Will see how the season pans out.
For now anyone know if mind training works? The kids used to have mind training with a coach and she is gone now. Maybe it's something she can still do on her own.
Is the gabby Douglas book inspiring maybe?
I just want ensure if she does quit later she has no regrets or wonders
Thanks!!!

 

[txgymfan]

A number of parents on here recommend Doc Ali AKA Dr. Alison Arnold. She has a mind camp cd's etc.

 

[missgymgirl]

Once I got ridiculously scared to do a ROBHS on floor, even though the coach wasn't even touching me, I was doing the skill by myself, she was just there in case I fell. Eventually I got the skill, but it took months to overcome the fear. With your daughter, maybe her fear will dissipate over time. If not, knowing the skills just get scarier, maybe this is a warning sign she should quit. I stuck with gymnastics to this day because I was meant to be a gymnast. Hopefully, her love for the sport will take her through. If not, it is time to move on. Best of luck to your daughter!

 

[paige1027]

Thanks gonna check out doc Ali. I think I will post a thread to see if others have had success
I just don't want her to quit before she really knows if she can get over the fear. And so if by the end of this season she is not then def time to quit. She can find something else to excel at!

 

[missgymgirl]

Would she like cheerleading? They do flips like gymnasts do.