Parents Finding balance in being a helpful parent and not being overbearing

[Trixiebelle]

Well - my title says it all! She had a great L4 year last year, finishing 3rd AA at states. DD, age 10, is approaching her first L5 meet in 3 weeks and is very nervous. For reasons I don't understand, her gym only began teaching the L5 routines about 4 weeks ago. I know they know most of the sequences, but they never actually put it all together until then. Now they are talking of scratching some girls in some events and this has DD very upset.

So, at what point do I try and help and how? Currently she practices 7.5 hours a week and is begging to do more. She learned some fun skills at camp this past summer and apparently has most for the L6 skills down, but doesn't know her L5 routines on floor and she is getting frustrated.

Should I show her youtube videos to watch? Are there some type of printed info she can study?

I don't want to be overbearing and god knows I am not a coach so this seems like a fine line. I'd appreciate some advice please.

Thanks.

 

[bluesocks]

Are private lessons an option? If so, I would arrange for one or two. That is what some girls did at our gym and it really seemed to help.

 

[Empowered]

7.5 hours seems awfully low to me. My daughter is a L5 and she is in the gym 12 hours for L5 plus an additional 5 for TOPs.

One thing I wouldn't do though is have her watch routines online to learn them. Though they are all compulsory routines I've learned really quickly that there are parts that gyms seem to like done slightly differently and you may end up confusing her. My daughter moved gyms mid season last year and little tweaks they made to her beam/floor took her quite a while to remember.

I'd also go with privates if it's an option. Some gyms do 2 years of 5, if that's the case perhaps that's why your gym is a little more laid back about the routines.

 

[gym law mom]

I wouldn't get into watching routines on Youtube since you don't know if they're being done correctly. Your dd should not be cramming for her floor routine at home.

Tell the coach she is feeling very anxious about her floor routine--in a nice way you can ask if they wll be focusing on it more in the next few weeks. You would be surprised once they have the skills and know the order, it doesn't take that long to put it together.

 

[emorymom]

Do a private on the floor routine. Bring a video camera. Then you'll be recording what she did at the end of the private, and she can review if she forgets.

 

[MaryA]

Similar story... my dd's level 5 team only practices 6 hours a week at the Y gym. I would love to get her into a program that is more intensive, but dd loves it where she is, and my dh is resistant to her being more "scheduled" than she already is anyway. Another parent from the Y and I have been supplementing with a "semi-private" (the two girls together) lesson at the local private gym (where they have a spring floor and don't have to stop the music and move to the air floor for every tumbling pass) every other week, and it's seemed to help, but I'm still not sure if she will (or should) compete every event at her first meet this weekend.

Good luck to your daughter!

 

[LizzieLac]

While we have been guitly of watching videos online it has only been to remind ourselves of "what comes next." I would not use them beyond that. Our coach does not recommend watching them either.

That being said, USAG has the compulsory routines on video with the narrator saying what the moves are. I would think that watching USAG produced videos would be "safer" than watching some gymnast in another state on YouTube.

 

[Dezi]

DDs gym has us tape the floor and beam routine with our daughter and the coach doing the routine with the coach saying everything she should be doing. That way if she wants to practice it at home she has it the way they want it.

 

[Trixiebelle]

Thank you all for your wonderful advice - Here is what we are doing now.

1. She has a private scheduled at another gym (ours doesnt offer them)
2. Attending other gym's open gym sessions
3. She is watching the video on the USAG site + I taped her floor at a mock meet so she can watch it.
4. Depending on how she does at her first few meets, she is going to request to move up to L6 as they train 12 hours a week.
5. Consider other gyms


Here is a reply I made to another post about switching gyms. It pertains to the 5 points I made above!

I have also come to realize that the grass is not greener (or the mats cleaner) on the other side. I really want our current gym to work for us. DD loves her teammates and coaches - she just wants to practice more and practice the skills she has learned. (Learned her standing back tuck this summer, practiced it 2 more times and not once since). We would both miss the friendships that have formed over the years and I would miss the convenience factor.

Our approach for now is for her to take a few private lessons at a different gym (ours does not offer), attend as many open gyms as she can (ours does not offer them) and see how she does at her first 3 meets. If she does well, then I will request for her to be moved to L6. DD requested it during the summer and the HC shot her down. When DD asked again about a month later, HC said lets see how the meets go. According to her bars coach -she is L6, she has the L6 beam, and has the L6 floor, but her robhsbt isn't great. Moving to L6 would mean 4 more hours a week of practice and that is absolutely what DD has been begging for.

So I think the conclusion for us is that we are not moving gyms until I am absolutely sure we have exhausted every way to make this one work for US. While there probably is a better gym, I'm sad to say I don't think I can make that sacrifice at this point.

 

[gym law mom]

Is your current gym aware dd is going to do privates and open gyms somewhere else? Going to another gym without discussing with your own coaches can result in some very negative feelings when your current gym finds out(and they will).

 

[Trixiebelle]

@gym law mom - no I haven't mentioned it. I didn't think it would be an issue - I guess I never even considered how the current gym would think as they don't offer privates/open gym.... I didn't hide what gym we are at when I made arrangements for the privates as I didn't think it was something to be secretive about.

I'll speak to the head coach when I can. But why would it be a negative? Just curious as I naively didn't even think to mention it to them!

thanks for the heads up though as I don't want there to be a conflict.

 

[gym law mom]

@gym law mom - no I haven't mentioned it. I didn't think it would be an issue - I guess I never even considered how the current gym would think as they don't offer privates/open gym.... I didn't hide what gym we are at when I made arrangements for the privates as I didn't think it was something to be secretive about.

I'll speak to the head coach when I can. But why would it be a negative? Just curious as I naively didn't even think to mention it to them!

thanks for the heads up though as I don't want there to be a conflict.

Some coaches/gyms see it as a smack in the face. They see it as you saying, they aren't good enough to get dd ready for her L5 season, so I'll find someone better. Also, they are afraid you'll jump ship and end up at the other gym.
A valid point coaches have is that they may be using terms, ways of teaching that this gym doesn't use and what happens in the end is one confused little girl. This is so easy to have happen(not intentionally) with the compulsory routines since they are so scripted---one coach says leg should be in this position and another says get it higher/lower and the gymnast doesn't know what is right.

 

[cathiann]

@gym law mom - no I haven't mentioned it. I didn't think it would be an issue - I guess I never even considered how the current gym would think as they don't offer privates/open gym.... I didn't hide what gym we are at when I made arrangements for the privates as I didn't think it was something to be secretive about.

I'll speak to the head coach when I can. But why would it be a negative? Just curious as I naively didn't even think to mention it to them!

thanks for the heads up though as I don't want there to be a conflict.

Many coaches have their own way of teaching a skill and they don't want their gymnast being taught two different ways. I've even heard of gyms kicking girls off team if they find out the gymnast is doing privates at another gym!

 

[lilgymmie7]

Many coaches have their own way of teaching a skill and they don't want their gymnast being taught two different ways. I've even heard of gyms kicking girls off team if they find out the gymnast is doing privates at another gym!

I wouldn't recommend going elsewhere for privates. That is a huge conflict of interest. I would talk to the coaches and voice your concerns. If they have only started to teach the routines a month ago and they are now talking about scratching gymnasts, that does seem unfair. However, if that is what they have always done, and it has worked for the gym as a whole than you might want to value that as coachs judgement. But then again every child is different.
As for watching you tube videos, I do it often. I may not have my daughter study the routine in the video, but come on you know a good routine when you see one. There are two little girls I often watch when trying to help my DD if she is having a problem. They are Amaya Troy and camcolleen; They have fantastic level 5 and 6 routines! These girls score in the 9.6-9.9 range. Those are well deserved scores. I am a teacher; however, I am not a coach. But, there are some things a coach just like a teacher may not have time for. So if a parent will get a private tutor for his/her child, the parent taking some sort of initiative to help the child is not out of the question. Just run it by the coach. This may spur them to say, "Wait a minute. Maybe, I need to break 'it' down for this child." What ever 'it' maybe.

 

[Gymdad2]

So have I. I think it is very common for gyms to object to having their team girls train at more than one gym. Our gym won't allow it, and, yes, gyms do find out.

 

[lilgymmie7]

I am speaking from personal experience. Trust me they do find out! When they thought we were taking DD to another gym for privates they approached us and asked. But not after they called the other coach. HOWEVER, we were NOT taking her elsewhere. It turns out they made assumptions, albeit FALSE assumptions. But after it was rectified DD's coaches told us the coaches in the area have a code they abide by which is to call each other to run things BY each other. Meaning ask if it is okay to offer the private or not. It does happen.

 

[Trixiebelle]

Thanks for all the feedback parents. I wanted to update on what happened. Last night was a great team meeting - probably the best info and the most helpful the HC has ever been.

DD and I sat down with HC after the meeting and told her what we were doing. I explained I did not want to be secretive or to undermine, but the DD is begging for more hours and our current gym just can't do that. I won't say she was thrilled, but she did understand. She cautioned DD to only work on current skills - ie - L5 routine and not to try advanced moves. DD agreed.

She is very familiar with the gym we are going to and she then asked if I could help out and pick up some gym medals that the other gym is holding (its about 1.5 hours away) and of course I happily agreed!

Honestly, this has been very consuming for us these past few weeks and DD perhaps unrealistic in her skills. My main objective with the private is to have a realisitic assessment of DD's skills -and they may very well be that she is exactly where she should be!

Thanks again for the advice and info - much appreciated.

 

[Panda-girl's Mom]

It was probally good that you let her coaches know but I her reaction was rare most gyms would take offense it is like saying there coaching is not good enough so she is taking privates elsewhere. My opinion is if she needs privates maybe you should be looking into other gyms that could better meet her needs. Although I am not sure why you seem to be rushing her to level 6 if she just started level 5.

 

[WatchThisMom]

I didn't get the impression that there was a "rush" to level 6. In fact, I didn't interpret level as the issue at all. What I think I heard Trixiebelle say was that her dd wants more hours and she can't get them at L5, but she has the L6 skills, would do a few meets at L5 and consider moving to L6 to get the additional hours she wants.

Sounds like an odd way to have to go about getting hours, yes. But if she has the skills and can handle L6, and it gives her the hours she's wanting, is that necessarily bad? (This is assuming, of course, that she does have the L6 skills.) I'm still new and I have heard L5 to L6 is a pretty big jump, so I can't answer that myself. But as an unbiased (though possibly inexperienced) 3rd party, I can see the logic Trixiebelle is following.

I understand the reasons for staying at the gym, Trixiebelle--so I say you do what you have to do to make the best situation for your child because only you understand the unique circumstances. I also understand why a gym wouldn't be thrilled about going elsewhere for privates, but since they don't offer them, nor open gym, I'm not sure what other options it really leaves you. Totally different story if your gym offers and you still go elsewhere...so it does sound a bit like your hands are tied and it requires special consideration. Good luck with your plan. Let us know how it turns out.

 

[Trixiebelle]

Thanks again all for your input and I appreciate the advice given. I'll update later once she's had her private and what that coach says. And FWIW the gym she's taking her private at is almost 2hours away so it's not an option to switch too!