Parents How do you know when it is time to move on?

[my4buffaloes]

Dd has been doing gymnastics since she was 3. Injuries kept her out of the gym the past year. Coming back is VERY hard - especially coming back to upper level optionals. At what point do you just give up and move on?

 

[Deleted member 18037]

We are not there yet, but for my girl. Her and I would be doing some serious evaluating if she most of her time in gym was miserable. And she dreaded heading out to the floor on a regular basis. Not the occasional bad day or skill struggle.

When you spend so much time doing something, hard work, yeah, some fear stuff yep, pride when some things gotten through, uh huh, usually look forward to hanging with your team and heading out to floor once at the gym, yep.

Mostly misery and dread heading out to the floor, persistent pain that she just can't seem to deal with or want to. We will be done, but would finish the season, so there is an opportunity to rebounded. (Reserve right to push quicker ending depending on injury)

Utter and complete misery, done without finishing the season.

Reality is I know my kid. I'm clear this is not about me. I'm pretty sure I'll know. And we will be sad at a door closing, while looking ahead for the door that will be opening.

Good luck to you and yours.

 

[OzZee]

Prob a year before you finally do it, lol.
Well that's what I think for dd2, should we have stuck that last year out , with hindsight, no. She is a so much happier person and it wasn't that bad the last year at gym.

Does your dd have other things she wants to try? I do think having a few things of interest and a particular sport she was wanting to throw herself into made the transition very easy.
Oh and she also did a teen rec class for 6 months to not make it seem like a total wrench.

 

[beachgirl]

It seems like most of the girls I have seen quit once they reach optionals have been ready to quit long before they actually did. It's hard to leave something that for most girls they have been doing the majority of their lives.Some girls bodies also seem ready to be done before their minds are ready to quit. I think we have a girl at our gym right now who is ready to be done and has multiple ongoing injuries and seems not to know exactly where she fits in. On the other hand it might just be a short phase for your daughter, so maybe making a chart would help.

 

[SurpriseGymMom]

Honestly?
If my kid got hurt bad enough to where she was out of gym for a whole year.... She would stay out of gym.
I cannot imagine the hardship of coming back after that amount of time. We would have found other things to do and other interests to pursue.
This is coming from a mom of a fresh 12-yo Optional gymnast(L7 finished, likely L7 again next season), not a high scorer, whose only reason to do gymnastics is because "she just loves it".

 

[gymmomtotwo]

Without knowing how old she is, I would say for the most part, she should make the decision. However, if you feel that her emotional and mental health are at serious risk, I would pull the plug then. If she isn't ready, and is forced to quit, it is probably something she will regret for a long time. Could she try something new like diving? A lesson a week just to see if she might like it? So many injured gymnast seem to thrive there after an injury, and you are using gymnastics skills.

 

[MILgymFAM]

She'll tell you when, without words before she actually says it aloud.

 

[MeetDirector]

My4 -

For an athlete that has been involved and invested as long as yours and made it as far as she has, she has to leave this crazy sport on her own terms. She has to be at peace with HER decision. This may mean that she finishes rehab on current injuries and gets back in the gym and then calls it a career. Bottom-line - she does it on her terms.

Good luck and be a solid safety net for her; this won't be easy.

 

[munchkin3]

You can just tell.

 

[Gymnasticsfun5555]

She'll tell you when, without words before she actually says it aloud.

I agree with this too. My dd became increasingly quiet on the way to gym and stopped talking about it. She used to express excitement about learning new skills, then a combination of injuries along with fear of doing the higher/scary skills and moving up to elite got to her. This took about 6 months for her to even figure it out that she wanted to quit. Most importantly, it has to be her decision. They are worried about disappointing us, and will stay with it, even though they want to stop. Now she is doing different sports and is a new girl. Very happy, confident and excited again. They have to love gymnastics to stay in it. When the love disappears, it's time to move on.

 

[kayjaybe]

For the girls that have left for something other than injuries, it seems like it comes down to "it just wasn't fun anymore."

Now, I don't believe something needs to be all fun all of the time, but to me, this is a recreational activity for my dd. It isn't a job. She isn't required to do it like school. If she isn't getting some sort of enjoyment out of it, why should she do it?

I do think quitting usually should be on the child's terms, but sometimes the parent needs to step in. We were close to that 1.5 years ago. Dd was struggling so much and started self-loathing. She was being so hard on herself and so negative (e.g. I'm so stupid; I'm awful; I can never do anything right.) It got to the point where it was unhealthy. I told her if she couldn't make some sort of peace with where she was, I would pull her out. She was headed down a negative spiral that she wouldn't have had the maturity or ability to save herself from.

Thankfully, she did pull herself out and she continues to progress...with both good days and bad days...but overall still a love of the sport.

 

[bookworm]

They know when the time is right...my youngest, who tore her ACL shortly after she committed to a school to compete in college, tried to battle back from it....we did PT three times a week FOREVER, she had 4 surgeries in the same knee and she conditioned and tried to make it back but last fall, on one of our long drives to gym, she said " would you be mad if I gave up my full ride for gymnastics? I'd like to apply to other schools because my knee just isn't the same" ...I sat there stunned but in a nutshell, that was it....and it was over. We took her back to her ortho and he concurred with her assessment and it turned out that she needed 2 more surgeries after that!

Her college coach never took the scholarship away and was willing to let her come and try but she felt NCAA was way too labor intensive to maybe have a shot at one event in a line up....and she felt that she wasn't the gymnast the coach had recruited and that the coach deserved to have someone who was 100% , and she relinquished her scholarship...

I talked to my oldest as this was all going down and she said " mum, she's been feeling like this for the past few months, she'll be ok"...and she is. She's moved on and had a great Sr year, got a job, works out at a regular gym gym and is headed to college in the fall with no regrets.....so if it's time, it's time....

 

[GymDad9.9]

They know when the time is right...my youngest, who tore her ACL shortly after she committed to a school to compete in college, tried to battle back from it....we did PT three times a week FOREVER, she had 4 surgeries in the same knee and she conditioned and tried to make it back but last fall, on one of our long drives to gym, she said " would you be mad if I gave up my full ride for gymnastics? I'd like to apply to other schools because my knee just isn't the same" ...I sat there stunned but in a nutshell, that was it....and it was over. We took her back to her ortho and he concurred with her assessment and it turned out that she needed 2 more surgeries after that!

Her college coach never took the scholarship away and was willing to let her come and try but she felt NCAA was way too labor intensive to maybe have a shot at one event in a line up....and she felt that she wasn't the gymnast the coach had recruited and that the coach deserved to have someone who was 100% , and she relinquished her scholarship...

I talked to my oldest as this was all going down and she said " mum, she's been feeling like this for the past few months, she'll be ok"...and she is. She's moved on and had a great Sr year, got a job, works out at a regular gym gym and is headed to college in the fall with no regrets.....so if it's time, it's time....

I admire your daughter's valiant effort to try to recover from her injuries and the noble path she took in giving it all up.

 

[buttercup]

We are going through this right now too. My 16yr old DS has been off of all skills for a long time now. With a knee injury and a wrist issue he's been core conditioning only for over 4 months. This time. Before that there was shoulder tendinitis (off it for 8 week) and the MCL tear (3 and a half months). All since the beginning of august. After a rough season last year.

All in all most people would be done But he does not want to end it this way. His plan is to get back to full training if possible (knowing full well it's going to be HARD), then decide what he wants. He still goes to gym with a good attitude the majority of the time. I am very worried that if we can't get his wrist figured out he will be forced to quit not on his terms and I'm not sure how he will handle that. But for now -As long as this is what he wants- this is his journey and I will support him. And his actions have made it clear that he's not done.

Does your dd seem ready to be done? They have invested so much in this sport it's really got to be thier call.

 

[my4buffaloes]

Thank you. This is an ongoing conversation. Lots of tears. Feeling a loyalty to stay when she is not there. When she is there feeling like her body can't handle this anymore. I feel the same way. It is her decision, we go over the pros and cons daily. Trying to give it to the end of summer. I don't know if we will make it.

 

[buttercup]

Is she training full hours? If she's trying to do full hours could she ease up a little to give her body a fighting chance? How old is she? Has she thought about coaching? It might help to take the passion for the sport and the commitment/loyalty for the club and channel it differently instead of having to completely walk away from the gym.
They struggle so much to master every part of this sport- to watch them struggle more is heartbreaking. Hugs to you both!

 

[LizzieLac]

There is no easy answer although there are many "right" answers. Could she switch xcel platinum or diamond? Find ways to stay in it if she still enjoys it but allows her body to train at a pace and level that is manageable. Try diving or another sport her body can tolerate.

Our story was a truly rough but seems to have had a happy ending. Broke tib and fib about 18 months ago tusking. Surgery, infection, PT, doctors, antibiotics, pain. Missed almost the whole season.

Last November, surgery to remove all hardware. Only way to get rid of infection. More recovery. Missed first half of the season.

Still with it. She still loves and knows it is not her whole life. In process of overcoming the final stages of giant fear - taking it from pit bar to the real bars.

It sucked a lot, but she know what she wanted and plugged along. That was her path and I still wish at times she would quit so I could stop worrying. She started diving for HS, so should would still have that as she finishes up high school, but I think she will stay with gym until the bitter end.

I feel for you and your DD - I wish you the best in whatever she decides!

 

[JoyAvenueMom]

Hugs to you and your dd! I can't imagine dealing with such a serious injury and long recovery. Kipper is still recovering from an injury that took her out for only 8 weeks. Three weeks ago, (4 weeks after she returned) I thought she was ready to be done. She was miserable, said "it wasn't fun any more", and I wondered how I should respond. I reached out to her coach, who took time to give a very thoughtful response. She was a gymnast, and her dd is a gymnast, so she has multiple perspectives. She said that Kipper was at point when about 50% of kids quit. (injury, puberty and growth, etc) She said if the parents "cleared the path" for them to quit, or suggested they do so, they were much more likely to leave. She told me not to make her quit, or to even threaten it. She encouraged me to leave it up to Kipper and to trust that she would let me know if it was really time. After a long heart-to-heart, Kipper admitted that if she could walk in the gym the next day and be as strong as she was before, and be able to do all the skills she was struggling with, gym would be "fun" again. So for her, gym is still fun and satisfying, it's just the frustration and fear that went along with recovering and training new skills that she hated. Mostly the self doubt "what if I can never do X skill again?" or "what if I never learn how to do X?" Flash forward 3 weeks, and she is further along toward recovery, has most of her skills back and is happy with gym again. So, I still don't "know" that I will know when it's time to hang up her grips, but I am more confident that SHE will know. I will wait for her to tell me she wants to quit. I won't suggest quitting, or even ask if she still loves gym. At the same time, I will fill our conversations will lots of other things she loves (books, movies, crafts, math, friends, etc.) so that she never wonders if I will be disappointed in her when the time comes.

 

[auswi]

Thank you. This is an ongoing conversation. Lots of tears. Feeling a loyalty to stay when she is not there. When she is there feeling like her body can't handle this anymore. I feel the same way. It is her decision, we go over the pros and cons daily. Trying to give it to the end of summer. I don't know if we will make it.

I would quietly work at giving her a broader perspective- try and find another activity she can enjoy at the same time as she's struggling with her gymnastics- this way she'll have something that's giving her joy and more if a platform to be able to look at her gym.
I've known several elite track gymies who transferred very successfully into sports aerobics.
Sending you heaps of virtual hugs - when we held our newborn babies as they stayed awake at night & then struggled through the preschool years we thought the rough patches were pretty much done lol so feeling for you and your Dd.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I would quietly work at giving her a broader perspective- try and find another activity she can enjoy at the same time as she's struggling with her gymnastics- this way she'll have something that's giving her joy and more if a platform to be able to look at her gym.
I've known several elite track gymies who transferred very successfully into sports aerobics.
Sending you heaps of virtual hugs - when we held our newborn babies as they stayed awake at night & then struggled through the preschool years we thought the rough patches were pretty much done lol so feeling for you and your Dd.

Yes kids don't need all their eggs in one basket. For anything.