Parents I am so done with gymnastics

[Sunobo]

I'm not looking for advice or sympathy only looking to vent.

Quick back story. Dd started on a gymnastics team when she was 6. She did a year on preteam and then spent 3 years as a level 4. There was one gym change during that time which was due to scheduling conflicts. The first gym didn't work form at all and the second gym worked form some but didn't really push it hard. Anyway, she was in her second year of level 5 when we moved to another state and she started at a new gym that competes in a non USAG league.

For the past 3 years dd has had massive back tumbling issues. She will tell you she has no idea what she is afraid of she is just afraid. Dd who is now 12 will do a ROBHSBHS but someone has to be on the floor. It took her last coach some time, many private lessons and lots of patience to get dd to this point. The coach doesn't really have to touch her, they just need to be nearby or she will balk everytime. She also has on and off issues with backwalkovers but is currently doing them without issue. I told her new gym that she has issues and was told no problem they would work with her and spot her as long as she needs it.

The gym recently decided to start doing some USAG meets and invited her to join their level 5 group. A few weeks later they said that she could join the USAG group with a stipulation on getting her BHS. I declined the USAG invite. I didn't want to add the additional pressure.

Now this week a coach tells dd that if she doesn't get her BHS she is off the team. Dd is not the kind of child where threats like that will motivate her. Today dd said she was trying to do a FWO and fell and she overheard the same coach tell another coach, "she's not even trying." to which dd believes the other coach responded with, "I know". Now I'll give the coach some leeway that the conversation wasn't exactly what dd thinks it was but it doesn't change that it affected dd in a negative way.

I'll admit that dd isn't the hardest worker in the gym but she does really try. I do believe that her tumbling issues are partly due to vestibular maturity because she only recently got to the place where she doesn't get car sick easily and partly due to habit. I also will say that I think the coaches at her gym are great and really care about the kids but the team is huge and the coaches can only do so much.

Needless to say, Dd was in tears on the ride home. I asked her if she wanted to quit the team and she said she did and she didn't. She likes gymnastics but she doesn't see how she can do what they want her to do. I personally don't care if she ever does back tumbling without assistance but I know it limits her ability to progress in the sport. Anyway, I told her it didn't matter to me what she decided to do and if she wanted to quit the team and just do classes, that would be fine too. She's going to take the weekend to think about it. I'll personally miss watching her do gymnastics but I really hope she decides to quit because it's painful to watch her struggle so much with this issue.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent in a place where others will understand and hopefully it doesn't get me in trouble with her gym.

 

[flipper's fan]

I so totally understand! My dd had many tearful days when she was around 9 years old and she refused to quit or give up. I talked to the coaches, to older teammates, to anyone who I thought could help dd with whatever the issue of the week was that drove her to tears but it didn't stop. It was so painful to watch and to try to say the right thing to make it better. Some of it was struggling with skills, some of it was struggling socially. It lasted, off and on, a little over a year. Maturity cured it all. Best of luck, however it goes for you.

 

[bogwoppit]

(((hugs))) to you both.

I am so sorry that she is feeling this way and I am even more sorry that the coach said such an unkind thing to her.Clearly USAG is not the best path for her right now, hopefully the coach sees that the other program remains a great option.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

There are many of us here on CB who have personally gone through the same thing with our own kids, so we can empathize completely!!! I hope they do NOT push her into the USAG track. A prep opt. program or some of the other leagues people have talked about here would be a perfect fit for her right now. Best of luck to you and her!

 

[gymmomntc2e6]

so sorry that your DD is going through this. Really wish her coaches were being more supportive. maybe Mdgymmom will have some advice. her DD has been struggling with some fear issues & switched to a less stressful league. her cosch although I think has been very supportive.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

My DD also struggled were some very severe fear issues over her tumbling and was ready to quit. She switched to a new gym and a prep optional program for a year and it was absolutely wonderful for her. She is now back to JO training for Level 8 this year.

 

[Blackie6]

((HUGS)) I am sure this is very frustrating to both of you. I know in your post you said new gym was aware of her back tumbling problem and they said "no problem" so maybe you can tell the coaches that worked with her in this situation that you had discussed this ahead of time and told it wasn't a problem. Maybe they aren't aware? Also, you said they(new gym) compete in another program and just started USAG. When you say they want to kick her off...is this from all their team programs? Even though you declined the USAG because of this very issue, I find it hard to believe they want her off even a less stressful team program. I know around here we have JOGA and USAIGC and it allows the girls to be as sucessful and comfortable in their routines/skills as they want to be. One of my DD's friends opted to go from USAG to USAIGC because BWO on beam were stressing her out. This doesn't mean she is stuck there if she changes her mind, it was just to give her some other options while trying to work thru her back issues too. I have heard many a gymnast has one at some time or another, I am sorry her new club isn't willing to work with her. It sounds like some mis communication from owner to coaches since you said you had discussed this and was upfront about it right from the begining. Any other options in the area?

 

[UnoMas]

I am so sorry about all this gym drama. I'm sad that the coaches made those comments. That must have been really hard to hear...whatever was actually said obviously affected your daughter and that is a shame. I hope that you and she can come to a decision that is best. It does not sound like she is ready to quit, but that she is frustrated and needs a program that will play to her strengths right now. Was it the head coach (or decision maker coach) that made the comment about the BHS and being off team? If not, maybe that was just a (dumb) way of trying to motivate her. Is it possible to have a talk with the coaches with you and your daughter? Maybe there are just some misunderstandings amongst all of you. Anyway, sending you hugs and feel free to vent away. Sometimes you just need to get it all out there. I often come here when I need a sounding board of opinions other than those of my own gym people.

 

[Sunobo]

I want to thank you all for your kind words and support. Dd made the decision to quit gymnastics. She said she really doesn't feel like the coaches think she is trying and she's not happy at gym anymore. She also said she will miss gym but she won't miss the pressure to get her BHS. I told her she can change her mind at a later date if she wants to. She wants to finish out the week (it's only 2 practices) if the gym will let her once I talk to them Monday evening. The upside is that in the fall she is going to give hip hop a try. For those that mentioned it, she already is in a more relaxed rec league which is why I found the recent situation frustrating.

 

[jasminekayla]

Does your local Y have a team? My daughter currently competes for the Y and it is alot less stressful. At my Y, she competes against Y's across the state and also the USAG team.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

I want to thank you all for your kind words and support. Dd made the decision to quit gymnastics. She said she really doesn't feel like the coaches think she is trying and she's not happy at gym anymore. She also said she will miss gym but she won't miss the pressure to get her BHS. I told her she can change her mind at a later date if she wants to. She wants to finish out the week (it's only 2 practices) if the gym will let her once I talk to them Monday evening. The upside is that in the fall she is going to give hip hop a try. For those that mentioned it, she already is in a more relaxed rec league which is why I found the recent situation frustrating.

O.K.... if you're already in a less pressured program and they are STILL pressuring her, well then "good riddance," right??? I bet she will really enjoy the hip hop, esp. w/her gymnastics background! Do keep us posted!!!

 

[gym law mom]

Its a shame it had to end this way. Sounds like dd is ready to move on and try new things. Good luck to you both

 

[Blackie6]

I am so sorry. I am sure your daughter will find lots of new things to love. I hate to read posts like this because I think it is wrong (for a coach) to literally suck the love of a sport out of a child who obviously wants to do gymnastics but not go to the olympics! I read the one article about the average child in sport here on CB, but maybe more coaches should read it too. Isn't coaching not just about awards/medals, but in making a child sucessful at whatever level or program they choose? I wonder how many kids because this kind of mentality. Good luck to your daughter in whatever she chooses!

 

[MdGymMom01]

I want to thank you all for your kind words and support. Dd made the decision to quit gymnastics. She said she really doesn't feel like the coaches think she is trying and she's not happy at gym anymore. She also said she will miss gym but she won't miss the pressure to get her BHS. I told her she can change her mind at a later date if she wants to. She wants to finish out the week (it's only 2 practices) if the gym will let her once I talk to them Monday evening. The upside is that in the fall she is going to give hip hop a try. For those that mentioned it, she already is in a more relaxed rec league which is why I found the recent situation frustrating.

Sorry I am getting into this conversation late . I can totally feel for your situation since my dd who is also 12 has been struggling with the ROBHS for the past 4 years. She is already in a low key "rec type" league where her coach has be so supportive of her. My dd will probably repeat the same level B (equiv. to USAG 5) for the 3rd year now. And last week, we have decided that this will be her last year of gymnastics. Her fear issues are just too much for her and they are holding her back from progressing. DD still stays challenged in the gym with new skills, but she is getting to a point where her dance interest and progression with that is superceding her gymnastics. And we are getting to a point where something has got to give. So, she will have once last year competing gymnastics and she is satisfied and excited to be able to try and give it her all and then move on to dance full time when she enters 8th grade. It's a tough decision, but she has thought it through and is happy with her decision.

I wish you the best of luck to your dd, and I am sure she will have a BLAST with the hip hop!!!

 

[Panda-girl's Mom]

I have not been here lately since my own daughter decided to leave the sport. I am really sorry about your daughter but maybe she just needs a break ecspecailly since she has been struggling and unhappy. My daughter has been out of the gym for 2 months is slowly adjusting and I think is starting to enjoy her time doing other things outside the gym. My daughter really struggled this year as a level6 she had alot of wrist and heel pain that really affected her skills. Although she would not admit it I think she was also having fear doing things because it would cause pain. I think although her coaches were great they did just not understand the pain she was in and kept pushing her thinking she was not trying. It was not until we talked with head coach that she admitted the pain and she helped both daughter and I with daughters decision which came down to the fact that although daughter really liked the sport she did not like dealing with the constant pain. Bottomline is she was just not having fun anymore. Her head coach explained at her age 11 she really needs to want to be there, she also explained as she moves up it does not get any easier. I was very lucky to have the head coach be so supportive of us during this time. I was really upset about daughters decisicon to take a break and not continuing since she has loved the sport since she has been 5. She still has wrist pain when she tries to do handstands and stuff, the doctor claims it is just growth related and told us let the pain be your guide. Although I feel bad about her giving up the sport I am starting to enjoy seeing her happiness doing other things such as swimming, an art camp and basketball. I think gymnastics is a really tough sport and it really takes a specail kind of kid who has both the mental and physical ability as they move up the levels. I think sometimes the pressure of overcoming the skills and the hours of practice it takes just burns some kids out. I will always have a fond memory of my daughter doing gymnastics and the lessons she learned. I hope your daughter comes to decision and is happy whether she continues or tries other things. Although I think my daughter is still upset and misses gymnastics at times I think she feels relief that she is no longer struggling with deciding what to do. And she does seem to be finding enjoyment in other things.

 

[taylortumbles]

I'm with some of you. I haven't been on here for awhile either. My daughter hasn't completely quit but gymnastics has definitely taken a back seat. She had fear issues with bars and it just kept snowballing. Now she won't even do a handstand without a spotter and she pretends to not be able to do simple bridges during warm ups. I have asked over and over if she still wants to do gymnastics and she says she does. I tried taking her out and she begged to go back. I'm not sure what to do. She is only doing a little rec class at the local Y right now but I just don't feel like she puts effort into it and she is continually regressing rather than progressing. I think the rec class coach is getting annoyed by it as well. She has really taken off in swimming and I'm excited for her. She plans to tryout for swim team next year and I'm thinking that may be the end of gymnastics.