Parents L9 thinking of quitting gymnastics

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Hi, our daughter is 14 and completed L9 last year. She had a tough season with major changes in coaching at her gym, was sick a lot (colds) and had a couple of minor injuries. She only competed 2 meets all four events. She has been taking a break from practice. We were just ordering more Leo’s/sports bras last week and now says she’s done.

She’s been hanging out with school friends and definitely seems more connected to her school friends than gym friends. There have been a lot of girls leaving the gym which I imagine doesn’t help morale. This year academics were harder than ever and I’m guessing she’s thinking that going into 9th grade, the grind of gymnastics and all she has to give up isn’t worth it. How would you handle the situation?

 

[RTT2]

I would let her take a break. If she really misses it, she'll go back, if not it's a great time for her to try new things. Between new opportunities for school sports and clubs, more opportunities for socializing, and the increased academic demands it makes sense that a lot of kids leave the sport as they enter high school.

If your gym requires you to sign a new contract over the summer and pay the first installment of meet fees, I'd strongly suggest making a decision in these months before that happens, rather than being out fees and feeling on the hook if you've signed a new contract for the year. I see that every.single.year. A kid will be missing a ton of practice, saying they want to quit, but the parents go ahead and pay the first (large) installment of meet fees and sign the contract and then the kid quits sometime between Sept-Nov.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Let her quit. What’s to “handle” she is 14 and in HS

 

[Coach Kate]

I wish I would have quit before I did. I ended up quitting mid season because I felt like I should do just one more year - my senior year. I had so many other things I wanted to invest in, and gym wasn't fun for me anymore. Every practice was a huge chore. I would encourage her to stop if she wants to stop. Let her pursue some other interests. If she misses it, there will be a path to come back at some point in some way. I eventually found my way back to adult gymnastics YEARS after I quit, even years after I started coaching full time. It took me that long to even want to play around again, and I got there through TRX, yoga, and eventually circus arts.

If Xcel had been an option back then, I might have taken it. Or maybe I was really just done. What is Xcel like at your gym? Is it less hours? She could easily transition to diamond or even sapphire (I think that's national this season).

And I will say that as a coach, we see kids leaving about this age as a very common thing. Maybe they take a high school rec class, maybe they join their high school team, but there are just so many opportunities for them at this age and gymnastics is indeed really hard and incredibly time consuming. And social life becomes even more important, so if their friends aren't there, they want to be where they are.

I would have her sit down with her coach and talk about how she's feeling and they can be very clear about what the options are and what it would look like if she changes her mind. Then she can make an informed decision.

 

[mezzamare]

I agree with the general sentiment. If she's done, she's done. You let her move on to new things.

Are you worried about something in particular? That she'll regret the choice or is making a mistake somehow? Or is it more that you feel the ending is very abrupt and you're still processing it?

 

[Home]

Let her quit. What’s to “handle” she is 14 and in HS

I agree with the general sentiment. If she's done, she's done. You let her move on to new things.

Are you worried about something in particular? That she'll regret the choice or is making a mistake somehow? Or is it more that you feel the ending is very abrupt and you're still processing it?

I’m not opposed to her quitting, but the decision does seem abrupt (literally last week she was ordering Leo’s) and I don’t want her to regret it. These past couple of weeks there have been lots of graduation parties and celebrations - certainly not typical of what she will be doing if she quits. And the more I think about it I also think if she does quit she should tell her coach and thank them and say goodbye to her teammates in person vs just not going back.

 

[Home]

I wish I would have quit before I did. I ended up quitting mid season because I felt like I should do just one more year - my senior year. I had so many other things I wanted to invest in, and gym wasn't fun for me anymore. Every practice was a huge chore. I would encourage her to stop if she wants to stop. Let her pursue some other interests. If she misses it, there will be a path to come back at some point in some way. I eventually found my way back to adult gymnastics YEARS after I quit, even years after I started coaching full time. It took me that long to even want to play around again, and I got there through TRX, yoga, and eventually circus arts.

If Xcel had been an option back then, I might have taken it. Or maybe I was really just done. What is Xcel like at your gym? Is it less hours? She could easily transition to diamond or even sapphire (I think that's national this season).

And I will say that as a coach, we see kids leaving about this age as a very common thing. Maybe they take a high school rec class, maybe they join their high school team, but there are just so many opportunities for them at this age and gymnastics is indeed really hard and incredibly time consuming. And social life becomes even more important, so if their friends aren't there, they want to be where they are.

I would have her sit down with her coach and talk about how she's feeling and they can be very clear about what the options are and what it would look like if she changes her mind. Then she can make an informed decision.

Thank you for your reply. I appreciate your comments.

 

[mezzamare]

I’m not opposed to her quitting, but the decision does seem abrupt (literally last week she was ordering Leo’s) and I don’t want her to regret it. These past couple of weeks there have been lots of graduation parties and celebrations - certainly not typical of what she will be doing if she quits. And the more I think about it I also think if she does quit she should tell her coach and thank them and say goodbye to her teammates in person vs just not going back.

That all makes sense. I would definitely have her go in and tell the coaches herself, as well as let her teammates know.

Maybe also sit down with her and walk her through whatever you want to teach her about making big decisions. Stuff like taking the time to understand her needs and wants, and why her current situation isn't meeting those. Can help both her and you gain clarity about what's behind her decision, and set her up for solid choices about what she moves on to next.

 

[Home]

I would let her take a break. If she really misses it, she'll go back, if not it's a great time for her to try new things. Between new opportunities for school sports and clubs, more opportunities for socializing, and the increased academic demands it makes sense that a lot of kids leave the sport as they enter high school.

If your gym requires you to sign a new contract over the summer and pay the first installment of meet fees, I'd strongly suggest making a decision in these months before that happens, rather than being out fees and feeling on the hook if you've signed a new contract for the year. I see that every.single.year. A kid will be missing a ton of practice, saying they want to quit, but the parents go ahead and pay the first (large) installment of meet fees and sign the contract and then the kid quits sometime between Sept-Nov.

Thank you for your reply. Appreciate your feedback.

 

[gymgal]

Gymnasts don't typically choose to quit out of nowhere. By the time they are voicing it, they have been thinking about it for months, if not longer. They just haven't voiced it to anyone. Disappointment, fear of regretting the decision, losing gym friends, etc all play into their decision not to admit their desire to walk away. Personally, I would have the conversation as to why she wants to quit, whether she wants to somehow stay in the sport (high school team, tumbling class to keep up basic skills), and then let her decide. She may decide to go back to it but most gymnasts know when they are done and it is usually long before they actually leave. Good luck and keep communication open about it.

 

[Pineapple_Lump]

I would have the conversation as to why she wants to quit, whether she wants to somehow stay in the sport (high school team, tumbling class to keep up basic skills), and then let her decide. She may decide to go back to it but most gymnasts know when they are done and it is usually long before they actually leave. Good luck and keep communication open about it.

Good advice, if as a parent you think it may just be tied to the feeling of missing out on current activities would ask the question 'If you could change a few things would you be happy to continue? and if so what would those be?' The answer to this may give you information to compromise on her gym so she is happy or it might highlight that you can't change it to make her happier and she needs to finish on her own terms.

 

[Mish]

Gymnasts don't typically choose to quit out of nowhere. By the time they are voicing it, they have been thinking about it for months, if not longer. They just haven't voiced it to anyone. Disappointment, fear of regretting the decision, losing gym friends, etc all play into their decision not to admit their desire to walk away. Personally, I would have the conversation as to why she wants to quit, whether she wants to somehow stay in the sport (high school team, tumbling class to keep up basic skills), and then let her decide. She may decide to go back to it but most gymnasts know when they are done and it is usually long before they actually leave. Good luck and keep communication open about it.

This 100% My daughter has since told me that she probably should have left at least a year before she did (training lv 9) and that it was so hard to think about so she just kept going.