Parents looking for some insight

[Boo'sMom]

Ok I am wondering how much I should preach to DD or just let her coaches handle it. And if I should talk to one of her coaches. Because DD who is 7 almost 8 in May(started at age 6) is basically advanced beginner in gymnastics and really loves it (she has asked if she could go everyday) but our pocket book can only handle so much. She also has ADD has a hard time on paying attention.

She goes 3 x a week for a total of 3.5 hours a week for rec classes. Mons she goes to a rec class at a local gym for an hour that has a team (that DD wants to join someday when she is ready.) she also goes to this same gym on Fri's for 30 min of private lessons with coach Susie and then she goes to a community gymnastics class run by a well known local gymnastics coach John for 2 hours on Wednesday's.

she has been with with coach John the longest and he has noticed that she has improved greatly with her skills this yr and moved her up to the older girls group (these 3 girls are on his team and they are ages 11/12 and its extra practice time for them) so yesterday DD was 4th in line so she could watch what the big girls are doing and copy them. she wasn't paying attention and did the wrong skill and HC yelled at her and then later yelled at her for walking away while he is talking to her. I have told her many many times about watching the kids in front of her so she knows what to do when its her turn and I have told her many times to look ppl in the eye when they are talking to her. So even though it was hard for me to see her get in trouble, I also was thinking.. finally! he said something to her, so maybe now she will listen to him because she wasn't listening too me. I point to her to look at her coach when she turned towards me and he said Don't look at her, shes not the coach and I am not sure how to take that. but after class I went over to him and thanked him for talking to her and that maybe now she will listen!

He isn't much of a talker unless your his favorite and that doesn't bother me, it just makes it hard for me to feel comfortable to talk to him, he is a funny coach with the lil ones, but for the older ones he is about going threw everything fast fast fast. I'm apprehensive towards him and he can be a bit intimidating, its his gruff personality and I'm not sure how to take him. but yesterday he started what was new to me and DD. telling them to do a Brittany and my DD hadn't a clue what he was talking about and you could tell he was aggravated with her, and took it as she wasn't listening, but she was that time =), she just doesn't know or understand what it is she is suppose to do and her just watching the big girls ahead of her do it ,(and fast I might add) was not enough for her to understand what to do this time. Do I say something like she doesn't understand or just let it work its self out? last time this happened is when I got a private coach for her and that has helped soooo much. For her 2nd hour he put her back with the toddlers to teach her a lesson I guess. I used it as a teaching lesson that if she wants to join the team some day she has to always pay attention, so she is safe. she was not happy about being with the lil ones so maybe now she will remember! So do I keep on her? Do I explain to her HC that DD has ADD? I don't want him to think I am giving an excuse but it is a fact and does hinder her in her ability to focus and to concentrate like her peers and it maybe why she is immature for her age. Your insight is welcomed. Thanks a bunch!

 

[bogwoppit]

He sounds like a plonker, I would suggest looking for a better rec class with a less vindictive coach.

 

[Boo'sMom]

ok , whats a plonker?

 

[Flossyduck]

A bit of an idiot, someone not really to be respected... hard to explain more than that...

 

[sportzmomov3]

Bog, I was thinking the exact same thing. Not sure if there is an official definition, but to me a plonker is a mean-spirited, JE--. Don't fall in to the trap of staying with a well-known coach because of his/her famous reputation. In the end, you need to be in a gym with a coaching staff and philosophy that meets the needs of your DD. There is a gym that is right for everyone, BUT not every gym is right for everyone. She'll go further if she's in a positive, healthy, safe environment. That doesn't necessarily equate to famous coaches or the best gym in town. At her age, it's most important that she is in a nurturing environment. Go with your gut - if it doesn't feel comfortable, find another gym.

 

[bogwoppit]

A bit of an idiot, someone not really to be respected... hard to explain more than that...

Yes that.

He is a coach working with rec kids. He should have more patience and explain skills and expectations. I don't think your child's ADD is the issue, I think him being grumpy, impatient and easily irritated is. Working with rec kids is a tough job, but it sounds like he is ready to retire.

Well known doesn't make you great.

 

[Iwannabemargo]

love it Bog, you can take the girl out of Blighty but some things persist.

( do they show Only Fools over on your side ?)

BTW I agree - plonker !

 

[bogwoppit]

love it Bog, you can take the girl out of Blighty but some things persist.

( do they show Only Fools over on your side ?)

BTW I agree - plonker !

Some things never go...the need for a Curly Wurly, a can of Heninz tomato soup or the need to call a plonker a plonker.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

bwahahahahahahaha "plonker". love this place! and the poster might be talking about Jonathan Livingston Seagulls? was Rhonda Faehns coach back in the day.

 

[gymdog]

Seems kind of extreme to put her back in the preschool class...I was thinking, well maybe he's just not very warm up til that point. I just think that's pretty out there and not helpful at all. Don't get me wrong, I make errors too, but that just seems like a pretty obvious "not going to help anything" action.

I would definitely speak to him about her ADD and any strategies you have successfully used to control it. I would recommend she be paired with a specific older girl who can give her more explanation/example/help if she needs it in the line.

 

[EmmasMommy]

Honestly, he sounds like a nightmare of a coach. But what do I know? Coaches certainly aren't what they used to be when I was in gymnastics lol. It makes me realize how good the coaches are where we are now, at least with how they treat the kids.

 

[iwannacoach]

Has she been diagnosed with ADD? If she has, I would say the ADD is an issue solely from a safety stand point, and that can be remedied by asking her to repeat instructions and safety precautions, which, if you consider what's at stake, is a pretty good idea no matter the who the child is.

If ADD is in the mix, the real issue is her placement with a coach who's expecting a not yet 8yo child to absorb information and behave the same an 11yo would. Making matters worse is the frequency with which she hears she's not cutting the muster behaviorally, primarily due to a condition recognized within the scope of the ADA as a disability.

I'll make this very clear so you can either guide this coach to understand, or get her away from him........ Your daughters attention problems limit her in a very real way, the same way a paraplegic is limited, only the paraplegic has an advantage in that people can see and relate to the condition. So when your daughter is told she must pay attention with the same expectations as non impaired kids, she's experiencing something akin to a paraplegic child being told to keep up with children as they pass through a set of obstacles barely barely able to acomodate a wheel chair.

Think about that, and then decide what's best for your child, and good luck to the both of you.

 

[Boo'sMom]

Thank you everyone for all your insight. it helps me a great deal in what I will do next . Being fairly new to the gymnastics world, I do not know what the norm is (tough love like coach John or positive reinforcement like Coach Susie) we have five more sessions left with coach John so I will be talking to Coach Susie from the other Gym where they treat the kids really well and never make them feel bad about themselves and see if we can figure something out where DD can still get the same amount of hours in per week but all at coach Susie's gym. Maybe see if she thinks DD is ready for pre-team. Her coaches at Susie's gym all know about DD ADD because they are very approachable. So I feel comfortable talking with them about anything. So right now reading what I just wrote puts it clearly what Gym is best for my DD. Thank you everyone!!

 

[Boo'sMom]

Has she been diagnosed with ADD? If she has, I would say the ADD is an issue solely from a safety stand point, and that can be remedied by asking her to repeat instructions and safety precautions, which, if you consider what's at stake, is a pretty good idea no matter the who the child is.

If ADD is in the mix, the real issue is her placement with a coach who's expecting a not yet 8yo child to absorb information and behave the same an 11yo would. Making matters worse is the frequency with which she hears she's not cutting the muster behaviorally, primarily due to a condition recognized within the scope of the ADA as a disability.

I'll make this very clear so you can either guide this coach to understand, or get her away from him........ Your daughters attention problems limit her in a very real way, the same way a paraplegic is limited, only the paraplegic has an advantage in that people can see and relate to the condition. So when your daughter is told she must pay attention with the same expectations as non impaired kids, she's experiencing something akin to a paraplegic child being told to keep up with children as they pass through a set of obstacles barely barely able to acomodate a wheel chair.

Think about that, and then decide what's best for your child, and good luck to the both of you.

WOW! Thank you!! Yes she has been diagnosed with ADD and is on meds for it, but it wears off before gymnastics. Everything you said fits DD to a T! and 100% true and you worded it all in such a way that makes it easy for an outsider to understand. I will be saving this info for a later date. Thank you so much for putting it into words, what I have been trying to explain to her teachers and coaches but not near as well as you have. TY!

 

[iwannacoach]

............ what I have been trying to explain to her teachers and coaches but not near as well as you have. TY!

Good luck with that, because they'll remember the number of times they've slighted her with labels like lazy, un-motivated, or un-disciplined, and it hurts to know you've done that to a child who has little choice in those behaviors. In it's invisible nature, ADD is potentially a hideous disease, because people simply don't know what they can't see, and refuse to accept they are ignorant of their own ignorance.

So go out there and beat that drum like it's the only way to achieve "world peace"...... for your child.

 

[Amusibus]

Good luck with that, because they'll remember the number of times they've slighted her with labels like lazy, un-motivated, or un-disciplined, and it hurts to know you've done that to a child who has little choice in those behaviors. In it's invisible nature, ADD is potentially a hideous disease, because people simply don't know what they can't see, and refuse to accept they are ignorant of their own ignorance.

So go out there and beat that drum like it's the only way to achieve "world peace"...... for your child.

This actually made me tear up a little bit. My daughter has ADD too. And we run into SO much discrimination, misunderstanding, and judgemental-ness it's unbelieveable.

 

[Kiwi]

I do not know what the norm is (tough love like coach John or positive reinforcement like Coach Susie) we have five more sessions left with coach John so I will be talking to Coach Susie from the other Gym where they treat the kids really well and never make them feel bad about themselves and see if we can figure something out where DD can still get the same amount of hours in per week but all at coach Susie's gym. Maybe see if she thinks DD is ready for pre-team. Her coaches at Susie's gym all know about DD ADD because they are very approachable. So I feel comfortable talking with them about anything. So right now reading what I just wrote puts it clearly what Gym is best for my DD.

It does seem obvious when you put it like this. I do not know what the norm is, but I know what it should be. There is a difference between inattention and not understanding. Imagine if school teachers reacted like this coach every time a student didn't understand something. From your description he definitely sounds like a plonker to me too. It would be ideal if you can get her away from him and get her more time with Susie or similar coaches.

 

[bogwoppit]

Some coaches are just not able to do the positive reinforcement thing, some coaches do not get the whole ADD thing. It sounds like Susie's gym does get it and that gym is a better place for your DD. Frankly if she was my kid I would toss the five sessions with "John" in the trash and move right along. He may adjust his behaviour briefly, but at the end of the day his basic coaching style is punitive and he will struggle to meet your expectation and might even get defensive. Your DD needs people who get her and who love coaching kids like her, not coaches who struggle to make her fit in their system

 

[ZZMom]

Some coaches are just not able to do the positive reinforcement thing, some coaches do not get the whole ADD thing. It sounds like Susie's gym does get it and that gym is a better place for your DD. Frankly if she was my kid I would toss the five sessions with "John" in the trash and move right along. He may adjust his behaviour briefly, but at the end of the day his basic coaching style is punitive and he will struggle to meet your expectation and might even get defensive. Your DD needs people who get her and who love coaching kids like her, not coaches who struggle to make her fit in their system

Definitely agree with this. I have found that talking to coaches about the issues my daughter has does not help if they are the type you are describing. Honestly, gyms are either sensitive to the needs of each individual child or they are not. It likely won't matter what you say. It isn't like he is going to say something like "Oh my, I had no idea. I'm so sorry and will definitely work with your child at a level that is comfortable for her." And, if he does say it, it don't believe him. You will likely just be prolonging the negative experience for your daughter because his behavior will not change long term and in the end he will tell you that it is your daughter's fault. You would know by now if he was caring and capable of adjusting himself to the needs of your child.

 

[gymmomtoo]

I'd dump the remaining 5 lessons too and move on. Coach John's gym isn't a good place to be for your daughter.