Missing practice...

[Faith]

Following on a bit from the "outside activities" thread, how do people feel about missing practice, and what is it reasonable to miss practice for?

Where is the balance between being committed and having a life?

My dd trains 3 times a week. And probably would miss a couple of practices a year for "social" stuff like birthday parties, and possibly another couple, or leave early, for ballet exams or something. Which logically, I think is reasonable, no?

But I still feel guilty every time I tell the coach she'll miss

 

[bookworm]

Don't feel guilty, you're the one paying...that said, we miss practice if we have to (and I loosely define that)...school stuff (like science fairs or mandatory field trips are non-negotiable) CCD/confirmation class (also non-negotiable) so I just say "she won't be here on Monday for the next X weeks" or "Science Fair is on Jan 26 and 27th" ... i think it's all in the way it's presented ...and by that I mean, if the coach senses ambivalence in your "reason", then you're likely to get more of a hassle about it but if you present it as "this is the way it has to be and making me feel bad won't change my mind" then I don't think you'll have any trouble.

When it comes to social stuff, like the Father -Daughter Dance or the Prom, I tell them that she's going to that because 15 years from now I don't want to regret not letting her go or having her say " I was the only one that didn't go to the Father-Daughter dance but never missed a Friday practice"....

 

[bogwoppit]

Mine missed for family trips, for family dinners, for doctors visits etc. Birthday parties, would depend on how close they really were to the child. It seems many kids invite every kid they know, I am not really into that scene. SO BFF birthday for sure, but the rest not so much.

FAith I think what you are wanting to do is perfectly reasonable, any coach that would take issue with that is a bit OTT.

 

[cher062]

Don't feel guilty - we are talking about kids here and they do need other activities besides gymnastics. My DD is there 5 days a week and will miss for what ever I think she should miss for. School socials that only come once a year like the Father - Daughter Dance, any school required activity, a few birthdays especially if they are unique like her friend had one at an indoor rock climbing place and then did a sleep over. doctor appts, family events like weddings vacations, she also misses for 2 weeks of summer camp. Its a balance - I try to make sure she has other interests and can attend the events that go with them too. Gym meets we have paid for however she will be at.

Use your best judgement as to what she can attend and what she will have to miss and don't feel guilty one bit.

 

[beamer]

Timely question!

Dunno points out (in the thread about outside activities) that he is okay with school and family events, but not so much with birthday parties and sock hops! This seems to be the sentiment at my DD's gym as well.

We, too, try to take it on a case-by-case basis. I will cop to allowing DD to miss practice for birthday parties...but only for those special ones (best friends, family, etc.).

Right now, we are in a bit of a practice mess because she has tested positive for Lyme and has been missing practices left and right from those symptoms and from the side-effects of the antibiotics to treat the dang symptoms. Now, with the holidays encroaching, there are school concerts and events galore and I am completely at a loss as to how to decide where she should go. Or whether she should go at all to anything!

In regular life, though, I have tried to reasonably balance the social events with the gym requirements, mostly to keep DD from quitting gymnastics because she doesn't have a social life. Her gym seems to be okay with this.

 

[Brandon]

Depends, is she competing or not?
If she's competing, I'd be more strict about missing classes, because the whole teams success can rest on one person messing up. And that's what practice is for. On the other hand, if she's not competing, skip whenever you feel like it! You're the ones keeping the power on in that place, it's your call.

 

[Granny Smith]

I agree with Brandon, I'm not fond of missing during meet season. My dd rarely misses practice, but I'm not opposed to it for a valid reason. She will be missing a night in December because she will be attending her brother's winter concert. I take things on a case-by-case basis!

 

[DND]

I think your judgement is spot on and depending on the age of your DD being well rounded and happy will only help her gymnastics in the long run.

I also watch my DD's moods and emotional state as she does train 5 days a week. If I sense she is bordering on "burn out" for lack of a better word then I will suggest that we miss practice for a day just to do nothing or something else fun that she was not expecting. I find that it ends up having a really positive effect as we have an awesome day and when when goes back to gym the following day she seems more excited and relaxed.

I think it is just a small dose of spontaneity for kids who live such structured lives can go a long way!

 

[Krystan]

I agree that you need to balance keeping up with practice, especially if competing, and also not having the kids resent practice because they're missing everything else. We homeschool and aren't religious, so we don't have all those requirements, but there are still things here and there. The only practice she's missing this season is because her best friend has the lead in Nutcracker and the only time we could work out for her to go is during practice. Where we are, team girls have to call or tell the coach themselves they aren't coming; they don't want to hear it from parents. They think this gives the kids more ownership over it, and it's working! If my dd says she's "too tired" to go to practice, I just say, "Okay, why don't you call your coach and tell her." That changes her mind pretty quickly, and she's off to get changed before I say another word!

 

[coachmolly]

I think it depends on the event and the time of year. During meet season, I don't have the same feelings about a girl missing practice as I would in the summer months, but I also understand that things comes up and if the parent feels the event is important enough to miss practice for, a practice which they are paying for, that is their choice. Each family has a different idea of what is important for their child and their family and I typically respect that, but I also haven't yet had a situation where I adamantly disagree with the choice the parent is making. I once had a teammate miss practice because her older sister was going on her first date and the whole family wanted to be there to see her be picked up, I couldn't help but think that was a little ridiculous (and embarrassing for the older sister), but this particular family placed it as a high priority. To each their own.
I'm currently working with a HS gym team where the girls are not as committed as the club athletes I've worked with previously and quietly have a small internal fit every time they inform me they will be missing practice over something ridiculous (shopping?!) but can't say much if the HC lets it go. I'm trying to change my mentality, but I miss my little cuties and their parents who worked with me instead of against me.

 

[NGL780309]

I try to have DD there 100% of the time with the exception of the summer for the week we were on vacation. I generally don't let her miss for anything, but then again she's 6 and she doesn't really have anything. I'm sure that will change as she gets older if she's still in gymnastics. She does 3 days a week and really we don't plan family things on school nights anyway. There have been a few Friday things like a company xmas party etc and I sent her to gym since it wasn't that important and she didn't really care. There are plenty of girls on her team that miss several days a month on a regular basis for various reasons. Little things like the next day is the first day of school so we are staying home.

 

[Mack_the_Ripper]

I have to miss practice for vacations because my parents like to travel. I'd rather be at home in the gym! So that's twice or three times a year. Other than that, I miss if I'm sick. If I have a lot of homework or I'm really tired, I might leave an hour or two early. Once I missed a whole practice to catch up on schoolwork. If I miss to go to a school dance or something, I come in on another day and make it up.

 

[CoachGoofy]

I'm cool with them missing for school stuff--including the dances that come once a year. I enthusiastically encourage choir concerts and science fairs (please please tell me about your science fair project. I love science fairs...). Please don't come to the gym if you're sick. Then we all get sick and that's just icky. A dance or 2 a year? You only get one 8th grade graduation dance. Go to that.

Try to get your homework done without having to skip practice to do so. Obviously I can't get mad about it, but if you're leaving early nearly every practice, I'm going to get frustrated. I'm also going to be frustrated if you choose to take part in a not-school production that means you're going to miss an entire month of practice (actually happened). I feel family vacations are important, but please don't get all When Will My Susie Start Kipping on me if you take a week off a month.

That mostly applies to lower levels. At higher levels it's different, because that's when you're at the point where not consistently practicing & conditioning means that you could get us both hurt. If you are missing enough practice to not be able to safely perform your routines, you are missing too much practice & need to figure something out.

 

[beamer]

Mack the Ripper's point about make-ups raises another issue: specifically, what if no make-ups of missed practices are allowed?

At DD's old gym, make-ups were encouraged/almost mandatory. The new gym has a no make-ups policy. The only exception the gym will make is if a gymnast has a meet coming up and needs to make her practice requirement for the week. DD's current gym mandates that gymnasts must make 75% of practices the week before a meet and so in only this circumstance will they allow for make-ups of missed practices.

This may be another thread, but I'm not sure which policy I preferred. Certainly we are wasting a lot more money this way, but it does take the pressure off in terms of not worrying about adding extra practices following sickness, etc.

 

[bookworm]

I wouldn't worry about doing make ups at all...

 

[gymgal]

I was more strict about dd missing practices when she was younger and only going 1-2 x a week. Now that she goes 4x a week, I am more lenient about the occasional miss. Still, she usually only misses for a family vacation but we try to make sure she never misses more than a weeks worth at a time (we take several a year) and for sickness. We work around b-day parties by going to practice part of the time and showing up late for the party. This doesn't happen often though. We are lucky in that we don't have saturday practices so it cuts down on the conflicts. Only Friday nights carry some dilemmas.

 

[All Chalked Up]

I'm in the gym every day of the week- I train 12 hours and coach 10 1/2 - so my coaches are cool with me missing a day or two here and there since according to them, I don't have a life outside of the gym anymore and I have to be a normal teenager and go to dances and BLAH BLAH BLAH. The only time I missed this year was when I was so sick I couldn't even sit up in bed, let alone train! I don't mind skipping dances or arriving late to birthday parties because of gymnastics.

I do arrive 5 minutes late once a week because I wrestle, but my coaches really encourage that. I condition A LOT at wrestling and I'm already warmed up, so they don't care. They actually encourage it.

Sorry for the ramble, but I guess it depends on how often you miss, why you're missing and when you're missing. If you don't know your beam routine and the meet is the next day, you probably shouldn't skip to go to your boyfriend's hockey game! On the other hand, if you have your routines down pat and the meet isn't until next week, go for it. Basically, miss gym WITHIN REASON!

 

[emorymom]

Generally I favor gym over other activities but it depends on what is going on. But we don't miss gym enough to raise any eyebrows. We miss two weeks for vacation, but he works out at local gyms then. He misses about the equivalent of 2 weeks of practice over the course of a year for acting.

 

[kimskids]

My 9 year old goes to practice 5 days a week and although we don't miss often I don't have a problem with her missing every now and then. She has done amazingly well and rarely ever asks to miss practice! On the rare occasion she wants to I let her. She knows that if she starts asking to get out of practice very often we will not continue gymnastics.

 

[Faith]

Timely question!

Dunno points out (in the thread about outside activities) that he is okay with school and family events, but not so much with birthday parties and sock hops! This seems to be the sentiment at my DD's gym as well.

This is what prompted my question! I would agree, but because DD trains sat/sun, school doesn't really interfere, and family stuff she'd rather go to gym! It's only the odd birthday party really, and that's two or three a year for close friends as they don't seem to do the invite everyone thing yet...(touch wood)

In regular life, though, I have tried to reasonably balance the social events with the gym requirements, mostly to keep DD from quitting gymnastics because she doesn't have a social life. Her gym seems to be okay with this.

My feelings. Hope your daughter beats the Lyme disease. At least it's diagnosed, I know over here it's quite rare so often missed.

Where we are, team girls have to call or tell the coach themselves they aren't coming; they don't want to hear it from parents. They think this gives the kids more ownership over it, and it's working! If my dd says she's "too tired" to go to practice, I just say, "Okay, why don't you call your coach and tell her." That changes her mind pretty quickly, and she's off to get changed before I say another word!

I like that idea!

Thank for the replies

I don't think the coaches have a problem, but we're new to this level of training. It's more me being a stress head and over thinking! Plus it's a tiny tiny team, and she's done really well to get on it, so being new I don't want to appear less than committed, as she really is

She's 7. I know I have to let her skip for stuff that is important to her, or she'll quit sooner rather than later. I have no idea what level she might reach, but I figure if she's going to be good, but more in it for fun and fitness, then skipping isn't an issue. On the other hand, if she does/has the ability to do higher level/elite, then she has 10 years + of high intensity training ahead of her, and skipping the odd class now isn't going to matter, especially as she'll be sacrificing a lot in a few years, particularly socially.