WAG Need Help - Serious....

[kandkfunk]

1. Enough sleep. Especially for our athletic kids, this is absolutely crucial and absolutely tough to accomplish. If necessary, tell her teachers she's not doing homework in favor of enough sleep this week. Really, at 8 her grades aren't a big deal.

Sleep was key for my family in helping my son through some behavioral and emotional issues. Kids that age need 10-12 hours of sleep a night. I always thought 8 hours was enough, but it is not for younger kids. That is hard when you have an active kid and family. We really had to make this a priority and it helped so much. I would suggest seeking out a professional to assist your daughter and talking to your doctor.

Good luck!

 

[COz]

Bed around 8 or so on school nights, but on gym nights its not until like 10 or so.

OK, so she probably *is* tired, if she gets up early for school.

There are a few kids at school she says pick on her, and actually she got punched in the jaw yesterday by a 5th grade boy on the bus. Shes in 3rd grade. and to top it all off, when she went to defend herself, the boy ran away! I was livid! I called the school and talked to the principal, and HC is also a teacher at the sister school, and she knows the teacher of the kid, so Im not sure if she is going to say something to her as well.

Kind of crucial information here

My child was being bullied at school. Clever, systematic exclusion by a 'frienemy', undetectable by the school. She would be eager to go to school, then come back quieter and quieter each day ... Until it got worse.
If I had to hazard a guess I would say that this is having a far bigger impact than you realise. Ask her to give you details as to what the kids do or say when they pick on her. She is probably not giving you the full picture about that yet.

 

[B.Gold]

I was going to ask if any bullying was going on, that destroys confidence. Being picked on and being punched is not okay. I would start there. Then also ask her if her teachers are treating her kindly. Find out of she feels "safe" at school and at gym. This sounds like a school issue.

 

[COz]

And be aware that she will almost certainly say that she still likes school. It is amazing what kids will say that they like even if they clearly are having a miserable time of it.
When I gave my child an option of not going back to that school her eyes lit up for the first time in a long time. It made me very sad to realise how much she had been putting up with. At no point did she say that she didn't want to go to school. She was keen to go every morning. It was the end of the day that was not so pretty.

 

[COz]

Sounds like you're a great mum by the way. Juggling well a difficult work schedule. It sounds like you're doing a better job than I am too

 

[B.Gold]

COz is right....often times the little person getting bullied feels ashamed. Be prepared to help her open up. She knows you see her for the wonderful little girl she is, and she may feel that sharing being bullied with you will cause you to look at her differently. Or she may not even realize how this treatment by others is affecting her, and you can help her come to grips with her feelings.

COz is also right- your posts always reflect that being a great mom is of the biggest importance to you hang in there.

 

[rosettasmom]

I agree, look more into the school issue. Mean kids can suck the life out of others in a hurry. Imagine how exhausting it is to have to worry about that on top of school work.

 

[Dr Maleficent]

I think that there has been great advice in the above posts. I would just add one thing- don't forget to look at any grown up issues which are affecting you and that she may be picking up on. Sometimes we think that things which are stressing us out aren't having an impact on our kids. But actually they can be very perceptive and worry about things that are going on in our lives that we don't even think they are aware of. I'm not saying that is what is happening here, but it is just a further possible thing to consider.

 

[gothgymmom]

Thanks everyone. I try to be the best mommy I can be. I will def. be having a talk with her to see if she will open up to me. I know she hates school, but where I live, if I take her out to homeschool her now, I could get in trouble and I dont want that. I also know that she may worry about me and my back pain as it very stressful for my family and limits activities.

 

[COz]

I also know that she may worry about me and my back pain as it very stressful for my family and limits activities.

Talk to her about it, regularly.
If she gets from you that you just put up with it and don't tell anyone that it's hurting or talk about how it's worrying *you* then she will think that she shouldn't be worrying you by talking about the stuff that's worrying her...

She's 8. That's pretty grown up. Talk to her more
(Edit: which I know you're going to do )

 

[coachmolly]

I am so sorry your DD is going through all of this, how tough for both of you . It sounds like she has a lot going on mentally and emotionally and it's all just spilling out, quite possibly the result of one little thing that was her breaking point. Keep talking to her, asking questions, letting her know you love her, and taking pressure off where you can. Anyway you can get her in bed earlier on gym nights?
It wouldn't hurt to talk with her teacher and a school counselor, get some feedback about what is happening in school. And they could possibly give her some helpful tools for dealing with stress and expectations, things that will serve her well, especially if she is a high intensity child.
Dig more into the issues at school, feeling bullied, alone, or missing out on peer groups can be a big deal to kids. Are the kids in her group at the gym about her age? Is there one kid she really connects well with? Maybe making a point of encouraging that relationship and helping her build connections within her team could help her confidence.
Have you tried asking her what would make her feel better? Time off? A day for just play/fun? Ice cream date? I know you probably have asked that, but maybe getting her to think about what would help could give some hints as to the root of the problem.
I really wish I could offer more help, I was a very high intensity child and worked myself up about everything from a pretty young age, so I really feel for you and your DD! Keep us posted!

 

[sce]

Thanks everyone. I try to be the best mommy I can be. I will def. be having a talk with her to see if she will open up to me. I know she hates school, but where I live, if I take her out to homeschool her now, I could get in trouble and I dont want that. I also know that she may worry about me and my back pain as it very stressful for my family and limits activities.

Homeschooling may not be the solution to your situation, BUT it is legal in all 50 states.

 

[GYM0M]

Punched in the face?!?! (Clenches fists, grits teeth, & recites continuously two wrongs don't make a right, two wrongs don't make a right, ..........). Imo, she needs to be removed from that situation immediately!

 

[gothgymmom]

Punched in the face?!?! (Clenches fists, grits teeth, & recites continuously two wrongs don't make a right, two wrongs don't make a right, ..........). Imo, she needs to be removed from that situation immediately!

I will find out tomorrow what is going on with the situation, and if nothing is being done by the school or the bus company, I will file a police report so they know how serious I am! It angers me to no end people do not teach their children manners anymore! Like seriously, when I was a kid, I knew boys shouldnt hit girls! I guess that idea is lost on alot of parents who most likely are dealing with the abusive relationship in front of their children so they cant preach it if they dont live by it I guess. It sucks for the kids growing up like that, everyone knowing they will prob get arrested sometime in their life for domestic abuse.

 

[gothgymmom]

P.s. Thank goodness she doesnt have a bruise, but thats also a downfall as there is no physical proof on the punch, however I have atleast 6 kids on my bus stop saying it happened, so...

 

[gothgymmom]

Homeschooling may not be the solution to your situation, BUT it is legal in all 50 states.

I know its legal, but I couldnt take her out of school during the school year or they will get me on truency. 2 years ago the elementary school actually kicked my niece out (severe mental issues which are very good now thanks to meds lol) and they made her go to a special school. Last year my sister gets a truency letter because of how many days my niece missed. Its like, duh, you kicked her out and she had to go to a special school and you dont remember that! Everything got taken care of, but its the principalities of it all.

 

[suebee]

As someone who is homeschooling (not my gymmie, but my other child), removing your child from public school to homeschool is not truancy. You're withdrawing your child from public school to homeschool. It is like withdrawing your child from public school to go to private school. What you need to do to homeschool legally depends upon your state. Some require nothing other than notifying the district you are homeschooling and others require some type of approval process. But if done correctly, truancy should not be an issue.

 

[CameraShy]

My daughter went through an "off" phase a couple of weeks ago. I (and her dad) had been out of town for almost a week, she and her brothers were being watched by her grandma. By the end of the week when I got home, she was a wreck. She was exhausted and asking to take a nap on the weekend and Monday morning before I even saw that she was awake and getting ready for school, she was sobbing about wanting to quit gym. I was so confused... no one even mentioned gym. I talked to her coach and she said over the course of the previous week she was getting more and more tired each day and had a few scary falls on beam (coach caught her) due to being distracted and not focusing.

When it all came down to it, she was just exhausted and hadn't been eating as well as I feed her and those fears she was starting to have on beam were actually coming out of her mouth as "I want to quit." She's 7. I think that these young kids sometimes don't know how to express what they are feeling and they get overwhelmed and just burst! They haven't learned how to cope with a busy schedule and pressures that come along with this sport. I think the pressures of remembering all her stuff because I wasn't there for her that week was an added pressure for her and was just stressing her out. After a day or so, she was back to herself and laughing about how she was crying about quitting. She said she never wanted to quit.

The absolute first thing I look at now when she starts to not act herself is lack of sleep. She needs a solid 10 hours of sleep or she's not okay. Maybe try to have your DD go to bed a little earlier and see if that helps some. Also, anything that could be causing her stress at school (bullying) needs to definitely be addressed and squashed. No one needs to worry about their personal safety. I hope you figure it out with her!

 

[coachmolly]

That bus situation sounds awful! Stay on the school about that one, no kid should be scared of being physically harmed on the bus. Though I guess if something were to happen, the bus is a good place as there are lots of other kids in close proximity to serve as witnesses. But man, how scary for her!
Another idea I had, would DD perhaps be more willing to open up over an activity? I'm not much of a talker at all, but especially when it comes to feelings and things that are causing stress, but am much more apt to open up when I am working on a craft project or baking something as opposed to just sitting down face to face with someone and being expected to open up on command. It's just a lot less intimidating. I did an internship as a school resource worker a few years ago and tried to bring puzzles and activities for the kids to do while I was talking with them and it was helpful. Maybe you could try something like that with DD? Puzzles, working on Valentine's for classmates/gym mates, making an art piece for her room, painting nails, whatever she is into?

 

[Rose7777]

My oldest has similar tendencies. He has ridiculously high standards for himself across all areas- school, sports (he plays baseball and basketball), everything. If he forgets something, makes a mistake, or has even passing difficulty in something, he gets so horribly down on himself- it makes me want to cry listening to him talk that way about himself. We have him seeing the school counselor once a week to work on managing his worrying/frustration/etc. It's helping some and may be worth looking into it.

The sleep thing looks like it may be an issue. My kids (4, 8, and 10) all need to go to bed by 8-8:30. We can do an occasional late night, but that's about it. 10:00 once a week or more would not work for my guys- they all get more emotional when they're overtired.

Good luck- it sounds like you are working hard to help your daughter. She's lucky to have you!