Parents Personality Conflicts

[headoverheels]

There is a person at our gym (not my child's coach or a parent, but someone in a leadership role) who is really getting under my skin. Maybe I'm just being ridiculous, or maybe not, but I'm sure there's a lot of wisdom here about how to handle this.

I realize this person is very busy right now but she doesn't seem to realize that she's alienating half the team parents to the point that I've heard grumblings from others about looking for a new gym when the season is done.

And what has she done exactly? She is generally unfriendly, for one thing. If you ask her a question you are going to get a snippy or sarcastic answer 9 times out of 10. She is forever telling parents what they can't do: stand in that certain spot, change the tv channel, move the chairs in the waiting room, post photos or videos of their kid taken in the gym online, stay to watch practice, hold a fundraising activity - you name it, the answer is most likely NO. Parents are asked to get involved and then told they can't do any of the things they suggest. She is reluctant to delegate the tiniest task (and so ends up doing it all herself) and tends to get defensive whenever anyone questions her decisions.

I get that there are just some people who have "different' personalities, and I get that she has a lot on her plate. Maybe she doesn't have the time to formulate a nicer response. In fact, when other parents have complained to me, I've been the one taking up for her and making excuses for her. And then yesterday I was in the gym with another parent discussing our kids' plans to play together later (it was raining outside so we came inside to make our arrangements), and we were standing near the reception desk because the place was jampacked with people. She walked by and I joked that we were hiding in the corner and she told me I wasn't allowed to do that. I didn't know if she was joking or not but I pretended that she was because it would just be plain awkward if she wasn't.

I know that sounds stupid but when you add it to all the other times she's made me (and the other parents) feel unwelcome, it's starting to look like a pattern.

So then I wonder at what point it becomes a problem. Would this bother you?

 

[Gymsanity]

Just for a change of pace, try the ole 'kill her with kindness' method, since she probably isn't used to that one!

 

[COz]

Yes.

We had a similar situation at ballet. There was more going on, but very similar to what you describe. After continually making excuses and defending her to other parents, something else happened that tipped the balance and that magical line was crossed. I have now had enough and am changing ballet schools. After making this decision a couple of weeks ago I keep having doubts, but when the facts are spelt out, for me it is time to go.

Avoiding the situation will certainly stop you from being annoyed by this person. But sometimes this is just not practical.
I thought very hard about (my annoyances aside) how long it might be before such negative behaviour and comments might impact my daughter and what those words might do and how much I was willing to tolerate. I decided I no longer trusted that person and despite being in perhaps an excellent school and class, we need to leave.

If it is making you unhappy and it is something you can't avoid and you feel it will have a negative impact on your daughter, you can't see the situation changing etc. (all these things I'm sure you've thought through) then you do what you have to do.