Off Topic Questioning Adult Mentality

[lilgymmie7]

I am sure you have all heard the saying, "It takes a village to raise a child." Well my post and recent situation has me questioning how in the world adults can take something away from a child without it bothering them one iota. As you may all know, I am a teacher. And I swear, it is times like these that cause me to truly sympathize with my students, their parents, and people in general. I tend to reflect on my behavior when things hit home.
My little DD is a truly hard worker in and out of school and is such a kind hearted child most importantly. This post isn't even referring to anything concerning her gymnastics whatsoever. Early this year, I posted about stressing DD out by expecting too much from her ouside of the gym. This little girl wants to do so much academically and so I knew I had to have her tested for the gifted schools in our area. Well, that same quarter she began to get bored with school and her reading grade slipped down to a C. She worked hard to bring it back up getting A's and 100's but her grade in the end was one point away from a B and well that kept her off the honor roll for that quarter. She managed honor roll with all A's the other three quarters however. Needless to say, I knew she wouldn't get an award for honor roll because they award the students for obtaining HR status all 4 quarters. I am okay with that.
Little DD had managed the Citzenship award throughout Kindergarten and now in the first grade for the first 3 quarters. However today, her name was not called at the awards assembly. I never received a call from the school about DD's behavior. Her weekly conduct folder has received stickers for good behavior and work ethic and when I talk to her teacher she has always said how great DD is. I just don't get what could have kept DD of the 'medal stand'....
I do know however that my kids' school does not like to follow the rules and I had to contact our board because they neglected to follow the modifications and accomadations on my DS IEP. In fact I have a 'sit-down' meeting with the Principal, school counselor, social worker, and the AMP administrative officer tomorrow in order to iron everything out. Could it be that the Principal is upset at the lengths I have gone that my child is the scapegoat?

I am a bit 'fuming' and just wanted to post rather than burst. Perhaps others have gone through something similar and may offer advice that I can mull over to help me see the 'other side'. I have contacted the school, DD's teacher, to ask what happened. I really hate to think that adults in a critical role could be so vindictive. The principal has the last say-so at the school as to who receives what by way of awards at the school and she is the one who neglected my son's IEP two weeks ago.

It is tough raising children to be good people when in this world we have adults who do not see how they can impact our children. DD volunteered on her way home that her teacher pulled her out of class to tell her that her name should have been called and hence gave her a little prize before she left school. That sealed it for me that something is up.

 

[gymdog]

It is strange, but it could have been a legitimate mix-up somehow I suppose. It sounds like the whole awards system is off. If it is something like that then it should be something that is just approved by teacher nomination based on certain criteria, because I don't see how the principal could really know for each kid that they maybe spend more than a few minutes with a couple times a year. I'm assuming this is a "designation" or "recognition" that many children receive rather than an "award." If it is something that only a limited number of children can receive, then it is more understandable and perhaps the interaction with the teacher happened with several children she felt additionally deserved recognition.

I am okay with a system of recognition (though for children that age I don't really ever personally observe that it is very effective unless it is ongoing on a much shorter time interval) but I don't really know about the whole "awards" culture for elementary aged children. It is not really a level playing field when many of them legitimately may be unable to continually act in a way that would be deemed worthy of the "awards" (I am sure I am preaching to the choir based on the nature of your son's diagnosis), so the same children get them and I suspect the others pick up pretty quickly they will be out of contention in some systems. Even when children lack impulse control, they are often very perceptive. I think there are better systems to encourage civility that work with each child's natural impulses to be kind and helpful, and I don't think these necessarily need to be rewarded or awarded based on some standards. ESPECIALLY because these systems are rendered essentially meaningless, and send exactly the wrong messages about values, when they are tampered with or abolished by adults who get bored of them or whatever. The "reward" for civil behavior should be pretty much that the classroom functions civilly and thus there are more exciting privileges that can be obtained.

I am unusual amongst my coworkers in that I rarely "take away" anything as the "consequence" itself. I do not believe that it generally modifies behavior in the future in for many children. Of course, there are some natural consequences in that the slower you are, or misusing materials, would result in an outcome where you get less turns or cannot use things. But for me, I do not find that "you don't get this!" is the most effective thing in my arsenal anyway. I have taken to heart something that was said by Rafe Esquith (Teach Like Your Hair is on Fire), who is quite possibly a saint: "If I want the kids to be nice and hard-working, then I have to be the nicest and hardest-working person they know." A student of his relates that previous teachers would respond to his questions with "I already told you that! You weren't listening!" (who among us hasn't made this error? I have - but I am more careful now) when sometimes he just didn't understand. The truth is whether they were listening or not the first or 399th time, our goal is mutual understanding and we also have to make the effort to cross the divide and answer that question or correct that social convention for the 400th time.

 

[lilgymmie7]

It is strange, but it could have been a legitimate mix-up somehow I suppose. It sounds like the whole awards system is off. If it is something like that then it should be something that is just approved by teacher nomination based on certain criteria, because I don't see how the principal could really know for each kid that they maybe spend more than a few minutes with a couple times a year. I'm assuming this is a "designation" or "recognition" that many children receive rather than an "award." If it is something that only a limited number of children can receive, then it is more understandable and perhaps the interaction with the teacher happened with several children she felt additionally deserved recognition.

I am okay with a system of recognition (though for children that age I don't really ever personally observe that it is very effective unless it is ongoing on a much shorter time interval) but I don't really know about the whole "awards" culture for elementary aged children. It is not really a level playing field when many of them legitimately may be unable to continually act in a way that would be deemed worthy of the "awards" (I am sure I am preaching to the choir based on the nature of your son's diagnosis), so the same children get them and I suspect the others pick up pretty quickly they will be out of contention in some systems. Even when children lack impulse control, they are often very perceptive. I think there are better systems to encourage civility that work with each child's natural impulses to be kind and helpful, and I don't think these necessarily need to be rewarded or awarded based on some standards. ESPECIALLY because these systems are rendered essentially meaningless, and send exactly the wrong messages about values, when they are tampered with or abolished by adults who get bored of them or whatever. The "reward" for civil behavior should be pretty much that the classroom functions civilly and thus there are more exciting privileges that can be obtained.

I am unusual amongst my coworkers in that I rarely "take away" anything as the "consequence" itself. I do not believe that it generally modifies behavior in the future in for many children. Of course, there are some natural consequences in that the slower you are, or misusing materials, would result in an outcome where you get less turns or cannot use things. But for me, I do not find that "you don't get this!" is the most effective thing in my arsenal anyway. I have taken to heart something that was said by Rafe Esquith (Teach Like Your Hair is on Fire), who is quite possibly a saint: "If I want the kids to be nice and hard-working, then I have to be the nicest and hardest-working person they know." A student of his relates that previous teachers would respond to his questions with "I already told you that! You weren't listening!" (who among us hasn't made this error? I have - but I am more careful now) when sometimes he just didn't understand. The truth is whether they were listening or not the first or 399th time, our goal is mutual understanding and we also have to make the effort to cross the divide and answer that question or correct that social convention for the 400th time.

It seems like you and I share the same ideals. I too questioned DD's teacher early on in the school year when I received her conduct/weekly folder for the first time. I read that if the children have a "Perfect" week they will receive a sticker on the folder etc. I HAD to ask how first graders could EVER be expected to be "Perfect" and HAD to also include that I am not raising a Perfect child, but one that learns and benefits from her mistakes. I didn't ever get a reply. I have never believed in being a rabble rouser and that is what always stems me to put it all out there so to speak. I don't believe in being closed up but rather to let my intentions be known in the most not threatening way.

In our district, we have schools that are considered AMP schools and in a sense they have Autonomy. However some administrators falsely believe that allows them to do as they wish. Legal mandates radiate throughout all schools in every district however. That is what caused me to contact our city school board on my son's behalf which happens to be the same board I am employed under.

This award ideal is upsetting mostly because DD really wanted and worked for it. She is a kind hearted, and a hard working little girl. But at her school, they push these awards. It's hard to tell DD that being a good person does not necessarily mean she has to be awarded. I know I just have to keep telling her that NOT getting the medal does NOT make her LESS of a hard worker and internally beautiful little person.

What has me upset is that adults in her life could think it is okay. Yes, maybe there is a simple explanation but I'm not certain that is the case.

Having a son with impulse issues above other issues makes me seriously understand that medals/awards can never measure the true child. But in a district where children are told they "Should be up on this stage" ( Which her Principal said many times over today) it is hard to instill that ideal into my children. It is somewhat of a catch 22...

 

[gymdog]

Oh, I am not trying to blame you, just commiserating that I don't believe the entire system really gets at the true goal and can actually be self defeating.

 

[lilgymmie7]

Oh, I am not trying to blame you, just commiserating that I don't believe the entire system really gets at the true goal and can actually be self defeating.

No, I didnt take it as that. I really agree with you 100% It is really sad that we do expect our children to compete for too much. But the worst part of it is when they do live up to the ideal is that some adults COULD just feel it is in their power to deny the child and That is the most demeaning.

 

[bogwoppit]

My 14 year old dd has won the academics prize in our school board for the last 4 years.

This year she did not. Why, well not because she doesn't have the highest grades in her grade, but because the teachers wanted to reward a child who has never won a prize and did exceptionally well (for him) this year in languages.

Am I bothered, no, is Dd bothered, no. Why, because we get that there is more to awards than meets the eye. My dd knows she has the highest average in her grade, she knows she worked gphard to achieve it despite finishing school a month early for surgery.

It is wise not to get too invested in awards, then you will not be disappointed.Your kid doesn't need an award to feel proud of herself. She also needs to know that not getting an award means nothing. This is one reason that school awards suck, parents read way too much into them.

 

[emorymom]

Wow, I would be really ticked at that. I agree with the coach that they probably shouldn't be doing that kind of thing. I think a lot of the kids who are on the fence about whether they want to be good, probably start to internalize that they just aren't good kids. Kind of like kids who decide in elementary school that they aren't good at math because they keep getting judged at it.

 

[lilgymmie7]

My 14 year old dd has won the academics prize in our school board for the last 4 years.

This year she did not. Why, well not because she doesn't have the highest grades in her grade, but because the teachers wanted to reward a child who has never won a prize and did exceptionally well (for him) this year in languages.

Am I bothered, no, is Dd bothered, no. Why, because we get that there is more to awards than meets the eye. My dd knows she has the highest average in her grade, she knows she worked gphard to achieve it despite finishing school a month early for surgery.

It is wise not to get too invested in awards, then you will not be disappointed.Your kid doesn't need an award to feel proud of herself. She also needs to know that not getting an award means nothing. This is one reason that school awards suck, parents read way too much into them.

Bog, I wish it were that simple. You see, had they decided to give it to a more deserving child I would not say a word. As many children as possible can receive the citizenship award at DD's school. It isn't just given to one child but to many who display positive behavior and work ethics. It stands for positive behavior, good work ethic, and helping those in need. DD had received recognition all three quarters prior to this 4th quarter. She was well on her way to getting the award again for this last quarter, and then would have received the medal. I have only heard positives about DD all quarter long.
Two weeks ago, my son's IEP was violated. I attempted to speak to the Principal of the school, but she would not hold a civil conversation with me. She shut me down after only three mins. Well, I decided to go over her head and involve various board officials. Since then none of the personnel at the school will talk with me. The individual that is going with me to the school tomorrow did admit the Principal is upset that I resulted to calling him. However as a parent and a well versed one at that what I did was entirely my right to do. I was asking whether other posters have had similar instances where "thinking" adults have done something similar, or was there/could there be a perfectly good explanation.

My DD was told by her teacher that her name should have been called and decided to give her a small "token". DD is extremely good natured, so it doesn't seem like she is phased. I am questioning the possibility that someone acted vindictively towards DD.

 

[ek2]

My DD was told by her teacher that her name should have been called and decided to give her a small "token". DD is extremely good natured, so it doesn't seem like she is phased. I am questioning the possibility that someone acted vindictively towards DD.

I trust that even if parents are viewed as "crazy" that adults would not take it out on a child. That said, I think your daughter has it right... she and her teacher know she did an excellent job in school and at the end of the day what she believes about herself... the truth... is all that really matters. One does not have to get the medal to be a winner!

 

[lilgymmie7]

I trust that even if parents are viewed as "crazy" that adults would not take it out on a child. That said, I think your daughter has it right... she and her teacher know she did an excellent job in school and at the end of the day what she believes about herself... the truth... is all that really matters. One does not have to get the medal to be a winner!

Thank you for being that voice of reason. But just for the record, I have always gone in to the school with the "Let's work together" attitude. But you are very right, DD was not phased. I have to admit I am/was a bit perturbed of the possibility of foul play. Not that I would/could take it anywhere but... Again, you have brought me to my senses.

 

[MaryA]

I think the downside to having an award like that is that some kid who deserves it is always going to get left out. At my girls' school, they get slips for when they're "caught being good" and they can put them in for drawings for various prizes (lunch with a few of their friends at a special decorated table in the cafeteria, a special seat at an assembly, etc.). This way the teachers get to recognize positive behavior in the moment, as many times as they feel is appropriate.

Do I think it's possible, or even likely, that you "making a stink" kept your daughter from getting the award? Yes, I do. Especially because her teacher thought she should have gotten it. But you're your DD's advocate, so you need to make a stink, if you feel like she's not getting the services she needs. If she's not phased by not getting the award, then it's because she knows that she should do her best and treat others with respect... not because she gets a certificate at the end of the year, but because it's the right thing to do (and the reason she knows this is because you're a great mommy!). If you put too much emphasis on the certificate, she will start to think that it's that peice of paper that's important.

Let it go. Raising a wonderful daughter and making sure that the school is meeting her needs is what's important, and that's what you're doing. The award is nothing, and the school proved that today.

 

[Coach.Simon]

I think the downside to having an award like that is that some kid who deserves it is always going to get left out. At my girls' school, they get slips for when they're "caught being good" and they can put them in for drawings for various prizes (lunch with a few of their friends at a special decorated table in the cafeteria, a special seat at an assembly, etc.). This way the teachers get to recognize positive behavior in the moment, as many times as they feel is appropriate.

Do I think it's possible, or even likely, that you "making a stink" kept your daughter from getting the award? Yes, I do. Especially because her teacher thought she should have gotten it. But you're your DD's advocate, so you need to make a stink, if you feel like she's not getting the services she needs. If she's not phased by not getting the award, then it's because she knows that she should do her best and treat others with respect... not because she gets a certificate at the end of the year, but because it's the right thing to do (and the reason she knows this is because you're a great mommy!). If you put too much emphasis on the certificate, she will start to think that it's that peice of paper that's important.

Let it go. Raising a wonderful daughter and making sure that the school is meeting her needs is what's important, and that's what you're doing. The award is nothing, and the school proved that today.

Exactly correct.

Intrinsic motivation versus extrinsic motivation.

 

[gymjourneymom]

Bog, I wish it were that simple. You see, had they decided to give it to a more deserving child I would not say a word. As many children as possible can receive the citizenship award at DD's school. It isn't just given to one child but to many who display positive behavior and work ethics. It stands for positive behavior, good work ethic, and helping those in need. DD had received recognition all three quarters prior to this 4th quarter. She was well on her way to getting the award again for this last quarter, and then would have received the medal. I have only heard positives about DD all quarter long.
Two weeks ago, my son's IEP was violated. I attempted to speak to the Principal of the school, but she would not hold a civil conversation with me. She shut me down after only three mins. Well, I decided to go over her head and involve various board officials. Since then none of the personnel at the school will talk with me. The individual that is going with me to the school tomorrow did admit the Principal is upset that I resulted to calling him. However as a parent and a well versed one at that what I did was entirely my right to do. I was asking whether other posters have had similar instances where "thinking" adults have done something similar, or was there/could there be a perfectly good explanation.

My DD was told by her teacher that her name should have been called and decided to give her a small "token". DD is extremely good natured, so it doesn't seem like she is phased. I am questioning the possibility that someone acted vindictively towards DD.

Lilgymmie, being a teacher I'm sure you know that mentioning that an IEP has been "violated" you have enter legal territory. I'm sure that is why the Principal "shut down", as not to cause any legal issues for the school district. I've had some experience with this and it did all work out in my DD's best interest in the end. But this was a wall I hit...right away the school assumed I was looking to sue. That was an idea that I NEVER even entertained for one minute! But there are all kinds of parents that they deal with. You have to show them that you truly are just looking out for the best interest of your children...not looking for money(in regards to the IEP situation).

I too had to involve the school board. Everyone in the room sided with my DD except for the teacher in question(who had a long reputation for disregarding IEP's, she "didn't believe in them") & her Vice Principal. The board voted in favor of my DD & the teacher in question "retired"(with full benefits) the next year. My DD received apologies from everyone in the room that she had to endure the whole situation...except from the teacher & the VP(they never backed down or apolized in anyway). The other teachers could not believe that this teacher had ANY issue with my DD. Numerous teaches stood up stating they wished they had a classroom full of students like my DD. One who had only been DD's teacher for 2 weeks was having trouble even know why we were all there? She said the 1st day she met my DD she assigned a project that they had the whole marking period to complete & my DD had completed it & turned it in & already got 100% in just two weeks! DD had made honor roll every year except for when this teacher flat out refused(I even had her refusal in writing!) to follow DD's IEP(yes, I did have a clear cut legal case & would have won had I sued). My DD didn't use many aspects of her IEP at this time only a few very reasonable & easily doable requests were there(no other teachers EVER had any problems with it). But this teacher purposely made it MORE difficult for my DD!?! Because she "resented kids with IEP's"...she admited that to me(and she had a doctors degree she earned on my tax dollars!!!)!!!

Anyway, my goal in deciding to take it as far as I did, was that I didn't want this teacher to continue her abusive & illegal practices with any other children(it had already gone on for years from what I heard from others).

Once DD's grade was adjusted to account for a projected she wasn't given proper credit for. Her grade did move up into honor roll range(still the lowest grade my DD had/has ever received in her life!) & a certificate was printed out for her. It was presented to her at the end of the meeting with great apologies from the guidance counselor(who had come to love my DD as her own DD). But that honor roll certificate never really meant what it should have to her. The teacher had already stolen that sense of pride from her. But what my DD WILL always remember is all the postive things the other teachers & administrator stood up & said about her!

My advice is to choose your battles wisely & get as many people as you can on yours & your kids side throughout their school years. Making enemies will not help you in the long run. You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar in ALL areas of life! A parents reputation within a school district can come into play in MANY ways!!! Being a "likable" parent CAN benefit the child in school & the flip side of that is also true. I've seen it with my own eyes! I'm living proof that you can be a "likeable" parent & still stick up for your child. It's all in how you go about it. I thank goodness I was in such good standing within the school district before going into all of that. We had a built in army of teachers & administrators ready to go to bat for my DD at a moments notice, just by her & I having a good reputation among them. Good luck!

 

[gymjourneymom]

I think the downside to having an award like that is that some kid who deserves it is always going to get left out. At my girls' school, they get slips for when they're "caught being good" and they can put them in for drawings for various prizes (lunch with a few of their friends at a special decorated table in the cafeteria, a special seat at an assembly, etc.). This way the teachers get to recognize positive behavior in the moment, as many times as they feel is appropriate.

Do I think it's possible, or even likely, that you "making a stink" kept your daughter from getting the award? Yes, I do. Especially because her teacher thought she should have gotten it. But you're your DD's advocate, so you need to make a stink, if you feel like she's not getting the services she needs. If she's not phased by not getting the award, then it's because she knows that she should do her best and treat others with respect... not because she gets a certificate at the end of the year, but because it's the right thing to do (and the reason she knows this is because you're a great mommy!). If you put too much emphasis on the certificate, she will start to think that it's that peice of paper that's important.

Let it go. Raising a wonderful daughter and making sure that the school is meeting her needs is what's important, and that's what you're doing. The award is nothing, and the school proved that today.

I don't just like this post Mary A...I love it! I totally agree with you, especially the last 2 lines!!!

 

[lilgymmie7]

Lilgymmie, being a teacher I'm sure you know that mentioning that an IEP has been "violated" you have enter legal territory. I'm sure that is why the Principal "shut down", as not to cause any legal issues for the school district. I've had some experience with this and it did all work out in my DD's best interest in the end. But this was a wall I hit...right away the school assumed I was looking to sue. That was an idea that I NEVER even entertained for one minute! But there are all kinds of parents that they deal with. You have to show them that you truly are just looking out for the best interest of your children...not looking for money(in regards to the IEP situation).

I too had to involve the school board. Everyone in the room sided with my DD except for the teacher in question(who had a long reputation for disregarding IEP's, she "didn't believe in them") & her Vice Principal. The board voted in favor of my DD & the teacher in question "retired"(with full benefits) the next year. My DD received apologies from everyone in the room that she had to endure the whole situation...except from the teacher & the VP(they never backed down or apolized in anyway). The other teachers could not believe that this teacher had ANY issue with my DD. Numerous teaches stood up stating they wished they had a classroom full of students like my DD. One who had only been DD's teacher for 2 weeks was having trouble even know why we were all there? She said the 1st day she met my DD she assigned a project that they had the whole marking period to complete & my DD had completed it & turned it in & already got 100% in just two weeks! DD had made honor roll every year except for when this teacher flat out refused(I even had her refusal in writing!) to follow DD's IEP(yes, I did have a clear cut legal case & would have won had I sued). My DD didn't use many aspects of her IEP at this time only a few very reasonable & easily doable requests were there(no other teachers EVER had any problems with it). But this teacher purposely made it MORE difficult for my DD!?! Because she "resented kids with IEP's"...she admited that to me(and she had a doctors degree she earned on my tax dollars!!!)!!!

Anyway, my goal in deciding to take it as far as I did, was that I didn't want this teacher to continue her abusive & illegal practices with any other children(it had already gone on for years from what I heard from others).

Once DD's grade was adjusted to account for a projected she wasn't given proper credit for. Her grade did move up into honor roll range(still the lowest grade my DD had/has ever received in her life!) & a certificate was printed out for her. It was presented to her at the end of the meeting with great apologies from the guidance counselor(who had come to love my DD as her own DD). But that honor roll certificate never really meant what it should have to her. The teacher had already stolen that sense of pride from her. But what my DD WILL always remember is all the postive things the other teachers & administrator stood up & said about her!

My advice is to choose your battles wisely & get as many people as you can on yours & your kids side throughout their school years. Making enemies will not help you in the long run. You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar in ALL areas of life! A parents reputation within a school district can come into play in MANY ways!!! Being a "likable" parent CAN benefit the child in school & the flip side of that is also true. I've seen it with my own eyes! I'm living proof that you can be a "likeable" parent & still stick up for your child. It's all in how you go about it. I thank goodness I was in such good standing within the school district before going into all of that. We had a built in army of teachers & administrators ready to go to bat for my DD at a moments notice, just by her & I having a good reputation among them. Good luck!

In no way shape or form am I "Looking" for monetary compensation. I have already stated that I work for the same district as my children's school. I also happen to work at a school that is in the same area as my kids' school. It would be very awkward to 'sue' in any respect.
I am a highly regarded teacher in our area and hence my work speaks for itself. The legal situation of the IEP infringement is with my son's IEP not my DD. She is very well liked at her school and I am sure all teachers would agree.
My son was diagnosed with anxiety and ADHD and well his behavior is quite erratic at times. He rarely if at all has problems in his homerooms and his teachers have always attested to that. The administration is the one my concerns are geared towards. What I have come to find is that the administration has quite a strong hold on the teachers at the school. That is something I can not change. My DS is going into the eighth grade. I involved our school area and board for the sole purpose of showing the school administration that the legal issues WILL be upheld. I think a message was relayed today about that. I have always acted very civially. I could not/would not think of acting in any other way. My child is at the end of the rope so to speak. His face is what I picture in my mind everytime I have thought of this issue. As a teacher, I ALWAYS consider the child first; I couldn't change that ideal obviously when my own son or daughter is concerned.
I do know that they have gone through great lengths to 'cover' themselves and again I can not do anything about that. However, my going to the city ED board is so that they understand just how versed I am about my son's legal document. Fair treatment is all I am looking for.

As for DD NOT getting the Citizenship award I know she deserved it and I also know with almost 100% certainty that she was robbed by the administration because I ruffled feathers. But like MaryA said, I HAD to go there! My DD's positive overall demeanor is not affected nor will it be. She was born good natured. I as her mother will help to ensure that it continues that way. Gymjourneymom, I believe somewhere I thing I read you are a lawyer. I can sense that you are very well versed. I however do not think that the teachers at the school were 'quiet' out of legal fears, but more out of 'fear' of back lash from the administration. You see, I was verbally attacked by both the VP and Prin. of the school on two separate occasions. Luckily I always had witnesses. One was the security guard/police officer at the school. The PO doesn't have the 'fear' issue as the teachers do. She looked at me and commented, "What is her problem? You don't speak to parents in that way." Admin. is a bit 'rough' around the edges. If I could afford it, I would send my children to a private school. DS has one more year there and then the only option in our area is to send him to a private Catholic HS. That is why I am buying my time. That is all I plan to do....

 

[lilgymmie7]

I think the downside to having an award like that is that some kid who deserves it is always going to get left out. At my girls' school, they get slips for when they're "caught being good" and they can put them in for drawings for various prizes (lunch with a few of their friends at a special decorated table in the cafeteria, a special seat at an assembly, etc.). This way the teachers get to recognize positive behavior in the moment, as many times as they feel is appropriate.

Do I think it's possible, or even likely, that you "making a stink" kept your daughter from getting the award? Yes, I do. Especially because her teacher thought she should have gotten it. But you're your DD's advocate, so you need to make a stink, if you feel like she's not getting the services she needs. If she's not phased by not getting the award, then it's because she knows that she should do her best and treat others with respect... not because she gets a certificate at the end of the year, but because it's the right thing to do (and the reason she knows this is because you're a great mommy!). If you put too much emphasis on the certificate, she will start to think that it's that peice of paper that's important.

Let it go. Raising a wonderful daughter and making sure that the school is meeting her needs is what's important, and that's what you're doing. The award is nothing, and the school proved that today.

Thank you MaryA!! I needed that! You are my other voice of reason. Yes, I have let it go. I had the chance today at the school to talk to her teacher, but I opted not to do that. The teacher had stopped to talk and commented about school/teacher issues we both share now that the end of the year is on us and then she talked very nicely about DD. I had one talk earlier in the year with her about DD's academics and if she could possibly challenge her because I saw her getting bored and slacking. The teacher was very proactive and did begin to add some challenge for DD. So in the end, I do believe our relationship is very positive. My main concern now is DD and helping her continue to practice positive behavior thoughout all facets of her life. If you have watched her videos, you will see her big smile. That smile is classic of DD. She is so good natured. One can't help but smile back when she is around!

 

[gymjourneymom]

In no way shape or form am I "Looking" for monetary compensation. I have already stated that I work for the same district as my children's school. I also happen to work at a school that is in the same area as my kids' school. It would be very awkward to 'sue' in any respect.
I am a highly regarded teacher in our area and hence my work speaks for itself. The legal situation of the IEP infringement is with my son's IEP not my DD. She is very well liked at her school and I am sure all teachers would agree.
My son was diagnosed with anxiety and ADHD and well his behavior is quite erratic at times. He rarely if at all has problems in his homerooms and his teachers have always attested to that. The administration is the one my concerns are geared towards. What I have come to find is that the administration has quite a strong hold on the teachers at the school. That is something I can not change. My DS is going into the eighth grade. I involved our school area and board for the sole purpose of showing the school administration that the legal issues WILL be upheld. I think a message was relayed today about that. I have always acted very civially. I could not/would not think of acting in any other way. My child is at the end of the rope so to speak. His face is what I picture in my mind everytime I have thought of this issue. As a teacher, I ALWAYS consider the child first; I couldn't change that ideal obviously when my own son or daughter is concerned.
I do know that they have gone through great lengths to 'cover' themselves and again I can not do anything about that. However, my going to the city ED board is so that they understand just how versed I am about my son's legal document. Fair treatment is all I am looking for.

As for DD NOT getting the Citizenship award I know she deserved it and I also know with almost 100% certainty that she was robbed by the administration because I ruffled feathers. But like MaryA said, I HAD to go there! My DD's positive overall demeanor is not affected nor will it be. She was born good natured. I as her mother will help to ensure that it continues that way. Gymjourneymom, I believe somewhere I thing I read you are a lawyer. I can sense that you are very well versed. I however do not think that the teachers at the school were 'quiet' out of legal fears, but more out of 'fear' of back lash from the administration. You see, I was verbally attacked by both the VP and Prin. of the school on two separate occasions. Luckily I always had witnesses. One was the security guard/police officer at the school. The PO doesn't have the 'fear' issue as the teachers do. She looked at me and commented, "What is her problem? You don't speak to parents in that way." Admin. is a bit 'rough' around the edges. If I could afford it, I would send my children to a private school. DS has one more year there and then the only option in our area is to send him to a private Catholic HS. That is why I am buying my time. That is all I plan to do....

I clearly understand both situations as you have explained them in great detail. The one regarding your DD & the citizenship award & the one regarding your DS & his IEP. They are separate issues I understand that. You asked for people to share experiences they've had. I took time to explain a very difficult situation I experienced with a teacher not following my DD's IEP. I felt my story was pertainent & applicable to your situation with your DS.

I have not accused you of "looking for money". I only stated that the school has to protect their interest from legal stand point. Yes, they do take on a different approach when they put their "legal" hat on. Not that I agree with it, but I have witnessed it & I understand why they get that way. Some people are sue happy. I never said you were. But the school must treat ALL IEP situations as 'potential legal cases' as IEP's ARE legal & binding contracts, as I'm sure you are well aware. The minute you say the words "violated my son's IEP" the school adminstrators ARE going to get their backs up. That line in your post was a red flag to me. If you speak in that tone to the administrators you will feel the 'legal bashlash'. Hence my statement "you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar". I'm trying to help you "work" the system to the advantage of your DS. I was able to to do it with the HELP of other teachers & school board members.

I was only trying to be helpful by sharing a VERY personal & emotional experience I went through with my own DD. It was a very difficult & emotion charged time for me. I'm sorry if you took offense to any of my replies. I post on CB to hopefully share helpful advice with others & that is all that I meant by my post. I wish you & your family the best of luck with your situations.

 

[lilgymmie7]

I clearly understand both situations as you have explained them in great detail. The one regarding your DD & the citizenship award & the one regarding your DS & his IEP. They are separate issues I understand that. You asked for people to share experiences they've had. I took time to explain a very difficult situation I experienced with a teacher not following my DD's IEP. I felt my story was pertainent & applicable to your situation with your DS. I have not accused you of "looking for money". I only stated that the school has to protect their interest from legal stand point. Yes, they do take on a different approach when they put their "legal" hat on. Not that I agree with it, but I have witnessed it & I understand why they get that way. Some people are sue happy. I never said you were. But the school must treat ALL IEP situations as 'potential legal cases' as IEP's ARE legal & binding contracts, as I'm sure you are well aware. The minute you say the words "violated my son's IEP" the school adminstrators ARE going to get their backs up. That line in your post was a red flag to me. If you speak in that tone to the administrators you will feel the 'legal bashlash'. Hence my statement "you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar". I'm trying to help you "work" the system to the advantage of your DS. I was able to to do it with the HELP of other teachers & school board members.I was only trying to be helpful by sharing a VERY personal & emotional experience I went through with my own DD. It was a very difficult & emotion charged time for me. I'm sorry if you took offense to any of my replies. I post on CB to hopefully share helpful advice with others & that is all that I meant by my post. I wish you & your family the best of luck with your situations.

Now I am the one who has to apologize. I wasnt trying to say that you were in any way insinuating that you thought I was interested in sueing. I just wanted to clear that issue in the event someone else may think that was my intention. You are 100% correct that I am looking for others views and insight. Thank you for your help! I really do appreciate it.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

okay teachers, you're killing me...suing not sueing.

 

[lilgymmie7]

okay teachers, you're killing me...suing not sueing.

OH! I caught a few typos in my posts already! Yikes!! Don't let my students catch wind of it...My fat, stubby fingers can't spell.... Teach can't spell! Dunno, what does your name mean/stand for? You sure do know a lot!