WAG rewarding the team with allergenic food

[Learning Parent GB]

I think it was an illustration of how your focus on money comes across, rather than a serious suggestion. Believe me, people do have sympathy, but when you get upset about something then every aspect of it starts to upset you and that makes it come across maybe in a slightly different light to what you mean. I really hope you find a solution that works for you all.

 

[Learning Parent GB]

I'm sorry it's hard for you to reconcile this but it meant something to my son. It meant something important to him that the booster club was buying it and I was simply the volunteer mom picking it up.

But how would he know the difference? If you are going to provide your own then why not just act as if you are picking it up for them. Why would he ask who is funding it? I know it's not ideal, but I do hope that over time the team would start to realise and think of it themselves.

 

[gymgal]

This is clearly a difference in belief systems here between parents. And I am not saying one is better than the other - just that obviously people here are coming to this situation with very different POVs and these affect how we would react or feel about the situation.

As mentioned, I have been-there-done-that with food intolerances and I also work with many families dealing with it. If my child (whether he was 2,4,8, 12....) was complaining about "mom paid for my pizza instead of the coach", (which he wouldn't because i would not have provided that info to him), I would put a stop to it immediately, tell him he is being petty and remind him that who bought the food is not what is important. The awards and getting together as team to celebrate is what is important. Our job as parents is to help our kids move on, not get stuck. By allowing my child continue the negative attitude, I am telling him it's ok to"stay stuck". I believe this will not help him develop the right mind frame to deal with his condition for the rest of his life and the earlier he begins to learn to see the positives (someone made an effort to buy the pizza), the easier his life will be.

Let me also add that I work with some pretty involved children, so I don't have much tolerance for my children's self pity. One remark about how some of mine can't eat anything by mouth, or can't walk, or can't communicate independently puts their minor struggles in perspective.

Again, that is my belief system and from reading the many posts on this thread from parents of other children with food intolerances, I am guessing I am not alone in this. The people who think of us as being unkind for our remarks clearly do not share the same beliefs in how to handle the situation. And that's Ok.

 

[suebee]

I think many of the points made in this thread are valid.

But I do think that food allergies/intolerances/sensitivities are something that, unless you have experience with, many people do not understand, and I think that despite their best intentions, it is very difficult for someone who has no experience with these food issues to be responsible for another child who has these issues.

My ds goes to a public school, and due to all the different food allergies/intolerances/sensitivities, and the issues brought out in this thread, his school adopted a new policy last year, which is that there is to be no food at all for any school events. They never allowed kids to bring in cupcakes for birthdays (something I remember as a kid), but with the new policy, there cannot be any food at any class parties. When the kindergarteners study the rainforest, they used to have a special class where the have little samples of food that comes from the rainforest. They can't do that any more. They no longer have gingerbread man decorating around Christmas. There aren't popsicles or lemonade anymore at Field Day, because some kids have dye intolerances.

This is the easiest way for the school to deal with it, so that no teacher or room parent or anyone else has to worry about a child getting a food s/he is not allowed for whatever reason, or for any kid from feeling left out, is that there is no food allowed at school other than lunch/snack, and parents are responsible for their child's lunch/snack. Kids are not allowed to even share food with their friends. You can only eat what you've brought for yourself, or what you buy at the school cafeteria, and parents are ultimately responsible for what their kid buys there. Ds's school does offer gluten free and nut-free options for hot lunch, but the kid has to know to ask for the these options, and we're told that if you aren't confident that your kid can do this, then as a parent, you should not let your child buy hot lunch.

 

[gymgal]

I apologize for the weird quoting and line breaks. On my tablet and couldn't get my answers directly under the quotes and then it would line break after my writing.

I don't understand the comments that mean "well you don't expect the whole event to be gluten free." No I don't, but if the TEAM (which small children understand to be part of their coach-gymnast relationship) is BUYING treat food for the TEAM MEMBERS as a REWARD, then they should get something JUST AS GOOD for the kids who MEDICALLY CAN'T EAT IT or they need to treat with NON FOOD. And please. If you buy a little too much GF pizza, or a GF dairy free cake that serves 12 and only serve 8 slices to medically affected team members, you don't throw the rest away. Because what you guys seem to keep forgetting is that non-allergic people can eat that stuff too. It's just not the other way around. So you don't need to be stingy with them, they'll feel that too.

but they did include your kids! They got a GF pizza for them, and they assumed 1 would feed 3 people. Natural assumption if you have never ordered one before. They overlooked the cake. They don't deal with this on a regular basis and probably didn't realize it had gluten. Did you talk to them about the cake? Did you tell them that the pizza and the cake are fine for others to eat and that it is quite good? If not, how would they know? Besides, you seem to be forgetting that these products are much more expensive. Why in the world would someone order more than they thought they needed, especially if they didn't realize it was "just as good tasting" as the regular (which I disagree with, but that's just me).

In this instance (which please recall was specifically a Summer Swim League team but I was hoping to raise awareness in gyms), I know as adults you want to believe this was mainly about the few awards and the participation trophies, but for the kids under 10, it's about the pizza and cake. I think some of you are really reaching here when you act like, for an 8 year old, it's not about the food.

totally disagree. Most if those kids get pizza at least once a week and they get enough sweets that it really isn't about the food. I have been to 7 years of baseball, swimming, and gymnastics banquets and I have never once heard anyone say or act like "Yah, the awards are cool, but we are totally here for the food." Actually, I take that back. I hear many parents say that, but as for the kids - they are there for the chance of being recognized with ribbons, plaques, etc and hugged by their coaches for the hard work they have done. If your kids are so focused on the food, they need to be redirected to the true purpose. I don't care what their age is.

a lot of gymnastics team functions are like that. I've heard more than once at more than one gym that such and such level group will get treated on such and such a day by the coach with pizza if they have such and such accomplishment. And that's great, but don't expect it to mean ANYTHING if you have the allergic kid bring their own. They're not stupid. They know that the coach didn't treat them to pizza. Mommy did while the coach treated everyone else. And it doesn't mean the same to them.

I agree that the coach should plan ahead and have rewards that everyone can participate in. but this preoccupation with the kids caring where it is coming from is far fetched, unless the parent has planted the thought in the kids head already, and allowed it to fester. All of this should be taken care of behind the scenes with the child not knowing. Again, its not about where the pizza came from or who bought it. Its about the child's ability to participate in the celebration with his friends. "there is pizza for me? Life is good!"

But the relationship with a sports team where you are a team player, playing bloody, playing sick, playing with all you've got is a little different than being a birthday party invitee. Do you not think your team gymnast who you've been training for 4 years deserves to feel a little more like they're with people who really VALUE them, than a casual social contact? Do they not deserve a phone call?

and had you been talking about a 4 year round relationship where the coaches had the opportunity to know and learn to understand the nuisances of the food intolerance, I think many of us would have been more understanding of the "they never remember me" plight. However, this is a summer swim league that lasts all of 8 weeks. 10 max, right? Run by usually 1 head coach and several teen or college helpers and loss of parent volunteers. 100 kids. The season is so crazy that the coach doesn't even know her own name by the end of it. Again, been-there-done-that. Won't be doing it again because it is so crazy. (no, not coaching. Volunteering. But I saw enough of the behind-the-scenes to know). Even if you child had been on the team numerous years, the coach is not going to remember. Thus is very different from a year round gym situation where you are likely talking about individual coaches and a booster club rep, all of whom have more time to think about the situation and make changes. And with constant contact, the learning curve its much shorter.

Please don't compare a GF or dairy free or nut allergic child to a child who is picky and you can't cater to.

why not? given your line if thinking, this child who hates pizza isn't being rewarded either and will likely feel neglected. Why shouldn't the coach be compassionate to her needs as well? You sound like you are coming from a POV that this child has a choice whereas yours do not. Having worked with several, I can assure you, many feel just as powerless as your child feels in these situations.

When they come to your gym event, they have already dealt with this issue once that day or 20x that day. Be a place that values them enough not to make it twice or 21st.

that its the real point of the whole thread - become more aware of the needs of your students, athletes, etc and give the extra effort to make sure everyone is included in similar ways. I don't think anyone disagrees with this premise. And, yes, I think coaches and teachers need to find ways other than food to reward on a regular basis. donuts every Wednesday morning for a good swim meet....ugh.....



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[gymdog]

No but thanks for trying. THIS IS NOT ABOUT ME PERSONALLY THIS IS ABOUT MY KIDS AND ALL THE KIDS ALL OVER THE COUNTRY FEELING LIKE SECOND CLASS TEAM MEMBERS BECAUSE THEIR TEAMS IGNORE THEIR NEEDS. My issue is how it affects my children when the other kids are given stuff by their coaches and they are not. In the case of the donuts for swim team, which I purchased directly, I did in fact offer to make a donation this year to cover the cost of the gluten free donuts so that the situation could be discrete in that the kids felt that their coaches were rewarding them too. Unfortunately that was not worked out and I just bought the donuts directly for all the gluten free kids for 4 out of the 5 weeks that we were there. Which did not escape my children. But we are all busy I decided to push for resolution in the off season.

You sound very overwhelmed and stressed about managing this issue. I would recommend you speak to a professional. I do not think an unrelated message board like this can provide the support you need.

I have food restrictions that mean I can't eat any food provided by anyone else in general. So I'm aware of food issues and always try to accommodate, even in events that I'm not hosting. But the truth is you aren't going to find this everywhere any time soon. I think your continued focus on events that have passed and happened years ago are probably unhealthy, and the focus on this is going to translate into problems for your children. In addition, the way you have framed the events seem very paranoid about the intentions of those involved, who were likely clueless.

Even in the example of your son's team at your previous gym, no information is given about the coaches OR parents in the story that would indicate this was done to spite you, other than that you felt the kids bullied your son. We could go back and forth forever about the situation, but as someone who could not have eaten standard pastries either, I see a very simple solution, which is to have another treat available, give it pre-emptively, and move on. I understand you think this isn't "fair," but continuing to harp on that is going to make your life miserable. That is all I am trying to say.

We have a very large team and not one child with gluten restrictions. I would find 6 out of 100 in a "mainstream" population extremely unusual. That is well above the figures for the average population, so I would assume it's multiple children from a couple families. It doesn't sound like the swim team is used to dealing with this. Even if they are being uncharitable on purpose, don't give them the power to make your life miserable. Be proactive. Get on the committee, or be in charge of the food, or be ready to bring someone else. It's just not worth all this.

 

[bookworm]

Totally agree with you Gymdog...my daughter has had her allergy for over 15 years and I came to the realization, early on, that many of those not affected by it have no idea and will never "get it" and that we (her parents and family) had to be proactive at making sure she had safe choices, even if that meant providing it. I actually am more comfortable when I do provide her choices but as the years have gone on, parents and their kids would bring me (or my daughter) the labels off their products for us to read to "make sure it was alright"..

I'm not sure how old the OP's child is but I know as my daughter got older and the years went on, people in our circle at school and on her team would remember that she had the allergy and would call me to check out what to bring to an event that was safe for her..and I did appreciate that ...but i can say that my daughter was never aware of the funding for treats that would lead her to feel slighted; It just never occurred to me to bring that into the equation.

I do think that the fact that the OP's kids were in a summer league may have contributed to this debacle because as someone has already mentioned, it's an 8-10 week program so how well can they really get to know your child...and I do think that they made a good faith effort in buying the GF pizza for the 2 GF kids they thought they were feeding...in their minds , one pizza was plenty for 2 as you were feeding them, not fattening them...

 

[Gymsanity]

Wow, are you kidding me, this horse isn't dead yet?! This is one tough pony!.... Well, let me give it a few good whacks and see what I can do to help here.
First, can everyone say 'food allergy'? That's right, 'food allergy'. Not 'cancer, autism, down's syndrome, cystic fibrosis, muscular dystrophy, congenital heart disease, cerebral palsy, spina bifida, multiple sclerosis, etc., etc. I have worked with these kids, and believe me when I tell you that they and their parents would gladly, and I mean gladly, trade places with any child with a food allergy!! You should be thanking God, or however you want, that they have any food at all to eat every day, unlike almost a billion (yes, that is with a 'b') of other people in this world who are malnourished! Someone dies of hunger every 3.6 seconds! How many have just died since you started reading this thread?? Yet we are unhappy because we didn't get the right kind of pizza, or enough pizza, or can't eat what other people eat, or blab, blab, blab.....
Yes, of course I'm sorry your kids have a food allergy, but why don't you teach them how much worse it could be, and to be thankful that there is a relatively simple fix for it, unlike the afore mentioned. It sounds to me like you might have a 'victim mentality' which will clearly carry over to your children. Do you want them to feel victimized their whole lives and live on the 'pity potty'? I would think/hope not.
Just did a reward a week ago for my girls, and guess what? It didn't suit everyone. My response? 'Too bad, deal with it! If this one doesn't fit your needs, chances are the next one will, and someone else's 'needs' won't be met then'. Guess what I'll tell those girls/families? You got it! Here is the true story. Wanted to go to the pool, but one girls is allergic to chlorine, wanted to go to the carnival but a few of the girls can't go on the rides (yes dunno, it is vestibular!) some can't eat peanuts, sweets, gluten, religious foods, Sunday didn't work for some because of religion also, etc. So, at the end of the day I do what works for the majority, and the rest adapt to make the most of it and hopefully teach their children how to conduct themselves responsibly in a real life situation. We always try and mix up activities so everyone gets to live life from both sides of the fence (walk in someone else's shoes thing). I find it makes them be creative, and more understanding of each other, and other people in general.
I don't expect people to be kind or do nice things for me. That's why when they do, I appreciate it so much, and when they don't, I'm not disappointed. I believe that our children are our children, and their care and responsibility rest solely with us. It's not life's job to adapt to us, it's our job to adapt to life.
I hope you take this in the light that it was written. I don't want it to be taken as mean, insensitive, or any other connotation that it might be assigned. Just wanted to give some food for thought.......and kill this damn horse!!

 

[GymBee97]

i have no idea what a s'more is, and why it may or may not be veggie )

You don't know what a SMORE IS??? OH NO well you need an education. Ok here is what you need to do. First build a campfire then find a good stick that is long enough to reach the fire without burning your self. Next take a marshmallow and toast it over the fire. when its a beautiful golden brown you take a graham cracker with a half chocolate Hershey bar on it place the toasted hot marshmallow on the chocolate and cover with another gram cracker. give the Marshmallow a few seconds to melt the chocolate a little then enjoy the pure sugar of it all. MMMMMMMMM love them!!! Im of the thinking - sugar is ok in moderation just like everything else!

 

[gymdog]

Marshmallows have gelatin, so that is why people who don't eat animal products usually avoid them. There is only one brand I know of that doesn't and it's specifically marketed as such, a specialty product much more expensive than a supermarket brand.

 

[GymBee97]

As I read through some of these posts I keep going back to the OP being upset that there was only one small pizza paid for by team funds and yet there is a recurring statement about the team not paying for the food for their child. As I see it the team DID pay for the pizza to accommodate the TEAM MEMBER but not the OP's whole family who may also have allergies. The team member was provided a pizza with team money. One child on team one pizza provided to the team member with the allergy but not enough for the team members family. So I guess I'm confused a little - the team provided for the allergy of the team member (just your one child on the team) like you wanted right? but you also wanted the team to now know the allergies of all the families of those 100 kids on team too (which would include you and your other children not on team) and make sure they paid for something for Mom, Dad, siblings too? or just provide only for your child on team and you and your other children? I think that is a lot to ask for.

 

[Faith]

You don't know what a SMORE IS??? OH NO well you need an education. Ok here is what you need to do. First build a campfire then find a good stick that is long enough to reach the fire without burning your self. Next take a marshmallow and toast it over the fire. when its a beautiful golden brown you take a graham cracker with a half chocolate Hershey bar on it place the toasted hot marshmallow on the chocolate and cover with another gram cracker. give the Marshmallow a few seconds to melt the chocolate a little then enjoy the pure sugar of it all. MMMMMMMMM love them!!! Im of the thinking - sugar is ok in moderation just like everything else!

nope, no wiser )

what's a graham cracker? And how do you get "half chocolate"

btw, Hershey's chocolate mings. You should get yourself some proper Cadburys.

while I'm on, what is a "biscuit". As in a breakfast biscuit, served with stuff like bacon, I believe? Biscuits here are probably what you lot would term cookies, although we do have cookies and they are not biscuits ).


Although I did know marshmallow aren't veggie, had I known they are a big feature in S'mores. Still not sure why pizza isn't veggie...

 

[CoachGoofy]

=/

Kinda icked out by the "starving children in (elsewhere)"/"at least you dont have DREAD DISABILITY" tactic taken by a few posters here. That's not helpful. When someone feels bad, "it can be worse" actually doesn't help--and using other people's lives to make an At Least You Aren't Like Them is othering and gross.

*Coach Goofy has friends with all those DREAD DISABILITIES, every last one, & they are not fans of being seen as moral lessons for able people*

 

[aerialriver]

S'mores are so nom!

 

[bogwoppit]

nope, no wiser )

what's a graham cracker? And how do you get "half chocolate"

btw, Hershey's chocolate mings. You should get yourself some proper Cadburys.

while I'm on, what is a "biscuit". As in a breakfast biscuit, served with stuff like bacon, I believe? Biscuits here are probably what you lot would term cookies, although we do have cookies and they are not biscuits ).


Although I did know marshmallow aren't veggie, had I known they are a big feature in S'mores. Still not sure why pizza isn't veggie...

I agree that Hersheys mings. Well put. I make them with McVities digestive, the ones with chocolate on. Melt the marshmallow and sandwich it between two of the aforementioned biscuits, chocolate side in, this makes the ultimate smore. If you are feeling totally crazy take two regular digestives, four to six squares of cadburys dairy milk and sandwich it with a hot melted marshmallow. YUM

 

[GymBee97]

nope, no wiser )

what's a graham cracker? And how do you get "half chocolate"

btw, Hershey's chocolate mings. You should get yourself some proper Cadburys.

while I'm on, what is a "biscuit". As in a breakfast biscuit, served with stuff like bacon, I believe? Biscuits here are probably what you lot would term cookies, although we do have cookies and they are not biscuits ).


Although I did know marshmallow aren't veggie, had I known they are a big feature in S'mores. Still not sure why pizza isn't veggie...

Graham crackers are a type of cookie these are the ones I like to use. half chocolate bar take a standard Hershey bar and break it in half. I love Cadbury too but for some reason the Hershey just seems to do better in this. here is what one looks like done

a biscuit for us would be a type of dinner roll

 

[MaryA]

Am I the only one who started liking this thread a lot more when it tuned into a "how to make s'mores" thread?

 

[emorymom]

As I read through some of these posts I keep going back to the OP being upset that there was only one small pizza paid for by team funds and yet there is a recurring statement about the team not paying for the food for their child. As I see it the team DID pay for the pizza to accommodate the TEAM MEMBER but not the OP's whole family who may also have allergies. The team member was provided a pizza with team money. One child on team one pizza provided to the team member with the allergy but not enough for the team members family. So I guess I'm confused a little - the team provided for the allergy of the team member (just your one child on the team) like you wanted right? but you also wanted the team to now know the allergies of all the families of those 100 kids on team too (which would include you and your other children not on team) and make sure they paid for something for Mom, Dad, siblings too? or just provide only for your child on team and you and your other children? I think that is a lot to ask for.

I was more or less upset about the whole situation; about the slight resistant balk when I would bring the subject up; about a system on this team and in many, many teams that thinks nothing of year after year, serving allergenic food as a reward that can only be enjoyed by the lucky and expecting the unlucky to smile about not being rewarded.

But I have two children on that summer team who medically can't eat gluten out of two children in this family period. I RSVPd for pizza for them and said I was planning to buy slices for myself. If you go read the post -- the team kids get pizza paid for by the club and the parents were buying slices as a fund raiser for the team. So I RSVPd but as it turns out, by mistake but also I think by general reluctance to enthusiastically embrace change in tradition and have GF (or dairy free or whatever) families feel included where the pizza restaurant could do so, there was not even enough pizza to satisfy my children let alone to allow me to buy dinner like the other parents. While at the end of the evening they'd overbought about 5 wheat flour pizzas.

It's not any one thing, it's just to totality of my experiences over the last almost 2 years coming to a head and me realizing -- hey. If a team is going to reward with allergenic food, they need to either make the effort to buy the highly available substitutes so that as few children as possible are shut out, or they need to rethink their reward protocol.

 

[Iwannabemargo]

@Faith - biscuits are like really dry flakey scones, used really like a cobbler topping, but on the side. I think the polite term is an aquired taste

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[txgymfan]

Biscuits are only dry and unappetizing if they are made wrong. Biscuits, if made right, are buttery and yummy. They are most often served as a vehicle for some kind of a sauce. Biscuits can be savory if served with gravy and sausage or sweet with strawberries and berry syrup for strawberry short cake.