Should I just let it go?

[NGL780309]

Netty,

This has happened with my DD in her gym too. Her fear is vault table which stems all the way back to 2 crashes she had over TWO years ago. Many times they don't even practice vaulting over table, but run and vault on a mini tramp over stacked mats into the pit. Once they show nice form going over, they can move onto trying some other "fun" things. Often my DD is upset that she can't move on. Several times when vaulting the table she balks & won't get in all of her vaults in before moving to something fun. They would NOT let her move on until she had 5 good vaults.

I am not sure why they do this, UGH! Guess they want the girls to realize that they have to get the basics down before moving on, or that they HOPE the peer pressure of seeing the others do it and then move on will get them to do the skill too..who knows. Maybe coaches know they can DO the skill but feel they need that extra time to do it at their own pace or that they need to face those fears without the whole group there to watch.

Olivia is doing great! I just posted to your brag about her cast handstand. Maybe she is so excited to be working some new skills and trying to get ready for L7 that soem of the other skills are a little sluggish. I know my DD has good days and bad days too. Somedays she so excited she can't wait to tell me about something and other days she seems beat down. I try not to make too much of it. Our summer schedule is everyday now so our conversation starters are "what was your best part of practice" and then sometimes she chimes in about something that wasn't so great, but I like her to leave a practice with knowing something she did was positive to HER. On the days I'm at work it's a quickie call on way home w/dad but it seems to really help her lately know there are good and bad parts of practice, but not a bad practice as a whole. Hang in there and don't stress, she will be fine!

DD's coaches do this too, but it works really well for her. If she knows she has to do 5 of her best she'll do it, but if she's just vaulting or doing a skill until... she'll do them sloppy. It helps her to focus on really trying hard for just 5 trys and then getting to do something fun. I could see how it could be frustrating. for a kid who IS trying their very best, but isn't able to move on.

 

[gymjourneymom]

Didn't Olivia make some amazing progress on bars this week? I would just focus on that! If she's giving her all on bars & making great progress...she's obviously got the work ethic down already.

Maybe floor was just an off day for her. Or maybe she's putting so much effort into bars right now, that she needed to take it easy on herself on floor that day. It's hard work to mentally & physically push themselves on to the max every day on EVERY event. Usually THAT kind pressure comes as meet season approaches, maybe she's just pacing herself. Sometimes they need a pressure release valve if you know what I mean.

This is why I don't watch practice. Gymnastic is a process...somedays there is stellar progress, some days some not much visible progress at all. But there's always another day. And by the time meet season gets here, I bet Olivia will have it all worked out.

I wouldn't make too much out of it at this point. Unless she or her coaches are bringing up concerns to you about it. Did she seem happy & "normal" after practice? Or did she seem upset? If she seemed happy, I'd let it go. What may have appeared to be an issue watching from the stands, may have just been a normal day of practice in her eyes.

I'd quietly keep alert to the situation at this point. Maybe feel her out as gymjoy recommend, to see how she felt the practice went. Having her continue to drill does sound like over kill, but it's a coaching style choice. Are you happy with the coaching style at this gym in general? I got the impression from other posts, that things were working out well at this new gym.

All in all I wouldn't get too worried about this one practice. Just keep your eyes & ears open to make sure Olivia & her coaches are happy with her progress as a whole. JMHO.

 

[Panda-girl's Mom]

Like the others I do not watch practice for the same reasons. My daughter is also having difficulty getting her ROBHBT she needs it to compete this year. I know she is frustrated but she has all her other level 6 skills so I keep telling myself the worst thing that would happen is she won be able to compete floor the first couple meets. There is really nothing I can do but trust the coaches to help her get it. I found the more I focus on her getting a skill the more upset she gets, so I just give her encouragement. Olivia was probally frustrated and sad that she could not move on and that was probally she was not working as hard. Olivia is probally already upset about having difficulty that I thinking letting it go would be the best solution.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

gymnastics is like a good marriage. you must be willing to take the good AND the bad...for better or for worse...etc;etc;etc;

 

[Aussie_coach]

First off let me just say as a coach that parents like you are wonderful. It is fantastic when a parent is supportive in this way and will follow up with issue's from the gym at home and make them a learning experience and have good expectations for their kids. It sounds like you have a good balance with your daughter.

If this doesn't happen very often and she usually tries hard then I wouldn't worry too much, if it happens more frequently then it would be worth making an issue. A lot of the time when a young kid is disappointed because they don't get to move onto to something with their teammates they do so to save face more than anything.

Sometimes they act like they don't care because they DO care very much and don't want anyone else to realize this. It's often easier to be left behind and say "well it's not like I was even trying", than to say its because they can't do something as well as their team mates.

 

[bogwoppit]

I have to say this is why I enjoy not watching training. I see them compete, the coach will say if there is an isue that I need to know about and they can always show me something new or some big progrees when they want to.

This way I don't know who worked harder, or who had an off day. Little Bog usually tells me what she worked on, and now and again she will call on the coaches cell from gym if she has had a huge moment!

I used to drop in and watch the last hour or so, but now I have it times so I get there for the last ten minutes and that is always conditoning. The coach always comes over to talk to me and frankly it really works for me.

I know every child has ups and downs, and they just don't all get skills at the same speed. They are bound to feel affected by the girls in their group , they are just kids after all.

Olivia is so talented for such a young child, she has so much time to move through the levels that I think letting it go is just fine.

 

[gymdog]

Some people have mentioned why the coaches would do this, in part to encourage good work on basics but also in this instance the things the girls were moving on to were harder than the initial tumbling skill. If the child is not able to do the initial skills in the warm up that day, I can't let them move on because it would be dangerous and not make sense. They are even more likely to balk when it is a harder or unfamiliar skill. Going back to basics to build up that area may be the only option. I know it is hard for them to watch others move on and I try to explain to them why the decisions are made so they don't feel punished, but safety has to come first. The short term gain of getting to try something new isn't worth rushing and creating deeper fear issues or holes in technique. Or "go slow to go fast" when it comes to developmental gymnastics.

 

[NotAMom]

Or "go slow to go fast" when it comes to developmental gymnastics.

This is applicable in most things in life, other sports included.

 

[babyelfgymnast]

Honestly, i would let it go for now; all kids have their bad days, and you wouldn't want to make her feel guilty; it would just stress her out. I know there are some days where I'm not 100% either.

 

[nettyinpa]

Thank you all for your words of advice and encouragement. I never actually got around to saying anything to her about not paying attention. She didn't mention anything to me about the other girls moving on so I didn't bring it up.

Tomorrow morning on the way to practice I may say something like, "you seemed kind of bored on Friday during your floor drills. I understand it may be something you don't want to do but I hope you put forth more effort when the coaches ask you to work on your own like that. Those kinds of things are important."

Someone posted about her making some pretty big skills on bars last week. She was so proud of herself and I let her know how proud I am of her. Floor is not her thing, maybe that's why she didn't seem to want to participate. Like I said, tomorrow's another day!

Thanks again!

 

[LizzieLac]

A lot has already been said, but I wanted to add that occasional goofing around is normal - for several reasons. 8-12 years old are still young kids. Sometimes they just need to let off steam. I sometimes have a hard time concentrating at work!! Human nature....

If it were me, I would just watch for a pattern where my DD were either losing interest or seemed frustrated with some frequency. Otherwise, I just chalk it up to the day.

That being said, I think it is important for the kids to understand that they should try to make the most out of THEIR practice -that is where they learn their skills, get stronger and improve.

 

[MdGymMom01]

Hi Netty! I just wanted to say that this happens to my dd as well--especially when they are working on floor. Floor Ex is the event that holds dd back when it comes to back tumbling. And when the team gets to work on back tucks or passes into the pit, and dd is left to work on BHS drills, you can definitely see that smile fade from her face. She gets pouty and does the drills half-heartedly (which annoys the crap out of me), but it is something that she has to deal with. Her coach doesn't give in to her and makes her complete her drill sets before she can move on to the next rotation. Eventually dd learns that pouting and feeling sorry for herself isn't going to get the skill--repetition, focus and hard work will.

I wouldn't worry too much about it Netty. Eventually, her wanting to be with her teammates will over-power the boredom of doing the drills and she will get over the block or at least do the drills, and try her hardest to move on with the team. Sometimes separating the kids from the group is motivation in itself, because no one wants to be left out and "missing all the fun"!

With my dd, her BHS drills became an accepted part of her workout and almost like second nature in that she knows that she has to do them. Just like chores at home--no one really likes to do them but they need to get done before you can "play". That may not be the best analogy but it was the best I could do.

 

[gymdog]

Tomorrow morning on the way to practice I may say something like, "you seemed kind of bored on Friday during your floor drills. I understand it may be something you don't want to do but I hope you put forth more effort when the coaches ask you to work on your own like that. Those kinds of things are important."

I like your opening line but actually I think you could just leave it at that and see where she goes with the dialogue. Then you can ask her what she could do differently, like asking a coach for advice on a drill or trying to finish her additional assignment quickly to see if she could try tucks again. That way she can feel like it's her own ideas, instead of feeling defensive. Saying "I hope you put forth more effort" is judging her amount of effort, and she may have been feeling tired, sick, sad, etc that day - maybe it was her best at the time. So I wouldn't start off with that thought, necessarily.

 

[nettyinpa]

Well, I mentioned something this morning. I asked her why she didn't seem to into the floor drills on Friday.

She said, "I was doing them".

I said "Oh,really?"

Then she said "mom, they were so easy, why do I need to do them??"

I told her that her coaches must have a reason for them to do them.

"Well, how come I'm not with the other girls?" (the ones that got to move on to tramp)

I explained to her that her coach did talk to me a little bit, told me how much better her BHS were getting and the tuck will come back. Until then, she'll need to do some drills to get better. I just told her not to look so bored next time! She said, "don't worry mom, I won't"

I will have another chat with her coach, just so she's aware that she gets a little bummed when the other girls (6's) move on and she has to stay back with the 5's. I have a feeling that may be why she wasn't focused on what she had to do. I definitely don't want the coach to change things that she's doing. She's coming along so strong. She'll just have to see it as a positive thing, something to get her more motivated.

Thanks for listening!

 

[dancesterx3]

Sometimes seeing your friends working on new skills will be a good influence for her to get her back tuck in order to move up to the layouts her friends are working on. Sometimes this works to influence a gymnast and sometimes it could discourage a gymnast. If she gets discouraged by being held back, talk to her about it. Maybe somethings bothering her? I remember working on my tucks, I was so scared to do them on the floor, I could do them on tramp easy, but the floor was just too scary. All my teammates had it and I hated being the only one who couldn't do a tuck, so I went to open gym every week to get it so i could finally move on with my friends. But i can also see where discouragement could come in. If she gets discouraged, just remind her everyone moves at their own pace, see if there's a reason she can't throw the tuck, and then tell her coachs, "Oh Mr. So and So, Olivia told me that she's struggling with her back tucks because she's scared of ....whatever." For me it was scary because i didn't have my hands on the ground. Then ask her coach if she came to open gym would that help her. Usually I worked them on the tumble track and then I would practice from the floor onto a mat, and eventually I got them to the point where I didn't need the mat any more. I think open gym would be helpful because she won't be distracted by her team mates working on their new skills. It will just be her and she'll be able to focus more. Hope that helps!

 

[gymdog]

Well, I mentioned something this morning. I asked her why she didn't seem to into the floor drills on Friday.

She said, "I was doing them".

I said "Oh,really?"

Then she said "mom, they were so easy, why do I need to do them??"

I told her that her coaches must have a reason for them to do them.

"Well, how come I'm not with the other girls?" (the ones that got to move on to tramp)

I explained to her that her coach did talk to me a little bit, told me how much better her BHS were getting and the tuck will come back. Until then, she'll need to do some drills to get better. I just told her not to look so bored next time! She said, "don't worry mom, I won't"

I will have another chat with her coach, just so she's aware that she gets a little bummed when the other girls (6's) move on and she has to stay back with the 5's. I have a feeling that may be why she wasn't focused on what she had to do. I definitely don't want the coach to change things that she's doing. She's coming along so strong. She'll just have to see it as a positive thing, something to get her more motivated.

Thanks for listening!

Maybe the coaches can work something out like to have her go do drills on the tramp with the other girls. I would mention it, just as an observation, and hopefully they can take it into account. Also, I rarely suggest privates, but since it sounds like in this case it is just this one area she is behind in, and she is close and motivated to do it but just needs that little push to get over the edge...maybe it is something to think about or ask the coach about.

 

[gymster]

Or should I say something? I was watching some of Olivia's practice this morning. I was getting a little frustrated with her. The way our gym works, the level 5's and 6's work out together. Olivia is a level 6. Well, they were working on tumbling passes. Her back handsprings are getting longer and quicker which is good, but she started the fear thing with the back tuck. She did one but that was it. That's not what concerns me. The other 4 level 6's all have their back tucks, even have 2 BHS-back tuck. So they all got to move on to do some layouts from a trampoline into the pit. Looked like fun. I could see the disappointment in Olivia's face when they got to move on to something else but she had to stay behind with the level 5's and do drills on the floor. I don't know if it was because her other teammates moved on or what but she was out there looking like she could care less. She put little to no effort into any of the stations she was working on. She did when the coaches came to work with her, but she was majorly slacking off when they didn't. I want to say something to her about it, like I'm not paying for you to play around when you should be working. I know, she's only 8, soon to be 9, but it's bugging me. Any advice? TIA!

I see this post originated in 2007, and it sounds like you have resolved this but I Felt it nessecarry to post for the parent that is living this now! Because You know you are not alone I see it or hear it all the time!


You have already answered your own question. You pay too much... but you pay too much to not trust your coaching staff. Kids get things, loose things get them back, fear them do to all sorts of things that can sneak in to their thought process. However, the more you say something to her it is likely the more you reinforce her fear... As a Judge, a parent of 3 gymnast Level 4, 9, and mens level 7, a former coach and competative gymnast myself I can tell you that almost every coach I have come in contact with is more than qualified. I say almost because over the years I have met a few quacks! However USAG Has really improved the screening process to weed these folks out! My point is this (not to be longwinded.) By sitting and watching your daughter and then discussing with her what she needs to be doing or how she needs to be practicing tells her you do not trust her coaches to coach. Therefore, why should she? When she is a level 10 you will look back on this in amazement as to where the coaches have brought your child to! My advice is this Try not to watch, then at the meet you can sit in absoulote amazement of your childs progress! Try not to reinforce the mistrust and fear let the coaches coach! she may also be getting too many signals from to many people. Ask her simple questions about practice like Did you have a good day? Any thing New?My daughter and I call this the Good bad and Ugly? I pick her up and I say Give me the Good bad and Ugly of your day and I'll tell you mine! Trust me It is very difficult to smile at my child and say thats great without thinking her arms are bent and look at that leg seperation I could fly Jet formation threw.... But I have to remember what hat I am wearing! It is my MOM hat! That requires me to bite my tounge, because she has a coach, she needs a mom, a cheerleader, Some one to be proud of her! She has had people criticizing her all day! She needs you to be Proud of her!

 

[Ingwe]

Ask her simple questions about practice like Did you have a good day? Any thing New?My daughter and I call this the Good bad and Ugly? I pick her up and I say Give me the Good bad and Ugly of your day and I'll tell you mine!

This reminded me of a conversation that I had with my DD about a month ago.

We were in the car and she said "Mom, I have a great plan that I think is going to work out for both of us" I said, tell me... She said well, here's the deal, when I get home from Gym you can say "Hi Morgan, how was Gym today?" and I will say "It was good" then if I want to tell you more then I will, and if I don't then you have to just let it go. I agreed and that is how it has been for us. I will admit it has been hard not to ask about skills and such but she seems happy with the arrangement.
We have a no viewing policy at the Gym so I have no clue what is going on except what she has told me. I am going to be really surprised come meet season. Whether it is a good surprise or bad is anyone's guess.

 

[nettyinpa]

gymster ~ I need to respond to some of the things you said. Why do you think this post originated in 2007? Don't care, just wondered.

Second thing, I was in no way questioning the coaches abilities or inabilities to coach my daughter. I didn't even mention them, just what they had her doing and her reaction to it. It had nothing to do with how they were doing their job. I just want her to put forth her best effort. I know she's a kid, she's going to mess around sometimes but I explained to her that the coaches were doing these things for a reason and she needs to follow their directions, whether she thought they were "too easy" or not. She wouldn't do that kind of thing in school, and I think her coaches deserve her attention and respect.

And believe me, I'm nothing but supportive of her and very encouraging without being pushy. I understand the reality of the sport. She'll never be an Olympian. She's just my little gymmie that has an enormous love for the sport, has never wanted to do anything else. And as long as that's the case, I'll be there. Yes, I'll still watch her, sometimes I do because she asks me to, but I also enjoy it. Not only do I get to watch her I get to network with some of the other gym parents. I've made a lot of friends through the gym.

Thanks for your thoughts and concerns. I hope I've made myself clear.

 

[mariposa]

This reminded me of a conversation that I had with my DD about a month ago.

We were in the car and she said "Mom, I have a great plan that I think is going to work out for both of us" I said, tell me... She said well, here's the deal, when I get home from Gym you can say "Hi Morgan, how was Gym today?" and I will say "It was good" then if I want to tell you more then I will, and if I don't then you have to just let it go. I agreed and that is how it has been for us. I will admit it has been hard not to ask about skills and such but she seems happy with the arrangement.
We have a no viewing policy at the Gym so I have no clue what is going on except what she has told me. I am going to be really surprised come meet season. Whether it is a good surprise or bad is anyone's guess.

This is how it goes at our house, not because of DD, but because of the Doc Ali video YouTube - gymnastics parenting by Doc Ali. It is hard sometimes, but I think it is for the best. We can watch, but I don't that often and now that I haven't, it feels kind of weird to watch. Can't explain it. LOL. About the only times I hear anything besides, "good" or "fun" is if she did something she has been struggling with or if she had a hard day.