Can you give some advice?
My dd just finished competing in compulsories at state, and she’s been accepted to another gym (actually a few others, but there’s one that’s our top choice). We’re trying to decide if she should stay at her current gym or switch to the new gym. Can I share a few of the differences and hear your opinions?
Our current gym is owned by a man who has a very hot temper and will never speak to the parents about anything. The compulsory coaches quit every few months, and only one has remained for the past several years and she always seems irritated, cranky, and will never speak to a parent accept for about 2 minutes after receiving a check for a private lesson with her. There are around 20 compulsory gymnasts who are being coached by 2 coaches. They split the group in half and each coach rotates events. Conditioning is very intense for 1 hour up to 90 minutes at a time, 4 times a week. My dd was once so exhausted during conditioning to the point that she had to use her inhaler and vomited in the bathroom. The coach shouted at her: “What are you doing!” and never even went to check on her. Many times, I have watched my dd practicing completely by herself with no coach near her on floor, beam, and bars. Others parents have told me that they have seen their kids do the same thing for up to an hour sometimes. We cannot complain to the owner or the coaches, nor can we ask questions. All the parents seem to live in fear that if you stir up trouble you could have your child kicked out of the gym at any time. I even saw a young girl once get scolded by the owner and sent to the dressing room to wait for her parents to come pick her up after supposedly her parents had angered the owner about something, and I felt so bad for the gymnast.
I think most of us parents of the compulsory girls put up with these things because many of the optional girls have been very successful at regional and a few at national levels. We all wonder if our daughters could someday become amazing once they reach the optional level and have a chance to train directly with the owner and the other successful optional coach, but then I wonder if my daughter will ever get the encouragement and support she needs to even reach that level to get to train with them.
The “stars” of the gym appear to have private lessons almost every day (I could never afford to pay for that), and they get all the personal attention from the owner while it almost appears like the rest of the optional girls often get overlooked and are practicing alone like my dd and her friends in compulsories are often doing. I am afraid to even state my dd’s age and what compulsory level she just completed here for fear I could be found out for even coming on here to get advice and I feel like that is so ridiculously unhealthy- yet here I am!
We found a sweet, healthy, encouraging gym that accepted my dd to train there, but my dd is having so many second thoughts and is really resisting to change. They coach 4-5 girls at time, and I’ve heard from other parents there that the girls are never alone for long amounts of time to train themselves like they are at our current gym. (We were also accepted at a couple of other gyms within an hour of our home -we can’t bear to drive further- but those gyms didn’t interest my daughter at all).
Dd thinks the new gym’s coaches are “too nice.” She has become used to her current coaches who are never complimentary or encouraging and says the new coaches “aren’t challenging enough” because they praise and encourage her and don’t yell and criticize her, rolling their eyes at her and threatening to move her down a level like her current gym does. She also is devastated the new gym doesn’t have a foam pit (is this really a big, big deal??). The new gym has many optional girls who score decently, last year at least 1 was accepted to a good university’s gymnastics team, and they sent a couple of girls to JO nationals, I believe. I don’t think anyone has ever reached elite at the new gym at least in recent years, but some have at our current gym. I met two of the new gym's 4 coaches for compulsories, and they were both so incredibly kind, approachable, offering their personal contact information to me for any questions. I especially appreciated the feedback from one of the new coaches that dd appears to be in her head too much, worrying about being a perfectionist in every detail, and that she would hope to help dd learn to trust herself and her abilities to more naturally do the moves and allow herself to enjoy what she is doing. Yes, I am all for her enjoying herself! There has been way too much anxiety and fear over the last few years!
I don't understand it, but dd looks up to our original gym owner so much. She is afraid of him, but also in awe of him, too. She dreams of training with him someday, and that's one of the main reasons she doesn't want to quit before she has a chance to be in optionals and train with him. Every once in a while she’ll be ecstatic and tell me, “Mom! He said my floor routine was better tonight! He said better, mom!!!” because she’s so used to his criticisms about her skills. I honestly worry all the time that the owner will kick my daughter out for not being special enough, or the owner hearing we tried out at other gyms, or that my dd will vomit again during conditioning or look like she’s about to pass out like she did one night after she was sent to do a SECOND hour of conditioning all on her own because the owner said she wasn’t as strong as her other teammates and needed to do more.
Do I just tell my dd that I’m making the decision for her that it’s time to get out of this unhealthy environment and go somewhere else? Or, do I let her decide if she wants to stay at her current gym?
Also, am I overreacting to the gym owner? Is it normal and not a big deal that parents can never have a conversation with him and that the gymnasts are often training themselves unless they are a favorite or have private lessons every day? Is it ok how critical he is, too?
I would love to hear your feedback, and thank you so much for reading this lengthy post..
Chloe
My dd just finished competing in compulsories at state, and she’s been accepted to another gym (actually a few others, but there’s one that’s our top choice). We’re trying to decide if she should stay at her current gym or switch to the new gym. Can I share a few of the differences and hear your opinions?
Our current gym is owned by a man who has a very hot temper and will never speak to the parents about anything. The compulsory coaches quit every few months, and only one has remained for the past several years and she always seems irritated, cranky, and will never speak to a parent accept for about 2 minutes after receiving a check for a private lesson with her. There are around 20 compulsory gymnasts who are being coached by 2 coaches. They split the group in half and each coach rotates events. Conditioning is very intense for 1 hour up to 90 minutes at a time, 4 times a week. My dd was once so exhausted during conditioning to the point that she had to use her inhaler and vomited in the bathroom. The coach shouted at her: “What are you doing!” and never even went to check on her. Many times, I have watched my dd practicing completely by herself with no coach near her on floor, beam, and bars. Others parents have told me that they have seen their kids do the same thing for up to an hour sometimes. We cannot complain to the owner or the coaches, nor can we ask questions. All the parents seem to live in fear that if you stir up trouble you could have your child kicked out of the gym at any time. I even saw a young girl once get scolded by the owner and sent to the dressing room to wait for her parents to come pick her up after supposedly her parents had angered the owner about something, and I felt so bad for the gymnast.
I think most of us parents of the compulsory girls put up with these things because many of the optional girls have been very successful at regional and a few at national levels. We all wonder if our daughters could someday become amazing once they reach the optional level and have a chance to train directly with the owner and the other successful optional coach, but then I wonder if my daughter will ever get the encouragement and support she needs to even reach that level to get to train with them.
The “stars” of the gym appear to have private lessons almost every day (I could never afford to pay for that), and they get all the personal attention from the owner while it almost appears like the rest of the optional girls often get overlooked and are practicing alone like my dd and her friends in compulsories are often doing. I am afraid to even state my dd’s age and what compulsory level she just completed here for fear I could be found out for even coming on here to get advice and I feel like that is so ridiculously unhealthy- yet here I am!
We found a sweet, healthy, encouraging gym that accepted my dd to train there, but my dd is having so many second thoughts and is really resisting to change. They coach 4-5 girls at time, and I’ve heard from other parents there that the girls are never alone for long amounts of time to train themselves like they are at our current gym. (We were also accepted at a couple of other gyms within an hour of our home -we can’t bear to drive further- but those gyms didn’t interest my daughter at all).
Dd thinks the new gym’s coaches are “too nice.” She has become used to her current coaches who are never complimentary or encouraging and says the new coaches “aren’t challenging enough” because they praise and encourage her and don’t yell and criticize her, rolling their eyes at her and threatening to move her down a level like her current gym does. She also is devastated the new gym doesn’t have a foam pit (is this really a big, big deal??). The new gym has many optional girls who score decently, last year at least 1 was accepted to a good university’s gymnastics team, and they sent a couple of girls to JO nationals, I believe. I don’t think anyone has ever reached elite at the new gym at least in recent years, but some have at our current gym. I met two of the new gym's 4 coaches for compulsories, and they were both so incredibly kind, approachable, offering their personal contact information to me for any questions. I especially appreciated the feedback from one of the new coaches that dd appears to be in her head too much, worrying about being a perfectionist in every detail, and that she would hope to help dd learn to trust herself and her abilities to more naturally do the moves and allow herself to enjoy what she is doing. Yes, I am all for her enjoying herself! There has been way too much anxiety and fear over the last few years!
I don't understand it, but dd looks up to our original gym owner so much. She is afraid of him, but also in awe of him, too. She dreams of training with him someday, and that's one of the main reasons she doesn't want to quit before she has a chance to be in optionals and train with him. Every once in a while she’ll be ecstatic and tell me, “Mom! He said my floor routine was better tonight! He said better, mom!!!” because she’s so used to his criticisms about her skills. I honestly worry all the time that the owner will kick my daughter out for not being special enough, or the owner hearing we tried out at other gyms, or that my dd will vomit again during conditioning or look like she’s about to pass out like she did one night after she was sent to do a SECOND hour of conditioning all on her own because the owner said she wasn’t as strong as her other teammates and needed to do more.
Do I just tell my dd that I’m making the decision for her that it’s time to get out of this unhealthy environment and go somewhere else? Or, do I let her decide if she wants to stay at her current gym?
Also, am I overreacting to the gym owner? Is it normal and not a big deal that parents can never have a conversation with him and that the gymnasts are often training themselves unless they are a favorite or have private lessons every day? Is it ok how critical he is, too?
I would love to hear your feedback, and thank you so much for reading this lengthy post..
Chloe