Parents Upset over coaches comments....

[Sydsmom]

Apparently the coaches at my DD gym were discussing my daughter with other parents around. My DD is 11 (soon to be 12) and in level 3. Her goal is to go to 5, she wrote down all the skills she wanted to learn and improve on. We asked, what does she need to do to get to 5. After being told how difficult it was we were told, private lessons, go to every practice and try your best. Well we have been doing that. But apparently the coaches decided ahead of time (with other parents apparently) that they didn't think my DD could make it and it would be a VERY long shot!!
WTH??? This makes me so mad. My daughter has no idea they think this.
Part of me wants to give them a piece of my mind for 1) having doubt for my child and 2) discussing that doubt with other parents!!!
The other part of me wants my daughter to prove them wrong! She has managed to get every level 5 element minus the dreaded kip. She is at camp this week and I hope she gets it!!
Ok stepping off the soap box now....

 

[justanothergymmom]

How did you find out that they were discussing your daughter? Did you overhear it, or did the coaches or another parent tell you?

 

[Sydsmom]

Another parent told me, they were discussing all of the requests to go to 5 because the other level 3's saw them promote one of the other girls to level 5, and they also knew my DD wanted to go to 5 as well. I guess it started as more of a "why do all these level 3's wahnt to go to 5" and ended with the doubt that mine would make it.

 

[cher062]

First Breath in....Breath Out.

I don't like coaches that do this that's for sure. My old gym the coaches that a similar opinion of my DD. When her old coaches removed her from the team because a 12yo was supposedly holding back the whole team, we looked for another gym. After changing gyms a year ago she has just blossomed and is moving right along. It was the best thing we could have done for her and with hind site we know we should have done it at least 3 years ago. Maybe a new gym and a fresh start with new coaches might be what is needed.

As far as the parents go being within ear shot of a conversation is very different than having coaches openly discuss your DD with other parents. Neither should happen but I can see how parents overhearing could happen (not that it is right). I would discuss this with the owner and coaches to make sure you know you are aware of how they feel and if that is how they feel why recommend expensive privates if they don't think it will help.

 

[Sydsmom]

Thanks Cher062!! I think your right! I am going to talk to the owner and see what she thinks about the recommendations of private lessons if they didn't think she could move on. If she hadn't done so well the past month I would have asked for a refund!! LOL no I wouldn't but you know what I mean!!

 

[justanothergymmom]

That stinks. The one thing I will say is that hopefully this is a parent that you trust, and that you know their motivations are pure (as opposed to wanting to knock your dd a few pegs.) There have been times where I have heard this or that being said about one of my girls, supposedly by one of their coaches, and it has turned out to be a parent baiting a coach to discuss my dd and then twisting the answer to suit their own agenda. I guess what I am trying to say is try to take this and all other gym gossip that you hear (about your own or anyone else's dd) with a grain of salt. Let is roll. The only thing that matters is that your dd is happy and if she continues to work hard and progresses all this speculation won't matter anyway. Good luck to your dd!

 

[cher062]

If I hear gossip in the gym and its about my DD like this I want to make sure it isn't true and will have no issue discussing it with the people that can clear this up. There is nothing worse than the rumor mill and then getting upset over what was gossiped about without knowing all the real facts.

 

[SkiBumGymMom]

Whether it's the rumour mill or the coaches actually saying these things about your daughter, you have every right to be upset! No one likes to hear someone saying things about their children, regardless of the source. I'd approach the coaches in a calm, collected way and express your concerns. Depending on how they react to that, I might start looking for a new gym if that's possible for your family. Your DD seems like she's being very realistic and has a solid plan to accomplish what she wants so the coaches shouldn't be able to pass off their behaviour as just being realistic. It's one thing for other parents or children to be nasty, but quite another for coaches. Your DD sounds wonderful too, I admire her goal setting and perseverance! Those are such hard skills to teach kids, she seems ahead of the game and will certainly excel in life!

 

[cathiann]

So glad that you're going to talk to the head coach about it and find out what really happened. They should know NOT to discuss gymnasts in front of other parents!

But really proud of your daughter for having goals and working to achieve them! She is doing fantastic! Can't wait to hear how much fun she had at camp.

 

[Kiwi]

You need to talk to the coaches directly. You should be very careful about people reporting what they heard in the gym. I had a painful experience with this recently, when someone overheard a conversation I was involved in, and went and reported it to someone else. It caused a heap of trouble that was totally unnecessary. Whatever you do, don't go and blast the coaches. Stay as calm and objective as you can.

 

[Sydsmom]

I have decided to let my daughters actions speak for themselves regarding this matter. Either way it's a he said/she said matter and as long as it doesn't get back to my daughter there is nothing more to be said. HOWEVER, if something like this happens again I will be asking to hear it from the horses mouth (so to speak!)
Thanks all for your help!!