Wanna scream !!

[Becauseisaid]

Exact. Same. Issue.

DD has struggled with this for a year. One day she is standing up on the single rail asking me to take her picture and the next (literally), she's frozen on the low bar and scared to death to make the jump. No rhyme or reason and it will make a parent gray-headed. DD has only recently started making the jump again, but it came after leaving the skill alone and patience on the part of the coach. At the end of the day though, DD is the one who finally made the decision that she wanted/needed that skill more than she feared it.

She still has bad days, but she wants to work through it - so she does.

 

[Libby's gym mom]

Well , she got up very happy and positive . Got to gym warmed up was smiling and chatting .
Then it was time for bar !!
She squatted on with loads of persuasion and support and just wonder even tap the bar . Then she was asked to squat on and just jump off but each time she did she just jumped backwards . So sent home she was . Coach saying she's not doing any other skills in gym till she's fought this fear . And also telling her to make this decision to be a gymnast or they will have to
I'm just totally mentally exhausted , I've chose not to speak about it with her just to write down what her problem was today . Wanna cry xx

 

[Becauseisaid]

Coach's approach seems counter-productive to me. Now, instead of this being a skill that will come with time, it's become a Big Deal and will make your DD stress over it even more which will increase the fear which will make your DD stress which will increase the fear, etc, etc.

 

[MILgymFAM]

That is utterly ridiculous- and I am referring to the coach. That is the absolute worst handling of this I could think of. It's almost as though the coach is actively trying to push your DD out of the sport. Wow.

 

[GYM0M]

Wow, just wow!! Only 7 and told to choose to be a gymnast or not??? Ummm, this might call for a 'mommy' talk with the coaches. Under no circumstances or situations should a 7 year old be belittled or kicked out of gymnastics practice due to coach frustration. If your DD wants a future in the sport, you might want to further investigate if her current coaches are the best fit for her (mentally & physically) in the long run.

 

[marie83]

this makes me sad.

IMO children shouldn't be punished for having a fear in gymnastics or in any walk of life.

Sure, it's frustrating when a gymnast loses a skill, but it's the job of the coach to encourage and work through it.

 

[billise]

Scratch part of what I said in my earlier post... Don't "let DD and coach work it out."

Now I say talk to head coach, and if DD's coach is head coach, take DD and RUN!!!

 

[2G1B]

Yeah... I'm not on board with this solution. My DD has one team mate who has a block on the bhs (that she has had beautifully for ages) and they have stopped trying to "hold her hand" through it (because that wasn't working); but they certainly aren't sending her home! And they also aren't telling her that she can't do anything else if she doesn't do that skill. I agree that it is time to talk to the hc.

 

[floppycat]

Ok is she doing level 5 voluntaries this autumn? If not she doesn't need to able to do this skill this for another year. Unfortunately it's not the first time I've heard this happen. I would stand your ground with the coach. My DD got the same fear after a bad fall doing it but after a couple of weeks it was fine. If your coach can't show a little but of patience then that's not good. You have to stand up for you DD I would have a meeting ASAP.

 

[Libby's gym mom]

Don't worry , I will be standing up for my baby . She works too hard to give up and today although quiet for a few hours she's back to her normal self .
She starts competing next October ish as she's not 8 till may . Just gathering my thoughts at the minute , coach is approachable and get on really well with his daughter and wife , who work in the gym. I'm not happy with being told to make a decision though . She only just 7 . Will see what happens Monday , all your feedback is very supportive and makes me feel a load better x

 

[Frase]

Been in your shoes. Dd was sent home the last session before our holiday for not doing bhs, bhs on beam due to fear -a skill she has 'had'. She's not has a session since and she's certainly not looking forward to going back next week. If I'm honest I'm not entirely confident I will get her back in at all.

 

[Iwannabemargo]

Feel for you guys, that would never happen in our gym, poor girls

 

[Ex member]

Well , she got up very happy and positive . Got to gym warmed up was smiling and chatting .
Then it was time for bar !!
She squatted on with loads of persuasion and support and just wonder even tap the bar . Then she was asked to squat on and just jump off but each time she did she just jumped backwards . So sent home she was . Coach saying she's not doing any other skills in gym till she's fought this fear . And also telling her to make this decision to be a gymnast or they will have to
I'm just totally mentally exhausted , I've chose not to speak about it with her just to write down what her problem was today . Wanna cry xx

I have to say I am disgusted with the way the coach has handled this situation with your dd, she is only 7 like my dd and this is not the way to handle it in my opinion, your know my dd has been going through issues and has recently got a warning and 2 week trial through no fault of her own over a misunderstanding. I agree that you need to have a meeting with them and sort this out for your dd. I also understand your wanting to cry and feeling emotionally drained, it has been like that for me as well over the past few days.

I agree with the others, why does it seem like they are pushing your dd out of the sport at a young age putting so much pressure on her for a skill that is not needed until late next year? This is all wrong and if things didn't get resolved and an apology made to you and your dd then maybe it is time to start looking for another gym (if there is one nearby).

I am shocked as I didn't think they would carry out their threat, how the heck do they think this is going to help a young 7 year old get past this? She is 7 years old for goodness sake not a little adult.

Hugs to you and your daughter, I understand what you are both going through.

 

[Ex member]

Been in your shoes. Dd was sent home the last session before our holiday for not doing bhs, bhs on beam due to fear -a skill she has 'had'. She's not has a session since and she's certainly not looking forward to going back next week. If I'm honest I'm not entirely confident I will get her back in at all.

Seems to be issues going on for quite a few of our dd's at the moment, my dd was given a warning and 2 week trial for a communication issue, the gym is now shut down for a week.

 

[twinklytoes9468]

In the nicest possible way, you need to step back and detach your own feelings from your dd'S performance in the gym.You say you are frustrated and feel like shaking her (of course i know you won't) but even if you don't say anything she will be picking up on your feelings (little children are very sensitive to their parents emotions)The coach is acting very unprofessionally , threatening her with consequences and reducing the poor little mite to tears.As a parent you need to be able to be act as a pressure release valve to your DD , not an extra source of pressure.
Kids inexplicable lose skills all the time and the best thing to do is take the pressure right off, leave it for a while .If after this they still can't do it then you take them back and gradually build up.
What you *don't* do is threaten and bully a child for something which is beyond her conscious control

 

[Libby's gym mom]

In the nicest possible way, you need to step back and detach your own feelings from your dd'S performance in the gym.You say you are frustrated and feel like shaking her (of course i know you won't) but even if you don't say anything she will be picking up on your feelings (little children are very sensitive to their parents emotions)The coach is acting very unprofessionally , threatening her with consequences and reducing the poor little mite to tears.As a parent you need to be able to be act as a pressure release valve to your DD , not an extra source of pressure.
Kids inexplicable lose skills all the time and the best thing to do is take the pressure right off, leave it for a while .If after this they still can't do it then you take them back and gradually build up.
What you *don't* do is threaten and bully a child for something which is beyond her conscious control

Thanks for your response . But I've stepped back considerably but consciously I'm still carrying the frustration and she may be picking up on it without me realising . We have only been talking about positive things and even though this happened today , she was quite her bouncy self in no time at all . I fact she set her beam and mats up and was performing with no care in the world . She was especially proud when she did a cartwheel tuck back off the end of the beam with no hesitation , which I then had to send a video to one of her coaches saying " I am fighting the fear , I've took this good feeling , swallowed it and pushed it into my heart !! " if that's not a fighting spirit I don't know what is !!

 

[twinklytoes9468]

Sorry I have just read your later posts and latest developments.
I am horrified!!Really you need to make a complaint to the welfare officer.This man has no business being anywhere near children until he changes his ways.

 

[Orangesoda]

I don't mean to pile-on and I totally appreciate that this is a complex and emotionally charged issue for all involved, but regardless of whether or not dd's removal from the gym is an insensitive move on the part of the coach, it also seems like an extremely poor and unprofessional business practice. Don't you pay for her gym time and coaching?? If she's "stuck" for whatever reason, well then it's the coaches job to help her through this. One could argue that this tough love method IS his "help". Is this what you're paying for? To be sent home? The action seems more a function of the coaches frustration than a calculated solution to a common problem - that problem being losing skills temporarily.

Whether or not she's physically capable of doing the skill seems irrelevant here. Shouldn't emotional health come first? Who knows, maybe she's asserting control the only way her 7yr old mind knows how. Through fear? It seems wise to err on the side of compassion since we don't really know the why's of her situation.

 

[Libby's gym mom]

Update , my dd and the rest of the group now have 2 weeks to improve !! As coach says " I just don't know what else to do " . I am absolutely fuming , I've just chatted to another parent on the phone for the last 2 hours discussing the whole situation . ( her dd has same problem ) . Tonight she squatted on , jumped off ( no prompt ) and thought great progress !! Where as Saturday she needed to be physically held , no praise was heard , then she was asked to squat, jump and just tap the bar , which she then couldn't progress into . I was extremely happy with this " although small " step , it was a marked improvement . But for the first time ever in the 2 and half years my dd left that gym tonight chin on chest , saying it wasn't good enough !!
Now we have 2 weeks to wait , to see of she stays along with the other girls . On conversation to the other parent our conclusion being , to have one maybe two girls with issues in your group , perhaps is normal ? But for your whole group ? I'm not a coach but wouldn't this question your ability ?? Comments ??
We are disgusted at the minute , my dd loves her gym, her friends there and does all her conditioning required at home . Never missed a session . If she's dropped to improver group , we will be seeking another club !!
My dd has always took criticism on the chin and left it in the gym until tonight , came home not a peep and ran upstairs and lay down face in pillow !!
Rant over xx
Thx for listening xx

 

[Ex member]

Your poor dd, I can understand your frustration as my dd is on a 2 week warning to improve (not skill wise, just to show she can handle the beam) or be dropped to a lower level class, the rest of the girls as well as dd have all been told to improve on beam. Well done to your dd doing for her squat on, the coach should have given her lots of praise wether she tapped the high bar or not as that is a massive improvement when she has had fear issues.

I have finally asked dd why she was a little scared of the beam, I thought she would say that she was scared of falling off, she is scared of getting shouted out by the coach (dd's words, the coach might not be doing anything wrong, just shouting corrections from a distance).

My dd is not on the same level as your dd, she hasn't started competing yet, will have her first friendly tumbling competition later in the year. I think my dd is in a improver type class (or maybe not), the normally does 5 hours a week ( 2x 2 1\2 hours) when not doing summer daytime training of 10 hours a week (still 2 days) and the group in called intermediate development (my dd is the youngest in the group), there is another lower level group - advanced rec ( that might be the improver group ) - that is once a week for 2 hours.

I hope these 2 weeks go by quickly for both of us and everything turns out fine and both of our dd's are happy in gymnastics doing what they love.