We've been through something similar recently. My DD has an ex-communist country coach. I have only ever seen him be lovely to DD, although I don't watch practice much these days. But apparently he can be "mean". Having had my own gymnastics self-esteem very quickly and throughly eroded by an elite coach in the 80's, I am hypersensitive to any sort of negative coaching method.
I have asked DD what he's like, and if he makes her feel "bad" about herself. She has said he can shout/get cross sometimes, if someone is skiving, or messing about, or not trying to apply corrections, but it's all OK.
Anyway a week or so ago she had a bit of a breakdown, said he was telling her she was rubbish, wasn't listening, being horrible to her but nice to teammates. Didn't want to say anything, get him into trouble, or leave his squad.
A long chat later and it seems it's high expectations- she didn't do as well as she might at a comp, he told her what she'd done wrong- she read it as "you're rubbish", added to her own disappointment of not doing as well as she could. When she a subsequent comp, he was lovely, she didn't place as well, but she performed better by her own standards. Some of it was just end-of-term-itis, plus tiredness from training for the comps, and a couple of other stressors at home and school that unfortunately made things worse.
We gave her a few days off to collect herself, and when she went back she was to tell us of how she felt after each session. We're adults, and are better placed to decide if their coaching relationship is a healthy one. Plus if she doesn't understand how to do what he's asking, she's to get more specific "Is it my arms" or "what do I do with my left finger"- anything to tease out a change, or at least show she is trying. If she doesn't feel able to question the coach, she's to ask her teammates or the senior girls how to do what he's asking, again just to try and find the phrase that clarifies it for her.
Sorry turned out to be long! Short version is keep a close eye, try and give her the tools to ask questions if she doesn't get how to make the changes.
I have asked DD what he's like, and if he makes her feel "bad" about herself. She has said he can shout/get cross sometimes, if someone is skiving, or messing about, or not trying to apply corrections, but it's all OK.
Anyway a week or so ago she had a bit of a breakdown, said he was telling her she was rubbish, wasn't listening, being horrible to her but nice to teammates. Didn't want to say anything, get him into trouble, or leave his squad.
A long chat later and it seems it's high expectations- she didn't do as well as she might at a comp, he told her what she'd done wrong- she read it as "you're rubbish", added to her own disappointment of not doing as well as she could. When she a subsequent comp, he was lovely, she didn't place as well, but she performed better by her own standards. Some of it was just end-of-term-itis, plus tiredness from training for the comps, and a couple of other stressors at home and school that unfortunately made things worse.
We gave her a few days off to collect herself, and when she went back she was to tell us of how she felt after each session. We're adults, and are better placed to decide if their coaching relationship is a healthy one. Plus if she doesn't understand how to do what he's asking, she's to get more specific "Is it my arms" or "what do I do with my left finger"- anything to tease out a change, or at least show she is trying. If she doesn't feel able to question the coach, she's to ask her teammates or the senior girls how to do what he's asking, again just to try and find the phrase that clarifies it for her.
Sorry turned out to be long! Short version is keep a close eye, try and give her the tools to ask questions if she doesn't get how to make the changes.
