Parents Opinions on offering incentives?

[gymhorsemom]

Sometimes I feel that my gymmie can do a skill if she really puts her mind to it and on occasion I have offered her an incentive to get the skill. For example, I've seen her do a mill circle, I've also seen her climb to the top of the rope. But I watched part of practice today and she barely made it off the floor during the rope climb and couldn't hit a mill circle (yes I know some days they just fall on a skill). After practice I told her that if she can do both of those things in the next practice I will buy her a little things she's been asking for (it's a very small item). Thoughts on this? I know that gymmies tend to put a lot of pressure on themselves and in general I do think mine works very hard at gym. But sometimes I think she could be doing better -she sometimes kind of laughs and has an "I give up" kind of expression when somethings not working out for her. I even heard her say to a team-mate after she "couldn't" climb the rope today "we are opposites -I am flexible and not strong and you are strong and not flexible." Hopefully the other girl didn't take offense to being called not flexible. It seemed to me that DD was giving up on rope climb (which I know she can do) and using her lack of strength as an excuse. I want her to want to do well at gym for herself but at the same time it's frustrating to watch her not always try her best. Any thoughts on offering incentives? I will know tomorrow if it worked or not -in the past it has.

 

[billise]

Ha, I don't know whether it's "ok" or not but I made the mistake of telling DD (age 7 at the time) I'd buy her a Kindle Fire if she did a straddle press handstand. She had been working on them for a while and was getting closer but I thought she still had a ways to go. I was in the middle of making dinner and the conversation went something like this...

DD - "Mommy if I do a press will you get me a Kindle?"

Me (with my back to her) - "yeah sure."

As I turn around I see her pressing straight up to handstand!!! Next day it was off to Best Buy and I no long promise anything

 

[billise]

I meant to put a smiley face at the end of my post

 

[gymhorsemom]

Ha, I don't know whether it's "ok" or not but I made the mistake of telling DD (age 7 at the time) I'd buy her a Kindle Fire if she did a straddle press handstand. She had been working on them for a while and was getting closer but I thought she still had a ways to go. I was in the middle of making dinner and the conversation went something like this...

DD - "Mommy if I do a press will you get me a Kindle?"

Me (with my back to her) - "yeah sure."

As I turn around I see her pressing straight up to handstand!!! Next day it was off to Best Buy and I no long promise anything

Great story! Hope my incentive works as well whether or not it's "ok."

 

[motigymnasticsmom]

I told my da last year if she made state team(silver, excel) that wed go to Regionals(b/c we had just switched gyms and it was not in the competition lineup) $400.00 later we did!

 

[MILgymFAM]

My DDs know there is a standard protocol of going for froyo when they get a new, unassisted, skill. It has to be a skill they could compete at some point. We have a pretty strict diet in our house, so I started it as a way to get regular (but not too regular) treats in the mix, as was starting to feel a little too draconian. I love to celebrate their small successes.

 

[munchkin3]

When adults work hard, they get a raise or a bonus.
When CEOs work hard, they get stock.

I make sure it is relative that's all. No huge items or skills that are way off etc......I have a treasure box with little things, nail polish, jewelry, gum. DD picks from it when she accomplishes something. (Ie. She did her BHS on beam unassisted, no spot.....) I would stay away from food bribes and big ticket items as it will get old fast. You are setting a precedent that cannot be maintained. Giants=car? No, eventually they will do the skills because THEY want to, not because of a thing.

I DID tell DD if she gets all A's then she gets a trip to the mall.......so off we go this weekend!

 

[Dr Maleficent]

I was in the middle of making dinner and the conversation went something like this...
DD - "Mommy if I do a press will you get me a Kindle?"
Me (with my back to her) - "yeah sure."

As I turn around I see her pressing straight up to handstand!!! Next day it was off to Best Buy and I no long promise anything

Hustled by a 7 year old. Shame on you!
P.S I really really hope my 7 year old doesn't catch sight of this - she would totally do the same!

 

[raenndrops]

I agree that LITTLE incentives are fine.
With my gymmies, meeting meet goals they set (12 goals per meet - 1 skill/style goal, 1 score goal, one placement goal per event PLUS extra AA score and placement goal... all must be realistic) earns them a shake size upgrade at McD on the way home. A "big" skill earns ice cream (HC does this for kips... they have to do 3 unspotted and the girl gets her own personal ice cream and the rest of team chooses between a popsicle or an ice cream sandwich).
So, this season, YG didn't compete until the 4th meet (she was not at the gym enough to compete before that). Her stepmom told her that if she qualified for YMCA Nationals, her dad would get her a SMARTPHONE. The deal was she qualified and she would get the smartphone in 30 days... but she couldn't constantly ask about when she was getting it or she would have to wait 60 days.
She is 10 years old. She does NOT need a smartphone. She has a basic cell phone and a tablet. (I have a basic phone and a tablet, lol). Her siblings weren't allowed to get smartphones until they were 12-1/2. They also didn't get basic phones until 10 years old and YG was still 9 when she got hers (stepmom insisted).
Well, she didn't qualify the first meet (she would have if they hadn't changed the qualifying score this year). She was upset even though she had her BEST EVER Bars score AND was on the podium for Bars too!
She didn't qualify the 2nd meet either, but was 3rd place on Beam and Vault. She was upset again! It didn't help that stepmom kept REMINDING her .
Third meet, she was 0.250 from qualifying... Highest EVER bar score and 1st place Bars, 2nd place beam, and still not happy.
4th meet, She took 1st on Vault (in her age group AND all ages combined) and 2nd on Beam (best EVER beam score... they only found 0.8 in deductions), and 3rd on Floor and Bars... and 2nd AA in her age group, but didn't qualify. She still wasn't happy.
At the LAST meet of the season, 2nd place bars, personal bests for the season on Floor (best EVER) and vault AND she qualified for Nationals, earning her phone. Her dad has 5 days to present it to her (it is in my desk drawer right now). All she does is tell him once in the morning how many days he has and once at bedtime.

 

[MAcastsalot]

There is a ton of research out there that shows the frequent use of extrinsic rewards over time will decrease intrinsic motivation. Notice I said over time, not the occasional treat. Extrinsic rewards definitely work in the short term. There are already extrinsic rewards in gymnastics (trophies, medals), so I personally am wary of offering anything else in exchange for effort or performance. Offering rewards would show that I am personally invested in her performance, and while I am financially, I want this to be HER thing. If she isn't putting in the effort, eventually it will catch up to her and she will be motivated to do better. I am not by any means judging, and my DD is one of those naturally driven kids (while my other child is not) so it is easier for me to say this, but it's my opinion parenting my daughter.

 

[lovemygymnast]

We don't give incentives for skills at practice. The coaches do, however. I don't agree with this but they'll give them an icecream or candy treat when they make corrections and basically, perform an event better than anyone else in their practice group.

For meets, she makes goals for herself and we do offer incentives for hitting goals when we know she's completely capable. But I've offered little things to keep her from bad habits. She's terrible about being very serious on floor and not smiling, so to encourage smiling on floor, I offered a stuffed animal she wanted (very small & cheap)...it worked and she's smiled every meet since. Also, first meet, she kept sticking her tongue out on beam...never has done that at practice!!! So, a little you she wanted for not doing that & she doesn't do it anymore now! So, I do think some incentives are good reminders.

 

[bookworm]

I have a tough time with this one because if you're in the sport for the long haul ( years and years) , it's going to cost you. At our original gym, there was a family who had 3 girls competing and got " $10 for every 9" they got and the kids were pretty good and the parents were always ( within earshot of all) remarking how every meet usually cost them " at least 100 bucks...I wish they weren't so good? blah blah"....and it brought a really weird and uncomfortable vibe to meets and such. Kids would ask their parents to do the same etc....

My view on it was it's a judged sport and getting 9s sometimes isn't in the cards even if the kid has worked her tail off and done a nice routine so I never got into rewarding for performance...my feel is it is their sport and they have to own it and want to do well regardless of any parental rewards....this isn't to say we haven't celebrated their accomplishments but it has not been under a structured reward system. Having been in this sport for so many years (15+), rewarding skills/scores/results etc isn't something I would ever advise anyone to do...not because it is "bad" but because I just don't think it's necessary.

 

[sce]

There is a ton of research out there that shows the frequent use of extrinsic rewards over time will decrease intrinsic motivation. Notice I said over time, not the occasional treat. Extrinsic rewards definitely work in the short term. There are already extrinsic rewards in gymnastics (trophies, medals), so I personally am wary of offering anything else in exchange for effort or performance. Offering rewards would show that I am personally invested in her performance, and while I am financially, I want this to be HER thing. If she isn't putting in the effort, eventually it will catch up to her and she will be motivated to do better. I am not by any means judging, and my DD is one of those naturally driven kids (while my other child is not) so it is easier for me to say this, but it's my opinion parenting my daughter.

This, all of this, yes. When my ds got his giants, what did he get from me? cheers, I videoed him and I gave him a hug -Not a small thing, he's gross after practice . But, nothing from me would have felt better than doing the giants did. He fell on them first time competing them, went for them at states. What motivated him, well he won High Bar at states.

OP - if you have concerns that she is not putting herself 100% into her gymnastics, I don't think prizes are what's needed. Talk to her, find out what's going on. It is hard to put in the same intensity every day, maybe she has off days, maybe there is fear. Maybe some days she really isn't that motivated, this will not be fixed by offering prizes. Yes, she may do the required skills for the prize but to what end?

Now, I am not opposed to what some do, milkshake or froyo when a new skill is accomplished. I think there are lots of things in life that deserve celebration, but even then it's the gymnast saying "hey mom, I got my ... let's celebrate." The parent just defined the celebration ahead of time. In these cases it does not seem the skill was done for the item, but the child just wants to take a moment with their family to be happy about the accomplishment.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Her sport, her effort, no incentives.

As MAcastsalot points out, research supports external incentives decrease internal motivation.

We do reward effort, improvement, a good day or outstanding performance. But no incentive. No dangling carrots though.

We are also more inclined to reward effort not wins and scores.

 

[Seeker]

At our original gym, there was a family who had 3 girls competing and got " $10 for every 9" they got and the kids were pretty good and the parents were always ( within earshot of all) remarking how every meet usually cost them " at least 100 bucks...I wish they weren't so good? blah blah"....and it brought a really weird and uncomfortable vibe to meets and such. Kids would ask their parents to do the same etc....

That's just weird...they were asking for trouble. I do hope they changed this practice. Parents sound lovely.

 

[windydays]

We don't do incentives for gym. However, I will pay for occasional privates if they are working hard in gym and ask for a private for a specific skill.

 

[raenndrops]

I have a tough time with this one because if you're in the sport for the long haul ( years and years) , it's going to cost you. At our original gym, there was a family who had 3 girls competing and got " $10 for every 9" they got and the kids were pretty good and the parents were always ( within earshot of all) remarking how every meet usually cost them " at least 100 bucks...I wish they weren't so good? blah blah"....and it brought a really weird and uncomfortable vibe to meets and such. Kids would ask their parents to do the same etc....

Last season, the gymmies' dad went to his first regular season away meet to watch them compete. He told OG that he would give her $20 for EVERY score of at least 9 she earned... so he had the same deal with YG (who had NEVER earned a 9 before). Well, OG scored: Bars - 9.0, Floor - 9.15, Vault - 9.0, All Around - 34.8 = $80 for OG. Dad didn't realize that All Around had it's own score and award, lol.
YG earned her first ever 9.0 on L3 Vault and had a 32.45 AA, so she got $40. Dad never made that mistake again, lol. (the only reason he agreed to Stepmom's smartphone for Nationals qualifying this year is that he had a free upgrade available... of course, when she originally made the "deal" it involved not only qualifying, but GOING to Nationals - which NOBODY except stepmom wanted to do. We talked to Dad and explained that to him and he told YG that she didn't have to GO to Nationals even if she qualified.)

 

[Momof2]

I have never said to my kids that if you get this skill I will give you this and that is something I will not start. It's my kids choice to go to gymnastics and go as far as they choose. After meets they do usually ask if they can get ice cream regardless of how well they did or not. Just to make it a fun day and sometimes for the long ride home. I honestly never realized so many parents offered gifts for skills or scores. To each is own.

 

[gymgal]

The only time I ever offered an incentive was at dd's state meet for platinum. I told her if she won an event or AA, she could go to regionals, which required an expensive plane ride to MS. I never dreamed it would be reachable. But she did it and we went.

 

[skschlag]

Nope. Not a bit. I want this to be for him. He sets his own goals, and he decides how it goes. THe reward for hitting a goal? maybe a higher score, but for him, it is moving on to the next skill. He made a bet with his dad in jest this year butI have never done the "if you do X you get Y".

Here can be the big pitfall for this. LEt's pick an easy thing....one of D's teammates this year has NEVER landed his vault. Never in a meet. His parents told him when he lands it in a meet, he will get $25. Seems fair. First 4 meets, he went fo rit...tried hard. last 4 meets, he balked every time, had to go a 2nd time, and still didnt land it. Today, at regionals, missed comletely, did a "vault" that had to count, fell, and they scored it. He was devastated. Now, he had not only missed his vault, let his coach down, but he had also let his parents down who had now put so much stake on this one skill.

D gets high fives, hugs, cheers, videos to watch, and the feeling that he met his goal. In the long run, this will benefit him more. He is easy going for the most part, and if he misses a skill, he gets up shrugs and moves on. His teammate, who frequently has "incentives" riding on his skills, falls apart.

Just my $.02.