MAG Son having hard time at practice

[3crazymonkeys]

Hi. My son just turned 9 a couple months ago. He is level 6 this year. He was doing great but recently he started getting frustrated over skills. One that he used to be able to do and lost but also bonus skills that he's still learning. He is fully ready and capable to compete level 6 but has lost confidence in himself. He competed level 5 for 2 years and crushed his second year. His confidence was sky high at the end of season. The problem is that he gets very grumpy, almost to the point of a temper tantrum, in practice over these skills. He had moments before but never consistent for weeks like it has now. He's also back to crying during strength which he hasn't done the last couple years. His gym went through a lot of changes with coaches over the summer which was tough for him but has settled down now. He's having no problems emotional/behavior wise at school or home. Just gym. He says he still likes gym and doesn't want to stop. He still wants to go and be with friends. Just gets frustrated there when things don't go as well as he wants them too. He's definitely a perfectionist. Has anyone gone through this? Any advice? I talk to him about expected behavior, being a good teammate, things take time, etc but doesn't always help. When he's tired it's worse but he should be getting plenty of sleep and doesn't act tired at home.

 

[sce]

2 things: 1) learning how to deal with frustrations and setbacks is hard. Try to come up with some coping skills he can use, practice them with him. Remind him that not getting a skill today dues not mean it won’t come. Also, ask him why he gets so upset. 2) how long are his practices? Dues he eat well beforehand? Is he drinking enough water during practice?

 

[sce]

Also, is he growing? Growth spurts can throw everything in gymnastics off.

 

[3crazymonkeys]

Thank you. Yes, he keeps growing...a lot! He knows that effects things. He's very tall for his age. We try to talk about ways to control his anger and how he used to get upset over video games and has learned to control that. Needs to do the same at gym etc. I tell him he'll get it and sometimes it takes longer. When he's in a mood he disagrees and says it will never happen. When he's happier though he's rational and knows it will. I ask why he gets so upset right now and he just says "I don't know". He has a great new coach that tries really hard to turn his mood around, keep him upbeat and positive, praise, etc. He drinks tons of water and we makes sure he eats good before and has a snack. His practices are 3 or 3.5 hours depending on the day. And we take a day off during the week so he practices 4 days, 13 hours a week.

When he's not frustrated he is having fun, being a goof, and laughing with his friends. I just hope we get back to that all the time instead of the grumps taking hold. I do think it's a good learning experience that not everything is easy and you can't give up.

 

[John]

The first thing that caught my attention was you mentioning coaching changes. Are you sure he likes the new coach and his technique?

 

[3crazymonkeys]

The first thing that caught my attention was you mentioning coaching changes. Are you sure he likes the new coach and his technique?

He takes awhile to warm up to changes. This new coach pushes him and is tough but in a good positive way. He's not harsh. My son had a tough coach before this as well that he liked (was fired) but then for a few months was with an easy relaxed coach before we hired the new one. So he got lazy. But he does laugh and smile with this new coach. And I feel it's a good fit coaching style based on previous coaches he did well with and liked. He's been through 5 coaches in the last year. He still works with 2 of them since one is the owner and then the new coach. We've gone through a transitional 6 months at the gym and lost a lot of teammates (not his close friends though) as well. It's definitely been tough on him. He seemed to be doing a lot better and getting on track and then he started having a hard time again.

 

[John]

My DD is 10 she shares but rarely, it's a guessing game for me most of the time. Watching body language and facial expressions at times of stress help me gather talking points. Hopefully, he will open up and tell you what is wrong. I tend to believe most of us know what bothers us but we either chose not to share or have a hard time putting a finger on the trigger, very hard for the young. Strategies to cope and possibly asking him to think about what exact event begins the feelings, as they happen, will help. Good Luck

 

[skschlag]

There seems to be a lot going on with your little guy, but it seems like he does have a pattern of being really hard on himself. That can be very difficult in this sport as things get harder and harder. Frustration over skills is one thing; they all have that. But crying during strength would be worrying. Why is he crying? That seems like more bothering him...

Hope things settle down at gym for you guys. SOme stability would help. Learning to not be so hard on himself, that is a tough one

 

[3crazymonkeys]

Thank you all. He is pretty competitive and has had blocks, loss of skills, and frustration in the past. But never lasting weeks. Blocks yes but not to the point where he is upset over it. And is so happy and proud when he beats a fear. He also has a history of crying during strength. Was really bad in level 4 when he was 5 and just turning 6. But he got over it and was so proud of himself halfway through season. He has times here and there through the last couple years where it's tougher for him and he gets upset. It's just gotten worse again and I'm not sure why. Part of it is he's tired at the end of practice but sometimes I feel it's an excuse. He has always pushed through despite his tears before. He has the strength to do it but has always been sensitive. I just don't know if this is an age/phase thing or if the beggining to the end of gymnastics for him. I always tell him it's his choice and we just want him to have fun.

 

[kecks]

many kids this age - not to say most of them - work to a certain part for the adults in their life. they value their relationships to the figures of authority in their life very, very much, much more than adults do. just think how much you probably loved your primary school teacher compared to how much you like or dislike your current boss at work. so in my experience rapid changes in coaches are very, very tough on young kids like your son. he will recover imo as soon as he starts to feel secure again because the coach stays the same for some more months.

 

[3crazymonkeys]

many kids this age - not to say most of them - work to a certain part for the adults in their life. they value their relationships to the figures of authority in their life very, very much, much more than adults do. just think how much you probably loved your primary school teacher compared to how much you like or dislike your current boss at work. so in my experience rapid changes in coaches are very, very tough on young kids like your son. he will recover imo as soon as he starts to feel secure again because the coach stays the same for some more months.

I think you have a very valid point. He was really close to the coach who left a year ago and we still keep in touch. He had been his coach since he was 4, other then his year of level 4, but we did some privates with him during that time. He had also had the next coach for a couple years before he left in April. The other coach was in and out within a couple months. So it has been way too much change and upheaval. I do hope that this new coach sticks around a long time. And I think you are right that it will just take more time for him to feel comfortable and secure again.

 

[John]

If the new coach is worth his salt he will sense the need for the relationship and make it a priority to Establish. All great coaches have a nak of giving their athletes what they need. I feel the coaching changes are the issue even if not realized by your son.

 

[3crazymonkeys]

He definitely seems to be! Any time I talk to him about it he says not to worry, we will work through it. He definitely seems to be trying to connect with the boys and is figuring out quickly what they each need. He's very experienced so I'm sure he's been through it before.

Thank you all so much for your input. I will just try to be patient, supportive, and help my son keep things in perspective and ways to cope.

 

[Madden3]

I would also suggest this is possibly age related. You might want to search for information about "The nine year change" online. Ok ok, it is a Waldorf thing, and if you are not familiar with the child development theories of Rudolf Steiner, you will probably think it all sounds weird. But I have found these concepts about this age very helpful for me when each of my boys went through periods of marked differences in behavior around this age.

Also in my experience, when frustration causes a kid to freak out and/or give up- (and it is ongoing rather than fairly temporary behavior) it is possibly an anxiety reaction. Perfectionism is an imperfect description of the issue I have found. So another area you might want to research is anxiety disorder.

 

[John]

I like theories as well. I believe strongly in the polar bear theory. Simply to learn polar bears study ONE. To learn humans study ONE.

 

[samsmama]

My son went through a tough period around that age as well -- crying during and after practice often, frustrated with skills, super critical of himself even though he was doing well at meets. Nothing helped (including saying/doing nothing, which is common advice here!) and we ended up changing gyms between level 5 and 6. I know it's a drastic solution, and it was hard b/c the coach he left is a really talented, awesome guy, but for whatever reason, that change helped tremendously. DS is almost 11 now and a L7. He still gets frustrated with new skills sometimes, but he is much better about seeing it as part of a process and knowing he will get it eventually.

One thing I did that has stuck with him is that when he used to get mad and say "I can't do X!", I'd add "yet". It made an impression because now he'll add the "yet" himself. It's a small thing, but completely shifts the mindset from "I'll never get it" to "I haven't gotten it yet, but I will."

Good luck! I remember how tough it was when DS was struggling.

 

[sce]

One thing I did that has stuck with him is that when he used to get mad and say "I can't do X!", I'd add "yet". It made an impression because now he'll add the "yet" himself. It's a small thing, but completely shifts the mindset from "I'll never get it" to "I haven't gotten it yet, but I will."

I love this.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Hi. My son just turned 9 a couple months ago. He is level 6 this year. He was doing great but recently he started getting frustrated over skills. One that he used to be able to do and lost but also bonus skills that he's still learning. He is fully ready and capable to compete level 6 but has lost confidence in himself. He competed level 5 for 2 years and crushed his second year. His confidence was sky high at the end of season. The problem is that he gets very grumpy, almost to the point of a temper tantrum, in practice over these skills. He had moments before but never consistent for weeks like it has now. He's also back to crying during strength which he hasn't done the last couple years. His gym went through a lot of changes with coaches over the summer which was tough for him but has settled down now. He's having no problems emotional/behavior wise at school or home. Just gym. He says he still likes gym and doesn't want to stop. He still wants to go and be with friends. Just gets frustrated there when things don't go as well as he wants them too. He's definitely a perfectionist. Has anyone gone through this? Any advice? I talk to him about expected behavior, being a good teammate, things take time, etc but doesn't always help. When he's tired it's worse but he should be getting plenty of sleep and doesn't act tired at home.

gymnastics is a noun...

 

[samsmama]

I love this.

Thanks -- there was A LOT of eye-rolling at first, but I just kept saying it and it stuck.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I like theories as well. I believe strongly in the polar bear theory. Simply to learn polar bears study ONE. To learn humans study ONE.

Humans are more complex then polar bears