Parents The Perils of Rushing Young Gymnasts - LONG!

[mtbmom]

Hi Everyone,

In light of the many threads inquiring whether or not to skip levels, I wanted to share my daughter's story. Her gymnastics "career" has been very difficult. I'd like to share where she started and the decisions that were made in her progression. If I could turn back time I would have made VERY different decisions for her.

August 2006 - (Gym A) Started gymnastics 1 month before her 5th birthday.
September 2006 - Invited to Invite Only Class - we let her do it and it was too much and by...

April 2007 - she started crying and not wanting to go to gym. I thought the problem was the gym and really didn't talk to her coach, the director or anyone, I just pulled her out and put her in a developmental program at a neighboring gym.

April - June 2007 - (Gym B) Stayed in same developmental level but was told she would move to level 3 in September (rest of team moved in June, but she was new and this was perfectly understandable). In September they moved her buddy and not her. She was regularly being screamed at by one coach and the other coach would say very negative things to her. She was 5.

May 2008 - Moved to third gym. (Gym C) By June she had learned a ton of skills so instead of staying in the developmental program she could go to level 4, she didn't have all her skills, but she only needed a few skills and competition season was a whole 6 months away so I figured, "why not, she'll get those few skills by then. I had KNOW idea how long it can take a kid to learn a FEW SKILLS... Heck I didn't even know what a FEW SKILLS was.

Here are the skills she did NOT have for level 4:

Vault - no amplitude, no run, no punch piked where feet were level of her eyes - no kidding
Bars - shoot though, mill circle, glide was crummy, underswing dismount, Front hip circle.
Beam - pretty good, but leaps were reeeeeaaaaaalllllyyyyy tiny.
Floor - Back hollow roll, ROBHS, Heck, she didn't even have a good RO.

I'm sure there are skills I'm forgetting, but clearly she was NOT ready.

Had a terrible level 4 season; her and 1 other kid on team didn't qualify for states. Other kid was on vacation for states, My DD went to cheer on her team, but it was really hard. By the end of level 4 season she still did not have her vault, mill circle, underswing dismount, leaps on beam still reeeeeaaaaalllllyyyyy tiny; still didn't have back hollow roll, ROBHS (she could pull it off, but it was SCARY BAD). I chose to have her repeat level 4, her coach agreed.

June 2009 - All set to repeat level 4, same coach says "No, have her stay with the 5's over the summer and we'll see where she's at in September." September came and they we were STRONGLY DISCOURAGED to let her go back to 4 even though she was still missing some level 4 skills.

Fall 2009 - Now the fear sets in; Balked cartwheel on beam for 2-3 months; ROBHSBHS - HORRIBLE; FHS - Never got it the whole season, Dive roll - Kinda scary, back ext roll - barely; Vault - Just got worse and worse; baby steps - not going over the table; Just horrible; Got kip on bars; but no connections, no amp on tap swings; her body language screamed FEAR and a total lack of confidence. She no longer pointed her toes; just always looked defeated.

Scores in the 7's & 8's with occasional 9's on beam; Vault 5-7 (with spots for most of season); Came in dead last regularly in meets. Always dead last on vault.

Awards in Level 4, 1 - 9th place on Beam; Level 5, 1 - 6th place on Beam & 1 - 13th AA.

Due to coaching issues that will not be aired publicly repeating level 5 at the same gym was NOT an option so it was on to level 6 She got hurt doing a fly away on bars; skills got worse instead of better over the summer. FEAR became all encompassing. Me - "How was gymnastics?" DD - "SCARY." It was the same answer every day. She started to develop fears of other things, like fireworks, thunder, getting her face in the water while swimming, anything new. By August we were more than done. Clearly, we wanted her to quit gymnastics - but she became hysterical when we brought it up.

We've now come FULL CIRCLE & are back at (Gym A). Along with going back to GYM A; I enrolled her in private swimming lessons to help her with her new fear of water. I also enrolled her in dance in the fall so that she now had other activities in her life so she wouldn't feel like gymnastics is all that she has.

In 2.5 months, she and her wonderful new coaches have corrected her balking issue on vault - her vault will still not gain her any high scores, but she is running the whole way punching and vaulting. This took many, many vaults and taking the table out of equation for awhile before bringing it back in. Oh and get this, they do mental training at her new gym. It is amazing to see what happens when a child is helped through their fears rather than ignoring them.

She is now doing a lovely ROBHSBHS. She is doing a lovely FHS. Bars, she is fixing her bent arms on her kips, but mostly is getting the conditioning and strength she needs for that event. She's SKINNY.

The transition to the new gym has been very difficult. She went from not doing much work to working very, very hard. She has wanted to quit, but decided to stick it out until the end of the Level 5 season. I wish she didn't have to go through so much at such a young age.

Many of you may think, we made a LOT of bad decisions and we did. But, we thought we were making the best decisions for her at the time.

My point is that if you rush them when they are not ready you will do emotional, psychological, and possibly physical damage. It is just NOT WORTH IT.

On a happier note; she is no longer afraid of water and is a level 3/4 swimmer. LOVES swimming. Has all strokes but butterfly. She's still afraid of fireworks.

 

[UnoMas]

I am just so very sad for you and for your DD. I got teary-eyed reading it. A lot of your DD's level 4 season sounds like my daughter's will be, she is most definitely not ready for level 4 but she will also most definitely repeat next season (and the one after that maybe, too ).

Anyway, thank you for sharing. It really made me think about some things, and I hope others will learn from it too.

I am so glad she is back to enjoying life in the gym. I hope the rest of her "career" is happier...much happier!

 

[mayestra12]

Thanks for sharing. It makes me feel good that dd's gym does not compete level 3 and 4. She has LOTS of time to gain strength and learn solid skills for level 5 when she gets there.

Best of luck to your dd! She sounds like an amazing kiddo!

 

[MdGymMom01]

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am so glad that your dd is working through her fear and is getting her confidence and skills back . Going slow and steady, and even backing up a bit to reinforce skills can do wonders for a child's self-esteem and confidence! My dd has been through a lot of rough coaching when she was younger and I am glad that I have now taken a step back with her training schedule and progression and just let her go with the flow.

Wishing your dd the best of luck for the upcoming season!!!

 

[Jennemmy]

What an awful time. I appreciate your support of her and I don't want to come across not being sympathetic of your journey. I do have to wonder why you stuck with it. My 2nd dd did pre-team and her 1st year sounded a lot like your daughter's. Even tho she loved gymnastics and would do the floor routine alongside her big sis during meets, she wasn't doing well. She was miserable and nervous. Why didn't your daughter stop? Even when you love a sport, there should be times for the grown-up to make a tough choice. My 7yo will still watch her sis at a meet and say she misses it. But she is also the first to say she likes soccer, brownies, whatever after school activity is offered that month, better. Gymnastics is hard. My older is stressing out trying to move to lvl 6. But she is fearless, super positive and wants it so bad that she gives me a hard time if I plan a trip when she will miss practice. I just wonder if you made the right choice by letting her decide. Parents choose healthy food, guide our kids away from hot pots or hold on to a stair rail. We have to make the unpopular choice sometimes too.

 

[NOG]

I really appreciate your sharing your story. I'm sure it was difficult to put it all into words and even harder to admit when mistakes have been made. I'm sure that we've ALL made mistakes in our dd's gym lives (most of us have never been around the competitive world of gym until our dds decide that they MUST compete, lol), but it takes a very special person to admit when they've made an error in judgement. I commend you for not only admitting to some, but sharing it with everyone. There is much to reflected on in your post. I hope that everyone takes the time to read it through.

I sincerely hope that your dd has a phenomenal year and continues to grow and conquer all of her fears! I'll look forward to hearing about her accomplishments in the future (not just gym related btw )

 

[NewtoGym]

Jennemmy, why do you think she should have pulled her daughter out of gymnastics? Yes, it was a rough road, but she did say that her daughter wanted to continue and obviously she has learned a lot and grown stronger physically and mentally. And why do you think your youngest shouldn't do gymnastics? It sounds like she likes it. I don't believe that someone shouldn't do gymnastics just because they may not be the best. There is so much more to learn from the sport. I am just curious, not judgemental.

 

[Kiwi]

It is interesting that even when things were going badly, your DD didn't want to give up gym. And it is good to see your DD is back on the right track now.

A lot of the problem seems to be about choosing the right gym. I don't understand why some gyms are pushing kids ahead of where they really are at. At our gym, the kids compete from level 1, but nobody gets moved up a level until they have the skills for their current level.

 

[ZZMom]

Thank you so much for posting this. I'm really in awe of your courage. It isn't easy to really examine what has happened and share as openly as you have. I hope that every parent of a young child on this site reads your post.

I am glad that you have found a supportive coach FINALLY for your daughter. From what I can tell about the chronology here, she is now nine (or just turned ten). Is that right? She has been through a lot so I hope she really wants to keep going. My older daughter didn't even step into a gym until she was nine and ended up making it to level 10. If your daughter loves gymnastics then she is in a good spot for to turn things around and with your new knowledge you should be able to protect her for the rest of the journey. If she is ready to stop, this is also a good time since she has found a coach she trusts and could stop on a good note.

I'm glad you spoke up about this. I think that many young children (and their parents) go through similar experiences. They are talented but don't end up with coaches who know what to do with them.

Thank you again for being willing to share this story and best wishes to you and your little daughter.



ZZMom

 

[Empowered]

A sincere thank you for posting this. So many times I think we all, coaches included, forget how young these little girls are. Just because they are poised and focused does not make them adults.

You have got one determined child to stay in the sport after such a tough start. Anyone with determination like that can go as far as she wants to in any sport, I have no doubt about it. I am just glad that she is now getting the chance to succeed on her own schedule and terms.

On a non gym note... Congrats on the swimming. My daughter, despite a summer of lessons, still does a lovely impersonation of a brick in the water.

Oh and for the fireworks, just a random thought here... Maybe you could have her watch a beautiful fireworks display on tape without the sound to gradually ease her into not being afraid of them.

 

[Panda-girl's Mom]

I can definitely relate to your daughters struggles. My daughter went through a similar situtation. She was placed on preteam at 6 competed level 4 at 7 really struggled also did not make it to States along with another teammate even worse we our gym hosted states that year. Unlike your daughter after the 1st year daughter briefly left gym for about a week tried out another gym missed her old gym and went back. She repeated level 4 had a pretty good year than last year had a great year as a level5 she also had two new main coaches which made all the difference. Eventhough she stayed at the same gym after getting more knowledgable in the sport I now realize what a great program her gym has. In the HC defense I think she picks out girls with potential and sees what they can do it probally had nothing to do with her not making it to states the 1st year it just took my daughter longer to get the skills I also think her coach at the time was not as good. Luckily my daughter was held back to do level 4 again.
It sounds like your daughter is very persistent and I am glad she has not given up. I know how you feel about putting your daughter in this sport and I question myself all the time if I made the right decision. I sometimes wonder if it was too much to soon and if starting on team at an older age would have been better. But like you when I got her into this sport I had no clue. Good luck to your daughter this year.

 

[mtbmom]

What an awful time. I appreciate your support of her and I don't want to come across not being sympathetic of your journey. I do have to wonder why you stuck with it. My 2nd dd did pre-team and her 1st year sounded a lot like your daughter's. Even tho she loved gymnastics and would do the floor routine alongside her big sis during meets, she wasn't doing well. She was miserable and nervous. Why didn't your daughter stop? Even when you love a sport, there should be times for the grown-up to make a tough choice. My 7yo will still watch her sis at a meet and say she misses it. But she is also the first to say she likes soccer, brownies, whatever after school activity is offered that month, better. Gymnastics is hard. My older is stressing out trying to move to lvl 6. But she is fearless, super positive and wants it so bad that she gives me a hard time if I plan a trip when she will miss practice. I just wonder if you made the right choice by letting her decide. Parents choose healthy food, guide our kids away from hot pots or hold on to a stair rail. We have to make the unpopular choice sometimes too.

Actually, my dd's experience sounds nothing like your younger DD'ss. She skipped level 3 and that much needed year of developmental gymnastics. She loves gymnastics, despite the grownups around her mucking things up for her. She doesn't want to do Brownies or Girl Scouts or soccer or any other activity. I forced her to take swimming lessons and spent a large amount of time talking her into taking dance before she would try it.

Her experience is a warning to others regarding pushing too fast. She is having a wonderful time now and despite all that she went through NEVER wanted to quit. And still had a great time at gymnastics. In the beginning when she was 5, she was crying because she wasn't ready for an invitational class. I know that now. Then the fear didn't really set in until this past summer. When the fear at gym started turning into anxiety outside of gym, I analyzed the situation. She didn't want to quit so we gave one last effort back at Gym A. I believe a LOT of what she went through is because of the agenda of Gym C and that is all that I will say on a public forum. DD is fine now and is really looking forward to her first meet this weekend. She loves to compete and loves gymnastics. I've made a lot of mistakes and have considered pulling her, but I don't think pulling her when now would have been a very good answer for her. If she decides at the end of this season that she is done, then she will be done. But, I am confident that she will be leaving on a high note. Knowing that when someone finally believed in her, she could believe in herself. And WOW look what you can do.

You are right. We need to protect our children. But your level 6 is stressed out. Should you pull her out or let her work through it? It is not a black and white decision.

 

[mtbmom]

On a non gym note... Congrats on the swimming. My daughter, despite a summer of lessons, still does a lovely impersonation of a brick in the water.

:rotfl:I hope you continue with the lessons! Brick like behavior in water is incompatible with life!

Oh and for the fireworks, just a random thought here... Maybe you could have her watch a beautiful fireworks display on tape without the sound to gradually ease her into not being afraid of them.

She has plans next year at Disney to wear hunting headphones so she doesn't have to here the booms! :sly:

On a more serious note, I'm very glad to see her thinking about and working through her own fears.

 

[lovemylifex4]

WOW... well, I'm so happy to hear she is doing good now and is back on track! Huge congrats to her for sticking with it!!! And for overcoming her fear of swimming. That is awesome!!!!

 

[mtbmom]

It is interesting that even when things were going badly, your DD didn't want to give up gym. And it is good to see your DD is back on the right track now.

A lot of the problem seems to be about choosing the right gym. I don't understand why some gyms are pushing kids ahead of where they really are at. At our gym, the kids compete from level 1, but nobody gets moved up a level until they have the skills for their current level.

I agree wholeheartedly. It sounds like you're in a great gym. We are finally in the right place for DD. She is really enjoying it now that she's gained some strength and gotten a lot of her confidence.

 

[Panda-girl's Mom]

Good luck to her on her first meet we do not compete till mid november. I agree with you about pushing young kids to move up the levels fast. It they do not have the skills what good is it. I think a good gym takes into consideration where the gymnast is not where the rest of the group is or where or how old the gymnast will be when they reach level 10. Repeating a level can be tough but it was honestly the best thing for my daughter.

 

[Jennemmy]

Jennemmy, why do you think she should have pulled her daughter out of gymnastics? Yes, it was a rough road, but she did say that her daughter wanted to continue and obviously she has learned a lot and grown stronger physically and mentally. And why do you think your youngest shouldn't do gymnastics? It sounds like she likes it. I don't believe that someone shouldn't do gymnastics just because they may not be the best. There is so much more to learn from the sport. I am just curious, not judgemental.

I just think 4 years of fear, apprehension and picking up and leaving 4 different times says less about the gyms and more about the choices. At 5 years old no kid should spend time looking fearful doing something that is supposed to be fun. Maybe its the child psych in me, but I see lots of parents making choices for their kids when it comes to sports that they would never do in any other area. If your kid cries every time you wanted her to go to bed, you probably would make her go. If your kid gets angry that you won't give her ice cream for dinner, you (I hope) would still make her eat a balanced meal. My younger daughter cried on practice days and then would pull it together, walk in and work out. But it wasn't fun. Now, she goes to cheerleading and soccer skipping. I know there are days she says she wants to try again but she's 7. (She did 2 years before this in lessons and was always worried, but insisted she didn't want to quit.) She has time try in the summer when if things are miserable, she can switch to a tumbling only class or take dance. And she isn't also trying to do homework, get up for school and be ready to learn. She can learn the value of hard work and determination in many other ways besides gymnastics. I keep thinking about the saying that a child's expression says a thousand things they can't voice. It sounds like that little girl was just waiting for someone to be the grown-up.

Whereas, my older is stressed out in a way I find healthy. She wants to be a 6. B-A-D. Her coaches want her to really nail it before they move her. So she is plotting ways to fine tune her freehip and connections. Maybe the word is drive and not stress. But she is going at it full-force. My younger actually did well compared to her teammates as a pre-team and was moving to 4 when I pulled her. She is one of the kids that internalizes, worries. I knew that it gets tougher bc I am friends with moms who have daughters that stand on the beam for 30 minutes before doing the bwo. Or the girl that hits every tuck on her bum, despite coming in 5 aa at states the year before. They just don't look like their having fun. And sometimes, kids do things bc they don't want to disappoint us. Again, that may not be MBT, it sounds like they were right there to support their daughter no matter what.

 

[mtbmom]

I just think 2 years of fear, apprehension and picking up and leaving 4 different times says less about the gyms and more about the choices.

We went to 2 gyms, before we went back to the first gym. The reason we left the gym in the middle was that it almost went out of business and her coach was screaming at her at least once a week (she screamed at all the kids).

I appreciate your points but my daughter did not have 2 years of fear and apprehension. She started at Gym A and initially liked it. When she started crying everyday (on dropoff only - which could have more to do with being 5 than the gym - I made the mistake of taking her to another gym).

At 5 years old no kid should spend time looking fearful doing something that is supposed to be fun.

She wasn't fearful at 5 and I never said she was. Fear came up in this past year. She liked gym at 5, 6, 7, 8 and 9 despite the fact that her training was royally screwed up.

It sounds like that little girl was just waiting for someone to be the grown-up.

Well you're wrong and now I'm offended. How DARE you imply that I am not being a grown up. There is MUCH more to the story that will not be aired in a public forum. You may have your opinion, but you've stepped way over the line with your last line that I quoted above. That Little Girl is very well adjusted, well cared for, and loved very much. She is very happy that we let her continue and is doing very, very well now.

I know that I cannot control where and what you post, but I would appreciate if you would be done with expressing your opinions now on my thread. This thread is about the perils of pushing a child ahead that isn't ready. It is not about my parenting which you know nothing about. I'm surprised that the "child psych" in you would allow you to make an interpretation without all of the facts.

 

[mtbmom]

Thank you so much for posting this. I'm really in awe of your courage. It isn't easy to really examine what has happened and share as openly as you have. I hope that every parent of a young child on this site reads your post.

I am glad that you have found a supportive coach FINALLY for your daughter. From what I can tell about the chronology here, she is now nine (or just turned ten). Is that right? She has been through a lot so I hope she really wants to keep going. My older daughter didn't even step into a gym until she was nine and ended up making it to level 10. If your daughter loves gymnastics then she is in a good spot for to turn things around and with your new knowledge you should be able to protect her for the rest of the journey. If she is ready to stop, this is also a good time since she has found a coach she trusts and could stop on a good note.

I'm glad you spoke up about this. I think that many young children (and their parents) go through similar experiences. They are talented but don't end up with coaches who know what to do with them.

Thank you again for being willing to share this story and best wishes to you and your little daughter.ZZMom

Thank you. Your post is very encouraging and you echo what DD's new coaches have said. They are glad she is so young so they can undo a lot of what has been done. She just turned 9, so you were right in your estimate. She is really excited about her meet this weekend and I am excited for her. I think she is going to surprise herself.

 

[Granny Smith]

So, this is my 3rd attempt at responding to your post. Thank you for sharing! Your dd's story is all to common, unfortunately in this sport. Whether it is the parents that are pushing (not in your case) or if it's the coaches that are pushing.

It really bothers me that in your case, your dd was lacking so many 4 skills and you, the parent, were not blind to this. Coach agrees with you to have her repeat 4 and then coach is on the 5 bandwagon. Were these the same coaches or different coaches? Usually it's the coaches moving a kid up because of the parents pushing, but in your case you were like hey, keep her 4. You weren't being a "crazy gym parent."

You're dd was doing the best she could and they so want to please everyone (parents, coaches and themselves). I'm glad to see that she is back on the right track.

I wish her many years of success in this sport!