Parents when to encourage transition out?

[profmom]

My girl is having a very tough time right now. First year L7, struggling on every event, and right now thoroughly miserable. She's losing confidence in herself and showing signs of anxiety and depression.

The biggest issue is with bars -- she has her giants and a (not perfectly consistent) kip-cast handstand, but is having a lot of trouble with kip drills. Lately she cannot do 3-5 good ones in a row, and her coach won't let her move on to other things. The second biggest issue is floor. Earlier this season, she had a passable FHS-FT, but now she's having trouble with the tuck. She's doing fine with her Yurchenko timers but can't yet flip, and she hasn't yet been able to move from the BWO-BWO series to the BWO-BHS. She has a meet coming up soon and if she had to go tomorrow, I don't think she would be able to compete because she is such a basket case right now.

She seems right now to be in a rapid downward spiral -- she gets more anxious and then has worse practices and the coaches get more frustrated with her and she does worse. She feels like a failure, and that is very difficult to see in a formerly happy, confident, 11.5 YO girl. Is this just one of those things that many kids go through in optionals that will pass, or is it time to try to encourage her to think about leaving team?

She doesn't want me to talk to her coaches, but I think I will have to do this next week regardless of what she wants. I'm looking here for some wise advice from folks who've been there and done that.

 

[emorymom]

I haven't been there done that, but I wonder if this is related to her growth spurt? I don't read a lot about coaches being intentional about managing gymnastics realistically and encouragingly during the growth spurt.

 

[gymmomof1]

My dd is the same age and its a lot more work right now than it was in compulsory (dds L8). I have said to her when she feels like it's not fun anymore or she would like to try some other sport (she done only gymnastics since she was 2.5) then after the season she can move on to something else. We have a less intense program in our state that she could also do if she wanted to continue gymnastics and do other things. My advice is talk with your dd on what she would like to do ( ie. Move onto something else after the season. Or do a less intensive cometitve program etc) Peace

 

[Gymmonkeymomma]

We have a less intense program in our state that she could also do if she wanted to continue gymnastics and do other things. My advice is talk with your dd on what she would like to do ( ie. Move onto something else after the season. Or do a less intensive cometitve program etc) Peace

After struggling, not having fun, and losing confidence over the course of 3 YEARS (age 11-13, L7,8,8) my oldest moved to the less intensive program and although she ultimately left gymnastics, she was able to end her career on a high note, having great success in the other program.

 

[MaryA]

Sounds very much like what my DD went through back in the fall (when she was exactly the same age as your dd, and as you know, also a level 7). Even though she wasn't talking about quitting, I was definitely feeling like, "we can't go on like this." The HC helping her set non-score-related goals, telling her that her worth as a gymnast or as a human being was in no way tied to her ability to do this particular skill at this moment in time, and just going back to basics on a couple of skills/events really helped. Or maybe it was just time. I'm sure it was tied to a growth spurt plus hormones, and I think having the coaches talk to her about that, and knowing it's something everybody goes through, helped a lot too. Certainly keep lines of communication open with your DD, and if she is telling you that she's done, I would respect that. But my DD went from losing just about every skill she ever had, including, on one memorable night, her ROHBSH (!) in the fall to being the high scorer on her team by January. So while this is totally stressful, it may, in the end, be nothing more than a blip on her gymnastics radar. Though I am trying to mentally prepare myself for more of the same to come, since DD is definitely not done with the growth spurt/puberty thing!

 

[gymmomtoo]

Sounds like she has the ability to do the skills, but is struggling mentally--letting some setbacks affect other skills--I see it happen with other girls at the gym as well as my own daughter! I would definitely talk to the coaches and ask how you can help her. I highly recommend Doc Ali's program. The weekly web camp has helped my daughter immensely (it's expensive, but you can try out two weeks for free). I, personally, wouldn't let my own daughter quit when she's struggling with something--I think that gives the wrong message (something gets hard? Just quit! You probably aren't good enough to do it anyway (yes, I know that's not what people truly mean, but that's the way I see it coming across)).

Good luck to her--she CAN get through this. She IS good enough and she WILL do it!

 

[gymgal]

I understand that your dd doesn't want you to talk with the coach but that's exactly what she needs right now. The coach needs to knows her mental status and frustration level. Some gymnasts are very difficult to read and if the coach doesn't know, she can't do anything to help the situation. So I think you are on the right path by talking to the coach. Let them know dd did not want them to know. This clarifies the point that dd is attempting to hide her frustrations from them. If you are in am established program, the coaches have run into this before and should have a good handle on how to decrease the stress and frustration.

I think it is too soon to look toward transitioning out of gymnastics totally. It sounds like she still enjoys many aspects of it. A modification of her workout may be all that is needed to boost her confidence again.

Let us know how the meeting goes.

 

[iwannacoach]

Talk to the coach, and talk to the kid. Tell the coach she's having a hard time accepting the way she's performing on the skills you've mentioned, and it's getting her so stressed she can't seem to catch her metaphorical breath. That will give the coach an understanding for any behavior or demeanor on her part, and that's a big help because it's too frequent that a coach will attribute demeanor and behavior to a bad attitude or disrespect to those around her.

Talk to her about the about growth spurts and hormones to let her know this is a transition into a more enabled phase of her life. It doesn't feel good now.... but it will once she's adjusted to all the changes she's going through.

I figured "growth spurt" as soon as I read that she was regressing on the kip series. Reassure her that skills do get harder for a while, but if you keep working hard they'll come back to their former glory, along with new ones that seem to come as a result of learning how to work through the struggles she's going through now.

As for beam....... It'll come along if she keeps working, and working, and...... Really, it's more a numbers game than anything else, and as long as there's real effort and desire going into the work she'll get that much closer with every 100 she does on the floor beam......just not in one single practice !!!!

 

[Deleted member D3987]

it's part of the process. it'll pass.

 

[GymnastJoy]

We have not BTDT nor is my daughter a tween yet. But I agree that I would try to keep her in the sport a bit longer to see if she can ride this out. Maybe not competing in a meet or two? Or just trying out a different league to see what is is like? I also would not want her leaving a sport she has loved for so long on a bad note. However, what you describe about how she is feeling is certainly not to be taken lightly. No parent wants to see their child like that. Hopefully speaking with her coach will result in a plan for your dd to resume her happiness first and foremost.

 

[Gymmommy71]

I don't think any girl w/ a giant and a yurchenko timer by the age of 11 should be quitting gymnastics because of one difficult season.

Those are great skills that not a lot of gymnasts get, ever, and every girl's body needs to grow up eventually...even Olympians have to go through it and learn to adjust their skills.

If she's having a hard time w/ losing skills, maybe keep training but take a break from doing meets?...as long as she's able to do a few meets to establish at least a move up score or maybe even state qualification by the end of the season, I don't think it will delay her progress once things start clicking again.

Like others have said talk to her coach and figure out the best plan to get the pressure off her but still keep her training effectively.

Good luck...my DD will be 11 next year, so I am starting to think about what growing up is going to do to her gymnastics too...

 

[Natasha]

I just about could have written your post with a few minor changes! My dd is L8 and frustrated (lots of tears lately) but says she still loves it and still wants to do gymnastics. Growth spurt/puberty/coming back from an injury has made for a difficult season. I talked to her coach this week about it as well just to make sure we were all on the same page (even though my dd did not want me to). Her coach (who was an awesome gymnast, competed through college on D1 scholarship) told me about how she went to regionals every year from the age of 8 and placed well, except for one year when she was 13 and puberty hit and she did not even qualify to state that year. She said everything was "off," she couldn't tumble, couldn't get her body to do what she normally did and didn't understand why. Obviously she lived through it and continued her successful gymnastics career!

 

[profmom]

Awww, you guys are great! So many things it's hard even for the parent to see when it's your kid in the middle of it. I don't think it's a growth spurt yet -- she's only grown 1/2 inch since last July and both her dad and I were late bloomers -- but I think I can help her better now. She loves gym in part because it's one sport where size does not matter (she's very small for her age and has yet to crack 60 lbs.). But I suppose she could be starting to feel those hormones circulating!

I'll have a quiet word with her coaches next week. Of course they have NO idea what she is going through -- she has a very tough game face.

 

[LoriLou]

Good for you! Don't "encourage transition" unless she wants to. It sounds to me like your daughter is quite talented! Just give her some time to get through this.

 

[gymgal]

Awww, you guys are great! So many things it's hard even for the parent to see when it's your kid in the middle of it. I don't think it's a growth spurt yet -- she's only grown 1/2 inch since last July and both her dad and I were late bloomers -- but I think I can help her better now. She loves gym in part because it's one sport where size does not matter (she's very small for her age and has yet to crack 60 lbs.). But I suppose she could be starting to feel those hormones circulating!

I'll have a quiet word with her coaches next week. Of course they have NO idea what she is going through -- she has a very tough game face.

My dd has been feeling the hormones for a coupe of years: beginning of acne, emotional, sleep habits. these all began more than a year before she visibly began growing and she still hasn't hit the big growth spurt yet. So the hormones can definitely be in play.

 

[AlexsGymmyMom]

I feel your pain we have definately been there done that ......and still there now!

Don't give up just yet! It will pass, these tween years are the hardest.

Alex gains and loses skills with every practice.(she is 13). Plus, she just keeps growing. 1 year ago she barely weighed 70 pounds and now weighs 85. She has grown at least 3 inches in the past year. Girls used to tower over her 6 months ago and now she is a good half inch taller than them. Plus don't get me started on the hormones.....Holy cow!! One day she is "amazing" and the next day thinks she is the worst gymnast to ever step foot in a gym and then back to "amazing" again.

Give it some time, it is hard making these adjustments but she will. Good luck to her!

 

[Gymdaddio]

Reading this right after reading the "skipping Lvl 6" post, makes me go, "hmmm".

 

[dmytv]

I would not worry. It is all up to her. Does she still love gym? Can she learn from the hard work and struggle? My dd stunk at her first yr level 7. She was 11. She fell on beam, every single time. She repeated level 7, switched gyms for other reasons and then stunk on bars. She would not let go on the flyaway. We thought we should make her quit, just because it was torture to watch her fail soooo badly. She is now a level 8 and well on her way to level 9. She is doing great. She never mastered bwo/bhs. She does bhs/bhs. On bars, She finally let go and can do several types of dismounts now. She is struggling with vault now, though. What I have learned is that gymnastics has taught her to never give up. She keeps fighting and working hard. She works so hard, I think the struggle teaches her something more than the skill she finally gets. Good luck to your dd. Life lessons can be learned in gymnastics.

 

[mariposa]

I definitely don't think that you would want to transition her out of gymnastics just yet. These kinds of situations are part of gymnastics I think, most girls go through times they are on fire and times they aren't. Getting through them makes them stronger and they will need that strength/mental toughness to get through the many more times they will go through it. Easier said that done of course! I am watching my kiddo struggle right now and it is no fun. She still loves gymnastics though and even though she is frustrated, I can see that she still has her determination and love for the sport. She is on more of a roller coaster right now though, not downward spiral. Have you tried Doc Ali stuff? Might be worth a try. She has a bunch of stuff available at Head Games

I think you should definitely talk to her coach, especially since you say she keeps it all in at gym. They might think she is coping just fine.

 

[erindel]

i definitely think talking to the coach is a good idea... I think if things still dont pan out the way you may want, maybe instead of quitting, she can do something a little easier and less stressful like joining the excel program. She will still be able to compete, but can tone it down and tailor the routines to what shes comfortable with.. This may ease her mind a bit. No matter what, good luck and dont let her quit, she has come too far to give up that easily...