Parents Advice for 6 year old. Love to hear from moms of older kids

[rmankini]

I ask this question full well knowing my daughter is just turned 6. We are in pre-team. She's been doing gymnastics just a year. She was making great progress and quickly! Now, not only has she hit a plateau, but she is loosing skills she once had, not focusing and not listening. In other words, I feel she isn't very coachable right now. She "says" she wants desperately to move to the last pre-team level. Says she is going to focus in group next time, and then doesn't!!

There are simple things that the coaching have drilled into the girls heads. For instance, keeping arms right by the head. Very basic stuff. She isn't doing this, even after months and months of reminders, unless the coach is right there to remind her. I see some girls "get it." And my daughter just isn't getting it now that we have moved on to more difficult stuff.

I have asked her what she thinks. If she still wants to quit? She starts to tear up at the suggestion of quitting. I suggest it only because I want this to be what she really wants. I'm starting to wonder if this isn't her thing. OR, am I jumping to gun too fast being that she is still so young and being too hard on her?

Have any of you gone through this period with your kiddos to find that in a few months, it works out and they start progressing again?
Thank you

 

[Deleted member 18037]

First of all is the coach concerned???

Next like much of life, gymnastics ebbs and flows. And add in she is 6. Not every one "gets" it at the same time. Not everyone "gets" the same stuff at the same time.

Let the coach coach. Stop watching practice. "We" are not in preteam. She is, let her be.

And yes it seems like my daughter goes months without anything new. And then I catch something at practice or someone shares she has done something. And I am like "wow when did you get that". And this happens all.the.time.

 

[l.c.o]

Hmmm. Honestly, I would consider not watching practice, and not talking about gymnastics at home, unless coach approaches you about her behavior and asks you to. She may be feeling pressure to "make it" and consequently be shutting down. Anyway, coaches need to be able to connect with them and manage their behaviors in the gym.

It's possible she's not ready to move to the next level yet, and that's ok. The goal shouldn't necessarily be to make X level by X date at this point... She's only 6. But rather it should cultivate a love for the sport while learning how to fit the culture. 6 is still quite young for many kids to take it super "seriously".

I think super serious, fast-progressing six year old gymmies are the exception rather than the rule.

It's possible that your DD isn't ready for team, and that's ok, too. Many kids will never be, but it doesn't mean your DD will never be. After years of rec, one of the best girls in DD's group first started competing L3 at age 11 - that's pretty "old" for her gym, and she's really pretty great.

Also, maybe try some open gyms or rec camps just for fun. Maybe she's missing that?

 

[rmankini]

Hmmm. Honestly, I would consider not watching practice, and not talking about gymnastics at home, unless coach approaches you about her behavior and asks you to. She may be feeling pressure to "make it" and consequently be shutting down. Anyway, coaches need to be able to connect with them and manage their behaviors in the gym.

It's possible she's not ready to move to the next level yet, and that's ok. The goal shouldn't necessarily be to make X level by X date at this point... She's only 6. But rather it should cultivate a love for the sport while learning how to fit the culture. 6 is still quite young for many kids to take it super "seriously".

I think super serious, fast-progressing six year old gymmies are the exception rather than the rule.

It's possible that your DD isn't ready for team, and that's ok, too. Many kids will never be, but it doesn't mean your DD will never be. After years of rec, one of the best girls in DD's group first started competing L3 at age 11 - that's pretty "old" for her gym, and she's really pretty great.

Also, maybe try some open gyms or rec camps just for fun. Maybe she's missing that?

Oh yes, she definitely isn't ready to move yet... It's just the "all of a sudden complete lack of focus." It's as though it's a different child! But your feedback makes sense. Thank you!!

 

[cadybearsmommy]

I wouldn't worry too much at this point UNLESS she seems to be losing focus in other areas as well, like school. Then it could be an indication of a bigger problem. But more than likely she is just feeling the pressure and some kids just don't react well to pressure. I would do like the previous poster suggested, try to stay out of the gym as much as possible, not a lot of talk about gymnastics, let her come to you if she has something she wants to share. Chances are she will come around in a few months. My dd went through something similar when she was younger, hers was more of a confidence issue from some of her teammates not being so nice to her, as well as some issues with the gym and coaching. It took a gym switch for my dd to feel confident again and start progressing. It doesn't sound like these are issues for your dd though and just taking a step back and letting her kind of run the show for a while will probably be enough to resolve things.

 

[Azgymmiemom]

I wouldn't ask her if she wants to quit. Let her tell you if she wants to quit. Let her be in control of her activity. I also suggest not watching so much practice and let the coach come to you with any concerns (trust me, if they are having a problem, they will come talk to you!) Her progression will be so much more apparent to you if you view her infrequently. Gym is like watching paint dry, most days!

My dd started gym shortly after her 6th birthday and was immediately placed in their devo group. Yes, some skills came and went quite frequently before they came to stay for good. She is now in her 6th competitive year, level 9. And guess what? There's ALWAYS a skill that is giving her fear or trouble or frustration. Or all three. She just keeps plodding along. I just keep supporting her and trusting her coaches. I've only ever stepped in when she's been injured, which, thankfully, has all been minor and infrequently.

At first, I also had her in dance and some other activities. She was the one who decided to stay with gym when the hours became too great and she had to choose. Maybe at 6 your dd needs to try some other things, too, just to see what's out there. I honestly wouldn't worry about her gym progression. If she wants to do it, let her do it.

 

[l.c.o]

Oh yes, she definitely isn't ready to move yet... It's just the "all of a sudden complete lack of focus." It's as though it's a different child! But your feedback makes sense. Thank you!!

You're welcome!

She's a peanut yet, so I'd give her time. If it continues, maybe just ask the coach if there's any reason to be concerned. Until then, I wouldn't worry.

My DS lacked (lacks?) a lot of focus, especially when he was younger and doing boys rec. He didn't listen well, didn't care about form, etc. He just wanted to jump around and have fun. He spent a lot of time trying to do his own thing and then consequently sitting in hula-hoop timeouts. He took a few breaks from taking classes when it got "boring". He was 7.5 when he finally decided (by himself) to really try and focus to make team, and at age 9, he still has good days and bad days. He's currently finishing up his first season of competition, so, there's hope?

Good luck.

 

[balancedmom]

She is 6. I would let her be and let gymnastics be her activity and not focus on this too much. Different kids go through periods of having skills, losing skills, losing focus, having focus, and this is a long road, so take a deep breath, let your DD guide you and enjoy!

 

[Sasha]

Not sure if this is the case here, but often kids will get 'sloppy' or 'forget' things they had learned once new skills or rules are introduced.

Otherwise, I have seen it also be very common that young kids focus most when they first start. It is new, they are eager to please, and try hard to focus and do their best. Once some weeks to months have passed and they start to get more 'comfortable' with the coach and environment, and the newness has worn off, a good number of kids will start to slack off in attention. It is a form of boredom, though it doesn't mean they aren't having fun overall. This can be most apparent in a structured class like pre-team that is less silly-fun-time and more structured shapes, basics, conditioning, etc. It gets boring for a lot of kids.

Hopefully Coach has ideas on how to combat boredom in the young'uns by mixing in games, mixing up the drills, having little fun competitions (like who has the best frog jump or whatever)... so they keep interest.

Whether and when your daughter will really enjoy the rigor of team training, only time will tell. Many do not, and that's ok. Also note that gyms vary pretty widely in their standards/expectations for how young kids need to start focusing to what degree to be considered for team. As a parent, if your child wants team, you need to find the gym that is the best fit for her in that regard.

 

[munchkin3]

lots of good advice already.

 

[rmankini]

thank you all. I appreciate it the very consistent feedback from you all. Being so young, with SO many adults around, my husband and I aren't ok with the "drop off and leave." No parents really do that at this age at our gym. All us parents watch. However, I think bringing a good book and not focusing so much on her is fantastic advice. I was a dancer and a perfectionist so I'm sure it is affecting my judgment. I just needed to get straightened out. I appreciate the help.

 

[munchkin3]

great idea!......she should be having FUN.....dont take away her fun or she will not want to do it anymore.

And BY GOD, dont offer her to QUIT!!!

 

[gymgal]

If the coach is right there watching her, does she do the skills/forms correctly or does the coach have to give cues? If it is the first, then it is lack of attention/focus/motivation. If it is the second, it could be lack of focus but more likely it is also that she just doesn't 'get it' yet. She is still figuring out her body awareness. This takes time to develop (as does attention to minute/boring tasks). If the coaches are not concerned, I would just say to ignore it for now and let her develop at her own pace. Definitely bring something to keep you occupied so you don't watch practice. That can be maddening. my dd is a L10 and on the off chance I happen to see a few minutes of practice (I avoid - too many big skills to cringe at), even I get caught up in "well why were you just standing on the beam not doing anything when all your teammates were throwing skills?!" Serious - She is a 10. Obviously she knows what she is doing and so do her coaches. And here I am thinking why are you not maximizing your time on beam?! I don't say it to her, obviously. Point being, just avoid watching practice as much as you can. Be sure to keep an open line of communication with the coaches and let them handle it.

 

[vbdb]

She's still little and it will probably come with time and desire for her to improve herself. I'd be patient and let her face the natural consequences of not taking corrections or paying attention which would be not making her next move up in level.
As much as there's an impulse there to want to rescue our kids, they also need to be accountable for the results of their hard work or lack thereof at gym....even at 6. Definitely don't encourage quitting now, let her move at her own pace, I wouldn't assume she isn't gymnast material at such a young age.

 

[Frase]

She's only 6 I'm sure it's not a lack of want just a struggle to manage her distractions. My DD was like that - liked a little dance and a chat whilst waiting her turn - it did get better - although she does still like a little dance and a chat!

 

[duyetanh]

You say she isn't getting it unless the coach is right there to remind her.
That seems to be developmental, not inability. Which means it will come.
I am asking kindly: Who started the quitting talk-you, or your daughter? I would not view stopping gymnastics classes as 'quitting...'. Again, said kindly...quitting has a very negative connotation. If you feel she is losing interest, you could always suggest "trying" something else. But it doesn't sound like she is losing interest. It sounds like the skills have become more advanced, and it has become a bit more challenging to focus on doing them. Add to the fact that she knows you were a dancer and a perfectionist, and yes, even at 6 she can probably feel this....kids are smarter than we can even imagine.

It sounds like your heart is in the right place, and you are aware that you need to scale back, which is wonderful. Because if she continues, it only gets more 'interesting...' Because of my dd's gym location, I don't leave either. But I bring books, a laptop, and other distractions. I can honestly say I am there but not there. In your case, I would watch, but try not to watch everything. Good luck to both of you!

 

[notthatmom]

Instead of suggesting she quit, ask her "so, how are you liking gymnastics?"

Not every day, once a week or so maybe, but that will give her a chance to give you a clearly opinionated answer. 6 year olds are obviously still very influenced by their parents and the way you ask them questions can skew how they really feel.

If she says "I love it! My favorite part is getting to do handstands!" Then great! She's enjoying it, and that's all that matters right now.


If she tells you otherwise or seems to be upset after every practice, then maybe you need to dig deeper. But from your post, you seem to be the only one concerned, so get her perspective. It's her sport, her choice

 

[GymDad9.9]

If getting to the last pre-team level (and beyond) is her goal, she needs to know that getting there requires work, effort, and focus on her part and listening to her coaches is a really good way of getting there.

 

[ProudDad]

How does she react to not reaching goals in other areas of her life? Does it push her harder or does she lose focus and eventually lose interest? Did anything else change in her life around the same time her gym performance started declining? Does she flip all over the place at home and use the couch like its a piece of equipment (if so, she likes it and is driven)? Does she handle correction well in other areas or is she stubborn and have the "I can do this on my own" mentality? Was there a single incident - no matter how small it seemed to you - that could have created a bad association in her mind? Sometimes is like when someone eats bad food and gets really sick... even though its not the food, it was how that one serving was prepared, many people create a bad association that is a real struggle to overcome. Did she recently have a growth spurt? That can really wreak havoc on a gymnast... especially one just starting out with their skills.

It may be a phase, it may be that she is 6 and that's just what most of them do, it may be some external factor - the thing is she is the only one that knows what is going on. Like so many others have said, if she is having fun and she wants to go back, if she brings up or practices her skills outside of the gym, then just let it be unless the coaches start to have safety concerns. And have her talk to the coaches about her goals... they will let her know what she needs to do to get there - if she really wants it she's more likely to listen to them than the parents (as it should be when it comes to this sport).