Being afraid to say something…

[Pickle's Mom]

Are you ever afraid to complain about something at your gym or even ask a question because you don’t want to be branded a troublemaker and have that reflect poorly on your kid?

Honestly, I’m even a little afraid to type this here. What if the gym owner reads this board and has identified who I am? I haven’t posted any meet reports or anything else that could identify me, because I don’t want any of my questions or comments to be seen by our gym management.

There are things that are bothering me now at the gym. None are huge, but
I’m afraid to bring up any of them. Recently here a lot of people have posted about switching gyms. If we were to switch gyms (and I’m nowhere near doing that) I think they’d be surprised because I never mentioned the things that make me unhappy. Of course, I also think they wouldn’t care much. I just have one L5 kid. We go to one of the largest gyms in the state (which, admittedly, isn’t a huge gymnastics state – definitely not Texas) and the current owner has been running it forever.

Am I being an idiot? What makes this crazy is that I’m not normally a shrinking violet. I am a professional with a large staff and I’ve been known to be blunt to the point of rudeness in meetings. At PTA, I’m always the one who points out areas for improvement. Why am I so intimidated by a gym?

Gym management and coaches: I’m especially interested to hear what you have to say about this.

 

[Linsul]

As a coach I would want to know any budding concerns. I try to be available for questions and have been pretty free with my email for when time doesn't allow. How is your relationship with the staff at your gym? Like the kids, each parent relationship is unique. Some want to chat about movies and life, others only talk when they have questions, and some want to know every detail of what we do and what they can do at home. Others are like ghosts that we hardly ever see!

It's all normal. If you have a question, ask! Nobody wants a concern to fester into thoughts of leaving if they could have helped it. Not always needing to talk doesn't you shouldn't when you need to, we're here to help!

 

[mommyof2]

I can completely relate to you, Pickle's Mom. I hate making waves, especially at the gym. I feel like they've given my daughter a great opportunity and who am I to complain? I know that's weird, but I want to have a really good relationship with the staff and coaches because my girls spend so much time there.
There has even been one issue that's been driving me NUTS for weeks now, but I won't complain. It's like I feel like they'll look at my kid and roll their eyes "Oh there's *****'s daughter. She's obnoxious." I'm such a sissy. LOL

 

[Panda-girl's Mom]

I quess it depends on the situation, somethings are just not worth making waves. Sometimes I may ask a normal question that I think is no big deal and I might get a negative response. Other times I have to work myself up to ask something and I get a responable friendly answer. It all depends but if it is something important I am not going to keep my mouth shut.

 

[Bobby]

Are you ever afraid to complain about something at your gym or even ask a question because you don’t want to be branded a troublemaker and have that reflect poorly on your kid?....

YES!!!!!

...Honestly, I’m even a little afraid to type this here. What if the gym owner reads this board and has identified who I am?....

Ditto.

...Am I being an idiot?....

Well clearly I don't think so.

...Why am I so intimidated by a gym?....

I can only speak for my pitiful self.
I'm mindful that whatever I do/say is going to reflect on my DD. I don't want her to suffer because she's branded as the DD of "the" mother who is too demanding, critical, hard-to-please, ambitious, etc ... It's a legitimate fear. I don't want coaches to either start putting too much pressure on DD, or give up on her, or isolate her from the group - as a result of something I've said/done.
I'm usually a "softie" who tends not to offend, but my experience of gym coaches is that they are a highly strung, unpredicatable, easy offended types who are resistant to everyday feedback (in either direction). My impression is largely based on the fact that they never, ever seem to seek any feedback about themselves or how you view your DD's progress in their care.
I understand most coaches on CB saying they'd rather be alerted to probs as they're developing so they have a chance to sort them out. But honestly - that's precisely what I resent. Why does something have to be elevated to the level of "problem" before I'm allowed to take up a minute of a coach's time?! In itself, that already dramatises a minor issue.
In an ideal world, a few minutes of small talk every few weeks with each parent would be an investment on both sides, with parents able to ask a casual question here and there. If that was really happening, people wouldn't be gravitating to CB to ask eachother so much stuff - much of which the coaches keep saying should be answered by our DDs' coaches - if only!!

 

[NotAMom]

Coming from one who doesn't know when to shut up, I feel when it comes to safety and well being of the children, one must speak up. The only other choice is to leave the gym. With that said, sometimes there are subtle ways to address these issues without being confrontational (I am sure in your profession you know). And, other times, issues will somewhat get resolved without or before your involvement. In any case, it's probably best to posture yourself to be ready to attack the issue when you think it's the right time.

As for the coaches' feeling towards negative feedback, I have to side that competitive athlete coaching and instruction for the most part is a ego and passion driven profession (particularly true here in the US because of the low pay). Although I did not follow through being one myself, I have observed this amongst the numerous sport coaches and instructors who have surrounded me for many years. Thus, it's not surprising that issues are normally masked off and the coaches' initial reaction is to take offense when it's brought to their attention. But, any reasonable and sensible coach (especially one that is seasoned) is willing to learn (after some convincing) and would never take retaliation against a child for something a parent would say, unless it's without any reasonable doubt untrue (there is that too).

 

[sportyspice]

I can totally understand you being scared to speak up, but for myself the consequences of not speaking up felt a lot worse.

Most of the parents at our gym are like you. They dare not say a thing for many of the same reasons you have posted, instead they just leave. Or ***** to other parents about their problems. What does that solve?

I know my children's coaches roll their eyes when I ask to speak to them and definitely take criticism personally. So why do I do it? Because I would rather my children see me stand up for what I believe in and understand that if they have a problem I do see it as important. I do pick my battles though. If a coach is petty enough to disadvantage your child over something you have said, then IMHO they are not worthy of coaching your child.

 

[CreateMagic]

I'm going to agree with Linsul on this one. As a coach, I like to know if someone is unhappy (or if they're thrilled with the program!) and why. It helps make me a better coach. Remember, your coaches can't fix anything if they don't know that there's something wrong! I walk through the lobby after each practice (and rec class actually) and talk to parents and hope that they become very comfortable talking to me. We also have 15 minutes between each class at my gym though, so it makes it easy to find the time. If your child's coaches have another group immediately before or after, it may be easier to write an email addressing the concern, or just to request a few minutes before or after class to talk.

 

[Ingwe]

Are you ever afraid to complain about something at your gym or even ask a question because you don’t want to be branded a troublemaker and have that reflect poorly on your kid?



Yes!! Our gym can really bent out of shape if you question anything.

Honestly, I’m even a little afraid to type this here. What if the gym owner reads this board and has identified who I am?


I have this fear as well. There have been so many times where I have wanted to vent about something but have held back due to the feeling that I have that someone from our gym reads these boards. I guess I should 've been more creative with my screen name.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

YES! I've always been afraid to bring up any concerns I have about my DD for all of the reasons listed above!

In an ideal world, a few minutes of small talk every few weeks with each parent would be an investment on both sides, with parents able to ask a casual question here and there. If that was really happening, people wouldn't be gravitating to CB to ask eachother so much stuff - much of which the coaches keep saying should be answered by our DDs' coaches - if only!!

I agree 100%!!!! If only the owners/HC's would realize that as parents, we just want a bit of feedback on how our DD's are doing! It would prevent so many problems that basically stem from lack of communication!

 

[Linsul]

If talking to the coaches after class is hard, I would go to the front office and have them take a message for the coach to call you. At my gym we have minutes between rec classes. We're also required to go out into the lobby for that time, but sometimes one parent can take all the time we have. If we have trial lessons, we are required to talk to the parent after to recommend a level for their child to start in. We get messages all the time for lots of reasons, I would consider using the front office if all else fails for sure. Part of our job is to retain enrolled gymnasts. Having the message option goes a long way when the lobby is packed or it's crazy busy.

 

[Shelovesthebars]

Honestly, sometimes I think coaches don't want to talk to parents because they might not want to hear honest answers. Coaches probalbly get freaked out too when parents want to talk.
That being said, I think coaches are just so busy, going from one class to another.
To get to the real issue, I think that you have every right to talk to someone about things that are bothering you in the gym. Maybe the coaches/owners are not even aware of problems/complaints and they really need to know so that they can address your concerns. I feel the same way though as a parent as you do but when I feel like I really need to talk to the coach I find time right after class and just let her know that I have a question or concern and would like to talk to her when she has time. She has always addressed my concerns/questions immediately but I have also been very respectful of her time too. It still freaks me out though!

 

[gymdog]

...I'm just going to throw at there that at times I work with literally hundreds of children. It's not really a conspiracy. But I can't keep hundreds of parents straight either necessarily. And I either go to school full time or have a minimum of one other job. I'm coaching every level of class and several levels of competitive currently. I'm happy when I can remember all the names.

Also, sometimes people tell me things that don't really make sense from a gymnastics standpoint. Like, they don't understand. I try to be patient but there's only so much you can make people understand.

I had a parent who wouldn't leave the floor last summer during the second class (against gym policy, there's a balcony to watch from) who told me in a nasty tone "well, if you're sure you can handle it." (because her kid was running around and not following instructions, except her presence was actually making it worse because then he wouldn't look at and follow me). Excuse me? It's not a requirement that you leave your child with me. I mostly just found it mildly hilarious because I teach so many classes. Whatever, yeah your kid is the first mildly overactive 4 year old boy I've seen. That said, there's a huge difference between someone who is obviously trying to be overinvolved in the class and someone asking one question every once in awhile.

Truthfully I don't generally have problems. Most of the time there's not much to say. Because I work with so many classes through more advanced team, I tend to have a pretty good handle on how the kids are progressing and where they're going to start having a tough time catching up. As a program we have a specific progression card for each kid and when they check everything off they move to a new card. I think it's pretty straightforward myself. I've worked in other class programs with similar things. Team is a different story, tend to have some more friction there, lots of time together, personalities collide. I tend to not have too many problems with team and preteam either because I try to be pretty direct with the girls.

 

[Pickle's Mom]

I love Chalkbucket so much. Thank you all for your thoughtful replies.

I am going to schedule a time to talk to Pickle's coach and the gym owner about some of the things that have been bothering me. But, I'm going to wait until after States.

 

[UnoMas]

Good luck, Pickle's Mom. I can totally identify with much of what you have said! Hope the chat at the gym goes well. And states, too!

 

[Deleted member D3987]

great response gymdog!