Parents Daughter losing confidence

[Alaska Mom]

Hi Parents,
I am hoping for some words of advice. My daughter is 9 and is training level 6. She had all her skills before the season started but now she won't even attempt her back walkover on the beam (she says she "lost it"). Her coach and team are very supportive and patient, but she is beating herself up. She is getting discouraged and I'm not sure what to tell her. Beam is usually her favorite event. I try to minimize the importance of it, but I don't want her to think it doesn't matter to me if it really does matter to her. Any advice? Thanks.

 

[cathiann]

Every gymnast goes through a fear like this at one time or another--just check out the main Chalkbucket and forum and see all the postings from the gymnasts themselves. I would just keep reassuring her that she will get it back--just keep working at it and use progressions (doing bwo on the floor, then on a low beam, working up to a high beam with pits, etc.). That bwo is scary for a lot of girls!

 

[Aussie_coach]

First off make sure she knows it is completely normal and every single gymnast in the world goes through it. Most skills need to be relearned a second time and often a third time before the gymnast has it for good.

Help her to learn to think positively. Teach her to visualize herself doing the skill before she does it and help her to remove words of doubt from her brain like "I hope I don't fall off" or "oh know I'm going to mess her up".

Focus where you can on all the other things she does well in training. Especially other skills on beam.

 

[bogwoppit]

Every gymnast goes through this on some skill at sometime and that BWO on beam is notorious. In the last three months here I can think of 5 people here who have had the same issue. If your search BWO fears here you will find so many threads, if you search fear here you will find a shocking amount of threads. Gymnastics is a mental game and all gymmies hit a wall that they they have to break thgrough at sometime.

Sounds like her coach and her Mom are being supportive, that's very important. Read some of the old posts they are full of amazing info.

Use the google search function on the left side of the page, under the facebook and twitter link, it is way more effective then the search at the top of the page. You will find many threads to read.

 

[Granny Smith]

I just want to let you know that I totally understand what you are feeling as a Mom. My dd's mental block is twisting, it has gone on for more than a yr now. She makes baby steps and takes 2 steps back. Some day she'll be over it. Honestly, I try not to talk about it with her unless she brings up the topic, I let her lead the way and I just comment after the fact. In the beginning, I would leave inspiring quotes to help her believe in herself, like you said it's a confidence thing. Now I really just try to stay off the subject. It's amazing how one skill can have such an affect on these girls... Good luck!

 

[Pogo]

The progression through the USAG system contains a bunch of potential mental blocks: kip, back walkover on beam, giants, back handspring on beam, first new vault in Level 8, first double on floor. These are skills that everyone has to push through in order to progress. Some don't, and give up gymnastics as a result.

As a parent, job one is to remain supportive and tell your child to be patient. Keep working the skill and it will eventually come. You can also point out other roadblocks that have been worked through: "remember how long it took you to get that kip? Now you can do it in your sleep." Sometimes, a private or two can speed up the process of getting past the roadblock skill.

By the way, I echo everyone else who says that every gymnast goes through this. Perhaps not on every skill, but every gymnast hits something that they had to work through.

 

[gymjourneymom]

((((Hugs)))) to you & your gymmie. I TOTALLY know how you feel. In fact, looking for help with my DD's fear of beam BWO's is what initially lead me here to CB.

Yes, you can search all of my threads/posts and see that most are related to my DD's fears in gymnastics. Many parents/coaches/gymnansts have posted wonderful advice here, take some time to read through some of it. And feel free to PM me too! Believe me, I'm right there with you!

You are 100% correct that it is a self confidence issue. SHE needs to feel comfortable & confident with the skill, then she will own it. This takes a different amount of time for each girl. Adding time constraints(like"you have to have it by next week"), is the worst thing for mental blocks/fear issues.

A supportive coach, practice, time, patience & visualization are some of the building blocks to her reaching her goal. Privates can be helpful, because she can work on what she needs at her pace(without taking up team practice time). Stress, pressure, yelling & time tables are the killer here(yes, all tactics my DD's coach has used).

My DD has found that following Doc Ali's program has been helpful(not a cure though, because her coach refuses to follow the program). I've posted some links previously to Doc Ali's "coaching to overcome fear" seminar that is on www.gymnastike.org. It's 8 short vids & they are a good over view of her philosophy & program.

Most importantly you must be your DD's biggest supporter/cheerleader. Sounds like you already have that part down pat. Don't pressure her & maybe don't even discuss it unless she brings it up.

Good luck! Sending all the "self confidence" fairies to Alaska!

 

[Swiftli]

Boy...relating mom here!. My DD (aged 6 at the time), two weeks before lvl 4 States said, "Mom...I lost my BHS". I was like yea right...you can do that in your sleep. I didn't truly realize she was serious until the state meet itself. I talked to her coach during registration and she asked me if my DD had said anything to me b/c she had been unconsolable at practice during floor rotation. I informed her of our convo and she said she hasn't been pushing her and has been trying different techniques to overcome her fears and nothing was working.

I thought...O lord, this isn't going to be good today. I watched her through her rotations and she seemed normal. They got to floor and the waterworks started. During warmup, she was just walking through the motions of her routine, crying, and never attempted to do the BHS. I told my husband to prepare for the worst.

Her turn up to compete...she tried hard to hold back the tears but I could tell by the way she was breathing that she was still emotional. When she got to the roundoff...I held my breath...then she shocked me...and nailed her BHS. She posed and walked off the floor. The whole team jumped up and hugged her. It was almost like an Olympic moment for me and I am sure for her as well....

So my advice is to just listen to your kid, support and encourage...but never pressure.


As for the visualization technique...my DD laughs hysterically when I tell her to do that. As a lvl 6 now....that BWO was the last skill to master...I told her to breath and visualize....She laughs and says, "yea right mom....I visualize myself spitting the beam....that doesn't help." So I guess....each gymnast has their own method of overcoming that fear...

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

Everyone here has given GREAT advice.... DO check out the Chalkbucket Forum and read all the posts dealing w/mental blocks and fears!!! Oh My!!! It IS comforting to know that so many of our DD's have gone through this and have come out on the other side. Some take longer than others.

Good lucik and most of all PATIENCE and keep working those skills!!!

 

[kristilyn73]

Alaska Mom, You have found the right place! I found this website when my then 11 year old L7 completely lost her BHS on the beam. she had been doing them for 2 years.... What I learned is that these girls/kids, are amazingly strong and dedicated and 99% of the time find a way to work through that skill and come out the other side stronger and very proud.

My dd has just turned 14 and is competing L8 for the 2nd year( was "this close" to L9 But then broke her ankle) and I have seen her go through a few blocks.. BHS's, Giants, Flyaways.. and most recently connecting her flight. I know to just support her encourage her but not to push her.. she pushes herself enough.. and yes that is easily said than done! It is really hard sometimes! Let her talk about if she wants and but always be that soft place for her to land , ears to listen to and arms to hug...

 

[AGM78910]

Hi Alaska Mom,
I could have written the exact same post 2 years ago. My DD struggled with this skill for 2 years. Her previous coach would not let her compete level 6 without that particular skill although she had all of her other skills. That just made it lots worse when she had to watch her teammates compete but she was not allowed to.
We moved her to a new gym. Her current coach took all pressure off, let her do lots of reps on floor to build muscle memory, and spotted her every time she asked. He took her to a meet and spotted her on the BWO. His feeling was it does a gymnast no good to sit on the bench, they need to get out there. Without the spot she would have been second. That was all she needed. Her competitive instinct kicked in by the next meet and she did it perfectly with no spot. She was never less than second on beam the rest of the season and is now training level 7.
I would have to say, patience on the part of the coach, lots of floor reps, lots of beam reps with and without mats, and support from parents and team helped loads but going to a meet was what helped her turn the corner.

 

[Alaska Mom]

UPDATE - she's got it back!

Thanks so much to all of you. Very few people understand the things we parents keep inside when we watch our daughters struggle! My daughter has her confidence back. She is doing great and going to compete all 4 events Saturday. All of you were right, I think having a coach who did not push her and a team that supported her really helped her find her inner strength.

Thanks to all of you!!

 

[bogwoppit]

Isn't that good news. Lovely to hear she will compete all 4 this week, good luck to her.

 

[melmonette]

that is awesome news. I totally feel for you as Emily struggles with this skill everyday too due to fear.

 

[cathiann]

That is great news!! Good luck to her this weekend.

 

[gymmomntc2e6]

Great news !!! Can't wait to hear about the meet !!