Parents DD doesn't want to compete

[JumpingBean]

DD9 is on pre-team. She kinda fell into the whole thing when we went to try out to a new gym because the old one's schedule didn't work for us anymore. She had been happy with a once a week rec class before that. She dances fairly seriously. She is well conditioned, very strong and flexible. Her level of preteam is 6 hours a week. It worked with her dance schedule and so she was happy to be invited. I can also she that she is progressing very well. Last week I got a call from the gym where they informed me that they really want to get her to team (level 4) for next season and there is no time to lose since she is already older (although there are girls her age in her group) and so they added 3 more hours to her training schedule starting immediately. We could have made it work if we moved some things around but my daughter said she would rather keep the schedule as is and so that's what we chose to do until June. The gym was not happy but they agreed. However we do need to commit by end of June. DD says she is the only one in the group who is seriously involved in another activity. She doesn't want to add another day but likes the group of girls and wants to keep training at this intensity - with them. She doesn't want to go back to rec classes but says she doesn't mind not making team. I asked about Excel but that conflicts with dance and there is no way she will even consider any reduction to that. Agh. I don't think I am even looking for advice here. Just frustrated. I am kinda wishing I just kept her in rec.

 

[JumpingBean]

She is only been on pre-team since January so 3 months, while she's been dancing since the age of 4. I was hoping she'd have more time to really get the taste of it and make her choice.

 

[notthatmom]

There are a few things you definitely need to consider. How many hours a week does she dance? How many hours a week will she train L4?
Is she a competitive dancer? Around here...dance comp season overlaps gym meet season.
If dance is what she is more serious about and she enjoys gymnastics for the "fun" of it, or the conditioning that it provides, maybe there's another non-competitive option in your area, or perhaps a tumbling gym....many tumbling programs have specific classes made solely for the reason to enhance the other activities kids are in (i.e. dance)
If she says she doesn't want to compete gym, it sounds like that's not what she wants to do...so find an alternative that makes her happy

 

[Deleted member 18037]

make her choice.

She has made her choice, she prefers dance. ................ It's not the choice you would of preferred from the sound of things. But she has made her choice.

Now you need to hear her.

 

[JumpingBean]

She dances 7-8 hours a week. She is at a performance studio that does not compete, so competition season is not a factor. They do 6-7 performances spread over the year. Unlike gym, hours can be dialed up and down somewhat. 5 hours are required. Level 4 gym is 12 hours a week. What she enjoys most about gym is being pushed to the limit physically, and the adrenalin compared to dance.She is very athletically built so body type wise she is more a gymnast than a dancer. But she is also very expressive and that aspect is missing in gymnastics. And the group of friends: all her besties are at dance and they've been together since the beginning. As far as competitions, I think she is afraid of them since she's never done any, afraid of failure, and I suspect that's one of the reasons she isn't jumping at the chance to move up to team. I was hoping the pre-team girls would get the chance to compete at an in-house meet but that got cancelled. She is homeschooled, so I feel like she can juggle both for at least a year until she figures things out but I won't force her.

 

[IreneKa]

If she wants to stay in gymnastics in addition to dance, Xcel is really your best bet. Will you be able to change her dance schedule for next year to work better with Xcel schedule?

 

[AmethystJayne]

She is very athletically built so body type wise she is more a gymnast than a dancer. But she is also very expressive and that aspect is missing in gymnastics.

Maybe rhythmic gymnastics would be the best of both?

 

[JumpingBean]

She has made her choice, she prefers dance. ................ It's not the choice you would of preferred from the sound of things. But she has made her choice.

Now you need to hear her.

I actually prefer dance. I used to dance. My YDD dances and isn't interested in gymnastics. Gymnastics is a complete unknown. I just feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place with what she wants from it. She doesn't want rec, she doesn't want excel, she doesn't want team... but she wants a fairly intense training schedule which I feel is good for her fitness level and for her progress in dance as well. But there doesn't seem to be any option for that. She is too yong for things like cross fit. and closest tumbling is about an hour drive.

 

[SMH]

How old is she?
If she doesn't want to compete team, you can look around for some tumbling class that will challenge her. There are plenty of kids that tumble and are challenged without being part of a competitive team.

 

[JumpingBean]

She tried rhythmic when she was younger. She didn't like dealing with all the apparatuses. And the adrenalin was missing.

 

[notthatmom]

Even though she's homeschooled, with dance and gym that would equal over 20 hours per week of activities. And that is a LOT for a kid who doesn't want to be competitive. You mention dance hours can be reduced, but she said she doesn't want to reduce the hours so you're contradicting yourself. There is no body mold for dancers or gymnasts, so what you really need to do is ask her what she wants to do.
Also, if she joins a competitive team, she will be required to do most if not all of the meets (it's in the contract lots of gyms have)
Like I mentioned earlier I'd try and find a gym that has a program for kids who don't compete. Gymnastics can help her with her dance skills and make her well rounded, without the high hour demand that a competitive program requires. It's her life so let her live it the way she feels most comfortable and will enjoy and benefit from the most.

 

[notthatmom]

I actually prefer dance. I used to dance. My YDD dances and isn't interested in gymnastics. Gymnastics is a complete unknown. I just feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place with what she wants from it. She doesn't want rec, she doesn't want excel, she doesn't want team... but she wants a fairly intense training schedule which I feel is good for her fitness level and for her progress in dance as well. But there doesn't seem to be any option for that. She is too yong for things like cross fit. and closest tumbling is about an hour drive.

Xcel is also competitive. If she really fears meets, xcel isn't an option either really. (Unles there's a gym that doesn't force their xcel gymnasts to compete, which is possible)

 

[Aussie_coach]

Every gym is different and you need to find out how your gym works to help her make the best desicion possible. But for many gyms if she chooses not to compete there might not be many opportunities for her. A lot of gyms only offer advanced level training to competitive teams. Non competitive classes may not go past a beginner or developmental level.

Also many if not most gyms will have an age limit to start on their team. If they are saying she is already old for level, then the odds are she is close to reaching this age limit. The option is rarely there to say we don't feel ready for this now but we would like to keep the door open for later on.

I am not saying you should encourage her to choose tram or anything like that. I just feel the more facts yiu can find out about her future options the better you both will be able to make this desicion.

 

[IreneKa]

I actually prefer dance. I used to dance. My YDD dances and isn't interested in gymnastics. Gymnastics is a complete unknown. I just feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place with what she wants from it. She doesn't want rec, she doesn't want excel, she doesn't want team... but she wants a fairly intense training schedule which I feel is good for her fitness level and for her progress in dance as well. But there doesn't seem to be any option for that. She is too yong for things like cross fit. and closest tumbling is about an hour drive.

Yes, unfortunately in gymnastics it doesn't work like that. You are either on the team or you are not.
I once posted here about a friend's daughter who joined Xcel team at DD's gym, but didn't want to compete right away. Almost everyone here responded to me that in their gyms if you are on the team you have to compete. To just train with the team and not compete is not an option.
That girl did start competing after about 6 months and still does.

 

[MILgymFAM]

I think that it is reasonable for gyms to think pre-team girls want to be on the team. I also think it is reasonable for your DD to say she isn't interested in competing. She's old enough to just lay the options out for her- she can do rec or team, or you can look for another gym with a better (for you) xcel schedule. Gym is too expensive and all consuming to go after it if it's not what the kid wants.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Actually, there is what is typical. And then there are gyms that do things differently.

Our gym doesn't require kids to attend all meets.
We have 2 girls who attend/practice with team, one girl just did a few meets this year, one not at all.

We are not a large program. We are not high hours. Some meets we do well, some not as well.

Our program is not typical, but it does exist.

So not all gyms are the same.
What about a YMCA program, or IGC.............

Bottom line is you could probably make both work. But just not where you are now. Changes will need to be made, either to gym or dance or both.

 

[SMH]

Lots of sports provide the 'adrenaline' rush you are talking about- maybe look into diving?

I have an adrenaline junkie kiddo too- she loves the big skills, she is dying to do more challenging tumbling, vaulting, etc-

But if her first year on team has taught her (and me!) anything, it's that gymnastics, at compulsory levels, is a lot more perfecting and tweaking and refining, perfecting leg and arm positions, learning how to stay tight and hit the correct body position, than adrenaline filled 'big' skills.

 

[tpMom]

I wonder if she's be interested in cheerleading? If there's a good cheerleading team in your area that might be the adrenaline rush she's looking for. It combines performances with dance and tumbling. We have an amazing squad where I live and our gym opens tumbling practice to them. Some of the best tumblers in the class are not gymnasts at all.

 

[JumpingBean]

I wonder if she's be interested in cheerleading? If there's a good cheerleading team in your area that might be the adrenaline rush she's looking for. It combines performances with dance and tumbling. We have an amazing squad where I live and our gym opens tumbling practice to them. Some of the best tumblers in the class are not gymnasts at all.

There is a cheer gym close to her studio and she has friends there. They do amazing stunts!! But your post made me smile just imagining my dd in cheer Her favorite dance style is what I call angsty contemporary. She is a dramatic actress. Peppy is not her forte.

 

[txgymfan]

I agree with the diving suggestion. Adrenaline plus lower hours and flipping. It might be a really good fit.