WAG Discussion of abuse in USAG - Nassar

[MILgymFAM]

And before anyone jumps up with a “why did you let her be treated like that?” I didn’t.. or I tried not to. I stuck up for her at every turn, I questioned the questionable, and it did nothing. I pulled her in the middle of seasons, I finally made her quit. It might sound like a heap of abuse- and it was- but we are talking a span of five gyms in two years.. we kept trying until we were all tried out and then I *did* make her quit. She was older so we spoke every day about our choices and what is ok and what isn’t and I let her have some say, but eventually I always said enough.

ETA: we lived in an area with a massive amount of gyms, but we were always at a disadvantage anyway. No one wanted an older, lower level, gymnast. It was hard enough to get her through a door. We tried literally every single team that would take her.. why they’d take her just to constantly tell her she wasn’t good enough and didn’t belong, well I’ve never figured that one out. I’m guessing for at least one it was all about the money because that one was THE biggest money drain I have ever been sucked into.

 

[John]

I think though that the story and the video he embeds reveal something important about gymnastics, which is that new parents generally only have their own gym as a point of reference. How many times have we had parents come on here and say, "Hey, I know nothing about gymnastics, but my child is on preteam and X horrible thing just happened. Is that the norm?" and we all go, "DAMN, girlfriend, take your kid and RUN!"

Kids who fall in love with gymnastics really fall for it hard, and some are willing to put up with staggering levels of disrespect and abuse to keep doing it and keep moving forward (and yes, this isn't unique to gymnastics). I think sometimes as a parent, it's too easy to get caught up in the amazing skills that your child is learning to do, things that if you yourself had no experience with the sport, could never imagine doing. And at the early levels, the system is set up to reinforce the good feelings and encourage continuation -- it's no accident that lower levels hand out a lot of medals at meets.

So you see this dad, sure, it all makes sense. He sees his daughter doing something really hard, getting better and better at it, moving forward, winning, and being part of a team that is crushing the competition. A team lead by someone who was an Olympic coach. Heck, if it gets bad later on and she feels like the tradeoff isn't worth it, she can always decide to quit, right? He can't see the sunk cost freight train on the tracks ahead. He can't see that right now there are practices going on in that gym that are putting his daughter at significant physical risk. He has no frame of reference to understand the difference between seeing a L9 or L10 working on Tkachevs and doing repeated faceplants on a mat and seeing his own daughter determinedly trying to do like the slightly bigger girls do on bars -- with no coach there to prevent her from breaking an arm or her neck or getting a concussion. Those of us who've been in this a while, even if we're just parents, look at that and our hair stands on end. How is he going to know, though, two years in, what's normal and what is "OMG, take your kid and RUN!"

I saw something good on FB this morning that I'll post in another thread.

I can attest to this. gymnastics started for DD as a fun activity for an hour a week nothing more. By the time she was on the team, at her first gym, everything about the gym seemed normal. There was no abuse but there was favoritism. And being a favorite is huge pressure. I had no idea what a good gym was until visiting other gyms and seeing what good coaching, organized yet fun skill training looked like.

What do you do? Find another activity. Why is gymnastics so important? I get that it’s fun, but so are so many other things. This idea of abusive, nasty behavior being “okay” because it’s the only nearby option is just mind boggling. I just don’t understand this. Again, why is gymnastics more important than a child’s well being?

If we looked closely I would guess we can find abuse, mental and physical, in any high-level youth sport. When we see it we must scream from the mountaintop and move our kids. Gymnastics the sport is not the problem it is the culture of punitive belittling coaching that must be stopped.

 

[LindyHopper]

When we moved and she wanted to try and go back to artistic, our number one consideration was finding a place that treats the girls like actual humans. We’ve found that

And I am so happy you have. We have been reveling in her successes with you.

one that took one single look at my DD (after a month planning a try out via email and phone) and said nevermind.. you can’t even step foot into a trial.

This infuriates me.

 

[MILgymFAM]

And I am so happy you have. We have been reveling in her successes with you.



This infuriates me.

Thank you! It didn’t infuriate me, to be honest. I was just so happy that a gym was upfront for once. My rainbow haired, nose-ringed wonder is definitely not for everyone, and the worst thing in the world would have been if she ended up there and they mistreated her. Don’t get me wrong, I found it closed minded, especially for Xcel (her plan had been to try and do platinum), but at least we dodged a bullet. I now know that gym is far too much like the ones we left behind anyway.

 

[LJL07]

What do you do? Find another activity. Why is gymnastics so important? I get that it’s fun, but so are so many other things. This idea of abusive, nasty behavior being “okay” because it’s the only nearby option is just mind boggling. I just don’t understand this. Again, why is gymnastics more important than a child’s well being?

I wish it were that easy. And what do you do if there are no other activities like TNT, diving, rhythmic, etc? There’s really nothing. It’s unbelievable. If i were you I would say the same thing to me, but it is very hard. Quite a few have left the state. We do that or quit. It will come to that to be sure. But it’s a difficult situation, and I blame the culture of the sport and usag doesn’t seem to take complaints seriously. We have learned you have to go through law enforcement, and even then, usag doesn’t do anything.

 

[MILgymFAM]

I wish it were that easy. And what do you do if there are no other activities like TNT, diving, rhythmic, etc? There’s really nothing. It’s unbelievable. If i were you I would say the same thing to me, but it is very hard. Quite a few have left the state. We do that or quit. It will come to that to be sure. But it’s a difficult situation, and I blame the culture of the sport and usag doesn’t seem to take complaints seriously. We have learned you have to go through law enforcement, and even then, usag doesn’t do anything.

I get it.. I swear I do. My ODD was lucky to get to transition to T&T and rhythmic, but if they weren’t around she was quitting anyway. There was no choice for us at that point. My YDD had to quit her sport this year and there wasn’t a close replacement available. She somewhat reluctantly transitioned to dance and is now starting to love it- she’s talking about taking dance in college and she’s teaching and TAing little kid classes already. There is always something else, even if it’s running the neighborhood (or a treadmill), or shifting focus to an art or a different hobby.

 

[LJL07]

I get it.. I swear I do. My ODD was lucky to get to transition to T&T and rhythmic, but if they weren’t around she was quitting anyway. There was no choice for us at that point. My YDD had to quit her sport this year and there wasn’t a close replacement available. She somewhat reluctantly transitioned to dance and is now starting to love it- she’s talking about taking dance in college and she’s teaching and TAing little kid classes already. There is always something else, even if it’s running the neighborhood (or a treadmill), or shifting focus to an art or a different hobby.

I know you do! And my kids are not staying. We will get them out and find something else even if it is xcel but it’s not as easy as just yanking them out cold without a back up plan. Gyms like this are awful, and you do think it’s normal until you see a normal gym environment and realize how it is supposed to be. It’s frightening how such a dysfunctional environment can take over your whole life.

 

[MILgymFAM]

It’s frightening how such a dysfunctional environment can take over your whole life.

SO MUCH THIS. There are a number of people from CB that know me in real life and were subjected to how it took over. I was in tears all the time, obsessively talking about it all and how we could make it better or how we were making it worse- or what we could do to get out. Thank goodness for friends because I may have had a breakdown myself. It sneaks in a takes over everything.

Heck, in my original post here I didn’t even mention anything physical, like getting pushed off beams, having things thrown at her when she want taking corrections, etc. Honestly the mental game was way, way worse than the physical stuff.

 

[SMH]

Apparently Nassars lawyer doesn’t believe all the victims that have given statements:


Shannon Smith said "there is a huge part of me that does not believe that every one of those girls was victimized by him.

http://www.espn.com/olympics/gymnas...-larry-nassar-assaulted-all-women-accused-him

 

[raenndrops]

Lots of issues at our gym. There is nowhere else to go. Exactly the stuff as described in your previous post about being demoted to the baby group if you don’t do this or that. Very mean and nasty stuff that would make all of you cringe. We have this gym or another that does xcel. That’s it. What the heck do you do? It’s a terrible position to be in. It’s not as easy as it sounds to force a 10 year old who loves the sport and identifies so strongly with it to quit. It might be best, but it is very, very hard.

Switch to the Xcel gym. Its still gymnastics. She is 10. It could be great... and much better than abuse.

 

[duyetanh]

Apparently Nassars lawyer doesn’t believe all the victims that have given statements:


Shannon Smith said "there is a huge part of me that does not believe that every one of those girls was victimized by him.

http://www.espn.com/olympics/gymnas...-larry-nassar-assaulted-all-women-accused-him

Oh lovely. Unbelievable. Of course there are also people out there that dont believe the concentration camps ever existed either.

 

[Flyaway]

Apparently Nassars lawyer doesn’t believe all the victims that have given statements:


Shannon Smith said "there is a huge part of me that does not believe that every one of those girls was victimized by him.

http://www.espn.com/olympics/gymnas...-larry-nassar-assaulted-all-women-accused-him

How could she sit in that courtroom and come to that conclusion??

 

[duyetanh]

How could she sit in that courtroom and come to that conclusion??

Answer: she can't.

 

[SMH]

Answer: she can't.

The article says she didn’t attend the final days of his first hearing in Ingham County and won’t attend any of the days in Eaton County.

 

[txgymfan]

Ugh! She should sit and listen with him. There is a picture floating around where she looks at him lovingly. GAG! She also doesn't think he is clever enough to hide all that abuse.

 

[Flippin'A]

Whatever you do, don't read the comments on the ESPN article unless you want to dissolve into a puddle of fury. The idea that ANYONE still doesn't believe those girls and women absolutely enrages me.

 

[sce]

Whatever you do, don't read the comments on the ESPN article unless you want to dissolve into a puddle of fury. The idea that ANYONE still doesn't believe those girls and women absolutely enrages me.

People are truly unbelievable. I mean, why would they lie?

 

[duyetanh]

Ugh! She should sit and listen with him. There is a picture floating around where she looks at him lovingly. GAG! She also doesn't think he is clever enough to hide all that abuse.

Seriously????

 

[duyetanh]

Ugh! She should sit and listen with him. There is a picture floating around where she looks at him lovingly. GAG! She also doesn't think he is clever enough to hide all that abuse.

Seriously????

 

[TumbleTimes4]

Lots of issues at our gym. There is nowhere else to go. Exactly the stuff as described in your previous post about being demoted to the baby group if you don’t do this or that. Very mean and nasty stuff that would make all of you cringe. We have this gym or another that does xcel. That’s it. What the heck do you do? It’s a terrible position to be in. It’s not as easy as it sounds to force a 10 year old who loves the sport and identifies so strongly with it to quit. It might be best, but it is very, very hard.

Yes it is easy. You are the parent, she is a child. She has no way to comprehend the lifetime of damage that being in an abusive environment as a child will do to her. But you as a parent do. No matter how strongly she identifies with the sport, a few years of gymnastics is in no way worth the impact of abuse that she will face the rest of her life. She may be angry with you, but some day she will thank you for sparing her from that. It’s just a sport.