General fear of getting hurt

[Supportive_Dad]

Please help. My sweet quiet L6 daughter has just recently started breaking down into tears whenever we pull into the parking lot of the gym.

5 years never a problem like this. She broke her foot last fall in a tumbling pass but worked back. Three weeks ago she twisted her ankle and miss
a week's practice. Now she's come back and is competing. Last week
these crying episodes have started. One of her best gym friends just broke her foot. Now its getting worse.

There was great advice of overcoming fears of a particular skill but this isn't her problem. She's got a recent general fear of geting hurt. She told me she has to excuse herself during practices and cry it out in the bathroom. She's talked to the head coach about it.

When I learned all the details this morning, I told her that all serious gymnasts go through something like this. It was normal and that we'll work though it together. She's affraid to let any girls at the gym know her fears.

What can I do to help and support her?

Thanks

 

[B Gymnast]

Is she afraid of every skill? If it's just a few then maybe they could hhave her work them back slowly.. Like tumbling into the pit, or using low beam or pit bar just until she feels confident enough to do them again. You could also try having a meeting with her and her coaches and work out a plan if you haven't already..

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

Just wondering how old you daughter is? This is definitely a stage they all seem to go through, esp. around 11-12, I believe. Their brains develop enough to realize, "hey, I can really get hurt doing this sport!" I think breaking down the skills is the best way to approach this. I know you say it doesn't happen w/any particular skill, but think about it... she's probably not worried about doing any of her leaps and jumps, right? What about kips? Probably not. It's usually the more difficult tumbling, beam and bar skills... and if she's afraid of all of them, just break each one down.. it will take time, but with patience and understanding, it's definitely doable, if she wants to continue.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

tell her that i said that those feelings are perfectly normal. AND you outgrow them at some point.

 

[Supportive_Dad]

Yes she's 12. Had a great meet yesterday, one gold, two bronze, no injuries, no tears

I never thought to tell her she'd grow out of the fears. Thanks.

Gymnastics is so foreign to a guy. You feel helpless when your daughter nees something. I can always take my son in the backyard and improve his football, or basketball skills. My poor daughter, all I can do I can do is be "supportive_dad"

 

[gymjoy]

Good for her!! Doing well at her meet will go a long way in helping conquer those fears. As Tumblequeensmom said, it comes at this age. My dd went through it not too long back. It can be very hard for the parent because, like you said, there's not much you can do but remain supportive.

Your dd is lucky to have you as a dad. You did and said exactly the right things. Be prepared, the next year or so could be a roller-coaster of these emotions.

 

[cher062]

It's so normal and she will eventually get over it or quit. that 11 - 13 age range seems to be the time when they realize they are 4 feet off the ground tumbling on a 4 inch piece of wood or that the bars are bending when they do their kip. That the vaulting table is not moving and they are running full force at it and hope to go over it or that when they tumble they have to be tumbling over the head of their coach to get those big moves. It's usually an injury that sets it off at that age. 1 year ago my 12 yo fell on her neck when a coach walked away when she was doing her layout and it's taken her all this time to finally do it without a spot or with out the coach really close by. It's not pretty yet but it's getting there. Your DD too will take some time to get over this. All you can do is be there, listen to her and ask her what she wants to do.

Ive seen some really talented gymnasts quit after an injury and just could overcome the fear of it. No matter what your DD ends up doing just be supportive and make her feel like no matter what decision is made its going to be OK.

 

[taximom]

Hang in there Supportive Dad you are all she needs! Thanks Dunno foir such a straight and simple answer! Our children outgrow many other fears, it makes sense that they will outgrow their gym ones too in time.

 

[Supportive_Dad]

You folks are wonderful. Thank You for the advice and insight.

 

[Supportive_Dad]

As an update. My girl's fears got worse. She began procrasting in her homework to delay being taken to the gym. She started quietly crying on the way to the gym. Coaches said she needed to take bathroom breaks to hide her mid workout tears.

Then she personified her fear - treated it like a person and started saying "He was bothering me again today" "He had me crying"

I asked her are you sure we're not taking about an actual person? She peromised she wasn't.

I told her that "HE" was trying to take gymnastics away from her. Same as if mom or me told her she wasn't allowed to compete anymore.

A few days later she started to fight back. Told me after practice that she started thinling about "Him" during practice and started to get upset so she
"stepped on his face" to make him go away - and pounded her foot on the floor mat of my car!

She's still fighting him now, but not every day. She's making great progress. She's training hard for states.

 

[lilgymmie7]

Wow, what an inspirational little girl! My DD has a 12 yo gymmie fighthing her own fears right now too. The toughest thing for me as an outsider is that she is so darn good. She is a beautiful gymnast to watch, but something in her head tells her not to go for the skill. Unfortunately, I think she believes she's on her own, and that only surmounts the problem.
Good luck to your DD. I hope the New Year brings her better times at the gym. My DD is only 6, and I pray she won't have to struggle with mind blocks.

 

[Mack_the_Ripper]

Ugh...this is quite a quagmire for your little girl. It sounds like she has intense fear and generalized anxiety about practice in general...I would actually suggest that if it continues bothering her to such a degree, you could consider seeing a psychiatrist. Yes, she's going through that "difficult age", but if she is having regular breakdowns before and during practice and actually personifing her fear...somebody trained to deal with these things could really help. Sometimes you just need a professional to help you through sticky spots! I've had similar issues - anxiety and breakdowns, though not about getting hurt - and talking to a psychiatrist helped me develop coping mechanisms to deal with that surge of irrational emotion.