Parents If you knew then what you know now....

[Sminty]

Probably not. There have been some positives: it has taught my DD about time management, she is physically strong, and she has made some great friends outside of school. None of these things however is unique to gymnastics. What is unique IMHO is the level of emotional, financial and time commitment required even at the lower levels.

 

[Flippin'A]

I had to ask myself this question when my DD started gym and was invited to team about a year ago. I had a fairly negative experience doing JO when I was young, and I had to decide whether I wanted to put my daughter through that. I made the choice by promising myself that I would be hyper vigilant in picking gyms and coaches, and be ready to pull her out if I had any hint of a red flag. I know what the negative sides of gymnastics are, and I'm doing everything in my power to make sure she only ever experiences the positive ones. I can already see her being better equipped to face challenges and work toward goals than she was when she started. Still, I secretly hope she gives it up before optionals (although I would never tell her this.) Beyond the emotional scars gymnastics left me with, I'm still experiencing the daily aches and pains of ignored injuries and overtraining. While her coaches are lightyears ahead of where mine were in regards to safe training policies, I don't know if it's possible to be a high level gymnast without your body going through some sort of trauma and I'm going to have to seriously revisit this question if she's still in gymnastics a few years down the line.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Would you still have signed your child up for gymnastics? The Life After Gymnastics thread got me thinking about all of the positives parents and kids find in post-gymnastics life. So, if you could have predicted the crazy road ahead, would you still have wanted your kid to travel that path through gymnastics?

One daughter yes and one daughter no.

 

[RTT2]

One daughter yes and one daughter no.

Really? So interesting to have a coach weigh in. Can you elaborate?

 

[cadybearsmommy]

I would say absolutely 100 percent yes bc although gymnastics is a sore subject for dd right now (still very emotional about having to give it up) she had nothing but pure joy for the sport. I think one day she will look back on her gymnastics years as some of the best years of her life.

However I would have changed some things. I would have stressed and worried a lot less about levels, skills coming and going, scores, etc and would have spent every moment just enjoying seeing her do what she loved. At her state meet this past spring I sat there bummed the whole time bc she had fell on bars on what had otherwise been her best bar routine of the year. Had I known that would be the last time I would be able to watch her compete.....I sure would have reacted a lot differently.

So my advice would be as long as your kid loves it, just sit back and enjoy seeing them enjoy what they love, don’t stress, comfort them through the bad days and if at any point the sport isn’t fun anymore for them, then try to gently help them move on and find a new passion. But don’t sweat the small stuff along the way.

 

[raenndrops]

 

[profmom]

It's funny. When my daughter was moving slowly in JO as a somewhat anxious tween, we had a lot of conversations along the lines of "how will I know when it's time to quit gymnastics?" I kept reassuring her that she would know. And now, as a senior in high school, the answer is still "not yet."

 

[2gymkids]

I would have let her start, yes. I would have let her go to team as she did at our small gym with a close knit community and coaches that loved her. But when we moved to a state with more intense (and expensive!) gym, I would have pushed for her to go to Xcel. That last year just really burnt her...maybe the end result would have been the same and she still would have left gymnastics but perhaps it could have been on a more positive note.

 

[LJL07]

No. I agree that the sport teaches valuable life lessons etc etc, but the time commitment, expense, and stress involved far outweighs all of that. Maybe I would feel differently if we lived in an area with strong gym programs. It does seem absurd to be concerned about whether or not there are any gyms nearby that could get your five year old level 1 to level 10, but before you know it, you are in way over your head. I will also echo the parent who said it is too much drama, too hard on their bodies, etc. Agree with all of that.

 

[Gymmamabear]

Someone mention that they see old gymnasts say yes and parents say no. I totally get that. Unless your child is an only child gymnastics takes away from the whole family. If I think about all the extra time, money and trips we could have taken and experiences all my kids could have had together it makes me so sad. We can never go away for spring break (regionals is always right after), only miss a week at a time in the summer so long trips are out. But we are in too deep to turn around now.
I think it would be interesting to see peoples answers and what level their daughters are. If you had asked me this levels 8 and below my answer would be yes.

 

[tomtnt]

3rd year level 10- past the point of no return..

We’ve pretty much travel as an entire to our the meets her entire gym life. The meets became mini-vacations since as you noted, can’t really take long vacations. We do take a 2 week summer vacation though.

Moving forward, we will probably have to split up and not force our son to come along. He’s had to miss so many of his own activities.

Someone mention that they see old gymnasts say yes and parents say no. I totally get that. Unless your child is an only child gymnastics takes away from the whole family. If I think about all the extra time, money and trips we could have taken and experiences all my kids could have had together it makes me so sad. We can never go away for spring break (regionals is always right after), only miss a week at a time in the summer so long trips are out. But we are in too deep to turn around now.
I think it would be interesting to see peoples answers and what level their daughters are. If you had asked me this levels 8 and below my answer would be yes.

 

[thefellowsmom]

2nd year level 10

Like @groovygirl said, if you had asked me at level 8 or below it would have been a resounding yes. Now three years later as someone else mentioned the further in we get and after the year that she has had (two serious injuries and puberty) I find myself leaning more into the no column.

My son is also in a year round sport with six or more practices a week so things are getting really busy and really crazy around our house. We have been lucky so far that meets aren’t overlapping too much and we haven’t had to split up for travel meets so far. We also use these as mini family vacations since extended vacations are far and few between.

These past few years have really taken a toll on my daughter, she lost her gym and her coach and her gym family and her dream of elite gymnastics and things have been unsettled and rough ever since. She’s is 14 now and struggling mentally to get out the other side. This last six months is the only time I have ever heard her say she wasn’t sure if it is all worth it. But her love and passion for gymnastics still hasn’t wavered and she goes in every day with a good attitude and insists she isn’t done yet.

She spent some time recently with a friend of hers that quit last year and she is really happy and adjusting well and doing all sorts of fun things. I thought this might make her think about quitting herself, but she said it was the opposite. She said she was so happy for her friend but that even with everything going on this visit actually reassured her that she does still want to keep going and that her goals are even more clear to her.

I remember a couple of years ago how excited about the future we all were. How certain things felt, how much we looked forward to everything that was coming ahead. Didn’t see any of it coming and it hit us like a ton of bricks out of left field.

I hope that she sees this all when she looks back as a positive experience that she wouldn’t give back. I hope that she gets through this and some version of her dream is still possible for her. I hope that she learns from this struggle that she is capable of anything she puts her mind to and learns to believe in herself again. I still have hope and I think she still does too.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Really? So interesting to have a coach weigh in. Can you elaborate?

I am a father first , so I will weigh in as a father. One child got a lot out of the sport , ended up walking on to a college program and as it turned out being a student athlete has more benefits that she realized. It propelled her into getting accepted into 2 nursing schools that only were accepting 40 kids a year. It takes many people years to get in these programs if ever. Both she and I feel it was her student athlete status that got her right in. The other daughter wasn’t really cut out for Gym to begin with. But she made team and .. didn’t go so well ... kind of messed with her confidence and I feel didn’t help her at all. In my opinion I think she still feel sub par as a person because of her struggles in the sport. Perhaps she viewed gymnastics as more of a family affair since I was one of the coaches and her sister was on team as well. So maybe she views herself as failing this part of family life. It’s Really the only way I can explain it. So if I could turn the clock back I would not let her go any further than rec. hope that makes sense. It wasn’t worth it

 

[tomtnt]

man, that must have been tough as a gym-coach-dad role.. one of the toughest thing is to watch your daughter struggle and not really being able to help. I can only imagine that being even tougher when you are also the coach...

I am a father first , so I will weigh in as a father. One child got a lot out of the sport , ended up walking on to a college program and as it turned out being a student athlete has more benefits that she realized. It propelled her into getting accepted into 2 nursing schools that only were accepting 40 kids a year. It takes many people years to get in these programs if ever. Both she and I feel it was her student athlete status that got her right in. The other daughter wasn’t really cut out for Gym to begin with. But she made team and .. didn’t go so well ... kind of messed with her confidence and I feel didn’t help her at all. In my opinion I think she still feel sub par as a person because of her struggles in the sport. Perhaps she viewed gymnastics as more of a family affair since I was one of the coaches and her sister was on team as well. So maybe she views herself as failing this part of family life. It’s Really the only way I can explain it. So if I could turn the clock back I would not let her go any further than rec. hope that makes sense. It wasn’t worth it

 

[OrchidZ]

I'm going to answer this question first with a picture:


It's my TLDR. This is what I call "The Bag of Shame." Because I'm ashamed this bag even exists, that it got to that point. This bag contains the wide variety of medications that I would send with my 12 year old when she'd go to the gym she called home-away-from-home for about 9-10 years. It contains several kinds of anti-nausea medicine, antacid, stress relief pastilles, and energy chews. She had several such bags. One for the locker, one for her bag, one for home, and I think even one in her competition bag. I thought it was "just hormones" and the long hours. That's what the doctor said. It wasn't hormones. It was the culmination of years of stress followed by about 10 months of intense stress and fear.

To answer the question directly: No. I would NEVER do this if I'd known then what I know now. I doubt I would even put her in XCEL because it would make her want more. There is something about this sport. It's like ponies and fairy tales. It's "little girl crack." It's everything a little girl could want.. float and dance like a fairy, sparkles, and friends!! Joy!!! And every 4 years, they watch as real life princess warriors - as close to it as most girls could ever hope to get these days - are paraded around on the screen in sequins and smiles.. beautiful and perfect. Then perform these amazing, magical routines.. They are iconized on posters and cereal boxes, the talk of the country. That's how it's portrayed.. how it plays out. "But look, you can be like them too! You can even wear a version of their special sparkling leo!" This sport is like a drug. I've met so many people who did gymnastics in their youth who get a far away look of longing in their eyes when recalling what it felt like.. Honestly, I've not yet met one who didn't get that look at some point in the conversation, tho I'm sure there are some who don't. This sport just gets its hooks in you and doesn't let go. It IS beautiful. It DOES look magical, but it's not, of course.

Our family can afford this sport, but we're delaying our plans for this, to keep her where she wants to be. Siblings miss out on opportunities because of this sport. My SO would love to change careers, but he can't risk the uncertainty because of this sport. I'd like to change careers, but I have to maintain my flexibility so that I can be there for her on short notice and travel with her. Family adventures and vacations didn't happen as we'd hoped because she couldn't miss gym. Her education has suffered for this sport as there are few schools that will accommodate her gym schedule. Her social skills have suffered. Constant beratement and some significant coaching errors (like saying they'd spot her but not doing it) in her first gym left her feeling small and with trust issues. And that's not even mentioning the injuries and all things that have to happen outside of gym just to keep it all going just a little bit longer.. the massages and diet choices and chiropractors and PT and special gear and and.. It's insane.

She did not learn the things people say this sport teaches you at her first gym. She didn't gain self confidence, time management skills, or a great team experience. She learned things I never wanted her to learn that I can't go into or I'll type all night and regret it in the morning. The negative outcomes (mentally, physically, and emotionally) of that first gym environment are going to take a LONG time to overcome. Her new gym is different. They are kind and supportive. They appreciate her differences, emphasize her strengths, and try to strengthen her weaknesses. But she spent years at that first place before we all got on the same page and made a change.

I've told people: Pay attention before you choose a gym. Look at the girls at the highest levels. Rec parents of little kids and parents of younger team girls, you can see it most easily in those morning practices. Look at those girls. Are there dark circles under their eyes? When they smile, does it look like a mask? Does the light of their smile reach their eyes? Are any of them too thin? Or look pale and ill? What is the body language you see in the gym when a girl succeeds or fails? Can you see that there are favorites? How are the others treated in relationship to the favorite(s)? I'd watch during the meet season especially. How do the coaches seem to handle meet season themselves? Do they seem cross and tense? Do they take that out on the kids? At the very least, go watch a meet or two. Watch the coaches and the girls. Watch the body language. That will tell you what you need to know. But know what you are getting into. Because unless you have a gym with kind coaches who are qualified to teach at your kids level (and hopefully above), coaches who have the mental and emotional strength to be the adult in the situation.. To be all the things a coach should be.. and I'm sorry not sorry to coaches. But they have to. They are not just coaches. They are mentors, teachers, first aid givers, etc.. If you wouldn't trust the coach with all of that.. with shaping your child's mind and heart while teaching and protecting their bodies the best that they can. Look somewhere else. Another gym or another sport. Please.
I tell people this when they ask, but it changes nothing.

This subject is very sad and difficult to discuss.

 

[Calimomof2]

This post is very disheartening. So many say they would rather their kids do another sport but I wonder if the kids of these parents feel the same? Did their kids always have a love for soley gymnastics or did they enjoy other activities but ended up focusing in gymnastics for one reason or another.

 

[OrchidZ]

This post is very disheartening. So many say they would rather their kids do another sport but I wonder if the kids of these parents feel the same? Did their kids always have a love for soley gymnastics or did they enjoy other activities but ended up focusing in gymnastics for one reason or another.

Of course, she loves it. It's a strange thing. Parts of it terrify her, but she doesn't want to leave. I suspect that part of the reason is that it's all she's ever known. She has little memory of a time before gym was everything. There are skills she still wants to do. She loves her new teammates and coaches. She can come home from a bad day where all her worst fears from the past reared their ugly heads and she was sent home from class early to regroup.. but she still wants to go back the next day. If it weren't for that, of course we wouldn't still be doing it. In the beginning, she loved all kinds of sports and activities. She loved swimming, rock climbing, and archery. She tried dance and liked that too. She did art and music. She was an active Girl Scout. She wanted to do and be everything! Gymnastics just demanded more and more of her time so those things just weren't an option any longer. Even if we could have fit it in between gym and school, she was too tired to do anything else.

I really can't imagine that any of the parents-who-say-they-wouldn't-do-it-again would stay if their girls didn't still want to do it. If you regret something and the kid wants out, you get out.

 

[Tbrov]

Yes, I'd do it over again.

I have two strong, independent, badass daughters, and I'm very proud of them. We are entering the last JO season for my youngest, and have NCAA after that for both. It's a hard question to answer, since gymnastics has formed my daughters' and our family's experience so much, I'm not sure what to compare to. I guess a "normal" life with "normal" kids. We would have traveled, not more, but to different places for sure. We hopefully wouldn't be familiar faces at the ER, or know surgeons and PT staff by name. But I don't think we'd have more money - we just would have spent it on different stuff. We wouldn't have had more time together, because we are together a ton as part of this sport (even if we are in a convention center in the middle of nowhere). Maybe they would have had more boyfriends, but maybe not; and also maybe they would have gotten more into the party scene or gotten derailed in any millions of ways. No guarantee that life without the negative aspects of gymnastics would have been better.

As it is, I have two daughters who are not normal. They've had a totally different experience from most of their peers (aside from their best friends; other gymnasts). Their non-athletic classmates are in awe of what they do, and think they are going to the Olympics (LOL). But as far as that goes, we have met numerous Olympians, which is really cool. And one of their close friends may in fact compete in 2020. My eldest is now signing autographs at college, even though she's injured and won't get to compete this year (always ups and downs!). The sport has eased their path to college (no admissions stress senior year), and will pay for college (not that they won't have to work to earn it).

We aren't quite done yet and only hindsight is 20/20, so I guess I'd have to ask the kids 15 years from now. But as of now, gymnastics has been more positive than negative in our lives.

 

[gymmomx2]

Yes, I'd do it over again.

I have two strong, independent, badass daughters, and I'm very proud of them. We are entering the last JO season for my youngest, and have NCAA after that for both. It's a hard question to answer, since gymnastics has formed my daughters' and our family's experience so much, I'm not sure what to compare to. I guess a "normal" life with "normal" kids. We would have traveled, not more, but to different places for sure. We hopefully wouldn't be familiar faces at the ER, or know surgeons and PT staff by name. But I don't think we'd have more money - we just would have spent it on different stuff. We wouldn't have had more time together, because we are together a ton as part of this sport (even if we are in a convention center in the middle of nowhere). Maybe they would have had more boyfriends, but maybe not; and also maybe they would have gotten more into the party scene or gotten derailed in any millions of ways. No guarantee that life without the negative aspects of gymnastics would have been better.

As it is, I have two daughters who are not normal. They've had a totally different experience from most of their peers (aside from their best friends; other gymnasts). Their non-athletic classmates are in awe of what they do, and think they are going to the Olympics (LOL). But as far as that goes, we have met numerous Olympians, which is really cool. And one of their close friends may in fact compete in 2020. My eldest is now signing autographs at college, even though she's injured and won't get to compete this year (always ups and downs!). The sport has eased their path to college (no admissions stress senior year), and will pay for college (not that they won't have to work to earn it).

We aren't quite done yet and only hindsight is 20/20, so I guess I'd have to ask the kids 15 years from now. But as of now, gymnastics has been more positive than negative in our lives.

I think maybe your experience is different because you had 2 kids who are both equally involved in the same sport (presumably at the same gym) so you get to spend a lot of time together. For most people, this is just not the case. For us, we lead basically separate lives everyday except for weekends and 1 night during the week when everyone is home together after 7. We are definitely sacrificing family time for gymnastics

 

[profmom]

I'm grateful that schedules have worked out every year so that we all have at least one early night together every week. This year, at least one of them is in the gym every day but Sunday, but both finish early on Friday. And we do sometimes all just wait and eat together at 9:30 a few times a week. It helps us stay connected.