Parents OPNIONS Please!! Coach out of line!!

[rmankini]

I would LOVE opinions about what occurred at my daughters pre-team class last night. She is 6. She went to the restroom in the middle of practice and when she opened the heavy door, it ran across her foot and hit it (barefoot of course). She immediately starting bawling. (I didn't even realize at the time that it was cut and bleeding because it was in between her toes).... I comforted her for a second and she went back on to the floor. Well, she was hurt and crying and the coach asked why she was crying. She told her what happened. The coach said "you'll be fine." Well it wasn't 1 minute later when my daughter was still crying a bit (not hard, just still had tears) that the coach came over to her in front of all the girls and pointed her finger at her and said "stop crying right now!...stop crying! ...or you'll sit this out."

Now, I still didn't know my daughter toes was cut and bleeding until we left, but I found this reaction to be out of line and completely unkind! Especially, since I have seen this coach be very sensitive at times to others. I was shocked. I think she could imagine many other ways to handle this... she could have said "why don't you sit down until you are calm and can come join us. " Seriously, I'm in shock. I know my daughters teachers would have never done that and I certainly am not going to put up with a coach treating her like that either!! But I would love opinions.

 

[Sasha]

Is the coach young perhaps? Without kids of her own? Or less experienced?

I've noticed younger coaches are more likely to be super aggravated by crying and not really know what to do. They think demanding the crying to stop is the way to make kids 'tougher'. Probably not trying to be mean, but perhaps inexperienced in dealing with young kids. I'm giving coach the benefit of the doubt as a starting place here...

 

[M2Abi]

I would probably say something, because I can be "that" mom at times. I think exactly what you said is good. You wouldn't have a problem with her being asked to sit down until she was calm and could join them again, but many young children (or even adults) can't just stop themselves from crying, so trying to force it isn't productive.

 

[rmankini]

Well thank you both for supporting my thoughts. I mean she is 6!!! She was hurt!! She wasn't complaining or whining and even if she was, there were other ways of handling it in a more professional manner. I am furious that someone would scold my daughter (that's my job hahaa).

 

[BachFlyer]

I think it's ridiculous, and a conversation with the coach is in order. I don't think you have to be confrontational, but bringing it to the coach's attention that her response was not acceptable is totally fair. Sometimes in sports, and it seems like especially gymnastics, we accept behavior towards our children that we wouldn't from any other adult. She's 6. You should have her back.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Not that I think it was right.

However. Is this a thing that happens alot or a one time thing.

Any one can have a bad day. Not excusing or saying coach shouldn't be called on it. Sometimes the lesson is it was a bad day.

 

[Aussie_coach]

I am not saying it is okay, but coaches see a LOT of kids cry. Little ones cry for a lot of reasons and it can be as simple as someone pushed in front of them in line, their mother forgot the shirt they wanted, someone looked at them funny. You do get desensitised to it!

 

[sce]

I am not saying it is okay, but coaches see a LOT of kids cry. Little ones cry for a lot of reasons and it can be as simple as someone pushed in front of them in line, their mother forgot the shirt they wanted, someone looked at them funny. You do get desensitised to it!

I am sure this is true, but has. chastising any if them actually made it get better?

 

[MiniSky85]

"There's no crying in gymnastics". The coaches response was insensitive, but no one knew the extent of the injury until practice was over. Coaches are tough, even to little ones. As my DD told me once, "coaches don't give hugs, parents do" .

 

[sce]

That makes me sad. It is not true army out gym. Crying us not encouraged it happens and the athletes are helped how they need. (Crying happens for lots of reasons and thus rebders different responses.) as well coaches at my kids' shun give hugs sometimes. Coaches can be tough, positive, kind and encouraging all at the same time.

I do also agree that no one realized she had s cut until later. A kinder tone could still have been used with the same possible outcome. Simply, "I know you are upset by what happened. Why don't you take a break until you feel better." Child is still sat out but not chastised for crying,

I have yet to meet a kid that stops crying when commanded to stop!

 

[Aussie_coach]

I am sure this is true, but has. chastising any if them actually made it get better?

As awful as it may sound, but it often does, especially if it is crocodile tears. I know of clubs who have a flat out rule, no crying at a competition. If a kid cries for any reason, being injured or dissapointment or anything they are removed from the comp floor and sent home.

 

[CLgym]

Last winter my daughter had the same thing happen to her with a door at an open gym -- and ended up with a broken big toe that required surgery and casting (open fracture under the partially pulled-up nail). She definitely cried (she was 7 at the time). I think that it is normal for little kids to cry when they are injured. It sounds like you were at the gym when it happened -- So I'm wondering why the coach couldn't have just sent your dd to sit with you (or sit out somewhere else) until she felt better. Unless, of course, the coach didn't understand what was going on (totally possible). As a general rule, I think coaches should try to tailor their response to the situation. In the case of a gymnast who is not usually a crier and expressing pain/discomfort, then I think there are better responses than the one you described. That being said, if the coach is generally good to the girls, then I would give her the benefit of the doubt (bad day?) and just keep an eye out...

 

[Seeker]

As awful as it may sound, but it often does, especially if it is crocodile tears. I know of clubs who have a flat out rule, no crying at a competition. If a kid cries for any reason, being injured or dissapointment or anything they are removed from the comp floor and sent home.

For upper optionals & Elites, that may be a fine rule. But for younger kids, it sounds like a great way to teach them to hide an injury. Sure, they shouldn't be crying because they're mad they fell or got a low score -- that should always be discouraged. But for an injury? God forbid like some of the ones I have seen at meets (clearly broken limbs and two open fractures) or like @CLgym 's daughter's injury. Something that seems like nothing if you don't look at it, actually is quite serious. No way would I pay for my child to compete in an environment with so little care and/or compassion. Not to mention that it could be a real safety issue if the child is afraid to say they're hurt (while they've actually got a bone sticking out of their toe).

 

[Becauseisaid]

As awful as it may sound, but it often does, especially if it is crocodile tears.

I will never forget this little girl on pre-team with my daughter. She was maybe 4 years old. . First competition and this poor little moppet just cried and cried (not obnoxious wailing, just tears and little hiccups). She cried right up until it was her turn, when she stopped, did her event, and immediately started crying again as soon as she was done. It was equally hilarious and heartbreaking.

Kids cry and I can totally see coaches having to divorce themselves emotionally from it. If they didn't, they would spend all their time consoling kids, rather than coaching.

Seriously, I can see being concerned about the way the coach handled this. However, I wouldn't get up in arms unless I saw this as a pattern of behavior. If this way of speaking to the kids is normal, then I would be concerned. We all have bad days and I would wager even you have snapped at your child. 1 comment does not a pattern make. Watch the practices and then make your judgement.

 

[blueredzone]

I see a breakdown on both sides. The coach should of had her get a bandaid. And you shouldn't talk to your dd during practice. What happens when rips happen? Injuries while unfortunate happen in this sport. A door hitting a foot is not the worst injury they have ever seen. I wouldn't question the coach. I know she is 6, but these coaches deal with crying all the time. All she did was go to the restroom. It's not like she was doing a skill and hurt herself and started crying.

 

[ascarter1]

I see a breakdown on both sides. The coach should of had her get a bandaid. And you shouldn't talk to your dd during practice. What happens when rips happen? Injuries while unfortunate happen in this sport. A door hitting a foot is not the worst injury they have ever seen. I wouldn't question the coach. I know she is 6, but these coaches deal with crying all the time. All she did was go to the restroom. It's not like she was doing a skill and hurt herself and started crying.

I understand, from your standpoint that she is your baby and she is only 6, but I agree with @blueredzone Coaches are trained to deal with injuries. You said yourself that the coach generally wasn't harsh. I would just let it ride! If your daughter stays in this sport and makes it to higher level optionals, she is more than likely going to suffer an injury. I have been at the gym many times that my dd has gotten really hurt. It takes everything I have not to run down there and comfort her. But I didn't, and wouldn't unless an ambulance was called. I trust the process, I trust the coaches. That is the best piece of advise I could give you! It's a tough sport, and it takes a tough skin (for the girls and their parents). Now, if the coach was verbally abusive and this was a constant problem, I might have different advise. But from the info you have provided, I don't think I would be bent out of shape.

Best of luck!

 

[LJL07]

Unless you have observed a pattern, I would let it go. @ascarter1 is correct that it is a tough sport and requires a tough skin. Obviously I say this assuming it was a relatively minor injury. I'm imagining a small cut that was not bleeding profusely or I would hope the coach would have noticed.

 

[rmankini]

I see a breakdown on both sides. The coach should of had her get a bandaid. And you shouldn't talk to your dd during practice. What happens when rips happen? Injuries while unfortunate happen in this sport. A door hitting a foot is not the worst injury they have ever seen. I wouldn't question the coach. I know she is 6, but these coaches deal with crying all the time. All she did was go to the restroom. It's not like she was doing a skill and hurt herself and started crying.

My daughter went to the restroom by herself (she is 6) When she was taking a long time, I went to see what's up. There are A TON of parents around so out of safety, I went to see what's up. I don't talk to her during practice! With so many men and boys around, I was being a responsible parent.