quitting vs. finishing

[tumblerK]

This is a fine distinction that was very important to me leading up to the end of my senior year of high school. I remember girls I looked up to on my team (yes, they were usually younger than me...) hit a tricky skill or loose old skills, struggle for a little while, and then just quit.

A level 6 lost her squat on when I was a level 4, and I remember watching her cry over it because she was suddenly scared, and I don't believe she got over that fear before she left. A girl I was in level 4 with was always a daredevil, wanted to try skills she was no where near ready for, but had to go over the real vault for level 5 and never made it to competition. And I always remember the conversations during stretching of ____ quit, and it was never fun. I didn't like how that ended, so I decided I would finish gymnastics by accomplishing all my goals, and my goal was to compete level 7. I always wanted a floor routine of my very own and not only did I find perfect music for myself, I also got third place with that routine.

It's an important difference and I thought I would point it out to all those gymnasts and parents going through a rough spot skill/level wise. I've had all kinds of people tell me "I used to do gymnastics, it was really fun. I wish I had stuck with it."

You only regret the things you don't do in life.

 

[gymgramma]

Good advice and you are right - there is a big difference betweej quitting and finishing!

 

[gymjourneymom]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts & feelings and giving us a gymnasts point of view. I agree there is a distinction between quitting vs finishing. My DD has struggled with fears issues for quite some time. Amazingly enough she has never wanted to quit(even when I thought maybe she should). She plugs along with a smile on her face(most of the time). Yes, the coach yells at her(unsupportive of her fears) & yes, her friends have surpassed her in skills & levels. She has endured so much & nothing has come easy for her. But she doesn't give up, she works even harder. Because, like you, she LOVES the sport.

She doesn't care what level she is, she loves training with her friends & competeing what she can. She started highschool this year & is repeating L7, due to fear issues. I think sticking it out and working through issues(possibly repeating levels) can be too much for some. Some are ready to be done with the sport, but like you said, it should be without regrets.

One of DD's best friends just "retired" (rather than repeat L7). She was tired of "being afraid". It had all just gotten to be too much for her(she had struggled with fear for a long time too). She really gave it her all & when she "retired" I was happy to think she would finally be stress free. It used to pain me to see her standing in the "go position", standing & standing & finally just walking away crying. I know it had been a decision long in the process for her. DD & her had been through so much together, I know my DD really misses her friend. But my DD's attutide is like your's, she WANTS this. She has her own goals...fears she wants to conquer & not have them conquer her.

Everyone's journey is different. As unique as the gymnasts themselves. Some will forge ahead, some will go Prep-op or highschool gymnastics, some will realize it is their time to "retire" for whatever reason. Whatever path a gymnasts choses they are to be respected & commended, IMHO. Gymnasts are amazing people & none of their decisons are easy ones. They should always be proud of all of their accomplishments. And hopefully end their gym career on their terms...without regrets. TumblerK, I'm so happy to hear that you attained your goals!!! Thanks you for sharing your insight with us!!! You are obviously a strong, wise & determine young lady. You are in college now, correct? I bet your gyms misses your postive influence there!

 

[gymdog]

I don't know. I actually did gymnastics until the end of the summer after my senior year in high school, and although I had a period of apathy towards the end for awhile, I didn't really feel like quitting at that point anyway. But I have a personality that tends towards anxiety, which can affect me to an extreme degree, and goals or not, sometimes gymnastics can become a very negative environment for girls and families. Sometimes that isn't anyone's fault per se, and can't really be fixed. There's some point where you have to just consider that it isn't worth it. I can respect the idea of goals, but I don't think it's that straightforward or clear cut. I've seen on here "she can't quit until she gets such and such skill" and I'm kind of taken aback by that. Wow, it would have seriously negatively affected my relationship with my parents if I was told something like that, as well as my quality of life probably. Seriously? Just not worth it. I love gymnastics, really, but I say this with only good intentions: do not choose gymnastics over your child's or your own life. I feel strongly about this, seriously.

I can understand a lot is invested in this sport from a relatively early point. Trust me, I live this world everyday and can't remember much of a point where that wasn't the case. But there needs to be some sense of scale here. Gymnastics is not everything and the world goes on without it. Losing sense of that only makes it harder when it comes time for girls to quit, which will happen, sometime.

Also, I think the biggest mistake in this issue is to frame it like there's no going back. If a kid takes time off and it's for the "wrong" reasons, or however you want to say that, in my experience they realize pretty quickly. And you know what? In the grand scheme of things a month is not going to doom anyone to a lifetime of level 5 or something. It's either going to happen or it isn't. I'm not big on the "what if" kind of thing.

 

[gracefulone]

At the same time, you may come to a point where you need to quit for other reasons, and it's ok to recognize that.

For me, during my junior year I did track for the second time. I excelled and made state, rare for a second-year pole vaulter. It was a challenge;15 hours a week in the gym on top of the 18 hours/week for track made for one exhausted teenager. I came home from state and didn't even want to do gym anymore, but ymca nationals were in 3 weeks. I would compete nationals, then decide. I took a week off after a stellar nationals, and though I wasn't sure I wanted to continue gym, I felt like I 'should'. That was where it stopped being about me. Once it stops being about you, gym is impossible. You can't do it for a potential (ymca nationals) scholarship, your teammates, or coaches no matter how much you love them.

Senior year for me was crazy-a 15 hour a week internship, 10 hours of coaching, running a charity group at my school that raised $26,000 in 100 days, 6 AP classes, no lunch period, an exclusive string quartet, early morning pole vault workouts, applying to colleges, on top of gym. It was way too much. That's when I started to realize I had to separate my priorities. I feel like when gym isn't a top priority it becomes unbearable. It hurts and it's difficult, but when you love it, that's ok. I competed a few meets(level 8) and did insanely well, scoring high in the 9s. I was unstoppable, it seemed. But I wasn't happy. Going to the gym was just shy of torture. I had mastered the yurchenko vault, impressed the crowd on floor, nailed giants, and was undefeated on beam, but it didn't matter anymore.

Right before Christmas, I called it quits. I just couldn't do it anymore. People at school ask me if I miss gymnastics. Of course. I miss what it was. But do I regret my decision? Absolutely not. It was the right thing to do at the right time. I still sneak over to the YMCA when I can for open gym and my cross country team loves that I can do more pullups than most of the boys, and that I can do back tucks on the grass. And of course my flexibility has served me well

I've walked away knowing and appreciating everything it's done for me. If the opportunity arises and makes since, I would go back to coaching again(had to stop in favor of more consistent hours to earn $ for college), and in the future if my DS/DD asks about gymnastics, I will encourage it.

I know I made the right decision, as hard as it was to abandon my team.

 

[tumblerK]

The important thing about finishing gymnastics is it has to be the gymnast's goals that were finished, not anyone's goals or expectations for them.

It sounds to me like you did finish, gracefulone, just not when others thought you should be finished. Your goals changed to other sports you will always know that you went as far in gymnastics as you wanted to, and you aren't left with that little voice in the back of your head saying, if I had just held on a little longer, worked a little harder, I could have done it and accomplished my goal. My biggest thing, just like getting a 4.0 gpa all through high school, was about living up to my own expectations because I have always been harder on myself than my parents, coaches, or teachers.

And college is treating me well. I have made it home once in the 11 weeks I've been here and I spent most of that time in the gym helping out with a meet. I still miss it and my gym friends like crazy, but I'm happy with how my career ended. I found a teeny tiny gym near my college (like literally, they only have space to set up 2/3 of the floor) and I get to go to my 1 hour of open gym time at a tiny tiny gym in about 45 minutes. And ~12:15 AM most nights is when I stretch in the kitchenette and then to handstands, back walkovers, and front walkovers in the hallways.

 

[luvgymnastix84]

Yeah, my best friend on my gymnastics team and outside of gymnastics is quitting after our next meet. I asked her why, and she said, "Because I'm not good." Since she keeps telling herself shes not good or that she cant do a certain skill, than she really is not going to be able to. I just wish she'd finish the season at least and not give up so easily.

 

[Aussie_coach]

I find it very strange in the USA that gymnasts seem to do gym up until their senior year and then stop. So many kids train and compete in school and then leave the sport they love when they attend college and then once college is over they never return to it. It seems to happen so often that its almost expected.

 

[gymluvr33]

I find it very strange in the USA that gymnasts seem to do gym up until their senior year and then stop. So many kids train and compete in school and then leave the sport they love when they attend college and then once college is over they never return to it. It seems to happen so often that its almost expected.

Is it different in Austrailia? What happens there?

 

[Aussie_coach]

Is it different in Austrailia? What happens there?

Well in Australia kids don't go away to college. Many do go to University but these are usually local most continue to live with their parents while studying at University. They are not at Uni for many hours a week so they all tend to continue with their extra curricular pursuits. Its very different to the college life in the USA.

Once kids in the gym finish high school many continue with training, many also go on to beginning coaching roles as a part time job.

 

[jes.the.gymnast]

i "quit" gym at the end of level 9 due to a bad injury and also people told i quit and gave up the sport and thought i would never get back into it i always told people i was "retired" or on "long services leave" it made people laugh because they knew how much i loved the sport but never thought i would get back into but i knew that one day gym would once again become a part of my life, saying that i think made it easier for me to except. this year i got back into gym (after 4 years of "long service leave) and i'm doing better than ever and loving it more than i ever have. now i'm able to finish off all the things i couldn't before.

 

[gymluvr33]

Well in Australia kids don't go away to college. Many do go to University but these are usually local most continue to live with their parents while studying at University. They are not at Uni for many hours a week so they all tend to continue with their extra curricular pursuits. Its very different to the college life in the USA.

Once kids in the gym finish high school many continue with training, many also go on to beginning coaching roles as a part time job.

Thanks, I never knew that. That is really interesting

 

[I-Heart-Beam]

Great post

This is what my coach told me when I considered leaving: "It's better you walk out the door with your head held high than limping out because you pushed yourself too hard."