Parents Setting Expectations

[ollieblueeyes]

My oldest DD (10 yrs) had her first rec class about a year ago and has really progressed quickly through the early classes/levels and will be participating in her first in-house meet as a level 4 in a few weeks. I am concerned that her expectations may be a little high as to how she will score. I am torn between wanting to prepare for a lower score vs. hurting her confidence. Is this something the coaches give feedback on so that she will have reasonable expectations?

 

[SignHere]

Ask her if her coaches have done "mini-meets" during practice. Our gym does them - the girls take turns doing their routines, and the coaches score them.

As coaches of Level 4, it is the coaches job to discuss what sorts of scores each girl should expect. As my daughter's head coach just told me (my second daughter to go through Level 4) - their job is part athletic coach, and part counselor. Also, the in- house meet is meant to get them ready for competition. You really shouldn't have to discuss too much about scoring with your daughter.

Most of the time - I try to help my daughters set goals that THEY can control for the meet. Scoring is very subjective, and it's best for your daughter to not concentrate on the score. Remind her that for some errors, the judges can take UP TO 0.3 ( so that they can take 0.1 up to 0.3 for certain errors).

Help her set goals that she can control, for example - for beam - holding her handstand for a full second in vertical instead of going up to 3/4 and just tapping the toes, or for bars, keeping her arms straight on the front hip circle, or sticking her landing without taking a step, or on floor, staying with the music.

Good luck at her first meet!

 

[ollieblueeyes]

Thank you for the input. I am glad to hear that the coaches will help her set her expectations. Also,thanks for the ideas about goals not related to score. I am totally clueless on what she is attempting (ie hold the handstand for a sec) so giving her guidance in that area is hard. She is a very confident girl which is good, I just don't want her crushed when she does not live up to her very high expectation.

 

[gymgal]

It really depends on the gym whether the coaches prepare the girls. dd's coach did not prepare them (or parents) well for her first meet years ago but they do this now. I actually think it's more important for the parents than the girls. My dd never looks at her scores. She waits until the car ride home (at least that's what she tells me). She feels if she sees an unexpected score, it might psyche her out for the next rotation. For first time parents, I think it's important to go into the meets with no expectations about scores. Going in thinking your girl is going to be in the high 8's and then seeing those 7's flash is very disheartening (BTDT). But after those first couple of meets, you have a baseline of what to expect, at least until the next level.

If the coach hasn't prepared the girls, I would just tell your dd that she needs to concentrate on her routine, not what the judges think about how she did. Especially for a first meet, she should be focused on getting out the jitters of performing in front of a crowd.

 

[ollieblueeyes]

Well, I know that my daughter is very aware of scores. When we were first talking about this fun meet I was explaining that they would be getting ribbons that roughly correspond to her score. Blue = 9s, red=8s etc. She assured me she would bring home all blue!

Sounds like I'll just have to talk to her coaches. Hopefully they can give me concrete areas she can focus on for her meet goals. Thanks again!

 

[gymmomntc2e6]

our HC just gave a speech to the girls tonight because we have 6 competing for the first time ever this weekend. She told them not to worry about score. That as long as you try your very best that is all that matters. that sometimes your best will get you a medal & sometimes it wont. that if you tried your very best & you get last place you go up & smile & salute like you won. She asked them what a medal is worth if you didn't try.

 

[Faith]

We had something similar with dd. we just focussed on how proud we were that she'd worked so hard. Emphasised that she'd done all the practice she possibly could and the only thing left was to go out there, be proud of herself and have fun.

She had had her eye on a soft toy for a while (she's a little younger) so we promised her a trip to buy it. We didn't care about scores or places, it was a reward for the work beforehand.

 

[MaryA]

I think, in this crazy sport made up of tiny girls, many of our daughters started young enough that they were clueless about scores. I know my DD was thrilled to get her ribons (no matter what color they were) and her gift bag. As a 10 year old, your daughter will definitely understand what's going on. Just make sure she knows that you're proud of her for working so hard, and that the important things are that she does her best, has fun, and is a good sport. Go out for dinner or ice cream or whatever afterwards to celebrate, no matter what the scores. Hopefully she'll take her clues from you. If you don't focus on scores and placements, hopefully she won't either. And that should be the same whether she takes home the first place trophy or doesn't place at all. Good luck to her! I hope she has a great first meet and that you post here again and let us know how it went.

 

[ollieblueeyes]

I think you summed it up quite well how an athlete's ages may effect how they react to awards. She knows why the ribbons are different colors and what they mean. My younger daughter who is 2 yrs younger does not care as much. My gym expectation is that she give it her all, she does not waste her coaches time and that she has fun. Up to this point she has exceeded my expectations n all three counts.

Hopefully all her hard work will pay off and I am worried for nothing!

Thanks

 

[Mom2Brats]

Grrr... I accidentally deleted my reply!! Basically, with my kids I just tell them, "It would be awesome if you did that well, but I'll be proud of you no matter what happens or how you score." Then you can remind her of how much she's already progressed in just a few months.

 

[ollieblueeyes]

Quick Update...

With the meet coming up in about 10 days my girls have been working very hard. The coaches decided to have ODD do and combo of Lvl 3/4 and YDD Lvl 2/3. Since its an inhouse meet they have the flexiblity and hope to have a most positive meet exp for the girls. I am glad they did this as ODD FHS and ROBHS are touch and go and probably would have required spotting. ODD is disappointed that she is not able to compete all Lvl 4, so I reminded her that she has only been in gymnastics for 1 yr and she's made great progress. I told herto shoot for all Lvl4 for the second meet in 2 months.

It sounds like the coaches have been 'scoring' her routines at practice, so I feel she will be as prepared as she can for the outcome. She still is very score based and every attempt I have realign her goals have been answered with typical 'okaaay mom.....' etc.

 

[ollieblueeyes]

Whoops....did not want a mean face on that...sorry.

 

[PureTalent]

I agree about not making it a focus on scores and placements so much. But with each meet how she can improve from there....like holding her handstand on the beam longer next time or running faster in the vault for the next time. Setting goals like that so for the next meet it's those improvements that can be made which will help build her confidence. But it's great she's thinking so positively but I know what you mean about her not being crushed. Cuz it's so subjective that anything can happen....you really just never know. My DD is extremely positive too all the time. And I just have to remind her that as long as you know you tried your best and make those small improvements from the previous meet then that's all that counts.

Good luck!

 

[ollieblueeyes]

Well the meet came and went and both girls did really well. Unfortunately ODD had a really big case of the nerves and did not score as she had hoped. She skipped 2 elements (tuck and ??? jump after handstand) in her beam routine all together. She ended up with a Blue on vault (9s), two reds on floor/bars (btwn 8-9) and a white on beam(< 8).

YDD seemed to really enjoy the meet from beginning to end. She was just one big smile from start to finish. She ended up with 2 blues beam/bars and 2 reds Floor/Vault! Her coaches have been telling me how great she was doing, I guess they were right!

Any suggestions as to how to get ODD to relax and have fun at the meet? From my what I have seen in practice comapred to he meet, she did not perform to her ability. On all events she looked tenative and stressed. It was actually painful to watch her looking so nervous, stressed and tight. Hopefully this was just first meet jitters and she will be more relaxed the next meet.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

it's a process for most kids (and the parents to). be patient.

 

[ollieblueeyes]

Understood, but as a mama, you don't like to see your DD look so miserable. On the up side she came flying out of practice with a grin on her face last night. That's more of what I like to see....