Parents Soliciting Advice from BTDT team moms - The gym drama/politics has begun.

[mamaoftwo]

Hi everyone! Bear with me please, as this got fairly long...

Some background of gym politics... We are very new to the gym team experience (though DD has been in rec for almost 3 yrs) - DD just began Level 3. At our gym, they do not compete L3's, they use it as sort of a pre-team I guess, and actually begin training for L4. DD goes a total of 3 hrs per week at the moment. This summer, it will bump up to 4 hours. The ages of the team range from 4.5 - nearly 7 years old. L3 is age-capped at 7 years old (meaning, no 8 year olds allowed on L3). The girls will be required to try out for L4 in December, which they usually fill about 18 spots and have 80ish girls trying out. Though, the idea here is that most L3's should (theoretically) make the team. That's what L3 is for after all. But if not, well, lets just say we're paying a ton of money for ... ? This especially stinks as my DD will not be eligible to repeat L3 next year as she'd turn 8 during the year. This past years L3's that did not make team are in rec classes now.

Now for the drama... It was recently brought to my attention that the owner has some serious life issues going on (another parent overheard, who told me, but it is rather obvious). Without specifically stating why in a public forum... this is extremely capable of seriously affecting the gym. In fact, we I went about 6 months without seeing the owner and the rec side of the gym was restructured a bit to give more autonomy to the coaches. Owner's now back in the gym a bit, but this likely will not last forever. Reasons are highly secretive and I honestly wish I didn't know.

Add to this, I've had a couple of discussion with our *favorite* rec coach (DD had her a long time, and honestly gave my DD some preferential coaching treatment, right or wrong), who's own girls went through team at our gym (one is still on team). There were some issues that the girls faced, and coach just left our gym to greener pastures. Just pulled her kid and quit herself. This is someone I've learned to trust very much, and who I've used a bit to navigate the system at our gym (pre-team classes, etc, are very secretive, that sort of thing). Again, we are a very large gym that is fairly successful. She left for another successful program.

Other issues: When I see/hear older team girls on tumbletrak, the coaches sound VERY negative. Just pointing out what was wrong with their tumbling. No energy to them. Seem a bit disinterested. Caveat: DD's current coach seems very upbeat, motivated, smiles a lot, and she is also the L4 coach... So DD would have her for awhile.

But to add to it, I have a little guy in tot classes, too. He loves it, but should he want to do team some day... all I hear is the boys coach yelling at them (normal, as they are rambunctious boys?? No clue) and we have no upper-level boys either. Granted, he is young and could decide he prefers football, or video-gaming, or watching TV, or something.

A part of me wouldn't mind having DD tested at the "other gym". This other gym, however, has recently produced an olympic-caliber gymnast (just last cycle). Not sure that will be DD, or of her possibilities, and want her to be able to compete if she so desires... Gym is further, but could definitely make it work.

I am nervous. My DD has anxiety issues and self-confidence issues and I'd hate to see her get beaten down in our gym. I originally enrolled her in gym because she's got sensory issues and needed some socialization, and she just loved it. I thought it would build self-confidence in the long term, but now am not so sure.

I know she loves her current teammates (was in an invite-only "Future Mites" class with them for 8 months before L3). If our gym closes eventually (or changes ownership)... well lets say I'd hate that too.

A part of me wants to pull my dd. A part of me wants to stay. Any ideas on how to navigate this? Am I just not cut our for being a mom of team gymnastics? Do I play wait and see, and give L3 a good chance and see how things play out? I want to be proactive, but at the same time don't want to jump ship at first sign of hardship either. Just some things at our current gym worry me.

 

[Azgymmiemom]

Personally, (and I don't know...maybe I'm way off base here) it makes me sad to hear of gyms that refuse to accept girls onto team that are older than 7. There is a brilliant young gymnast at our gym who never stepped foot in a gymnastics class until two years ago, when she was 9. She has breezed through the levels-one season at each, taking 1st aa at her first level 6 meet and winning states at level 6. She is now a level 7 optional scoring VERY well, and I'm sure she will be competing 8 this fall. Your gym would have turned her away. Their loss, I guess. This whole practice just sits wrong with me.

If you are really torn about leaving, I guess you might wait until the tryouts and see how your dd does. If she doesn't make the team and can't repeat 3 there, you could always move her to another gym. Other gyms would be delighted to have her, I'm sure! Good luck to her and you!!

 

[mamaoftwo]

Thanks for your reply! To clarify, technically you can try out for L4 at any age (no cap), and only L3 is capped. Granted, this puts those older girls trying out for L4 (without ever having L3) at a distinct disadvantage. So, technically, older kids can try out, but in reality not many make the team. Last year there were 17 L3's trying out and 18 L4 spots. Not all L3's received spots, but most did, leaving just a handful of spots for those that weren't on L3.

But yes, in practice I don't agree with this. My cousin is a 11 year old L3 gymmie at a different gym and is doing very, very well and LOVES IT. At our gym she would never have realistically received enough early training to achieve this (very little conditioning is done in rec). So sad.

 

[AlexsGymmyMom]

My DD would be one that would not have been accepted at that gym also. She did not start gymnastics til she was 8 in rec classes and competed L3 as a 9 year old. She absolutley loves gymnastics so fortunately she is at a gym that has accepted all ages into the program!
I am sorry to hear that there are problems at your gym. It never hurts to "try out" other gyms and see how your DD fits with the group! Good luck to you and whatever decision you make!
And FYI.....our gym has a boys team with Level 9 boys and the coach does alot of yelling!! It was very noticable at first (they boys came to our gym from another gym along with the coach) because it is so different than how the girls are coached but I think it is a boy thing so I would not worry to much about it!!

 

[Shewhodrives]

My daughter was also preteam and I can identify with parts of your post (the yelling). I switched her gym in January. I too struggled with the decision, but ultimately when I would think about what was headed my daughters way, I knew I had to switch her gym and we have never once looked back. She is soooo incredibly happy at the new gym! Lots of fun for her. My only regret was that I didn't do it sooner; I kept second guessing myself. It really sounds like you are struggling with the decision and I wish you the best. Remember to keep your daughters best interest in heart and don't get to worried about what others might think.

 

[clrmom]

It is always hard to make those decisions. It seems to me that if your experience at this gym is making you think that gymnastics is not good for your dds self-esteem, then maybe this gym is just not the right fit for your dd. As far as the boys go...when my ds was in his first gym, the coach was a yeller. It did not seem to bother my son and since it was all we knew, we too thought that was normal (the girls coach at this gym had a similar style and so I thought it was just a gymnastics thing). However due to our gym closing, we switched gyms and my son was then coached with a whole different approach, not yelling all the time. If I had known, I probably would have moved him earlier. Different coaches have very different styles and these different styles can lead to similar end results. You just need to find the style that works best for your dd.

 

[flipper's fan]

You have a little while to decide, although I would get out before the full blown drama once the secret comes out. Why don't you check out the boys' program at the new gym while you're thinking about it? I haven't had the experience of seeing boys be yelled at all through practice. Both gyms where I have been there is more of a "herding cats" mentality toward the young boys and the coaches have kept their behavior in check by constantly changing activity and keeping them moving so fast that their little heads are spinning ( at least my head is spinning watching them!).

 

[gym law mom]

Okay, don't put the cart before the horse regarding ds. Since he's quite young he may do anothe year of rec classes and want to go play t-ball or soccer. What you need to do is make an informed decision based on the needs of your dd. I would let her do L3 through the spring---just see how it plays out for a few months. During that time you may get a better feeling regarding where the gym is heading as far as the owner.
This will give you some time to check out the the other gym. Go and observe a pre-team class. If you like what you see, then ask about bringing your dd in for a tryout. If things seem much better there, then summer is a very good time to change gyms. If after weighing all the pros/cons, your current gym seems to be the answer, then no harm done and dd can continue on there.

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

You're gut is already telling you what you need to do.... follow your instincts. I "knew" something wasn't right w/my DD's gym several years ago, but stuck around just "waiting" for things to straighten out... they never did. If I had just followed my feelings, I don't think she would've have suffered the lack of confidence and fears that wore her down. Good luck.

 

[emorymom]

Some gyms have a "no coming back" policy esp. once on team, but I guess you know now it's time to get a better feel for other gyms. Also the longer you are at that one, the more attached your DD is going to be, so if you think the other teams are healthier you owe it to her to switch sooner rather than later. Just be really sure so go watch practice there, etc.

 

[cadybearsmommy]

Well I think that if you are having uneasy feelings about your current gym, it can't hurt to try out the other one. Most gyms will let you come in for a free trial and while you are there, you can talk to the coaches and the owners and see what their philosophy is on moving girls up to team, coaching strategies, etc. Then I think you will be better informed to make your decision.

 

[gympunkin]

We were previously at a gym that had an upper age limit of 8 for pre-team (and my daughter was 8), so I know just how you feel. I don't have any advice about whether you should change or not.

Maybe this seems really obvious, but I would try going to the other gym by myself once or twice. My daughter has only gone to 2 gyms, but I have visited several to try to find a good fit for her. I went at a time when there was an overlap between rec classes and the pre-team and level 4 team training (so it would be busy) and sat in the parents' area. I watched the classes, listened to the coaches working with the kids (or just watched the coaches' facial expressions if the viewing area was behind glass), listened to the parents talking to each other and talked to as many parents as I could. I think this did give me a very good idea of the atmosphere of the various gyms, and how the coaches would treat my daughter. After that, we did trial classes.

Good luck with your decision!

 

[ZJsMom]

That's a hard one. You don't want to make unnecessary changes and upset your kids. On the other hand, I can tell you that it's much easier to change before you're on team. Since you have a good relationship with her former coach who left, maybe she'd be willing to have a frank conversation with you. That might help.

 

[UnoMas]

Oh, gym drama. Such a hard thing to navigate and deal with. I remember when my oldest DD was in L1 and I was hiding in the leotard racks trying to get away from crazy gym parents at our gym. Since then, many things have happened in the 4 years we have been there. Some worse than others. However, I will use the overused quote "The grass always looks greener..." here. I understand the issues that you are having with your current gym, and I agree that some of them are disturbing. However, it can be really easy to paint a "too green" picture of another gym from the outside looking in. Gym drama issues are hard to navigate. We have and have always had issues with our gym, but we've also seen many girls who leave for "greener pastures" (wow, thank goodness St. Patrick's Day is coming up...), who have gone on to quit gym or move to another one, when the new gym was an even worse fit!

So, if your gut is telling you that something is wrong, then listen to it and check out other gyms. But really do your homework regarding the other gyms. Talk to parents if you can. Try to get in there and get a feel for the culture. Look and see how their teams are scoring at meets. See how many are on their teams, lower levels through upper levels. Even though your DD is L3 now, she won't be forever of course, and you'll be dealing with other issues which might be more worrisome than the ones you are now.

Good luck to you. Drama is not fun, but in my experience usually a big part of gymnastics life at one point or another. Hope you can make a decision that will be great for your family!!!

 

[kaenhu]

This is a tough thing to work out. One thing I would suggest: think about what you and your gymmie would like to get out of gymnastics. There are gyms (and parents) that want the medals and will do a lot to get that. There are gyms that are more relaxed but don't win much. And there are gyms that are in between--they will have their strong points and their weak points. So think about what you and your gymmie want--there are literally girls who want the harsher coaching because it gets them to where they want to be, it pushes them harder and they have the temperament to handle it.

Our first gym has a reputation for getting girls NCAA scholarships and winning lots of meets. Their L5 girls are at the gym 20 hrs/wk, and it goes up until their L10 girls work out 40 hrs/wk. There were no exceptions--girls who wanted to work out less than that can work out with the team for exercise but do not compete. They are successful at what they do and their gymnasts look beautiful at meets--flawless. And they win. Their parents seem happy and the girls seem happy, at least at the meets. It's what they want and I'm happy for them.

And I won't lie. I'd love to have my dd win an AA, but not at that price. My dd did not like the overall philosophy of the gym. She didn't like the negative reinforcement nor the punitive methods they use to produce their results. We were out of there after a year. Our current gym does not win much. LOL My L8 has never scored higher than a 36AA. But she loves gymnastics, she can still do her competitive dance, she works hard every day, and she loves her HC. She may have a shot at a college scholarship, probably not. However, she will have great memories of her childhood and of gymnastics.

That was ultimately what she wanted.

Best wishes as you decide.