MAG The Kip Is Killing *ME*

[lilmisssunshine]

DS7 has been a bear for the past few days. Just general bad attitude, being mean to his sister, and doing stuff like throwing a pencil across the room if you ask him to pass it to him. Naturally, this sets me off and then he's upset because EVERYONE is yelling at him.

*sigh*

He claims that it's because he can't get the kip and he's frustrated that the coach keeps saying the same thing over and over. He wants me to talk to the coach, but experience says that talking to this coach won't change anything, and son doesn't want private lessons with the other coach or for me to ask for a bit of extra practice time, or anything else that could actually help his problem.

School and the new schedule just started, so there's also that anxiety to add to the mix.

Can we please fast forward a month?

I know the kip is hard, but I'm praying to the gymnastics gods (apparently Heracles and Hermes) that he gets it soon.

Oh--I just remembered that in school they "buried their can'ts" and have to use other language like "I need to work harder on..." Maybe I need to employ this method....

(And I'm actually in a way happy for him to come up against something hard like this because I know that he needs to work on working through challenges. It's just hard when he takes it out on me...)

 

[Madden3]

When my younger DS was working on his kip and getting frustrated I found him some videos online to watch. I vetted them first to make sure it looked like a real coach in a real gym, not some dude in his basement, and I also talked to him about what they said and if it was different than what his coaches were saying- and it wasn't. I think it helped in the sense he knew he was doing what he can do and there was not some magic trick. It was just going to take time.

For funky attitudes, I try not to raise my voice (too much.) I say cut it out or no practice today. That usually does the trick.

One thing I have learned as a mom of boys is that hormones play a huge part in behavior even when they are little guys. They get hormone surges multiple times a day and need to be taught how to direct the attending aggressive feelings. I would send my boys outside to run around and yell, throw sticks or rocks (at a target, not at each other) or the like. And I always talk to them about using their strength for good not evil- even though it is usually like talking to a brick wall, I have to believe a little has seeped in over the years as they are pretty great kids and even tolerate their little sister most of the time.

Now they are a bit older, they have to either run or bike for at least a half for every morning because otherwise they have a hard time settling down for school. Our society unfortunately teaches our boys that their natural aggression is 'bad' and needs to suppressed, instead of teaching them how to direct it positively. And schools are in particular guilty of poorly serving boys in this regard.

 

[Iwannabemargo]

agreed, I very often send eldest off for a run and tell him to come back when he is a human being !

 

[MomIdidit!]

Been there done that.....the kip frustration went through our family last year so I feel for you. One thing I tried was a kip fairy journal. I had dd write her frustrations in the book which she kept (keeps) under her pillow. She would spend a few minutes a night writing to the kip fairy. Some nights the kip fairy wrote back with encouraging and positive sayings. One night when she was getting closer to the kip, I even sprinkled some fairy dust under her pillow.

DD is now 8 and still writes to the kip fairy and some nights she gets a reply. For dd, the journal worked bc she wrote out her frustrations instead of taking out her frustrations negatively. It must be difficult for these children to learn to work through the hard times but if they want to be successful they have no choice. Writing still is a good outlet for DD, I'm sure she will be writing to the kip fairy about helping her with giants soon.

Good luck and this too shall pass.....

 

[l.c.o]

agreed, I very often send eldest off for a run and tell him to come back when he is a human being !

^^ THIS!^^

I know your DS is younger than my two kiddos, but I would totally threaten to withhold practice "if gymnastics was so stressful on him that he was taking it out on me". I would also send him to his room until he was able to speak to me respectfully. For my DD (12), I sometime have her walk the dog just to get her out of the house. My DS (9) is younger, so usually I send to his room or out to 'clean up the yard'. When calmed and I receive an apology, I offer a hug and ask them to talk it out. Anyway, just one mom's way of doing things here!

 

[samsmama]

Ugh. The kip came easily for DS, but many other skills did not (ahem, muscle-up, which he only got after his L5 season was over), so I feel your pain! One thing that sometimes helps is reminding him of all the other skills he had trouble with but eventually mastered (for ex., circles, giants, cast handstands, flyaways). Once he gets a new skill that was hard for him, I remind him to file that triumphant feeling away for future reference the next time he is struggling.

And similar to the idea of burying the can'ts, I make him add the word "yet" to any sentence that goes like this: "I can't do X skill [yet]". I started doing that sometime in L4 and I am always so pleased (but careful not to show it) when he adds the "yet" without prompting.

 

[Sasha]

And I'm actually in a way happy for him to come up against something hard like this because I know that he needs to work on working through challenges.

So agree! This is one of my top loves about this sport. Just like in life, there is ALWAYS a new challenge - some invited, some unwelcome, some brief, some unbearably lingering..

Better to be challenged early, and (with helpful guidance from parents) learn how to appropriately express those valid feelings that come with real disappointment, and to learn perseverance and see it work firsthand. The "rough patches" my otherwise fairly smooth-sailing (so far) gym kiddos have hit have been the best thing for them. Perspective, humility, empathy, patience, work ethic (i.e. "Character" and "Wisdom").. all so clearly improved directly from these challenges. I'm more proud of their increasing maturity as people than the podium shots (though, of course those are nice to get, too).

 

[sce]

How frustrating for everyone. I would talk with him, help him understand that the frustration is normal and perseverance is part of life BUT being mean to others is not okay. Give home some ideas on ways to deal with the frustration and have home choose a couple. Also, when he says that the coach keeps saying the same thing, help him process that. Is he frustrated because he thinks he's already doing what the coach is saying, is it because he knows but can't yet, or does he not understand the coach's instruction. Once he's figured out which it is, role play with him how he can ask his coach about it. There is a big difference between talking back vs going to the coach himself for feedback. He can tell the coach he feels frustrated with the skill and then ask his question about the coach's instructions.

 

[skschlag]

Ah the kip. Gotta love it. Frustrates the best of us at the lower levels There is such a timing component to it, more than just strength. He will get it.

I wouldn't talk too much about the kip at home, but definitely try to give him other options for the frustration. I still have to do that with D...at 14!

 

[Butterfly]

I'm new around here. DD has decided gymnastics is the ONLY sport she has any interest in. I'm just browsing around, but I just have to comment: It's so great to read these discussions over and over in this forum. Basic parenting approaches, supportive, ideas for helping kids work though challenges.

 

[lilmisssunshine]

Thanks for the tea and sympathy. One of my biggest challenges throughout parenting is that my kid just doesn't seem to respond to ANY normal parenting techniques. And if he does, it's not for long. In any "fight or flight" situation, my son freezes instead. If I ask him to go to his room or even just leave me alone because *I* need a time out, he "turns to stone" (and those are literally his words), which can be even more infuriating.

I did end up talking to the coach, asking what the deal was -- timing or strength or what. And when he got specific, I was able to look things up on Google, found some coach recommendations here that I think might be key, and passed those on to my son. We've yet to see whether the tip I found is going to be the key, but if he gets it in practice today, I'm going to be cackling like a witch over my cleverness. LOL.

Also, when he says that the coach keeps saying the same thing, help him process that. Is he frustrated because he thinks he's already doing what the coach is saying, is it because he knows but can't yet, or does he not understand the coach's instruction. Once he's figured out which it is, role play with him how he can ask his coach about it. There is a big difference between talking back vs going to the coach himself for feedback. He can tell the coach he feels frustrated with the skill and then ask his question about the coach's instructions.

This is actually fantastic advice. I'm really working hard this year on getting him to create and follow through on goals and work on advocating for himself. His solution to this "mean coach" was to have me repeatedly text him every 5 minutes saying "Be nice" and DS didn't seem to understand why that might be a bad idea. I'm telling him, "The guy just isn't going to instantly change. You need to think about what *you* can do about responding to it." Your suggestion is really practical and actionable.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Been there done that.....the kip frustration went through our family last year so I feel for you. One thing I tried was a kip fairy journal. I had dd write her frustrations in the book which she kept (keeps) under her pillow. She would spend a few minutes a night writing to the kip fairy. Some nights the kip fairy wrote back with encouraging and positive sayings. One night when she was getting closer to the kip, I even sprinkled some fairy dust under her pillow.

DD is now 8 and still writes to the kip fairy and some nights she gets a reply. For dd, the journal worked bc she wrote out her frustrations instead of taking out her frustrations negatively. It must be difficult for these children to learn to work through the hard times but if they want to be successful they have no choice. Writing still is a good outlet for DD, I'm sure she will be writing to the kip fairy about helping her with giants soon.

Good luck and this too shall pass.....

I love this.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

DS7 has been a bear for the past few days. Just general bad attitude, being mean to his sister, and doing stuff like throwing a pencil across the room if you ask him to pass it to him. Naturally, this sets me off and then he's upset because EVERYONE is yelling at him.

*sigh*

He claims that it's because he can't get the kip and he's frustrated that the coach keeps saying the same thing over and over. He wants me to talk to the coach, but experience says that talking to this coach won't change anything, and son doesn't want private lessons with the other coach or for me to ask for a bit of extra practice time, or anything else that could actually help his problem.

School and the new schedule just started, so there's also that anxiety to add to the mix.

Can we please fast forward a month?

I know the kip is hard, but I'm praying to the gymnastics gods (apparently Heracles and Hermes) that he gets it soon.

Oh--I just remembered that in school they "buried their can'ts" and have to use other language like "I need to work harder on..." Maybe I need to employ this method....

(And I'm actually in a way happy for him to come up against something hard like this because I know that he needs to work on working through challenges. It's just hard when he takes it out on me...)

YIKES!

 

[gracyomalley]

Oh the kip....

First of many skills that takes a combo of proper strength, technique, timing and just plain hard work and patience...none of which can be rushed. Their are kids who kip easily - so I've heard...

DD sat out of bars a full 6 months due to the kip being "almost there"....luckily her coach was patient and she was little enough and felt happy enough about the rest of gym that she didn't care....My older boy took 3 years to get his kip, and my younger had one for a year that I wasn't sure really counted.....

Now they kip into trees for fun...even the one out of gym for a year and mostly playing on instagram for exercise...it will come...

More importantly is figuring out how to help your little one deal with frustration and challenge....cuz wait for giants, and moys to support and double backs, etc...or more importantly, life....

Talking to the coach to make sure your son is working the right drills and doing the right conditioning for an eventual kip would be helpful, then making sure everyone is on the same page about things taking time and hard work and patience...focusing on working hard at it while perfecting other skills that come easily to your son (my older who took 3 years on his kip was vaulting a double front into the pit while still working it - but he was an late starter, still point is there are other areas of the gym to concentrate on to help him feel better overall about gymnastics, while waiting for the kip to come together )...

 

[momto2js]

Before every meet I still ask if he packed his kip!! He has been know to misplace it!!

 

[skschlag]

D has always tended to hide skills under the mat. He is frequently looking for them there....

 

[MyBoysFlip]

J's skills go on vacation. There is a p bar giant still in Utah if any ones seen it! His lip was a 2 year project- we always remind the new L5's of that.

 

[profmom]

Kip frustration is a great experience to prepare for all the frustrations to come. My son's going on 13 and still can be quite irritable when he's really determined to get something but it just isn't there yet. But here's the thing -- once they're on the other side of it, they can always tell themselves, "hey, if I eventually got my kip, I know if I keep working, I'll get my X." The X in question need not be related at all to gymnastics.

 

[lilmisssunshine]

He's getting closer. Apparently, coach is now just giving him a "slight tap" to get up there and it's good enough that he doesn't get sent to do a gazillion drills.

 

[duyetanh]

He's getting closer. Apparently, coach is now just giving him a "slight tap" to get up there and it's good enough that he doesn't get sent to do a gazillion drills.

Oh yay!!!!!