Trapped (long vent)

[juliasmom]

I still don't really have a solution to my problem, but thanks for all your support and comments. Nothing has changed since I talked to him. Last year my daughter was doing great at the meets but then never seemed to get any better. She just leveled off. She scored the same at the last meet as she did at the first meet. I feel that we need another coach badly. I am sure that he will not hire one. He has mentioned before that he could not afford to hire anyone else. He will not split up the team because he is so busy and the gym is so packed that there would be no time or space for another team class. I figure we will hang in there until level 7, if she makes it that far. If she still loves gymnastics as much as she does now we may have to drive an hour and a half for gym class. We have never had a gymnast above level 8 at our gym anyway. I did take my daughter to a clinic once at a gym 2 hours away. There team was practicing so I have seen what it is supposed to be like. I know that our situation is far from ideal, but my daughter is happy there most of the time. She loves gymnastics. She has been able to do her straddle press handstand since she was 6. She watched someone do it on youtube and then just got down on the floor and did it. I know nothing about gymnastics myself which is a lot of the problem, but that impressed me.

 

[juliasmom]

Could you car pool with this mom?

It never seems to work out. I have tried before.

 

[juliasmom]

If your dd really loves gymnastics, I would stick with it and try to wait it out. Seven is really young- maybe the favorite will get frustrated with the harder skills and drop out.

I hate to say it, but I have hoped for this. I feel really guilty about it though. After all, she is just a child.

 

[frazzled_gymanst]

I have the same problem! I travel over an hour to go to a gym where my coach ignores me it drives me insane!

 

[Bobby]

...The mom of the special girl is not humble. She brags on how good her daughter is and tells me how the coach says she's the best he's seen in a long time. She also tells me how jealous her daughter gets of mine. The special girls is always trying to beat my daughter in practice,and the coach always makes a bid deal about it when she does....He says that the special girl demands the attention. I really don't think he realizes that he treats her that much different. Also, last year I asked if my daughter could come one day for some private lessons and just go through her routines, just the two of them. He told me no. I found out later that the special girl was allowed to come for free and practice extra a couple of days a week.... I actually pay more than the special girl's parents. She even got to take for free one year....The coach has told me that my daughter is the strongest and most flexible of any of the girls at that gym. He has told me it is very likely that she will be one of the few that makes it to optionals....

Perhaps I'm being paranoid, but there's a pattern being described that I just don't like the smell of.
Coach says your DD is the strongest and most flexible. The judges have consistently rated your DD as "better". Special girl is reportedly jealous of your DD. All the available evidence suggests your DD is the better gymnast.
Your DD has plateaued and you've requested privates that coach won't make time for.
Coach has apparently gushed to special girl's mother about how special she is. Perhaps even to the extent of exaggerating. He's made time for privates for special girl. He's provided freebies even though he's clearly financially strapped, and even though doing so is risking irretrievably offending other customers. Special girl doesn't seem to have made any huge gains (such as catching/surpassing your DD) in spite of all this extra attention.
And (the bit that bothers me most) it's special girl's fault - she's the one who's demanding the attention from him. As if he's not a grown man with the power to dish out his attention as he chooses.
Does special girl seem to like gymnastics? and coach?
It sounds an awful lot like someone is being wooed. I hope it's just special girl's mother ...

 

[juliasmom]

Coach has apparently gushed to special girl's mother about how special she is. Perhaps even to the extent of exaggerating. He's made time for privates for special girl. He's provided freebies even though he's clearly financially strapped, and even though doing so is risking irretrievably offending other customers. Special girl doesn't seem to have made any huge gains (such as catching/surpassing your DD) in spite of all this extra attention.
Does special girl seem to like gymnastics? and coach?
It sounds an awful lot like someone is being wooed. I hope it's just special girl's mother ...

Actually, the special girl did win first all around in all events at the last meet last year. She did eventually score higher than my daughter. My daughter scored 1st all around at the first 4 meets. Then her scores did not improve. This year, the special girl can't do most of the new skills that they have been learning. My daughter can already do almost all of them. It's almost like my daughter has to figure out what she's doing wrong when the other girl is coached. The special girl does like gymnastics, but is no more excited or dedicated to it than my daughter. My daughter begs to go to gymnastics even if she's sick and will not miss for any reason. Her mother does seem to get more privileges than the rest of us. He also talks to her more and informs her of how her daughter is doing. He never tells me anything unless I ask. I will say that when the special girl finally gets her skills, her form is really good.

 

[juliasmom]

I have the same problem! I travel over an hour to go to a gym where my coach ignores me it drives me insane!

I am so sorry for you. Why can't they realize how this affects the gymnast?

 

[starmaker]

I really feel for what you and your daughter are going through. It happens at my dd's gym too. There is an obvious group of the HC's favorite and the only group she works with personally. The rest of the girls get little to no attention.

DD was not a favorite a year ago and only became a favorite when she was under the impression that she was going to 2 a days. Once she realized we were not doing it, she was back to ignoring dd. We left to another gym.

Now a year later we are back and luckily she is a "favorite". Mostly because I brought her back TOPS ready and 2 weeks shy of first testing. I am not happy about it but at least for now dd is in the good group but I still question the amount of attention she gets.

In the meantime I stay out of it. If I stay and watch the lack of coaching dd receives I get very upset. Like your gyms most parents just pay, drop off and pick up. I am now doing the same thing. I don't want to know what's going on in there. It's our only option right now(only TOPS program) and dd is happy. She too fights to be noticed to no avail.

My suggestion would be to stick it out. It's your only option just stay out of the gym, and cross your fingers your dd is progressing. As long as your daughter is relatively happy there what else can you do????

Wish you guys the best of luck.

 

[juliasmom]

I'm glad I found this site. You guys have helped me tremendously. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one dealing with this. Thanks for all your comments and suggestions. It's amazing how just getting this off my chest lightened the load I was carrying. I know it shouldn't be that big of a deal. It's just gymnastics.

 

[gymnut1]

I'm glad I found this site. You guys have helped me tremendously. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one dealing with this. Thanks for all your comments and suggestions. It's amazing how just getting this off my chest lightened the load I was carrying. I know it shouldn't be that big of a deal. It's just gymnastics.

It is not about the gymnastics. It is about your precious child - it is so hard to watch and see things not being right. It ties me up in knots, makes me feel sick and brings tears to my eyes. Sometimes our children don't even notice, how silly is that. I think it is our role as protector of our young that does it.

You are in a difficult situation and have very few options. Your dd is being treated badly but difficult to know what to do. Hope you manage to carry on somehow.

 

[gymnut1]

I really feel for what you and your daughter are going through. It happens at my dd's gym too. There is an obvious group of the HC's favorite and the only group she works with personally. The rest of the girls get little to no attention.

DD was not a favorite a year ago and only became a favorite when she was under the impression that she was going to 2 a days. Once she realized we were not doing it, she was back to ignoring dd. We left to another gym.

Now a year later we are back and luckily she is a "favorite". Mostly because I brought her back TOPS ready and 2 weeks shy of first testing. I am not happy about it but at least for now dd is in the good group but I still question the amount of attention she gets.

In the meantime I stay out of it. If I stay and watch the lack of coaching dd receives I get very upset. Like your gyms most parents just pay, drop off and pick up. I am now doing the same thing. I don't want to know what's going on in there. It's our only option right now(only TOPS program) and dd is happy. She too fights to be noticed to no avail.

My suggestion would be to stick it out. It's your only option just stay out of the gym, and cross your fingers your dd is progressing. As long as your daughter is relatively happy there what else can you do????

Wish you guys the best of luck.

Liv is so adorable how could she not be given attention. I don't get it. And she is so strong and flexible at such a young age. So much potential. I'm glad she fights to be noticed. Good trait in a gymnast. Long may that continue but hard for her. Grrrrr for coaches with favourites.

 

[fishchimes]

She gets some instruction FREE? FREE? Now that, that's a VERY good reason to bring up the problem again. He can't accuse you of being the jealous Mom there.

I was in a rec class with a girl who really wasn't better then me, and certainly not very dedicated. She could tumble and do flips and stuff, and I was missing a back handspring for much of the time I was there (though I did get it) but that's not all there is to gymnastics! She could hardly do anything on the other events, but the team coach basically told she had everything she needed (for team). I believe she was offered a chance at practicing with the level 5 team for the summer. It irked me sooo much, because even though I was pretty bad, SHE was being noticed and she could pretty much only tumble! I'm pretty sure it was because she was younger and had the "short" body type (I've always been tall). I remember saying to my coach "she's lucky" about her getting on team and my coach replied "it's because she's young". I doubt the team coach so much as knew my name before I made a point of getting evaluated once, failed, then tried again, which is a long story... I wound up starting practices in april of this year. I almost had a third evaluation but maybe the coaches realized how stupid that was, since I'd been having private lessons with the same coach who favored the younger one starting around midwinter and he knew I had most of the skills.

I don't know exactly what happened- maybe the whole summer team thing fell through- but she was supposed to start coming to the older girls' class for the summer. She never showed up. I never saw or heard from her again, and when I mentioned her to someone a year later, they said they hadn't either. It's ironic because I've surpassed her in skill AND I was the one who got on team in the end. That coach is lucky I have enough maturity not to rub it in his face.

Whew, didn't mean that to be quite that long... ^^; My point is, I've been there, and it ended up flipping around. I suggest you talk to the coach/owner/person about this again, cite examples and make sure you get your point across on everything. Always ask for explanations when they give you vague answers and don't be afraid to disagree. Good luck!

 

[starmaker]

Liv is so adorable how could she not be given attention. I don't get it. And she is so strong and flexible at such a young age. So much potential. I'm glad she fights to be noticed. Good trait in a gymnast. Long may that continue but hard for her. Grrrrr for coaches with favourites.

LOL! I know right my thoughts exactly. And not only is she adorable and talented but a sweetheart. Honestly, I think HC had some jealousy issues. I never thought I'd ever encounter a coach jealous of child's talent. She never ever had anything nice to say about Liv. She constantly compared her to her own daughter. She told me once: "Children like that, that are so talented in some many area never really do anything. They can't ever stick to any one thing so at the end of the day they've tried everything but have master nothing." I think Liv was not even 5 years old yet.

Now we are back at this gym. HC is now thrilled to have Liv(she made the favs list). I don't know maybe I just had to stand up to her and by leaving I did just that. Now she knows, if she mistreats I am out the door and at the end of the day she doesn't want Liv to leave.

I am still a little weary but again not many options for us so we have to make it work even if it means I do not step foot in her gym. (which I will from time to time but very infrequent).

Liv is happy, has no fear issue at this gym (not much of a choice), is making adequate progress and enjoying TOPS so I am happy and willing to pay to tuition and drive her.

 

[cher062]

I'm glad I found this site. You guys have helped me tremendously. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one dealing with this. Thanks for all your comments and suggestions. It's amazing how just getting this off my chest lightened the load I was carrying. I know it shouldn't be that big of a deal. It's just gymnastics.

I love this site. I'm soooo glad I found it too. It reallyl is the only place where folks understand the dynamics of having a gymnast or being a gymnast is. It is not like a soccer team or any other sport kids do when you are on a gym team. It really does become part of a lifestyle you are living and only those who live it with you (other parents of gymnasts, coaches, and other gymnasts) even can get a clue as to just how involved this sport is.

So glad to have such a great group as a support team! You guys are all so great.

 

[Pickle's Mom]

She told me once: "Children like that, that are so talented in some many area never really do anything. They can't ever stick to any one thing so at the end of the day they've tried everything but have master nothing." I think Liv was not even 5 years old yet.

What a terrible and unproductive thing to say about a child. Even if there is some truth to it (which I doubt), you'd think she would say something like "with a child like this, who has a lot of talents, it's very important to help her focus her energies so she realizes her potential..." or something else you can work with that isn't just saying "she's destined to die a failure..."

These stories make me feel better about Pickle's gym. Heck, we may not have had a summer schedule until last week, but I've never seen the type of favoritism described here. Good luck for those of you who are dealing with this.