WAG Where are the parents?

[Deleted member 18037]

Ldw, I think it is very easy to judge if you have not walked that path..

I am saying what I would of done. That's all. That is what I would have done.

And again, when folks wonder how can we make sure this doesn't happen again.

Going with the status quo, that's how its always been done, everyone does it, don't question. is exactly how this happened.

I say if it doesn't seem right. Question. Concerns.... Question.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I am saying what I would of done. That's all. That is what I would have done.

And again, when folks wonder how can we make sure this doesn't happen again.

Going with the status quo, that's how its always been done, everyone does it, don't question. is exactly how this happened.

I say if it doesn't seem right. Question. Concerns.... Question.

My mother used to say if everyone jumps off a bridge are you going to follow?

Because that's what everyone is doing or that's how its always been done. Not good enough for me.

 

[profmom]

Why are you implying that no parent of an elite or aspiring elite was careful, cautious, or asked questions? Perhaps you don't mean to be doing this, but that is a reasonable conclusion from your posts, and it's an exceptionally hurtful one to some members of this community, both parents and coaches.

As for me, I think that if any parent's or coach's reaction to this whole revelation doesn't include even a little bit of "there but for the grace of G-d," that parent or coach is lacking in humility, imagination, and empathy. Careful, skeptical adults can play an important role in keeping children safe, but individual solutions and individual adult vigilance will not work to solve this problem. We need institutions as well.

 

[amiandjim]

Well and from what I’ve heard in testimony, he didn’t exactly say “ok, I have a wonderful treatment for your back or hip pain. I’m going to place my fingers in your vagina.” It’s not like the girls and their moms said “sure, that sounds great.”

It seemed like he just started the examination and went into treatment without saying anything. If they complained about pain, “he would say he knew it was uncomfortable but it would be worth it.”’ I don’t think the parents in the room knew what he was actually doing. And the gymnasts didn’t say anything bc they had always been taught he was the best and not to question.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Careful, skeptical adults can play an important role in keeping children safe, but individual solutions and individual adult vigilance will not work to solve this problem. We need institutions as well.

Without individual adult vigilance no one is watching the institutions.

This thread has turned into a thread mostly about injuries, because no one wants to ponder the parents. Its more comfortable to talk about injury rates.

Part of problem solving is accountability. For me it is just a given when something goes wrong, we need to figure out what went wrong and how to make sure it doesn't happen again. One of the first questions I ask is what is my responsibility. What can I do differently to make sure this doesn't happen again.

Who is involved, athlete, parent, coach, organization. All need to make changes. Its not about blame, its about fixing. And no its not comfortable or easy.

So USAG comes up with a bunch of new rules. Puts a bunch of new bodies in place. And the parents go, well that's handled........ Until someday its not again.

There are folks on a another thread still in denial about Geddert.

You know when I first got here and would wander into threads about coaches traveling alone with a gymnast or some to the things like parents not having access to kids. I would go huh Thats just crazy. And folks were quick to say I was the one who didn't understand. That's just how its done. Or I would go why are you not questioning your kids coach or why are you not counseling you kid to advocate for herself. And it was Oh no, that just can't happen.

Yet I'm the one who just doesn't get it................

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Well and from what I’ve heard in testimony, he didn’t exactly say “ok, I have a wonderful treatment for your back or hip pain. I’m going to place my fingers in your vagina.” It’s not like the girls and their moms said “sure, that sounds great.”

It seemed like he just started the examination and went into treatment without saying anything. If they complained about pain, “he would say he knew it was uncomfortable but it would be worth it.”’ I don’t think the parents in the room knew what he was actually doing. And the gymnasts didn’t say anything bc they had always been taught he was the best and not to question.

Again, no one questions???? I'm sorry this truly boggles my mind.

I don't have any procedure nor does my kid, without knowing exactly what is being done, how, how long. In fact full disclosure is actually required.

I actually read those pages of information that come with our meds. The pages of what ifs before my lasik procedure. Had a hysterectomy. Got 3 opinions on keeping my ovaries and did a ton of research. I just didn't go with what the first doc said. My kid had an injury, wasn't comfortable with the first guys plan. Had been comfortable at the practice previously, new person. Went elsewhere.

Because I said so just doesn't work for me, even if its a doc.


Really I am truly shocked that folks just never question.

 

[QueenBee]

@amiandjim about to say the exact same thing! In fact, in one case (that we know of) when a dad who was a doctor asked about the "treatment" Nassar was providing (to be able to provide care at home for his child), Nassar did a completely different treatment that day to hide what he was doing. Many parents are grappling with the fact that they were literally in the room with their child while their child was molested. These aren't negligent parents, these are parents who trusted a well regarded doctor and still were in the exam rooms with their children to support/protect them while the children were injured.

I said it before and I will say it again...asking about "what parents could have done" or "where are the parents" shifts blame away from the perpetrator and onto the victims. The victims are not to blame for what happened. There is one person who could have stopped all of this from happening and that was Larry Nassar.

Many of the children/parents who saw Nassar were going to him as their 'second/third/final opinion'. He had families from all over the country coming to see him after the doctors in their area couldn't treat the pain/injury of the child.

What can all of us do to help ensure something like this doesn't happen again? We, as individuals, can push for every victim being believed when they make a report (false reports of any crime are something like 3% of all crime reports, the percent doesn't increase when talking about sexual assaults). We can push our institutions to follow the procedures they claim to have in place (actually making mandated reporters report when abuse is disclosed, instead of hiding it or trying to convince a victim not to report). We can lobby our local politicians to put laws into place that would have tougher consequences for people & institutions that fail to adequately protect children/fail to report all accusations of sexual abuse and/or assault.

 

[skschlag]

Again, no one questions???? I'm sorry this truly boggles my mind.

I don't have any procedure nor does my kid, without knowing exactly what is being done, how, how long. In fact full disclosure is actually required.


Really I am truly shocked that folks just never question.

Some DID question! And they got reports, and assurances, that this was a recognized medical adjustment that had helped many people. He was their 2nd/3rd opinion in many cases.

While I think I know what I would do in a situation like this, there is absolutely no way to guess that. I like to think I am vigilant and questioning, but since *I* was not in that situation, I will not question what the parenst did or did not do in this case.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

@amiandjim
I said it before and I will say it again...asking about "what parents could have done" or "where are the parents" shifts blame away from the perpetrator and onto the victims. The victims are not to blame for what happened. There is one person who could have stopped all of this from happening and that was Larry Nassar.

Again this is not about blame. What could we have done, is not about shifting blame.

Its about how do you make sure you and your kid are not a good target. Make sure you and your child are not easily groomed.

I got my purse stolen once. It was on the back of my chair at a lunch counter. Yes it was the persons fault who stole it. I didn't ask to be a victim. And I said, gee maybe I shouldn't keep my purse in a place so easily accessed by a thief.

When we go to the mall. I tell my kid. We'll be coming out after dark. Lets park under a light its safer then off in the unlit spots. We are going to look around, check the car as we get in. Get in quickly and lock the doors. We are not going mosey and dawdle. You can look at your stuff when we are safely in the car.

There are bad people in the world. I need to make sure me and mine are not good targets.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

https://slate.com/news-and-politics...boxes-author-on-gymnastics-toxic-culture.html

1995- This book has been around since 1995

 

[profmom]

And what everyone is trying to get through to you is that individual parental and coach vigilance may well be necessary, but it is clearly NOT sufficient. If that's all you take from this entire episode, you're missing the point. Individual parental vigilance is not enough to change the culture of the sport, though it is one piece of a complex solution. If it were enough, there would be a hell of a lot fewer victims. In this case particularly, it makes no sense to talk about "the parents" as an undifferentiated mass of people who all did the same things and made the same choices and assessments of risks. That is self evidently untrue.

I do think as well that there are disadvantages to raising a fearful child who imagines danger lurking around every corner and behind every door. There's a balance to be achieved. Unless you wrap your kid in bubble wrap and never leave the house, your kid will have some bad experiences in life and you will not be there to be the omniscient protector at all times. My preference is to guide my children toward increasing responsibility, autonomy, and assertiveness so that they can make reasonable and informed calculations regarding risks and payoffs, but also so that they have the opportunity to make low-cost mistakes and learn from them early on. But I've made it no secret that I am not a fan of Gavin de Becker's pop psychology, which merely reinforces the idea that ho hum, there's lots of risk and sexual violence against women in the world, so individual women need to solve the problem by being hyper-vigilant and hyper-aware at all times. I'd rather work on structural solutions so that maybe my granddaughters need not live in that world, anxiously scrutinizing every shadow for danger and risk.

Finally, overly reinforcing the message that vigilance and awareness prevents injury simply creates guilt when injury nonetheless happens. "Why was I sexually harassed? I was so careful not to do anything provocative, give any ambiguous signals, or wear anything questionable! What did I do wrong?" is not the first narrative I want running through my daughter's head the first time she experiences sexual harassment.

 

[QueenBee]

Anytime you ask how something could have gone better (in the past), you are assigning blame/responsibility. The victims and parents do NOT need to go over their actions to figure out how they could have stopped Nassar. They do not need to soul search in what ways they could have been less careless, more vigilant, asked more questions or the might-have-beens had they had not left their vaginas and anuses in "a place so easily accessed by an abuser"...you know, the office of a world renowned, well-respected doctor.

Saying you are not trying to shift blame as try to shift you shift blame doesn't wash. Asking for "optimal" choices on the part of victims is just another way to shift blame from the perpetrator to the victim. If any one of the reports given by victims (which we know started by 1997) had been believed and appropriately investigated, hundreds of children & women wouldn't have been abused.

The problem with asking what the victim could have done to prevent the crime done to them is that it perpetuates the mistaken belief that we can prevent bad things from happening to us which then leads to the belief that if bad things happen to someone - there must have been something they did to let this bad thing happen.

@Deleted member 18037 you weren't responsible for your purse being stolen. It really doesn't matter where your purse was, the act of it being stolen isn't mitigated by the fact it was hanging on the back of your chair. If the thief had snatched it out of your hands on the street, I wouldn't be asking why you hadn't been wearing your purse cross body. If the thief had cut your purse strap (because you were wearing it cross body), I wouldn't be asking you why you hadn't purchased a purse that has straps that cannot be cut (those do, in fact, exist). If the thief had knocked you down and wrestled the purse off of you (because they couldn't cut it off), I wouldn't be asking you why you let the thief injure you as well as stealing from you and why you didn't just stay home instead of thinking you would be safe walking down the street if you were going to carry a purse.
You had nothing to do with the thief's choice to steal your purse. That was a choice they made. You don't know how the thief made his choice to steal from you, you don't know if that is the only method the thief uses when stealing. You are making an assumption that you could have prevented the theft, but you don't actually know.

 

[Rose7777]

I didn’t say I would see it all or am able to prevent it all.

But if my kid is going somewhere for many hours a week. With the same group of folks. I would watch. I would know. I would find out.

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/kids-good-keeping-abuse-secret-200745523.html

Quick story. Went on adventure with daughter, friend. MIL went too. I asked kids how they were liking the day. They were not liking it so much.
MIL jumped down their throats. They should smile, be grateful. I jumped down MIL. We’re raising strong assertive girls. They know when I ask them something it’s OK to be truthful.

I might not know every incident at school or on the bus, or on a playground. But I would know something was up if it was ongoing.

And a guy like Nassar. Oh double hockey pucks no. There is no gymnastic injuries that requires internal pelvic manipulation. And Geddert we would of been out of there.

I've held off commenting because I'm mostly a lurker and, to be honest, ldw, you intimidate me- you're very well informed, well spoken, and confident, but I'm having trouble moving on from this. I find this comment, as well as the previous one, incredibly offensive to the parents of kids who have been the victims of ongoing abuse. It implies that they all could have and should have known if only they were as in tune with their kids as you are, if only they had the good relationship with their kids that you have with yours.

I have a great relationship with my kids; they tell me all sorts of things... but I am honest enough to say that, well, I don't know what I don't know and yes, I supposed it is *possible* that there are things going on that I don't know about. I highly doubt that the parents of all 150 girls and women who spoke at the hearings (plus those of the others who chose not to speak) are disconnected or uncaring. Many of them probably would have said that they'd know if something like this were happening. They love their kids as fiercely as I love mine and to imply that they all could have stopped this if only they knew their kids better is so, so insulting. It also, as others have said, shifts the blame from the person and institutions that committed and enabled these horrible acts to the very people who are certainly already beating themselves about what they could have, would have, and should have done.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I do think as well that there are disadvantages to raising a fearful child who imagines danger lurking around every corner and behind every door. There's a balance to be achieved. Unless you wrap your kid in bubble wrap and never leave the house, your kid will have some bad experiences in life and you will not be there to be the omniscient protector at all times. My preference is to guide my children toward increasing responsibility, autonomy, and assertiveness so that they can make reasonable and informed calculations regarding risks and payoffs, but also so that they have the opportunity to make low-cost mistakes and learn from them early on. But I've made it no secret that I am not a fan of Gavin de Becker's pop psychology, which merely reinforces the idea that ho hum, there's lots of risk and sexual violence against women in the world, so individual women need to solve the problem by being hyper-vigilant and hyper-aware at all times. I'd rather work on structural solutions so that maybe my granddaughters need not live in that world, anxiously scrutinizing every shadow for danger and risk.

Finally, overly reinforcing the message that vigilance and awareness prevents injury simply creates guilt when injury nonetheless happens. "Why was I sexually harassed? I was so careful not to do anything provocative, give any ambiguous signals, or wear anything questionable! What did I do wrong?" is not the first narrative I want running through my daughter's head the first time she experiences sexual harassment.

Odd that wasn’t my take away from the book at all. It’s rather common sense stuff.

I believe in raising a strong responsible autonomous child as well. And she likely has more opportunities then most to spread her wings and fly solo.

Being aware of your surroundings doesn’t translate to fear or hyper vigilance. I can assure you there is no bubble wrap here.

Nor did I say or do teach that vigilance and awareness will prevent bad things from happening. So don’t imply that I did.

And it certainly does make you less likely to be a victim.

There were a lot of women at the lunch counter that day. But I was the one that didn’t have her purse in front of her. Yep I own that.

It’s rather like anti bullying campaigns. Yes it’s the bully’s fault. And you can’t get rid of all bully’s. Not going to happen. At some point you have to also say, how can I help my kid. deal with these idiots. What can I do to make them less likely to be bullied. To deal with the bully.

If you think you can rid the world of bad people by structural solutions, you are sadly mistaken. Unfortunately there will always be bad people. Sorry but we’ll just have to agree to disagree. I’m not going tell my kid you don’t have to be aware or accountable because the sttrucure/system will keep you safe.

Me, I would rather raise my daughter not to be a target, so she never had to question how it happened. Because it won’t happen. In a grooming situation, my kid will be a more difficult target and less appealing.

And to be clear I’m not talking about random acts of violence.

You know, I’ve had job interviews in hotels. And oddly I never had one in the interviewers hotel room. I wouldn’t have gone if asked. That’s not fear or hyper vigilance. That’s common sense awareness.

So who is more likely to a victim of a sexual harassment. A person who goes up to hotel room for an interview or the person who says, No I’m just not comfortable going up to your room, let’s meet have our meeting in the restaurant.

The culture of blind acceptance. Of not questioning. Has to stop.

 

[BachFlyer]

I am saying what I would of done. That's all. That is what I would have done.

.

I've held off commenting because I'm mostly a lurker and, to be honest, ldw, you intimidate me- you're very well informed, well spoken, and confident, but I'm having trouble moving on from this. I find this comment, as well as the previous one, incredibly offensive to the parents of kids who have been the victims of ongoing abuse. It implies that they all could have and should have known if only they were as in tune with their kids as you are, if only they had the good relationship with their kids that you have with yours.

I have a great relationship with my kids; they tell me all sorts of things... but I am honest enough to say that, well, I don't know what I don't know and yes, I supposed it is *possible* that there are things going on that I don't know about. I highly doubt that the parents of all 150 girls and women who spoke at the hearings (plus those of the others who chose not to speak) are disconnected or uncaring. Many of them probably would have said that they'd know if something like this were happening. They love their kids as fiercely as I love mine and to imply that they all could have stopped this if only they knew their kids better is so, so insulting. It also, as others have said, shifts the blame from the person and institutions that committed and enabled these horrible acts to the very people who are certainly already beating themselves about what they could have, would have, and should have done.

Thank you for saying this.

ldw4mo - I'm really glad that you as parent have been able to help your kids avoid some of the known pitfalls of this sport and of life in general. You seem to be very aware and alert and in tune, and that is wonderful. I do mean that very sincerely.

But let me tell you this: The parents of victims I know are and were also vigilant, caring, attentive, smart, open, communicative parents. They, like me, trusted this guy. They, like me, took their kids to see him because he was skilled at treating gymnasts and helped a lot of kids with injuries. They like me, could not fathom that he was also exceptionally skilled at abusing and manipulating and fooling people.They, like me, were referred to him and even referred others to him. They, like me, were in the room. They, like me, even took videos of some of his massage or wrapping techniques. They, like me, carried on a regular conversation with him while he was treating their kid. They, like me, never suspected anything could have been off. They, like me, aren't mind readers. They, like me, have athletes that they try every damn day to do the right thing for - to balance trusting the coaches, trusting the process with trusting their (and their kids') instincts. They, like me, are in awe of their kids' abilities to put pain and discomfort aside in their pursuit of high levels of this sport, and who can take a lickin' and keep on tickin' over and over because they LOVE being an athlete that much, and they, like me, have done many things to support their kid's dreams and goals.

But they, unlike me, had kids who had an injury that gave Nassar access and an excuse. They, unlike me, got a "yes" from their kids instead of a "no" as soon as they heard the news reports and asked their kids, "did this happen to you?" They, unlike me, unfortunately blame and question themselves (and probably will for the rest of their lives) and they don't need some random person acting like it's just "that easy" to anticipate every situation, to keep their kids perpetually safe, to interpret your kids every eye-blink or expression while being sexually assaulted right in front of you by a world-renowned doctor, and instantly know that the situation is wrong.

In retrospect, they might have done things differently. In retrospect. Now that we all know, it's all really easy to say. Maybe in retrospect I should have "instinctively" known the one time when I flat out asked Nassar why he "retired" as the Olympic doctor, that his measurable pause after my question clearly meant that he was hiding decades of sexual abuse. I mean, maybe I should have just paid better attention?

There are TONS of things that the entire gymnastics community (and other communities) can think about doing differently in the future. Some of those things have been talked about for years and some of those things we parents have spoken out against, and found a cultural shift to be daunting, but we keep showing up because our kids love the sport. But right now, your words seem a lot like victim blaming and it's hurtful. So please just stop.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

@Deleted member 18037 you weren't responsible for your purse being stolen. It really doesn't matter where your purse was, the act of it being stolen isn't mitigated by the fact it was hanging on the back of your chair. If the thief had snatched it out of your hands on the street, I wouldn't be asking why you hadn't been wearing your purse cross body. If the thief had cut your purse strap (because you were wearing it cross body), I wouldn't be asking you why you hadn't purchased a purse that has straps that cannot be cut (those do, in fact, exist). If the thief had knocked you down and wrestled the purse off of you (because they couldn't cut it off), I wouldn't be asking you why you let the thief injure you as well as stealing from you and why you didn't just stay home instead of thinking you would be safe walking down the street if you were going to carry a purse.
You had nothing to do with the thief's choice to steal your purse. That was a choice they made. You don't know how the thief made his choice to steal from you, you don't know if that is the only method the thief uses when stealing. You are making an assumption that you could have prevented the theft, but you don't actually know.

Of course I was not to blame. By choosing to look at what I could do to make myself less vulnerable doesn’t mean I am to blame. I chose to take control of what I could. I’ve not had a purse stolen since. Including all the times I went back to the same lunch counter.

And again if you think that the thief picked my purse was a completely random thing and it was merely happenstance or dumb luck.....That would be naive at best.

 

[Seeker]

I've held off commenting because I'm mostly a lurker and, to be honest, ldw, you intimidate me- you're very well informed, well spoken, and confident, but I'm having trouble moving on from this. I find this comment, as well as the previous one, incredibly offensive to the parents of kids who have been the victims of ongoing abuse. It implies that they all could have and should have known if only they were as in tune with their kids as you are, if only they had the good relationship with their kids that you have with yours.

I have a great relationship with my kids; they tell me all sorts of things... but I am honest enough to say that, well, I don't know what I don't know and yes, I supposed it is *possible* that there are things going on that I don't know about. I highly doubt that the parents of all 150 girls and women who spoke at the hearings (plus those of the others who chose not to speak) are disconnected or uncaring. Many of them probably would have said that they'd know if something like this were happening. They love their kids as fiercely as I love mine and to imply that they all could have stopped this if only they knew their kids better is so, so insulting. It also, as others have said, shifts the blame from the person and institutions that committed and enabled these horrible acts to the very people who are certainly already beating themselves about what they could have, would have, and should have done.

I beg to differ — while certainly confident in her own opinions, “facts” often are reported incorrectly or with a greatly skewed view and any amount of pushback is met with resistance. There is a strong tendency to dominate the conversation yet little inclination to listen.

Do not be intimidated - your input matters just as much as everyone else’s.

 

[twinmomma]

I beg to differ — while certainly confident in her own opinions, “facts” often are reported incorrectly or with a greatly skewed view and any amount of pushback is met with resistance. There is a strong tendency to dominate the conversation yet little inclination to listen.

Do not be intimidated - your input matters just as much as everyone else’s.

Not only that, but your input is much more representative of reality. We all like to believe we would know. I too have a great relationship with my 11 year old daughter and son, and we talk openly about their bodies being theirs and theirs alone, both from the touch of adults and from other kids. But my 11 year old daughter is also HORMONAL and moody and some days she acts like I killed her dog and other days she won't get out of my lap. How much of her change in behavior is hormones and girl drama and whatever else and how much is "abnormal?" I want to say I would know. I really do.

The terrifying this is I know I could easily be wrong. No matter how hard I try, how much we talk, and how safe our home is.

In fact, I think a huge risk factor to being wrong, is assuming you're right.

 

[Seeker]

In fact, I think a huge risk factor to being wrong, is assuming you're right.

Bolded for impact. This is such an important thing to understand. By assuming you’re right and you’ve got yourself covered, you can actually create a pocket of vulnerability because you’re so sure of yourself that you can potentially miss a warning or sign that something is amiss. It can happen to anyone.

 

[Taxidriver]

Thank you for saying this.

ldw4mo - I'm really glad that you as parent have been able to help your kids avoid some of the known pitfalls of this sport and of life in general. You seem to be very aware and alert and in tune, and that is wonderful. I do mean that very sincerely.

But let me tell you this: The parents of victims I know are and were also vigilant, caring, attentive, smart, open, communicative parents. They, like me, trusted this guy. They, like me, took their kids to see him because he was skilled at treating gymnasts and helped a lot of kids with injuries. They like me, could not fathom that he was also exceptionally skilled at abusing and manipulating and fooling people.They, like me, were referred to him and even referred others to him. They, like me, were in the room. They, like me, even took videos of some of his massage or wrapping techniques. They, like me, carried on a regular conversation with him while he was treating their kid. They, like me, never suspected anything could have been off. They, like me, aren't mind readers. They, like me, have athletes that they try every damn day to do the right thing for - to balance trusting the coaches, trusting the process with trusting their (and their kids') instincts. They, like me, are in awe of their kids' abilities to put pain and discomfort aside in their pursuit of high levels of this sport, and who can take a lickin' and keep on tickin' over and over because they LOVE being an athlete that much, and they, like me, have done many things to support their kid's dreams and goals.

But they, unlike me, had kids who had an injury that gave Nassar access and an excuse. They, unlike me, got a "yes" from their kids instead of a "no" as soon as they heard the news reports and asked their kids, "did this happen to you?" They, unlike me, unfortunately blame and question themselves (and probably will for the rest of their lives) and they don't need some random person acting like it's just "that easy" to anticipate every situation, to keep their kids perpetually safe, to interpret your kids every eye-blink or expression while being sexually assaulted right in front of you by a world-renowned doctor, and instantly know that the situation is wrong.

In retrospect, they might have done things differently. In retrospect. Now that we all know, it's all really easy to say. Maybe in retrospect I should have "instinctively" known the one time when I flat out asked Nassar why he "retired" as the Olympic doctor, that his measurable pause after my question clearly meant that he was hiding decades of sexual abuse. I mean, maybe I should have just paid better attention?

There are TONS of things that the entire gymnastics community (and other communities) can think about doing differently in the future. Some of those things have been talked about for years and some of those things we parents have spoken out against, and found a cultural shift to be daunting, but we keep showing up because our kids love the sport. But right now, your words seem a lot like victim blaming and it's hurtful. So please just stop.

I wish I could like your post 100 times.

Whilst I believe you can reduce the chance of your child being a victim of sexual assault I don’t think you can ever guarantee that by just not accepting things and questioning things that your child won’t be a victim.
Don’t forget how skilful and charming sexual predators can be, you aren’t talking about one or two people who’s parents had the wool pulled over their eyes but it must be in the 100’s.
I think when you believe that it won’t happen to you or your child or that you will instantly know if something is up is when you are most at risk.
I’m sure the parents involved have asked and beaten themselves up with the ‘what if’ questions enough that they don’t need someone who wasn’t even there to be doing it for them!