Parents Would rather quit than compete...

[okie]

My dd is almost 7. She has never competed and is training 9-12 hours per week for level 3/4. She LOVES practice and her coaches but absolutely does not want to compete - only wants to train. So much so, in fact, that she would rather quit than compete. She says that she doesn't want to go against other girls or her teammates in competition. She is VERY competitive to the point that losing/not winning devastates her. Today, teary-eyed, she stated that she wants to try another sport unless she can train without competing. I am perfectly happy to put her in another sport but am not sure she will be happy. Any words of wisdom?

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[txgymfan]

Would the coaches be willing to let her train for this year only but not compete? A move up score is not required for new three.

 

[MaryA]

Wow, that's a tough one. I am torn between thinking it's jut a stage she'll grow out of (when my dancing DD started dance she flat-out REFUSED to be in the recital) and thinking that she sounds pretty self-aware for a little kid. It's interesting that she doesn't want to compete BECAUSE she's so competitive and not because she's afraid or whatever. When my gymmie started competing around that same age, I'm not even sure she was aware that it was a competition. I think in her mind it was, "Pretty leo. Colorful ribbons. Goodie bag. Stop for ice cream on the way home. A perfect day!"

What about doing acro (or even, dare I suggest it, competitive cheer?) where she would be performing and/or competing with her teammates rather than against them?

 

[okie]

Would the coaches be willing to let her train for this year only but not compete? A move up score is not required for new three.

That would be ideal. However the handbook does say that team members must compete. I am thinking coaches may not want to open that can of worms. But, it is worth asking.

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[gymgal]

First, I would spin it toward the entire team competing together and routing everyone on, not about trying to beat your teammates. This might be enough to have her see the joy of being on a team and supporting each other in meets. It's important to also explain to her that all sports have a competitive factor. There is no escaping it, if she wants to keep progressing. But if she still it's really against it, then find something else for her that is less competitive - whether back to the rec program or another sport, where she is starting at square 1, with little/no competition. If she is destined to be a competitive gymnast, she will find her way back.

 

[okie]

What about doing acro (or even, dare I suggest it, competitive cheer?) where she would be performing and/or competing with her teammates rather than against them?

I will definitely need to look into those alternatives and do some research. She is a great tumbler and loves floor. The thought of cheer freaks me out! Her dad would die!

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[Jenny]

I think I would tell her the team she is in has meets as part of the package. Say she signed up for team and loves the training and the meets are part of this. Tell her she needs to do the first season and then if she still hates competing she can change to something else.

Hopefully once she gets going she will get the bug for it. The fact she is so competitive makes it more important she does some meets. If losing/ not winning devastates her she needs to learn to cope with that situation and the earlier the better.

I would spend time working on why being the best is so important to her. Perhaps she needs her confidence building in another area of her life. There is generally a reason for over competitiveness.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

i would be more interested in knowing WHY she doesn't want to compete. i would think that you would be also?

 

[iwannacoach]

Maybe she'll come to the conclusion that competition isn't what she thinks it is.

She's 7years old, so hopefully the team coaches can let her do it her way with the condition she attends a minimum number of meets to cheer for her teammates. I don't remeber being 7, but I've worked with enough of them to know they aren't all cut from the same cloth.

 

[BlairBob]

There has been some research in the past that has stated that young children are not or should not compete at that age. Obviously, we have seen plenty of kids who have no problems with it (and some who do). So it depends.

I would ask the coach about sitting out the season. Perhaps she can continue to train and just go to meets and watch either with her team or in the stands.

I've seen some really great kids end up quitting right before season because they just refused to compete. Who knows. Some kids just don't have it in them. Some kids need to be acclimated, especially when new, and some kids never really like competing even until optionals (which sounds batty but I've heard of it).

 

[Kiwi]

My DD never places and she has learned that competing at gymnastics is about performing your best and basically competing with yourself rather than worrying about winning or where others have placed. Also being part of the team and supporting your team mates. When she first started she used to get upset at not getting a prize. I think it has been a good lesson for her. On the weekend there were 50 girls in her competition, that is a lot of gymnasts who didn't get a prize.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Dad and Coach perspective, she is 6 turning 7.... gym is hard,, just ignore her and keep dropping her off, then at the end of the season she will feel much better. In other words, don't get into her head, she is only 6/7, she will get over it......

 

[okie]

While she is competitive to the extreme and quite possibly emerged from the womb with a strong desire to win, her trepidation regarding competition and competing against teammates is as much about beating them as it is about them beating her. She wants everyone to do well and knows that isn't possible. Even though she hates to lose (and quietly sneaks off to wipe away her tears when she does lose), she also feels bad when her friends lose (even against her) and sometimes lets them win.

In gymnastics, She gets excited about a teammate getting a new skill and celebrates with her... but it also kills her to think that a teammate will score better than her on an event. She does not like that feeling and, in fact, once asked me what the "losing feeling" was called.

That losing feeling is why she does not want to compete, whether it is her feeling it or her teammate feeling it.

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[Jenny]

That losing feeling is why she does not want to compete, whether it is her feeling it or her teammate feeling it.

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Aww she sounds very sensitive and sweet.

Unfortunately the losing feeling is part of life lol. As she gets older she will probably understand that losing at one thing one day does not make you less worthwhile as a person. It just means you were less good at that one thing that one day. Nothing more. I agree with coachp just keep taking her and see if she gets over it. if she doesn't find something else.

 

[lhmom]

Mine started competing at 6 1/2 and I remember how competitive she could be (she still can be even now). I think that 1st year taught her alot about how to handle things when they didn't go her way and how she could accomplish things that she didn't think were possible. When she first started competing, DD's biggest fear was making mistakes on every event. Well, her 3rd meet brought that fear to life (in a big way, I might add). However when she realized the world didn't end because of it, it seemed to make a world of difference in her mindset. To this day, she doesn't like to lose but she doesn't fear it. One of the best lessons that she has gotten from this sport-she's learned to "shake it off" and move forward. I hope your DD will give it a chance- one of the biggest thrills mine had during that 1st season was occasionally contributing to the team score. She loved the thought of helping her team win. Good luck!

 

[OzZee]

My middle dd went into her first competition thinking it was the most exciting thing, came out hating it, she found it stressful and scary.
She wanted to quit competing, I told her well it's part of it.
It took her about a year, but she learnt to love the bits of it she could, the going somewhere new, seeing the new gyms, being with her friends, having fun and showing me her routines, maybe winning something but probably not (we don't have the high reward system like the US) and just having fun.
Now she sees comps as being a great addition to her gymnastics week, it's another day of gym, lol. Luckily we don't have many here.

 

[vagymmomma]

My DD did not want to compete either. She's still on the shy side and she's 12 (this is her 6th competitive season coming up). I remember that she was SO happy that they put her in L3 instead of L4 the first year because she didn't want to compete. Little did she know that the coach had decided the 3s would be competing at the 3 home meets and an All Star meet. She was very nervous but did fine (amazing what the group dynamic does to get them to do it). She's still shy in front of crowds, but I think it's great to be able to tell her that she competes in front of 100s of people during meets - why should she have any fear of speaking in front of a class with her friends? And the thought helps. I remind her that she practices gym before a meet to get better and that's what she should do for class presentations as well. Practice. And I also remind her that there are many events going on at the same time so it's not near as many people watching her as it seems.

Competition really drives home the need for perfection and makes them more comfortable when they are asked to present in other circumstances. My DD will never be one of those gymnasts who seem to flourish with the performance aspect and all eyes on them, but it's been a great way to get her out of her shell.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Dad and Coach perspective, she is 6 turning 7.... gym is hard,, just ignore her and keep dropping her off, then at the end of the season she will feel much better. In other words, don't get into her head, she is only 6/7, she will get over it......

i concur. that sums it up. and we have something in common. my daughter was also a gymnast.

 

[cbifoja]

My DD only has 2 years of competition under her belt and has just turned 9. In the past, she always tolerated competitions so she could keep training bigger skills. She wasn't anxious about it, just would rather spend the day in the gym working new skills. It has FINALLY gotten in her head that her scores benefit the team and team placement reflects on her beloved gym. That is probably beyond the comprehension of someone as young as 6 or 7.

Now, I don't have any advice about competing against teammates as DD has never had a teammate in her age category so she's been spared that situation.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

While she is competitive to the extreme and quite possibly emerged from the womb with a strong desire to win, her trepidation regarding competition and competing against teammates is as much about beating them as it is about them beating her. She wants everyone to do well and knows that isn't possible. Even though she hates to lose (and quietly sneaks off to wipe away her tears when she does lose), she also feels bad when her friends lose (even against her) and sometimes lets them win.

In gymnastics, She gets excited about a teammate getting a new skill and celebrates with her... but it also kills her to think that a teammate will score better than her on an event. She does not like that feeling and, in fact, once asked me what the "losing feeling" was called.

That losing feeling is why she does not want to compete, whether it is her feeling it or her teammate feeling it.

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==
She is 6 turning 7, she doesn't know what she wants, she is not old enough to make her own decisions (unless you let her...) Stop asking her questions about it, you are only empowering her and making things worse. Just drop her off...