Anon Gymnast not putting in the work-how to handle it??

[Anonymous (fffb)]

My daughter is a 9 year old Xcel platinum gymnast. Lately, she hasn’t been putting in the work in the gym. She trains with mostly older girls and is expected to work on her own when not with the coach.

She has been in gymnastics since she was three and has been competing for five seasons. She has had the same coach for the past several years.

She loves her coach and her gym friends. She says gymnastics is what she wants to do for another season. I’ve exposed her to a variety of sports/activities but she always chooses gymnastics. I’ve offered for her to quit and do something else. I have offered for her to take time off from the gym. She doesn’t want to do either. I have suggested trying out at another gym for a change of pace. She is willing to do that but says she won’t switch gyms. I’ve even offered for her to do rec classes instead of team.

I’m not sure what to do to get her to put her best effort in during practice. She will stop practice for long drink breaks, talks to her friends instead of taking her turns, takes long bathroom breaks, etc. When she is supposed to practice a skill, her teammates might do 10 skills to her 4 skills.

I’m at a loss because I’m offering her options but she doesn’t want them. I know she is only nine and this sport is a big commitment. We have talked about her goals and she wants to win but she is going to be very disappointed when she places bottom of the pack at meets this year. Her skills actually seem to be regressing instead of moving forward. Her coach doesn’t give a lot of feedback when she is working independently and since she is taking the easy road at practice, her gymnastics look sloppy compared to a few months ago.

How do I get her to want to give her best? I know she can’t give her best all the time because we all vary in how we feel from day to day when working out. I want her to have fun at practice but it’s a lot of money if she isn’t really invested. I don’t expect a return for the money I put into it, but I also don’t want to pay and then when I stop by to watch, I see her goofing off or doing very little for an entire hour. It’s like she is losing her passion but doesn’t want to quit. Do I take her to try out at other gyms and see if that reignites her passion? Do I just let her continue on her current path and fail at the meets and learn the lesson that what you put in is what you get out of it.

I feel like maybe she needs a gym change but I love her coach and so does she. I’d love to hear how others have addressed a similar situation.

 

[Anonymous (e6bf)]

I think you need to let her live with the consequences of her workout choices. You say she wants to win, but she will not if she doesn't work hard. Only your daughter can change her work effort. Changing gyms will not fix that. She has to make her own choices. It took my daughter a while to figure out that she should work harder in the gym to get where she wanted to go. But she figured it out and I think now is one of the hardest workers in the gym. It is a natural process, if you work hard especially with the conditioning and drills that many gymnasts find boring, and also work smart with the actual skills, a gymnast will succeed. If you skip drills, take long breaks, that will eventually catch up with the gymnast.

I would not bug her about working harder, if she is having fun, let her be and the results will come around. On the other hand, it is hard as a parent to watch your kid not work hard when you are paying a lot of money for coaching. But some life lessons you have to learn the hard way. Just my two cents.

 

[Anonymous (e8f6)]

She sounds burnt out. When was the last time she had a 2-week break from the gym? People need breaks or they get burnt out. A 9-year-old doesn’t have the perspective to know what she needs. I’d arrange for her to go to non-gymnastics camp or on a family trip for at least 2 weeks in a row this summer. See if that gives her her enthusiasm back. But don’t tell her that’s the reason you are making her take a break. Just do
It and see what happens.

 

[GymAir]

It’s definitely possible she likes doing gymnastics but just doesn’t like working hard. In this case I would just let natural consequences catch up with her. Ideally that will internally motivate her to work harder in the future. She’s only 9, so she might just be testing what level of effort she can “get away with”. If she’s platinum at 9 she’s got some talent, and talented kids sometimes have to come to terms with needing to work hard because things come easily at first.

 

[Anonymous (db32)]

What happens at the gym is between her and her coach. You should not be involved in that.

 

[RTT2]

With a 9 year old I wouldn't worry about it too much. Could be a phase, she could be in a growth spurt or developmental stage where what looks from the outside as not putting in the work could from her pov be exactly what she needs to do for herself right now. For an older kid I would be much more bothered by lack of effort. It would eventually catch up, but if I'm putting in the financial commitment, driving commitment, and our family is arranging things around the sport, then I expect my kid to put in a high level of effort or move on to something else.

 

[Coach Kate]

Some kids do just need that kick in the pants of a first meet. We see it as coaches all the time.

Now, if gymnastics is a big financial burden for your family and you can't afford something that she's not fully participating in, then I would let her know that. Or maybe even have her do chores to earn money to contribute to the costs. I actually did that (first with a paper route and babysitting, then a waitressing job at a coffee shop) and it really made me value my time in the gym, so much so that I got annoyed when we played games at practice and would ask if I could condition instead. If I wanted to go to open gyms or extra clinics, I paid for them, and you better believe I took them seriously.

 

[Janneke]

My advice would be to not watch what she is doing. I have definitely felt like you from time to time. Not watching is better for my mental health for sure. If her coach thinks she is slacking off, they will tell her and as some others suggested the first meet will tell her that she hasn't put in the work. It is perhaps a hard lesson, but it might show her whether she really wants to do it or not.

 

[Anonymous (bd78)]

"She trains with mostly older girls and is expected to work on her own when not with the coach"

Could this be the problem? I find at that age that the gymnasts really need an enthusiastic hands on coach that involves them in the process but still gives plenty of guidance and structure. Older girls (12+) are a very different beast!

 

[Anonymous (1be8)]

She sounds burnt out. When was the last time she had a 2-week break from the gym? People need breaks or they get burnt out. A 9-year-old doesn’t have the perspective to know what she needs. I’d arrange for her to go to non-gymnastics camp or on a family trip for at least 2 weeks in a row this summer. See if that gives her her enthusiasm back. But don’t tell her that’s the reason you are making her take a break. Just do
It and see what happens.

Totally agree - sounds like burn out.

 

[Anonymous (e8f6)]

What happens at the gym is between her and her coach. You should not be involved in that.

yes and no. It’s the coaches’ responsibility to run the practice but it is the parent’s responsibility to decide if their current gymnastics training arrangement is a good fit their child’s needs.

 

[tryagain]

How explicit are the instructions she receives from the coach? Is she being told "do 10 of x skill" and she only does 4 or is she just being told "practice x skill"? I was an incredibly mature child, but at age 9, when there was no coach with me and in the absence of very explicit assignments (this much structure/pedagogy wasn't a thing in my unprofessional gym in the 80s ), I didn't do much, mainly because I didn't have a clear idea what to do.

Given that you say the other girls are mostly older, maybe the coach expects a level of independence and self-direction that is just beyond her in terms of maturity?

Just my two cents...