Parents Suggestions for helping DD manage the pressure

[gwenmom]

This is all self-induced by DD. No one is pressuring her to win/do well/qualify but herself. She an 8 Yo level 3 and now understand scores and that she has to get a certain score this weekend at Sectionals to qualify for State. I am just hoping her coaches have not mentioned that the top X number of gymnasts in each level make some sort of All Star Team at State.

I need help in helping DD manage the pressure she puts on herself. No 8 YO should be in tears worried about qualifying. She is extremely competitive with herself and the "mommy and daddy are proud of you no matter what" is not working anymore. It's been worse since she won AA for the first time and now knows what it is to win. Now she seems to have the expectation that she will do that every time.

Any suggestions on what to say to her would be greatly appreciated!

 

[gymmiemom]

Sounds a lot like my DD! She just completed her L3 season and just turned 8 years old. All I tell her when I know that she is stressing out is to just "go out and do your thing."

I don't really think there is anything you can say to make her stop worrying. It is something she is going to have to learn to deal with in her own way. Maybe try and set some goals other than placements and winning. Last season my DD got a taste of winning and became obsessed with it. She started this season out winning the 1st two meets we went to and then got crushed at the 3rd one. Surprisingly enough the world did not stop spinning and she handled it better than I expected prior to it happening.

 

[LizzieLac]

My DD is a lot like that. She has been competing for 4 years now and honestly while I have said all the right things (focus on improvements, what you did right, good skills, not on scores and placement) it has done nothing, really. Two of her regular goals are to beat her competitors, and get certain scores.

As she has gotten older she has been able to "manage" her emotions over this better. And, honestly, I think the best thing that ever happened to her was the first few meets of old level 5 where she struggled a bit, didn't score at the top and didn't place so well. It forced her to deal with disapointment.

 

[iwannacoach]

The only thing that counts is working through each routine with complete concentration. This should be done before, during, and after practices. Competing with a goal of being in the zone and making everything as good as can be will help her far more than trying for a score or placement.

Thinking about how the skill is going to turn out will often mess it up. It's better to tink about what needs to be done during the skill, and accept what that brings about.

 

[Fliptwisttumble]

She is extremely competitive with herself and the "mommy and daddy are proud of you no matter what" is not working anymore.

You may feel like it's not working, but never stop saying it. I feel like a broken record sometimes, but when that bad day comes...... When she doesn't meet her expectations, and she's sobbing in your arms, you'll need to say it again, combined with a big hug, wipe her tears, then tell her to put her chin up and move on. Then repeat.

Big hugs. I have one of those kids too.

 

[iwannacoach]

Big hugs. I have one of those kids too.

Mommy???

 

[my4buffaloes]

Try to get her to focus on little things like sticking the dismount, or a bar routine one skill at a time, etc. if she overlooks the little things, the big things won't happen.

 

[juststartingout]

My daughter is the same way, it's hard. I hate meets for this very reason. She is so hard on herself and if she isn't perfection she's disappointed even when she's still on the podium. She fell off of beam at this past weekends meet. She held it together pretty good but I could see the tears in her eyes. I'm always saying the same things and I always tell her she has to shake it off or it will affect all her other stuff too. With this kind of personality there isn't much you can say to get them to stop being hard on themselves unfortunately. I do find that it makes her work harder in practice than most and makes her really want to work on the details so I guess that is a benefit in gymnastics but it is heartbreaking for a mom to watch when they are beating themselves up. I miss those first couple competitions when she didn't even realize she was competing and she was just out there having fun.

 

[gracyomalley]

Yeah - its harder to parent them when they start really being self-critical...but it does get better as they go through - for one thing they get better at "competing" (as in not letting one mistake ruin everything else) and also at realizing that there are good and bad days for everyone. I still remember the meet DD fell over on her (old) L5 handstand on beam...and cried....and cried...then rocked floor! I was so proud of her for bouncing back like that!

The boys are generally so much easier - they all laugh together as a team when one of them bombs on something and discuss each other's "epic fails!"

I always stick with the "state meet is a celebration of your year" approach - Not a time to worry about having your best meet (although DD always does), but to have fun and say good bye to that year (and often that level). And make sure you have dinner with friends planned !

 

[gwenmom]

I always stick with the "state meet is a celebration of your year" approach - Not a time to worry about having your best meet (although DD always does), but to have fun and say good bye to that year (and often that level). And make sure you have dinner with friends planned !

Fabulous suggestion. Thank you.

 

[paige]

Me too! My daughter is a 7 year old Level 4 and her scores were very low all year, until something clicked... Last 3 meets she missed states by .55 or less. (That's right, 3 times!) She has one last chance and she is a nervous wreck. A first for her, she's the type of kid that just lets things roll off her back...

I'm trying to focus her on the fact that her first competition she scored a 24.6 and missed her jump to the high bar. AND that a month ago states wasn't even something she could consider!

Good luck to your daughter!

 

[MaryA]

And make sure you have dinner with friends planned !

Sometimes I think that going out with one or more of DD's teammates afterwards is what "makes" a meet for DD, win or lose. This is just as true, maybe even MORE true, now that she's 13, as it was when she was 8. It ends the day on a good note and gives her and her teammates time to decompress and just enjoy each other's company outside of the gym.