Parents Moving up and leaving old teammates, adjustment fear/ sadness

[SWK6]

DD just got moved up from her L3 group to train with L5. (There is no L4). They are 1-3 years older and obviously further along. DD has done very well and none of her teammates moved with her. We are only 1 week in but the new girls (who she is familiar/ friendly with) have been very welcoming and she is doing great at practice. At home or going to practice, she is sometimes sad and definitely seems stressed about the move. I believe it will take time and have told her to try to relax, enjoy the process, and that no one expects her to catch up in a day. Tonight she was crying she wants to quit but I do think she just needs time. Any thoughts based on your child's experience? Suggestions for her or for mom?

 

[Mommyo2az]

Time. Time. Time. My DD has gone through this every year. She was the only one who moved from Xcel Bronze to Level 4, and this year we switched gyms with some of her level 4 friends - and the new gym quickly moved her to level 6. It does take time- but the one thing that has helped was to spend some time with the new girls outside of gym. I arranged a few after gym ice cream dates and it helped break the ice. Good luck to you and your DD!!

 

[duyetanh]

I do not want to sound harsh. But this stuff happens all the time....if your child makes level jumps at a young age, they 'risk' this happening. The awesome part of this is that her new group is so welcoming.....believe me when I say many groups are not always friendly to the new young kid who enters the mix! I would say it is just going to take time. Congrats to your dad! And tell her she can always keep her relationships with her old teammates.

 

[duyetanh]

So is she going to be the only level 4 this season?

 

[Gymmommy71]

I've never heard of a gym not having a level 4 team. No level 2-3, yes, no level 5, yes, no level 6, definitely - but I've ever heard of a gym not having a level 4 team. Have/will all those 5's do a score out meet? The skills in 4 are very important and sometimes take a lot of time to master - what does the gym do, keep them in 3 until they are ready to do a score out and compete 5? Just seems really unusual to me.

Oh well, back to the topic of the post. I'd actually be a little concerned about how she's crying and saying she wants to quit after just moving up 2 levels. Was this the gyms idea to move her up? Are her skills mostly level 4? What level will she compete? If it were me I'd be more confused as to why there is no L4 group - the jump from L3 to L5 is huge.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Considering you have to score out of 4 it's interesting this gym has no L4 but whatever.
Life, this is life.

First let her feel sad and empathize. Next time. Rinse repeat.

 

[SWK6]

I've never heard of a gym not having a level 4 team. No level 2-3, yes, no level 5, yes, no level 6, definitely - but I've ever heard of a gym not having a level 4 team. Have/will all those 5's do a score out meet? The skills in 4 are very important and sometimes take a lot of time to master - what does the gym do, keep them in 3 until they are ready to do a score out and compete 5? Just seems really unusual to me.

Oh well, back to the topic of the post. I'd actually be a little concerned about how she's crying and saying she wants to quit after just moving up 2 levels. Was this the gyms idea to move her up? Are her skills mostly level 4? What level will she compete? If it were me I'd be more confused as to why there is no L4 group - the jump from L3 to L5 is huge.

Sorry I was unclear, the old group of L3 will move up to be L4. I am not sure if she is just training w L5 to improve more and compete L4 or compete L4 and score out. I assume time will tell how that goes, more worried about social, fears of measuring up.

 

[triplethreat+1]

How old is she? And is this totally unlike her or not a huge surprise? My middle DD would probably be like that, every time she was recommended to move up (from rec to preteam, then to team) she took several months to process before she was ready. In her case I waited until she wanted it, that was best for her.
That being said though, one week is not very long to adjust. If she is still not doing well in a month could she go back to her old group? Or maybe it would help to tell her that in a month, if she wants you will at least discuss it with the coach? Might help to give her a timeline and a (semblance of) control.

 

[kipnastic mom]

We are/have experienced a similar situation. My DD trained for 2 years with the same group of girls and last year they all competed level 3 together. In June when they were moving to level 4, the gym moved DD to level 5. At the time, she didn't have all the level 5 skills, but the coach felt she needed more of a challenge. Her new team is very nice and welcoming, but the closest in age to her is 1 year older while the majority are 2-3 years older and 1 4 years older. As she began learning the new skills, we had some big moments of stress. I found getting her to open up about what she was really feeling helped a lot. I even asked her if she wanted to move back to 4 with her friends and she declined. Her coaches noticed a huge improvement the first night she finally told me what was stressing her (fly away). Since then, all has been good. She goes to a meet this weekend to get her level 4 score.

Good luck to your DD. The tears could be stress over all the new skills and the timeline to learn them.

 

[GymMom4]

My daughter has always been with girls 1-3 years older than her. When she moved to optionals there were some adjustments, some instances of kids being bossy, of her being like the little sister instead of in the friend group but she had adapted well.