Switch gyms or stay??

[gymmommy72]

I need some advice...we are currently in our competitive season and I am wondering if I am teaching my dd to quit something once she starts it b/c I am wanting her to switch gyms. Currently, the coach humiliates girls (openly) when they do not do something correctly. The coach yells at the girls (some more than others) thinking this motivates them. My dd has told me she has been yelled at to the point she couldn't even perform the task being asked b/c she was so (no word to describe) because she's only 8 and didn't know how to explain it other than the coach was in her head....apparently this went on all last season...not to my knowledge. I looked at gyms over the summer but none seemed to fit...so we stayed. Recently we found a gym we like and she started taking a class there..to feel out the coaching. The other day I was spoken in a demeaning way by the coach, so I am ready to pull my daughter...so my question is: am I teaching her to quit when the going gets tough or am I teaching her that NO ONE is allowed to treat her in a way that is disrespectful and if it happens you must stop it? I could write pages on what stuff has gone on...but the short version is above. Just to let you know, a good day is when she gets yelled at a little...I feel bad for her...and yes, she does want to go to the other gym...not sure she wants to move during the season, but I am afraid of what mentally could happen in 4 months time...she at this point still loves the sport and wants to continue. Thanks! One more thing, if she doesn't do things correctly she is punished with extra conditioning in front of all the other girls and there is constant eye rolling by the coach.

 

[bluesocks]

I would not have my DD at a gym like you describe for even one more practice. Humiliating a child is not appropriate in any situation. Personally, I would leave. Hopefully the other gym will take DD mid-season. But, even if they did not, I would still leave the current gym.

Just my opinion, of course.

Blue

 

[B Gymnast]

I would ask your DD what she would like to do and give her some say in the decision. If she is unsure then maybe you could stay until the season is over, because then there won't be anything holding her back. Good luck to you and your DD.

 

[gymjoy]

Run Away Fast!!

This is a high stress sport for the coaches as well as the gymnast. I can understand a coach going off on occasion. However, a coach steps over the line of decency when he (or she) humiliates/demeans the gymnast and/or yells on a daily basis as a way of motivation.

The more important lesson here is that you care for your dd and that people do not treat others in the way this coach is treating his gymnast.

I wouldn't have my dd set another foot in that gym, and I would only return to give them an earful of my opinion.

 

[gymmommy72]

My daughter is torn about the decision, she says she hates being treated that way. The other gym will take her mid-season. My daughter is scared and has mixed feelings. I am just afraid of what staying could do to her if the ridicule continues, which there is no indication it's going to stop. We have tried talking to the coach, in the past. As a parent, I am finished with the gym, but I am honestly afraid of making a mistake. Anyone ever have this type of decision to make?

 

[NGL780309]

I don't understand what mistake your afraid of making. It's just gymnastics. You said you are afraid to teach your DD to quit. To me leaving her in an abusive situation for that reason is like saying it's okay to stay in an abusive relationship because you don't want to be a failure at marriage. Leave. It wouldn't even be a question.

 

[justanothergymmom]

I have been in your shoes, just this past summer. I agree with NGL~this is and abusive relationship plain and simple. Would you leave your daughter with any other adult (relative, teacher, caregiver) who treated her this way? This is not an issue of quitting. You need to protect your daughter. I could go on and on because of what my own DD#1 went through, but suffice it to say that she still has nightmares about the situation she was in. It was horrible and I wish things had changed for her sooner.

 

[gymjoy]

A few parents here have gone through similar situations. It is not easy. Change is scary. Your dd is probably feeling that she is being disloyal to her current gym/team-mate/coach, as well as worried about fitting into a new gym. At 8 she does not understand why this coaches behavior is so wrong or what it can do to her in the future. You can not leave this decision to her. As the parent you have to step in to make the decision that is best for your child's health, safety, and well-being.
So if you are finished with this gym and coach, your dd should be finished as well.

 

[mariposa]

In my opinion, by keeping her there you are teaching her that it is OK for coaches to treat her like that. That will carry on to other things in life if it is something she must always deal with, boyfriends, husbands, etc. Not good.

It is not even close to quitting something. She is leaving to a safer, hopefully more positive coaching environment.

By taking her to another gym, you are showing her that she deserves to be treated with kindness and respect from her coaches (teachers, boyfriends, etc, etc). You are showing her that sometimes leaving is hard, but it will be worth it. Even in the middle of her season, she will be fine. It might be a little hard getting used to new coaches and learning their style, but even lower scores because of this are better than high scores at a cost to her emotional well being.

She is 8. This decision should not be made by her. You are the parent, make the decision and pull her from this gym. Humiliation by a coach is abuse, plain and simple. Find her another gym. Make sure she understands that it is nothing she did, that what her coach did was wrong and that you are taking her somewhere that she will be treated the way she should be. Hopefully you find a gym that will have positive coaching. It really is positive to have high expectations with positive coaching in the same environment.

Good luck!

 

[gymdog]

Obviously you have to leave...if the other gym will take her now, you should switch there now. If for some reason that won't work out you should leave the current gym anyway and try something else rather than remain for four months. Clearly you're unhappy and your child is unhappy. You are paying money for someone to make your child unhappy and stressed out. You shouldn't do that. It implies that you're condoning it, even though you clearly aren't.

It is okay to quit things when you're 8 years old and are being treated with no respect and no concern for your developmental well-being. As the parent you need to make this decision for her.

 

[bogwoppit]

Leave and don't look back. You child is not old enough to decide that training in an abusive atmosphere is fine. It is not and leaving her there just condones the abuse. Leaving isn't qutiing, it is removing her from a dangerous place.

 

[momocay]

I was in a very similar situation a few weeks ago. For me the decision came down to preservation of my daughters self image. I didnt need her feeling poorly about herself because of the way she was being spoken to. In my opinion it is bullying and verbal abuse. I just didnt go back. In fact it took a couple of weeks for coaches to get back to us, and my dd was stressing out. In the end we chose a facility close by, that seems to be doing fairly well. She loves the coaches. It wasnt easy, but mental health needs to be considered. As I say, the only one who gets to abuse my daughter is me! lol. Just kidding. Good Luck!!!

 

[gymmommy72]

I just want to thank everyone on your comments, they are much appreciated. We do have a call into the other gym....hoping to hear from them today. I would never want anyone to think this is easy to up and leave a gym you've been with for at least 3 years, but for the mental health of my dd, we are giving it a go and hoping for the best...I'll post an update in a few days

 

[NGL780309]

I just wanted to add that DD recently left the only gym she's ever been at. We didn't leave because they were abusive, but because they were not good coaches. I really stressed about the decision and it was not easy to take that first step. I kept wondering if I was making the wrong decision, was I being too picky in what I expected for my DD. I had so many friends there and so did DD. When we actually did make the switch it wasn't even a quarter of how hard it seemed in my mind. DD loved the new gym immediately and she wasn't even unhappy with the old gym to begin with. She loves her new friends and there was no adjustment period. I've had her stay in touch with her friends from the old gym and it's worked out great. The best part has been how much easier it is for me to relax and just be a mom. I was stressed out about the other place because I saw so many things that just weren't right. Just do it. It's not as hard as it seems.

 

[emorymom]

Getting into a healthier practice group isn't quitting. In fact it's more work than staying in the same place. It shows her that sometimes you have to suck it up and do something.

 

[gymmommy72]

Well, we made a change...without hearing from the other gym, we decided to remove our dd from that gym. She doesn't seem sad about it....she's hoping to start at the new gym this week I am nervous but excited for my dd.

 

[justanothergymmom]

Best wishes at the new gym!

 

[momocay]

Good Luck!!!

 

[cher062]

Hope all goes well and you have as great an experience as my DD is having at her new gym!! Good Luck

 

[shawnfan]

i had the same problem with one of my coaches. gymnastics is hard, but they shouldnt be physically punishing younger children like your dd like that. im almost in optionals so i understand how crul they can be sometimes. i suggest that you try a new gym and see how your dd likes it!