Anon Advice about moving a gymnast senior year

[Anonymous (e624)]

I am seeking advice for my daughter who will be a senior in high school. My two daughters are at a new gym that opened roughly three years ago. A mother who was closely involved in helping to open the gym has some optional level daughters and was personal friends with the owners and worked at the gym up until last September. Without going into detail, her girls and family have gotten special treatment and coaching far above what the other girls have received. Many families have been annoyed by the special treatment of this woman's kids, and some have even left the gym because of this family. We have been doing gymnastics a long time though, and I can honestly say that we haven't been at a gym yet where there hasn't been some degree of favoritism. So we stuck this out, and despite the drama, my younger daughter has been pretty successful. Last year, the mother was interacting very inappropriately with our previous coach and the coach was very blatantly favoring the mother's kids and other kids were flat out not getting coached. The owners fired that coach in January, and my oldest daughter who was the only level 10 in the gym (first year) was left to finish the season with no bars coach which was very hard for her. Well, they hired a new coach, and the mother (who was married) had an affair and is still having an affair with the new coach. This started last summer very soon after they hired the new coach. The gym fired the mother but she told all of the other girls that another gymnast in the gym had gotten her in trouble and that's why the gym fired her. So all of the girls ganged up on the gymnast. The truth eventually came out, but this whole situation has very much disrupted the gym training and the relationships between the girls. Way too much drama to post here, but the mother is constantly in the coach's ear still and unfortunately she causes a lot of trouble between the girls. We just had state meet, and it was really awful. Her kids continue to be the primary focus of the gym because of this coach. The owners had assured us that they had severed contact with the mother and were only communicating with the dad, but this is just not true and they are still including the mother in communication. This is now the third season this mother and her family have torpedoed training for these gymnasts. I am at a loss and don't know if we should move my oldest daughter for her last year. She has been plagued with injuries and had a rough road. She does have a few possible college options. This is so stressful and my heart just breaks for her. Should we stay put for the sake of stability or move and get out of this mess?

 

[Anonymous (ed02)]

Get out of that mess. It sounds like a massive distraction and an unhealthy environment. Definitely look into other options!

 

[mezzamare]

I know change is hard, but honestly? If my daughter's training were being crowded out by all of this toxicity and (world-class) drama, I would 100 percent start the conversation with my daughter above making a move. None of that situation sounds healthy, productive or useful.

 

[Anonymous (e624)]

To clarify, it is a really small gym, and so this coach's focus will be primarily on this woman's child and getting her to level 10 nationals for the next two months. My youngest daughter is training for level 9 regionals and I have kind of accepted that she and the other girls will get a fraction of his attention on the bars and floor which is what he primarily coaches. My biggest worry is my older daughter who was sidelined with a surgery and big injury last season and is trying so hard to be able to compete all 4 events for her senior year. She just isn't getting much coaching on bars and floor, and then the drama on top of this is very stressful. I am also wondering if there is any recourse for this situation. I am guessing it is not really reportable to USAG. Has anyone ever experienced anything like this before?

 

[gymgal]

I would be out of there, especially if you have an alternative. Your kids deserve better treatment and training. We have known families who have moved in the last 1 and 2 years of high school. It's not ideal but as long as the new gym understands the situation and is willing to work with the gymnasts, the transition is doable.

 

[Anonymous (d676)]

My DD experienced a significant issue with her gym going into her senior year. I seriously considered forcing her to change gyms but ultimately did not because well, it was her senior year.

I wish I had.

Don’t be like me. Your situation sounds crazy.

 

[Anonymous (e624)]

Thanks for the advice. There is so much I didn't even get into. I agree. I hate this. I think my level 9 is stuck through regionals. I can't imagine she will make it to Easterns with this coaching situation. I might have to lay low for the level 10 til after regionals. I just wasn't sure if we should gut it out through senior year. This is just too much.

 

[Anonymous (e624)]

My DD experienced a significant issue with her gym going into her senior year. I seriously considered forcing her to change gyms but ultimately did not because well, it was her senior year.

I wish I had.

Don’t be like me. Your situation sounds crazy.

THANK YOU for saying this.

 

[Anonymous (e624)]

Should I explain why we are leaving so late in the game (senior year)? I actually think most of the area gyms are aware of the "drama."

 

[Anonymous (4e94)]

Should I explain why we are leaving so late in the game (senior year)? I actually think most of the area gyms are aware of the "drama."

I guarantee you they’re very, very aware.

 

[Dahlia]

Should I explain why we are leaving so late in the game (senior year)? I actually think most of the area gyms are aware of the "drama."

If you do, I would use a vague-ish explanation that doesn't directly "put down" the gym. Something like "her current gym is not a healthy environment for her."

 

[Pineapple_Lump]

I guarantee you they’re very, very aware.

Likely - Don't feel the need to answer a question they haven't asked.

 

[Anonymous (e624)]

If you do, I would use a vague-ish explanation that doesn't directly "put down" the gym. Something like "her current gym is not a healthy environment for her."

Thanks. This sounds good. Yes, agree with the two others saying they probably are aware of the situation but wasn't sure how much info I really should share with the timing of moving a senior. I feel like it sounds completely insane to even quickly summarize the situation--as in it makes us sound insane too. We need all the good vibes anyone can send. We have been through the wringer with this sport. I would pull them out of the sport but my senior is incredibly determined and she has both a gymnastics and an academic plan that would work well at one of the D3 schools, so I hate to stomp on this. It is actually a miracle that college gym is a possibility for her at all given the medical issues and injuries...

 

[Anonymous (ed02)]

Good luck- I hope you find a great fit and I’m sure other gyms in your area have heard something about what’s going on there.

 

[Anonymous (e624)]

We approached the other local gym, and we kept in a touch for a couple of weeks. I think maybe a couple of other families had reached out to the owner of the other gym. She is sympathetic but she literally has no room. I also strongly suspect she is very aware of the drama and understandably doesn't want to invite that into to her gym and disrupt her program. I got the same email as the other families who had reached out. My senior is heartbroken. And to add insult to injury, she and another teammate (both girls are level 9 and 10) were put in a large group of young kids who just competed level 4 on Tuesday. The coaches' focus was on the regional group (these were the upper optionals). My daughter slipped off a beam that had no padding around the beam leg, hit her head pretty hard on the metal leg, and then landed on concrete. She was seen in the ER and is now nursing a concussion. Thankfully the injury was not more serious.

I am so very sad for her. Ideas I am spitballing: going to stay with her aunt for the summer out of state to train, find a retired coach who could work with her for one year until she graduates. Beg the full gym to take a poor wayward senior--LOL? There is also a gym about an hour a way we could contact that has some level 10s. Am I missing any other ideas?

 

[Anonymous (f395)]

landed on concrete

Sorry, I have to ask: why is there concrete exposed anywhere near a beam? Is that a normal thing? I don't think I've ever seen that.

 

[Anonymous (f395)]

I am so very sad for her. Ideas I am spitballing: going to stay with her aunt for the summer out of state to train, find a retired coach who could work with her for one year until she graduates. Beg the full gym to take a poor wayward senior--LOL? There is also a gym about an hour a way we could contact that has some level 10s. Am I missing any other ideas?

This depends a bit: how long does she need a new club for, and what are her goals? If it's "1 month to finish her final competition, then she's retiring" then it's a very different story than "12 more months and then we'll see" or "She wants to do college gymnastics" or "she wants to stay in the club after high school".

Also, if they are practising on beams on concrete, move both your daughters out of there. I think in general, if the gym is giving too many red flag you may want to move both girls. Either by asking to be put on a waiting list on the one gym, or going an hour away, or finding other options. I would never do beam over a concrete floor.

 

[Anonymous (e624)]

This depends a bit: how long does she need a new club for, and what are her goals? If it's "1 month to finish her final competition, then she's retiring" then it's a very different story than "12 more months and then we'll see" or "She wants to do college gymnastics" or "she wants to stay in the club after high school".

Also, if they are practising on beams on concrete, move both your daughters out of there. I think in general, if the gym is giving too many red flag you may want to move both girls. Either by asking to be put on a waiting list on the one gym, or going an hour away, or finding other options. I would never do beam over a concrete floor.

she needs coaching for her last year of high school. she has been emailing and talking to several D3 schools and a few small D1 programs. She is a good student and if she could get consistent coaching, D3 would certainly be a good possibility.

I was pretty upset about the concussion. I have never been at a gym either in this day and age with exposed concrete floor and even the beam legs typically have padding. I think the severity of the injury was certainly preventable.

We may have to try to gym an hour away. It might be doable for her last year of school. This is so frustrating.

 

[Anonymous (d676)]

Since your DD has college aspirations and has started the recruiting process I would do what you can to get out of her current environment. The gym that is an hour away might be the best solution. Can she have a release period in her schedule next year?

Also, I really feel for you. I responded above saying that my DD was in a similar situation. She also had D3 aspirations. I wish we had changed gyms and it's a big regret of mine. The coaches of the D3 teams close by to us were aware that there was a situation at her gym though I don't think they knew the specifics (it was in the local media and further spread on FB by another very gym owner in my area). It just sucked all around and made for a crappy senior year gymnastics-wise (then covid hit so it all came to an end anyways). She did land on a D3 team though so there's that!

Keep us posted on what you decide!

 

[Anonymous (e624)]

Since your DD has college aspirations and has started the recruiting process I would do what you can to get out of her current environment. The gym that is an hour away might be the best solution. Can she have a release period in her schedule next year?

Also, I really feel for you. I responded above saying that my DD was in a similar situation. She also had D3 aspirations. I wish we had changed gyms and it's a big regret of mine. The coaches of the D3 teams close by to us were aware that there was a situation at her gym though I don't think they knew the specifics (it was in the local media and further spread on FB by another very gym owner in my area). It just sucked all around and made for a crappy senior year gymnastics-wise (then covid hit so it all came to an end anyways). She did land on a D3 team though so there's that!

Keep us posted on what you decide!

Yes, we have regionals this weekend, and my plan is to reach out to the hour away gym next week. The closer gym has kinda put us on a "waitlist" of sorts. That gym is sympathetic. She is just really really full. Yes, unfortunately most gyms in proximity know what is going on at our gym and due to the situation I don't think they are thrilled to take a bunch of kids who have been in the middle of that drama. I hope I can report back here with good news in the next week or so. The concussion was really just too much! It's like the hits keep coming!