Parents Advice for ADHD child on team...maybe too immature?

[ollieblueeyes]

Feeling chastened. You are absolutely right. She does get very frustrated with herself, and I've heard her say, "i can't do anything right!" She's always the first one to spill her drink at the dinner table, and her teacher calls her "miss chatterbox." I'm just going to make sure the new gym knows what is going on, and I don't want her using ADHD as an excuse to blow off a coach telling her to do something.

As far as form, it's hard to say. A lot of it seems to be the toes pointing in the right direction. I wouldn't say her ROBHS is great form yet. Her legs tend to be apart when she does them. She really doesn't care about placement. She is just as happy in 3rd place as 6th place because they all seem to get medals. I'm sure that will change when she gets older.

Don't beat yourself up. Being a parent of an ADHD kid is hard. What IWC is very true. Its such a balance between trying to raise a responsible well adjusted adult and raising an entitled brat!

Personally, I leave this in the coaches corner. Give them the info they need and let them come to you if there is a problem. I think an exp coach can tell the difference btwn 'bad' behavior and ADHD. They should be able to handle both!

 

[raenndrops]

To OP, good luck and God Bless! Please do NOT take gym away from your DD.
MY YG has ADHD. Unmedicated because it is not to the extent that she needs to take anything - YET... and she is already on allergy meds (that certain people neglect to give her) so I can imagine the roller coaster if they didn't give her ADHD meds. We use Behavior Modification with her. She is in 3rd grade now and we worked out a system with her teacher (which we have done every year). If she feels herself starting to bounce off the walls, she signals the teacher. She is given a pass to the "bathroom" (located, conveniently, by the gym). The gym teacher will allow her to come in and run off some excess energy... or cartwheel it off if he doesn't have a class in there. Then she gets a drink and returns to class, much calmer. If the teacher has to call her out on it, she "pulls a card" - just like the rest of the class. If she makes it the whole week on Green, then she gets to do something special on the following Monday - quite frequently, she will have a 5 minute "dance party" between the last 2 subjects of the day. It gives everyone a chance to "shake it" before needing to refocus.
At gym, the coaches are all aware of the 5 girls with ADHD- 3 medicated, 2 unmedicated. They try to pair each girl up with an older one in her level to keep her focused... which works well unless my 9 yo YG distracts her 12 yo partner with "fun ideas" to pass the time. Then OG gets to work with her sister and help her re-focus. I LOVE that part!

 

[iwannacoach]

Feeling chastened. You are absolutely right. She does get very frustrated with herself..... I'm just going to make sure the new gym knows what is going on......

Very well done. So now I'll tell you how, aside from raising two kids with adhd, I came by these sentiments.....

If you haven't figured it out yet, I'll tell you straight up that I had adhd, from my early years at a time when adhd was merely a collection of random letters that meant nothing. Back then a trip to the doctor would result in an explanation that some kids are active. Active??? Geez, do ya think!!!

My mom used to tell me how I'd run circles between the living room and dining room while she'd read a story, and that she knew I was listening the whole time because I could recount each story after the first time through. She also told me that she was worried I wouldn't make it to my 8th birthday because I was so impulsive and would do the worst things at the worst times.

Count yourself lucky your child hasn't rolled under an older sibling as they walked by on stilts, or walked into a spinning merry go round while distracted by something across the play ground... Yeah, that'll leave a mark. The capper to that era was the day I scurried home from the neighbors with blood seeping between my fingers as I held my hand to my eye...... yup, knife blade an inch deep right below the eye. You'd be surprised how tough your eyeball is..... But hey, every single thing that sent me to the ER made sense until it hit the fan.

You're lucky if all you have to worry about is a chatter box of a daughter who needs to be told it's her turn and what's to be done next. Oh rats! I forgot to address your concerns about her form..... Well part of her problem is she's seven years old, and the coach in me is not surprised she, like any child, is interested in getting flippy and twisty far more than keeping her toes pointed.

If it makes you feel any better.......

I spent my first 3 years as a gymnast on my high school team. Nope, not a club because I think they were quite rare in terms of boy's/men's gymnastics. By the end of the third year I had every skill in the book but one (on rings), except the dismounts or some really bizarre strength moves. Form....? Well hand me the form and tell me what to fill out and where to sign my name, was the closest I came to having form.

Honestly, there have been slap stick clown routines performed with better form. But hey, it wasn't all that bad because I finally bought into the notion that form was important, and within months of that epiphany I was off to NCAA nationals and lived happily ever after.

One of the things I can tell you is that gymnastics gave me something to hang on to, and built up my confidence and self esteem enough to leave the sport to become a "family man" after 8+ great years of 24/365 style coaching, and even with little "job history" I never doubted I could make that change work.

Just think, all of that happened because of adhd rather than in spite of it.

 

[LJL07]

Very well done. So now I'll tell you how, aside from raising two kids with adhd, I came by these sentiments.....

If you haven't figured it out yet, I'll tell you straight up that I had adhd, from my early years at a time when adhd was merely a collection of random letters that meant nothing. Back then a trip to the doctor would result in an explanation that some kids are active. Active??? Geez, do ya think!!!

My mom used to tell me how I'd run circles between the living room and dining room while she'd read a story, and that she knew I was listening the whole time because I could recount each story after the first time through. She also told me that she was worried I wouldn't make it to my 8th birthday because I was so impulsive and would do the worst things at the worst times.

Count yourself lucky your child hasn't rolled under an older sibling as they walked by on stilts, or walked into a spinning merry go round while distracted by something across the play ground... Yeah, that'll leave a mark. The capper to that era was the day I scurried home from the neighbors with blood seeping between my fingers as I held my hand to my eye...... yup, knife blade an inch deep right below the eye. You'd be surprised how tough your eyeball is..... But hey, every single thing that sent me to the ER made sense until it hit the fan.

You're lucky if all you have to worry about is a chatter box of a daughter who needs to be told it's her turn and what's to be done next. Oh rats! I forgot to address your concerns about her form..... Well part of her problem is she's seven years old, and the coach in me is not surprised she, like any child, is interested in getting flippy and twisty far more than keeping her toes pointed.

If it makes you feel any better.......

I spent my first 3 years as a gymnast on my high school team. Nope, not a club because I think they were quite rare in terms of boy's/men's gymnastics. By the end of the third year I had every skill in the book but one (on rings), except the dismounts or some really bizarre strength moves. Form....? Well hand me the form and tell me what to fill out and where to sign my name, was the closest I came to having form.

Honestly, there have been slap stick clown routines performed with better form. But hey, it wasn't all that bad because I finally bought into the notion that form was important, and within months of that epiphany I was off to NCAA nationals and lived happily ever after.

One of the things I can tell you is that gymnastics gave me something to hang on to, and built up my confidence and self esteem enough to leave the sport to become a "family man" after 8+ great years of 24/365 style coaching, and even with little "job history" I never doubted I could make that change work.

Just think, all of that happened because of adhd rather than in spite of it.

Love your post! Sounds like gymnastics is the perfect thing for a child with ADHD from everyone's posts and there are lots of kids with ADHD in gymnastics for good reason. My husband is of the mindset that she needs to take it seriously and work really hard or it's a waste of our time and money. I don't think he understands ADHD, and it is hard with two other kids who are so different from her. I love the older "buddy" idea at practice. She looks up to the older girls, so I think that would work well.

As for the form, she is the child who will try to throw a back tuck, and it is cringe worthy because it's all wrong and she is going to land on her head. I am already worried about the spondy thing from all the improper back handsprings. I know some kids naturally have that beautiful form, but I think that will click with maturity. From everything I am reading on cb, the scores at levels 1&2 are no big deal.

 

[iwannacoach]

Sounds like your husband and I could use a little one on one time. You're gonna laugh and then cry when your read this because I was a lot like him. Sure, I had ADD (we slow as we age) and you'd think I'd understand what my first child was going through..... and "get it" as I have encouraged you. Well, that would have been great except I didn't know diddly about adhd. I didn't know I had it as a child, and the behavior I was trying to "tough love" out of him was the same behavior I'd been punished for and suffered from my entire life. No, it wasn't that bad, but there were times.

I had a "do you think" moment when I found out, from an adult with ADD, that the curse is can be hereditary and that my adult behavior fit the profile. Yeah, me too! There's a lot to be said for guilt, but it's something your husband my want to avoid, and will appreciate that he "kept it down" if he happens to be diagnosed, begins medication, and then has the ability, for the first time ever, to reflect upon a life time of misunderstanding. Trust me..... he doesn't want to add to the list of regrets he'll collect once he starts processing the "lows" and feels genuine sorrow, and eventually understand that he's felt very little of the true joy that he should have felt at all the usual times a newly wed and first time father would have.

Recovery cuts both ways..... there's a catching up process that requires, as it seems, you go through all the grief and regret you missed out on the first time around. Making it more difficult is that many of those regrets are come from realizing you missed out on the most precious moments life has to offer, and you'll never get them back except the memory of feeling like you weren't as happy as you thought you'd be.

Get him started now before he adds your daughter to the list of "If I would have knows," because that particular one really sucks.

That's the way it was for me, and I hope my experience is was as intense as it was because I had well over 50 years to catch up on and that others who read this can figure it out 20 years ahead of the schedule I was on. Well, at least I can coach and get it right often enough to feel good about who I truly am.

 

[gracyomalley]

As a pediatrician I LOVE that gym is so good for kids with ADHD...and the thought of extra meds in the pm came to me too, but I would hope that it can wait a few years...

Gym buddies are fantastic for the young ones (whether they are young in age or maturity) and also for the olders....maybe there is an older girl at the same level who would like a way to feel important (or a higher level girl who can at least help with conditioning, etc...)? Our team did this with new young ones on team (paired them up with level 8+ girls for sit ups, splits, etc...) and star-crossed DD at age 6 loved it! Now she makes the point to find the "littles" as she calls them after their meets and congratulate them - even if they are only a couple years younger than her...so good for all round team...

There is a boy on DSs team with clearly severe ADHD...I have had several talks with my boys about kids who try to behave but just can't yet...and how they can be supportive of their team mate when he gets distracted...The coaches are great with this, but for the older team mates to be helpful too is key...I think it helps that older DS is severely dyslexic and a bit on the autism spectrum so we "get" different in this family...

Don't take gym away....Do set standards of behavior - then be ready to have it take time to get there - and celebrate the little steps...your DD is young and the last thing she needs is to lose something she loves because she can't control those impulses yet...adjust schedules as needed, etc.

 

[munchkin3]

My Son is 13 and is ADHD. He has been in gymnastics since 7. It is important that your daughter stay in the sport especially if she loves it and is good at it. As she matures she will behave a bit better.
With that said, the decision of medicating is a very personal one and one that should NOT be taken very lightly. We chose to medicate at 8yo because neither parents were able to stay home, home school, and be 200% THERE to keep him in line. When he is on medication, he is very normal, and functions well in a classroom and can follow directions and CONTROL himself, follow though, etc.
He has told me many times that when he is on meds, he can do WHAT he wants WHEN he wants. In Gymnastics, he can perform the way he wants. Without meds, he says he does not care about the quality of his work, but just doing it.
Another thing, as he behaves better and has more friends, and is liked by his teachers and coaches; this makes him happy, and reinforces good behavior. I have always told him that when he is old enough to find his own methods of relaxation, and focus, he can decide to go off meds, BUT while he is forming himself, and his brain, we felt this was the best way to stay on the right track.
On the flip side, there is a 9yo Level 6 girl on our team who is ADHD and is clearly a challenge. She is very good, but does not care about the details....she just wants to DO. She throws skills and does not take correction. The coaches send her out many times a night, and they have a hard time dealing with her. The other girls dont like working in her group because she sucks up all attention.....BUT I believe that at home there is no structure and she has a mom that does not discipline. I am not saying MEDS here, just there are different ways to handle this kind of child.
There are no easy answers, and what is best for your family is up to YOUR FAMILY....Your daughter should stay in gymnastics. It will help her with focus, work ethic and energy release. 3 hours and 8 pm may be a bit much for 7 but.......................... Good Luck!!

 

[munchkin3]

Yes, that is exactly what will happen. Which is why we were sort of at a loss for how to handle the behavior without just letting it go.

Thanks for putting it in perspective. I know she is only 6, and it is a long, long day. She probably is hungry and certainly by the end of practice is hungry. I thought about trying a short acting medication too. She's on focalin xr. It's supposed to be long-acting. She's doing so well at school and is little for age, so I'm hesitant to add more medication just yet. Maybe when she gets a little bigger. We need to chill out, but we sure don't want her being disrespectful (or appearing that way) to her coaches by ignoring what they are asking her to do. She may not have heard them because she was too busy chatting.

DS has been taking Focalin XR for years.....takes it at 8 am, then takes a short dose right before gym at 5 pm...works perfect. He does not have any appetite issues anymore, and is growing above targets.

 

[purpleleomom]

The amount of compassion and heartfelt advice in this post is really great. I was diagnosed with ADHD shortly after my daughter was. I "get" her, but I was beginning to have doubts that gymnastics was going to be a good fit for a kid like her. It's reassuring to hear that there are other kids in her shoes who are not only doing well but whose ADHD is helped by the sport.

 

[LJL07]

The amount of compassion and heartfelt advice in this post is really great. I was diagnosed with ADHD shortly after my daughter was. I "get" her, but I was beginning to have doubts that gymnastics was going to be a good fit for a kid like her. It's reassuring to hear that there are other kids in her shoes who are not only doing well but whose ADHD is helped by the sport.

Agree! I think I'm going to bookmark this thread for future difficult days. I'll print it out and leave it in a strategic place for my husband, I wanna coach!

 

[iwannacoach]

Agree! I think I'm going to bookmark this thread for future difficult days. I'll print it out and leave it in a strategic place for my husband, I wanna coach!

Maybe he does.... and maybe he doesn't. But if he sees similarities between your darling daughter and his early years....... well, that's part of what made me go see the doc.

 

[Amusibus]

Ok, I didn't read the other replies (yet), but just wanted to tell you our story. I have a little girl, just turned 8, who just started competing level 1 this year. She is adhd and Aspergers syndrome. All the coaches always seemed to see that she had some potential so picked her out for developmental right before she turned five. She did the same kind of stuff you describe : not paying attention, not remembering instructions especially multi-step ones, being goofy and talking too much, not seeming to take things seriously, etc. She enjoyed gymnastics, but has never really had a passion for it. She has always struggled with form, i.e., bent knees, flexed feet, etc. Her progression compared to other kids she started out with has been slow. When dhe "graduated" from developmental, we had a coach meeting. She basically said my daughter's problem was all mental issues - she had the physical capabilities to be great, naturally both strong and flexible, petite, decent skills, just couldn't get it together with attention, effort, and body awareness. The awareness part is a hallmark of Aspergers syndrome, they are often clumsy. So she is doing this really basic stuff, until her brain catches up with her body. Over the course of the year, her form has improved dramatically, and so has her attention. She no longer goofs off, but still often daydreams and needs reminding of what is the next thing. All of this time she has been on stimulant medication to help with the adhd. Even on the meds, there is still a difference between her and the other kids. I think gymnastics has helped her mature and start to gain discipline and internal motivation she would not have otherwise had. If you do research on adhd(maybe you already know this), they are said to be about 2/3 to 3/4 of their chronological age when it comes to emotional maturity. In other words, my 8 year old is about as mature as the average 6 year old. Your six year old may only be as mature as the average 4 1/2 year old. It helps to view their behavior in this context. If it were my kid in your situation, I would keep her in it as it can only help her gain that maturity faster, provided you have an understanding and patient coach. You may very well encounter coaches who are very critical of your daughter because they do not understand adhd and think she is just being naughty and really have no patience to tolerate her behaviors. You have to be your daughter's best advocate and defend her with your knowledge of her condition.

good luck, I hope you both can figure it out. Be patient, it gets better.

 

[txgymfan]

This thread is CB at its best. Thanks to the OP for posting when you were concerned and needed advice from parents who had been there and done that. To our CB families and coaches, thank you for your advice and encouragement. It is threads like this that make this forum worthwhile.

 

[LJL07]

Ok, I didn't read the other replies (yet), but just wanted to tell you our story. I have a little girl, just turned 8, who just started competing level 1 this year. She is adhd and Aspergers syndrome. All the coaches always seemed to see that she had some potential so picked her out for developmental right before she turned five. She did the same kind of stuff you describe : not paying attention, not remembering instructions especially multi-step ones, being goofy and talking too much, not seeming to take things seriously, etc. She enjoyed gymnastics, but has never really had a passion for it. She has always struggled with form, i.e., bent knees, flexed feet, etc. Her progression compared to other kids she started out with has been slow. When dhe "graduated" from developmental, we had a coach meeting. She basically said my daughter's problem was all mental issues - she had the physical capabilities to be great, naturally both strong and flexible, petite, decent skills, just couldn't get it together with attention, effort, and body awareness. The awareness part is a hallmark of Aspergers syndrome, they are often clumsy. So she is doing this really basic stuff, until her brain catches up with her body. Over the course of the year, her form has improved dramatically, and so has her attention. She no longer goofs off, but still often daydreams and needs reminding of what is the next thing. All of this time she has been on stimulant medication to help with the adhd. Even on the meds, there is still a difference between her and the other kids. I think gymnastics has helped her mature and start to gain discipline and internal motivation she would not have otherwise had. If you do research on adhd(maybe you already know this), they are said to be about 2/3 to 3/4 of their chronological age when it comes to emotional maturity. In other words, my 8 year old is about as mature as the average 6 year old. Your six year old may only be as mature as the average 4 1/2 year old. It helps to view their behavior in this context. If it were my kid in your situation, I would keep her in it as it can only help her gain that maturity faster, provided you have an understanding and patient coach. You may very well encounter coaches who are very critical of your daughter because they do not understand adhd and think she is just being naughty and really have no patience to tolerate her behaviors. You have to be your daughter's best advocate and defend her with your knowledge of her condition.

good luck, I hope you both can figure it out. Be patient, it gets better.

Again, thanks so much! This sounds so much like my daughter! And yes, the maturity is closer to a 41/2-5 yr old. That context does help. In fact, she is more likely to melt down before my 4 year old. As someone mentioned in another thread, it is ideal to find a coach with training in child development (physical and emotional). This is not easy to find. Many of the coaches are really young.

 

[iwannacoach]

Many of the coaches are really young.

And are quite busy having melt down of their own

 

[AV24]

My husband and I are super frustrated with our daughter. She is in first grade and will be 7 in a couple of months, so she's still young. She is immature for her age behaviorally as far as being silly and having no impulse control. She has been diagnosed with ADHD and has a learning issue too despite being a bright kid. I found some helpful threads about ADHD through a search that were helpful.

We are at a new gym that we really like so far. She is talented. She learns super fast and is one of those kids constantly tumbling and upside down. The old gym spotted her at 3 as having loads of potential. She just does not have focus or self motivation. The practices are 3 hours long and maybe that's too long for her with the ADHD and immaturity. Last night, my husband was waiting outside to pick her up from practice. The girls were supposed to be working their splits, and the coach asked her three times to do them, and she just kept chattering and didn't do it. She was the only one. I'm embarrassed by this behavior. ADHD is no excuse to be rude. We can't correct her bc parents aren't allowed in the gym.

This is an ongoing issue from our other gym, and we have been battling this all year. I have a 4 year old meanwhile who would literally behave better if she were on team now. The 4 yr old is always trying to do more in her class and works so hard. I hate to compare, but it's so frustrating!

So my question is: should we pull her from gymnastics until she matures behaviorally? Gymnastics is a reward for her. Pull her from team and try again in a couple of years? Plan is to do level 3 next year. Put her back in developmental classes? I hate to keep rewarding this behavior by letting her go to gym. Thanks-

I could have written this exact post word for word except the part about being on team. My DD will also be 7 in a couple of months, and she really struggles with her impulse control. I saw several coaches snickering when she was twirling around dancing (trying to be like the 'big girls' doing floor routines) instead of watching her own coach give instructions. I get so frustrated, because she really wants to be on team and compete, but I feel like that won't happen because she is so distracted. One on one she is fantastic. She learns quickly and takes correction well, but when she is in a group, she loses focus EVERY time her coach is giving directions for what to do. I know she is talented, but I don't think that is always enough. I've even searched to see if any successful gymnasts have credited ADHD with helping them - like with the hyper-focus aspect. Thanks to those of you who have shared your personal stories!

We are dealing with side effects from meds right now, so finding the right fit is quite the process. She might never be asked to be on a team, but I am definitely not taking her out of gymnastics until she decides she doesn't love it anymore. I think it's so good for her - physically and mentally. I am grateful that her current rec coach is so patient with her (she has ADHD kids of her own).

This thread has been so helpful, and I like the strategies that were shared. It reminds me that I need to ask the coach to let my DD stand right next to her when she gives instructions. I think that will help a lot.

To the OP: I totally get where you are coming from!! As a parent, it is just SO terribly difficult to watch your child goofing off when you know she CAN do it. You just want the whole world to love your child and see her gifts and strengths the way you do. Keep me posted!

 

[iwannacoach]

....... I've even searched to see if any successful gymnasts have credited ADHD with helping them - like with the hyper-focus aspect. Thanks to those of you who have shared your personal stories!......

That shoe fits nicely on my foot..... but.....

Back in the day many male gymnasts started out in Junior High and high school. I think I'd shed quite a bit of the hyperactive component by then, but not the impulsivity or attention deficit. I absolutely credit hyper focus for the success I've had as a gymnast and coach with some or more national level experience in both pursuits.

It's both a curse and a blessing. Get together with me any time you want a been there done that perspective, as I can share my own experiences and those of my two kids who have the same disorder.

 

[LJL07]

Mellow Yellow, mine also does well 1:1.

As a happy update to this thread, I talked to one of the coaches at our new gym. She shared with me that she also has ADHD, and as a young child was often criticized for lack of focus. She went on to compete very successfully in college, so there's a happy story right there.

My dd also has "low tone" (mild) that can sometimes go with ADHD, so she's fighting that as well even though she is physically strong. It's hard for to "tighten up." I found several threads that were very encouraging about that too.

It really sounds like gymnastics can be so beneficial for all of these issues. In a thread about low tone, I was reading about a child with bilateral club foot who was competing level 7! The main thing seems to be finding a gym that can think outside the box.

 

[Smartiegirl]

My daughter started gym at age 7 with ADHD. Lots of energy and little focus. We started medicating (vyvanse) at age 8. 3 years later she is an excellent Lev 6opt gymnast with 21 hours a week of training and honor roll at school. She was luck enough to be part of an amazing Lev 4 and Lev 5 state championship team. Our Ped Neuro believes that the gymnastics helped her learn focus at school. Dont give up!

 

[gopuckgo]

OMG I could have wrote this post! Your daughter sounds exactly like mine. I have good news and encouragement for you. My daughter was literally asked to leave two gyms at age 3 and 4. They could not handle her. Told me she was too immature and maybe to try soccer instead. At age 5 she returned to gymnastics. We spent a few years gym hopping to a few different gyms to see what approach could contain her. She turned 9 a few months ago.

Her ADHD is still there but much better now. She is in a very intensive gym with understanding coaches who challenge her and keep her busy all the time. She is finishing up level 8 and moving to level 9, does TOPS and is planning to test HOPES/elite next year. Do not give up on her!! Although her coaches still have their moments with her sometimes and I am sure want to choke her to death , she has really come around. These children need challenging gyms/programs. I just wish that someone would have told us that early on versus telling us to try a different sport.

I get being embarrassed because I always felt that way too. Sometimes I wanted to crawl under a chair and hide. Plus you get all of those parents that say mean things and speak to each other as if your child wants to be naughty. Then they tell you how it takes away coaching time from their child! Gosh, do I feel for you. But it gets better, way better. Just wait until she turns 9. It was a magical age for us. She just clicked one day. Not to say that her ADHD is gone, ooohhhh no, but it is more managable now. Just make sure to find a gym that can spot out potential in a child, don't waste your time with gyms that only look at her current behavior. Look for a gym that is willing to do the work to figure her out.