Parents Advice for getting dd to have more independance at gym..

[Ex member]

My youngest dd has been in her new group for 6 weeks, she turned 7 two months ago and is in a group with older girls (2-3 years older), since dd has been in her new group she has been coming out to me during drink breaks while her team mates have been going into the changing rooms. All the girls in dd's group are great with her and I would like to encouage dd to go with the girls into the changing room at breaks, I would like eventually to be able to leave the gym for a little while while her class in on. Do you think it is too soon to encourage dd to do this? Do you have any tips?

This week I have told her that we will take her drink and gym bag into the changing room when her team mates go in there and tell her to have her drink at breaks with them, I will not leave gym for the first few weeks but I do want to build up to it for her sake and mine lol.

 

[gymmomtoo]

When she comes over to you during break, hand her the drink or whatever and then send her off with her teammates. She'll feel more comfortable with them soon. And as soon as you're comfortable with it, I'd start leaving during practice--go for a walk or something--just so she doesn't always see you there.

 

[cbifoja]

I'm going to get ripped here but as a mom who stays every hour..... I think that it is most important that your child's emotional/physical needs are met.

I stay for several reasons but one of the main reasons is because my DD wants me to. She has a bit of a medical issue that causes her severe anxiety if she thinks I'm leaving. I mean to the point of being a distraction on the gym floor. I made a joke to her that if I saw her bend her leg on a skill, I was going to leave. I THOUGHT she knew I was joking but her coach came out and told me that DD had totally shut down, was on the verge of tears, and too distracted to even begin warming up. Once I told the coach to tell her I wasn't leaving, things were fine and practice went as usual.

If you feel like your DD still needs you there and you are able to stay without interfering with her workout/training, then stay. My DD comes and sits with me during break almost everyday. I encourage her to sit with her teammates but they are a few years older and talking about boys. She thinks boys are gross. And she misses her mommy so we do break together. If your DD needs that from you, isn't it much better to meet her needs than forcing her to go it alone?

 

[Iwannabemargo]

If she has no special needs then I would tell her she has to stay in the gym. TBH at 7 we would expect all the girls to have a drink / go to the toilet by themselves and generally, once dropped at the gym door the parents have no further contact until 5 mins before the end of the session - just like school really. At least in this gym we can watch from the cafe, in the old gym there was ABSOLUTELY no watching allowed.

 

[Ex member]

Dd cannot see me when she is in the gym, we have big viewing windows in the gym that have slatted blinds in them that are pulled to at an angle that lets you see whats going on in the gym if you want, the gym has no rules about parents staying and has a lovely cafe, one every few months they open upstairs up (a seating area with a balcony overlooking the whole gym). I guess one of the reasons I would like to get away from the gym for a little while is that I feel uncomfortable watching the whole practice and hate the coaches seeing me watch (I don't want them to feel uncomfortable and that I am watching their every move).

During dd's session I cannot see much of her session as you cannot see the whole gym from the viewing windows especially the area that dd does her warm ups (near the beams infront of an area that has ballet bars and large mirrors), you cannot see much of the beams either.

I spend most of dd's practice talking to other mums or going on my phone or tablet and only peak and see what dd is up to. In the warmer months I would like to be able to go for a walk when dd is in gym as there is a park nearby to walk around.

 

[Ex member]

If she has no special needs then I would tell her she has to stay in the gym. TBH at 7 we would expect all the girls to have a drink / go to the toilet by themselves and generally, once dropped at the gym door the parents have no further contact until 5 mins before the end of the session - just like school really. At least in this gym we can watch from the cafe, in the old gym there was ABSOLUTELY no watching allowed.

My oldest dd is in the special needs class at the same time as youngest dd is in her session (but for 1 hour less) but she has nothing wrong with her that stops her from being there without me as long as she can get in and out of the toilet on her own she will be fine, she takes her drink in the gym with her so doesn't come out of the gym unless she needs the toilet, my youngest dd's group comes out for drinks, I am guessing oldest dd's group is allowed drinks in the gym to stop the going out of the gym and getting destracted by other things.

 

[gracyomalley]

At both of the gyms my kids attend the coach sort of "teams up" younger and older kids at the team level so that newbies have someone to bring them into conversations, etc....but I have to say my kids have always had one or 2 other kids their age to hang with, maybe not in their level, but at least around for breaks, etc....

I'd see if another kiddo would be a "big sister" for her....if they are 9-10 years old (based on your post), then they would probably love to....the coach should be up for helping with that. It's fine for short times to be around, but you really want your daughter to feel comfortable having a drink, etc without you. Even if you stay a while longer, getting her a buddy would really help

 

[gymdog]

I tell your daughter what the goal is and ask her to make a plan of how to achieve it and see what her ideas are.

Make sure to communicate that you won't go far and will be there very soon if she needs you and someone will always take care of her and help her until you are there.

 

[iwannacoach]

Well you could always tell her a constructive half truth about having to go to a shop or appointment during that critical span of time. You could make it seem as her opportunity to be a "big girl" for just that day. If nothing goes awry you'll be able to have increasingly frequent dire needs that can only be attended to during her gym time...... even if the dire need is for you to help her become more confident and independent.

Of course you don't need to come up with a reason that's valid to her, nor do you need to tell her what it is. Tell her you need to do some things that are very important for her family, and enlist her father in the subterfuge by having him ask if that important business is being taken care of. If she asks what the important business is, just tell her it's not the sort of thing a 7 year old can understand nor needs to know....... and for the most part you'll be telling all the truth but for a tiny bit.

Enjoy your cuppa tea, or whatever re-energizes you. Now that's an important thing that every family needs....... a sane and refreshed mum.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Just drop her off, I have an entire team of 6 and 7 year olds each year. Your child will do much better socially and progress faster if you are not in the gym. In other words your child will actually pay attention and listen to the coaches more when you are not around. I really think most of these threads should be titled, "Advice for getting mommy the strength to drop DD off". And I mean that in the kindest way.

 

[my4buffaloes]

I think any time you have the extreme of staying the whole time or never staying at all you can have issues with a child needing that to have an ok practice. They start to depend on the routine. My dd's never know when I am going to come or go. Sometimes I drop at the door, sometimes I stay the whole time (working on my laptop), sometimes I come for pick up early, sometimes not. With this method they don't expect anything. They never pay me any attention, I keep my mouth shut and don't try to talk to them. Basically we ignore each other. And it works great. My being there or not has never affected practice in any way.

Hopefully you can get to that point, but she is only 7, so baby steps will get you there.

 

[rsm]

I would agree with others that it would probably be easier to leave altogether rather than try to get her to go the locker room with you there. When DD was younger, she was a little anxious about me leaving. I started off with small steps. I would start running small errands that would take me away from the gym for 20 - 30 mins. So I told her I needed to get x done while she was at the gym (groceries, gas, bank, dinner), but I would only be gone for 20 mins and would be back in time to see her do xxx. And if there's anything urgent, ask one of the team mom's to call me. And of course as she got comfortable with it, the "errands" got longer and longer. If you're not there, then she will have no choice but to go in the locker room.

DD doesn't really care anymore either way now whether I stay or go or just drop her off. But if she needed me to be there any reason, I would stay. She just turned 8, so to me that's still young enough where if she really needs me, I would want to be there for her.

 

[mommyof1]

I have noticed that many kids who protest about a parent's leaving are completely fine as soon as the parent is actually out of the building. When my daughter was tiny and I needed to drop her off somewhere (preschool, music class, etc.), I would say goodbye outside the classroom door, literally shove her inside, and hightail it out of there, even if she was crying. The teachers would always tell me later that she had calmed down almost instantly.

Gymnastics is the one thing I watched at first, partly because I enjoyed watching her learn and partly because I was skeptical about the quality of the program. However, I would never allow her to come up into the bleachers or otherwise interact with me during class/practice (even though many of the other kids would come up to their parents during water breaks or even when they were supposed to be working), and a few times I threatened to stop watching if she didn't quit looking up at me during practice. For the past several months I have been doing the drop and dash for gym and everyone is very happy with this arrangement. I will sometimes come a bit early for pickup just so I can see what she's doing, and it's neat to be surprised by the gains she has made over time that wouldn't be so obvious if I were watching every day.

So, in many fewer words, my advice would be "just leave--she will do fine."

 

[gymmommy123]

My dd is the same age as yours, but has always been very independent. She's perfectly fine for 4 hrs alone at gym, although she does ask me to stay and watch her sometimes. I'm trying my best to stay out of the gym, as I do notice when I arrive or stay she looks at me more than she should. I started leaving her at the gym at 5, when she started on the developmental team, and started with short trips... I have to run out and grab a soda from the corner store, I'll be back to watch your practice in a few. Then I had to take her little brother to swim lessons, I'll be back half-way through practice... or I have to run to the store, etc... It was done gradually and was never an issue. When I'm not around, she is chatting with her teammates and (hopefully!) listening to her coaches. I admit, for me, I'd rather be able to sit inside and see what she's doing, but I'm learning that I'm better off hiding in the car most of the time or trying to occupy myself in other ways ;-) If you're not there, she's more likely to talk with her teammates and create friendships with them, rather than sit up with you in the viewing area. I think that's entirely possible even when the other girls are older for them to be friends.

 

[LIGYMMOM]

I agree with the drop and run, even with a sensitive kid. Especially with a sensitive kid. I have one of those. At her old gym where she was in rec, I was the only mom who had to actually walk her dd into the gym and stand by her until her coach called her over, while the other kids were stuffing their things into the cubbies and chatting on the floor together. Then I would stay the whole time where she couldn't see me, but knew I was there. Frustrating! Then at age 7 we switched to a new gym for team, and now there is a no viewing policy. Uh oh! She was a little weepy the first time or two, but knew I had no choice and ended up doing perfectly fine.
I have to say though, that I feel for her being the youngest by 2 yrs. That's rough. That was me as a 7 yr old (way back when) on a team where the the girl closest to my age was 9. Being a shy kid, I never felt completely "in". I loved gymnastics but wanted a friend. They were all nice to me but interacted in a different way. I was happier later on when I landed in a gym with more girls my age. However, DD has a girl on her team who is the youngest, most in the group are 9 and she is 7, but she is very outgoing and precocious so it works.
Good luck to you! I'm sure that if she can do without you at school all day, she will be fine in the gym too.

 

[Ex member]

I tried to get dd to go with her team mates but she wasn't ready yet, what she done instead was left her drink in the cafe /viewing area with me and when she came out for drink/toilet breaks there was only interaction with her when helping her in the toilet and no interaction during just drink breaks, I left the drink on a table and sat somewhere else, dd had her drink and went straight back in.