Parents Angry coach, crying daughter, frustrated mom please help?

[twinmomma]

Absolutely no tears huh? So basically your gym is teaching kids to suppress their emotions. Great lesson. Never mind they watch the Olympics and see athletes cry all the time. The long term effects of that lesson is incredibly damaging. Gym coaches need to realize they are doing more than teaching gymnastics. The likelihood any of our children will be Olympians or even college gymnasts is small. The life lessons they take from gym are much more important than any back handspring or local competition medal.

 

[billise]

"Dry it up and get over it" is a philosophy DH and I embrace in our home, but it's hard for me to imagine running a gymnastics facility that way, especially when your dealing with such little girls with such varied personal situations.

Personally I wouldn't have a problem with that gym philosophy for my DD which is why my "emotional" DD isn't in gym at all and my gymmie DD doesn't dare cry at gym. They know I wouldn't tolerate it (operative word being "I") but it's hard to imagine having that as a blanket philosophy for every kid in your gym.

 

[billise]

BTW, I truly hope we all remember that we can learn from each other, whether we agree with each other's philosophies or not. I think the idea of these kinds of forms is to educate and inform, not to try to bring others over to our way of thinking

 

[gracyomalley]

While I agree that fears are contagious, I do not think that a gym that allows NO tears or some ways of working through fears would be where I would want my kid...however, she does not wish to be on the Olympic podium! Our gym has a No Crying at meets policy (other than injuries) - but what it means is take a bathroom break and get back out there with a smile....and in practices girls may not balk more than a few times or they will be sent to do other events or even home for the day....and excessive tears are treated the same way - but they are also totally expected and understood. And I think that's part of why we have more optional level girls than other gyms in our area...

I also wonder about a program where 4 year olds are crying...should be ALL fun then! Tears at DD gym are rare without injury until tweens hit the fears and frustrations....at DD first year competing it was all fun and hugs and cheers - with candy after meets from the coaches - this led to happy gymnasts ready to move on...

Doesn't mean they don't work hard and that the HC doesn't have high expectations, just how they are expressed to the girls varies a great deal based upon age...and safety is always key

 

[Gymsanity]

I think this is my first post on this side of the board, now I see why! Things can get pretty heated over here! I didn't know coaches were allowed to post here, so if I'm not allowed, a moderator can just PM me, and I apologize in advance and you can delete this post. Also, I hate the internet, as WAY too often things come across wrong, and that's the catalyst for a lot of problems and hurt feelings. It takes a lot of understanding from all parties that sometimes things we all say here just doesn't come across like what we had hoped and be tolerant of each other. I hope I don't make that mistake right now!
The first thing that caught my eye was that the OP was from the Czech Republic. I've worked with no less than a dozen coaches from the Eastern Block countries, and let me tell you, they have a much different coaching style! (not stereotyping, just my experience and I'm sure they all are not the same) I worked with one that there isn't a person on this board who wouldn't recognize him, and I can tell you that was no treat! I'd never heard such yelling, screaming, belittling, emotional and bordering on physical abuse. All the while complaining how he had to be 'nice' here in America because the parents and kids were 'veak.' That's 'weak' for the rest of us! I should thank him, as he was a huge reason I left there and started my own gym. Forget the kids, I was a wreck at the end of the day! I talked to him on many occasions about it, but he saw nothing wrong with it, and told me horror stories of what it was like when he grew up learning gymnastics. It's just the way they learn it and teach it there.
So, after all the rambling, I would just ask if this is maybe a cultural issue?

 

[mommyof1]

Absolutely no tears huh? So basically your gym is teaching kids to suppress their emotions. Great lesson. Never mind they watch the Olympics and see athletes cry all the time. The long term effects of that lesson is incredibly damaging. Gym coaches need to realize they are doing more than teaching gymnastics. The likelihood any of our children will be Olympians or even college gymnasts is small. The life lessons they take from gym are much more important than any back handspring or local competition medal.

For little ones I like the policy of my daughter's new coach: no crying unless you are hurt, and if you are scared, tell me and I will help you. This seems like a good way to teach them to work through their fears and emotions in a constructive manner.

 

[cbifoja]

Gymsanity, I believe the policy is that coaches who are parents can post but as parents, not coaches. Not sure how strongly it is enforced though.

 

[cbifoja]

For little ones I like the policy of my daughter's new coach: no crying unless you are hurt, and if you are scared, tell me and I will help you. This seems like a good way to teach them to work through their fears and emotions in a constructive manner.

Oh, don't get me wrong. I am a huge fan of emotional control as well and have always tried to teach DD to wait until she has some privacy before crying. But she is 9 and is still working on mastering this. No way would I expect a little of 7 to have this mastered.

Also like what Billise said about how some kids are just more emotional than others. That's a really good point too. That should factor into the equation for the OP: is your kid one that cries if someone says boo to her or do you really have to jack her up before you see tears?

 

[GYM0M]

Children do not have to cry to express emotion. I feel that our gym creates a fun and passionate love for the sport. Girls (or boys) do not cry often, but when they do, they are excused from class. I think it teaches them to work 'through' the emotion and frustrations that come along with gymnastics. I would never ever let someone belittle or berate my child. However, I chose the program she's is in, I trust her coaches, and I definitely do not expect her to be coached the same way she's parented. Coaches are paid to train, physically, emotionally, & mentally, if you are lucky. I am completely satisfied with our gym and our coaches and their philosophies, but mostly I am grateful that my child is thriving.