WAG Another abuse article

[John]

It's a cycle. The coaches are ex-gymnasts that were trained with the need for obedience. They, in turn, train the kids the way they were trained. It is like the cycle of child abuse. This cycle will be hard to overcome. We as parents are the ones that have the power to break the cycle. We can do it by choosing to pay the gyms with supportive positive coaches. Shun the bad coaches and bad gyms and spread the word that positive caring coaches are all that is acceptable. We must all remember it's a sport the kids do because of the love for it and its what they enjoy. Why should we let bad coaches chase them from what they love? Results?

 

[CoachAlex]

I think a lot of the coaching techniques come from US gymnastics being built on Russian/Romanian/Chinese coaching techniques. The US was not initially a "gymnastics powerhouse" and many of the "successful" coaches were either foreign OR they learned from foreign coaches (I remember reading about Steve Nunno traveling to Russia to learn their training techniques). I do think that we are very very slowly moving away from that - but it definitely still has an impact on coaching styles. If you pull back the curtain on all other elite/pro sports you will probably see similar coaching "techniques", the difference is that female gymnasts are CHILDREN, not adult NFL players. It needs to change, and now having successful athletes speak out (and I say successful because often times when athletes who were not successful speak out they get labeled as whiners because they failed) on a variety of topics will start to bring more to light. It will also open the eyes of parents, who may have no other frame of reference and think that this style is "normal" or "ok".

 

[John]

You are right I bet this type of coaching is everywhere.

 

[LJL07]

No, some of us don't have other gym options, so it's put up with it or choose a different sport.

I have no intention to sound harsh, but why do you put up with it as a parent? Are there not other gyms in your area that DD could move to? Are you worried she wouldn't have as much success at another gym? If you got to start over again, would you do something different?

I have found this site so valuable in learning from others. My DD is very new to the sport and stuff like this makes me very cautious with her future in this sport (if she continues to like it). So far her coaches seem very positive and supportive, but If my DD ever had coaching like the article described, I hope could recognize the behavior pointed and find a way to get her into a better situation. But that is probably WAY easier for me to say when my DD doesn't have a ton invested into this sport yet.

 

[LJL07]

It's a cycle. The coaches are ex-gymnasts that were trained with the need for obedience. They, in turn, train the kids the way they were trained. It is like the cycle of child abuse. This cycle will be hard to overcome. We as parents are the ones that have the power to break the cycle. We can do it by choosing to pay the gyms with supportive positive coaches. Shun the bad coaches and bad gyms and spread the word that positive caring coaches are all that is acceptable. We must all remember it's a sport the kids do because of the love for it and its what they enjoy. Why should we let bad coaches chase them from what they love? Results?

Yes. This is how our coach was trained, and it's like she followed a handbook straight from this article. But the girls won so no one complained. No one lasted more than three years with this particular coach though. Seven year old children are not meant to be coached this way.

 

[twinmomma]

No, some of us don't have other gym options, so it's put up with it or choose a different sport.

Right. Too many here assume there's a gym within a drivable distance. And what's drivable for some may not be for others. DD is at the ONLY T&T gym within a 1 hour drive time. While I recognize others here drive hours on end for gyms, my family does not have that luxury, with two working parents and a brother who is as athletically active as his sister is. I thank the heavens every day that the environment my daughter is in is a positive, fun loving, parent communicating environment and that both of her coaches are keyed in to the emotional well being of the kids and have created positive relationships with them. I only wish I could bring everyone who is experiencing these issues to our gym to have their kids unlearn the abusive behavior.

 

[LGnyc]

So the next step is....??? I'd really like my HC to read this; to have her get the other coaches to read this. Bc this article could be about them. So that we can start to change the culture at our gym. Anyone have good advice on how to make this happen? Anyone have any success bringing awareness of these issues to their gyms and seeing change?

One coach in our gym has been called out for abusive behavior countless times over the years. They keep saying, "we'll talk to him," but nothing changes. So I'm not hopeful, but I did want to ask the question, to get advice, to see if this could make a positive difference.

Any insight appreciated.

 

[GymMom4]

I wish I knew the solution. Many parents from our old gym talked to the coach and owners for them to just ignore the problem and blame it on parents causing drama.

 

[duyetanh]

No, some of us don't have other gym options, so it's put up with it or choose a different sport.

Then it would be a different sport for us. Is it my daughter's passion? Yes.
But would I put her through situations like this?
NO.
Not judging you, not berating you. Just disagreeing. My childs overall wellbeing is way more important than any sport.
My two cents, fwiw.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Then it would be a different sport for us. Is it my daughter's passion? Yes.
But would I put her through situations like this?
NO.
Not judging you, not berating you. Just disagreeing. My childs overall wellbeing is way more important than any sport.
My two cents, fwiw.

Us to, I wouldn't let my stay in any abusive relationship.

I left a relationship because I didn't want a child to even see an abusive relationship.
No how, no way. Not even for a guaranteed gold medal.
We would be done.

 

[LJL07]

Then it would be a different sport for us. Is it my daughter's passion? Yes.
But would I put her through situations like this?
NO.
Not judging you, not berating you. Just disagreeing. My childs overall wellbeing is way more important than any sport.
My two cents, fwiw.

I get it. And it was not a situation anyone should stay in. We were past that point. Fortunately, another gym option did become available. What I meant is that no, other gyms are not available on every street corner like in our neighboring state, and I believe a gym can get away with this treatment at least for a while when they are the only program in town. If I'm making sense.

 

[John]

So the next step is....??? I'd really like my HC to read this; to have her get the other coaches to read this. Bc this article could be about them. So that we can start to change the culture at our gym. Anyone have good advice on how to make this happen? Anyone have any success bringing awareness of these issues to their gyms and seeing change?

One coach in our gym has been called out for abusive behavior countless times over the years. They keep saying, "we'll talk to him," but nothing changes. So I'm not hopeful, but I did want to ask the question, to get advice, to see if this could make a positive difference.

Any insight appreciated.

Print out the article and tape it to the front door when the gym is closed?

 

[bookworm]

Print out the article and tape it to the front door when the gym is closed?

John, we think alike, but they might have security cameras in their parking lot so stealth is the word.....Or, if you know someone going on a business trip far away, have them put it in the mail from there with no identifying info on the envelope as to who is "sharing" with them

 

[gymbeam]

Print out the article and tape it to the front door when the gym is closed?

or, create an anonymous email address and send it to all of the coaches you have contact info. for.

 

[LGnyc]

John, we think alike, but they might have security cameras in their parking lot so stealth is the word.....Or, if you know someone going on a business trip far away, have them put it in the mail from there with no identifying info on the envelope as to who is "sharing" with them

All really interesting food for thought. I did send it to the head of the parent's association who is a dear friend and would not "out" me. But I haven't heard back. I might like the anon gmail address.

I do feel very grateful that my dd is not in the thick of it. She's not TOPs or Hopes or on the accelerated track. Those are the vulnerable girls. She just gets the occasional side swipe from the HC or the tough bars coach. The latest was when he called her Waterworks bc she was crying.

 

[Freckles]

It took DD therapy, a new gym, and an entire year to start trusting coaches again after leaving a situation like this. She was called "stupid," and a "head case," to her face, made fun of behind her back, kicked out of practice, and made to climb the rope once until her hands bled. I feel ashamed I let her stay as long as I did. They were supposed to be "the best." Instead they broke a piece of her right in her heart and soul. I will never forgive them, or myself.

 

[LGnyc]

It took DD therapy, a new gym, and an entire year to start trusting coaches again after leaving a situation like this. She was called "stupid," and a "head case," to her face, made fun of behind her back, kicked out of practice, and made to climb the rope once until her hands bled. I feel ashamed I let her stay as long as I did. They were supposed to be "the best." Instead they broke a piece of her right in her heart and soul. I will never forgive them, or myself.

My heart breaks for her. And you.

 

[John]

It took DD therapy, a new gym, and an entire year to start trusting coaches again after leaving a situation like this. She was called "stupid," and a "head case," to her face, made fun of behind her back, kicked out of practice, and made to climb the rope once until her hands bled. I feel ashamed I let her stay as long as I did. They were supposed to be "the best." Instead they broke a piece of her right in her heart and soul. I will never forgive them, or myself.

No words to share. Dust kicked in my eyes.

 

[coachmolly]

I went to observe at a gym once with a pretty reputable HC and was floored at how much the team resembled a brigade of little soldiers. Standing a certain way, responding a certain way, it was weird. The kids all seemed happy and to be having fun, and these are great coaches who really care about their athletes, but the way they created such a culture of submission felt to me like it could totally open the door to a new coach coming in and taking advantage. Or these athletes moving on to a new gym or a new sport and having this unwavering obedience used against them. I will admit that on some level it seemed nice, because man I would love to have all my kids listening at the same time, but is it worth it? I think you can absolutely expect your athletes to respect you as their coach and listen to your corrections while still remaining unique individuals with their own preferences and needs. I actually just told one of my kids who was having some fear issues that she could flat out say, "I don't want to do that right now" if we were doing something that caused her to get worked up (I also told her it wouldn't get her out of it forever, but that we would take a step back and work at a solution). But so much of gymnastics is learning skills that go far beyond the gym- dealing with fears and hard things, work ethic, self confidence, putting yourself out there in front of people, team work, the list goes on. And as coaches we have the opportunity to build them up and help cultivate those areas or majorly tear them down and set them back for years.

 

[raenndrops]

All really interesting food for thought. I did send it to the head of the parent's association who is a dear friend and would not "out" me. But I haven't heard back. I might like the anon gmail address.

I do feel very grateful that my dd is not in the thick of it. She's not TOPs or Hopes or on the accelerated track. Those are the vulnerable girls. She just gets the occasional side swipe from the HC or the tough bars coach. The latest was when he called her Waterworks bc she was crying.

I would use the anonymous email to send it to: any coaches you have emails to and all the parents you have emails to (use BCC for all of the "to" people so none of them see who else you are sending it to).
You coule even get the email addresses of some of your state bigwigs and send it separately (same email address, also using BCC) to them and suggest maybe a state workshop on positive training techniques to prevent abusive behavior.