Parents Anyone else hate the competitive parent they become during meet season?

[millymomof4]

I love my gymnasts. I love to watch them during the summer workouts (when I can make it). I love to watch them goof around at home. I am so proud of them.

Why is it, then, that I am dreading meet season? I don't like that I feel negative about another child (why did they get that score, my child did just as well).

Even if my child has a 'good' meet, I find myself being critical-- bars should have been tighter or the floor choreo wasn't as smooth as I've seen in practice, etc.

Any experienced parents have any tips about weathering meet season gracefully? Why am I so nervous this year won't go as well as last? My mind know my childs' worth is SOOO much more than a score at a meet, but somehow I find myself getting caught up in placement and scores. How can I keep this nervous, critical attitude of mine at bay so my child knows I love them NO MATTER WHAT!!!!

Anecdotes or sayings or anything, please!! Coaches do you have any advice?

 

[Empowered]

All I can do is commiserate, not really offer much advice. I LOATHE the competition season. It has typically been such a traumatic and disappointing experience for my daughter that I dread the beginning and count the days until it ends.

She on the other hand, good meet/bad meet, good scores/bad scores... Goes bouncing right back to the gym on Monday still passionately in love with the sport. And that's all that matters to me.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

hell now, i hate the competitive coach i become during the competitive season. don't feel bad. we're ALL in the same boat. some meets paddling upstream, and others down. and your child is your child. and your child first and last. no pun.

 

[Kiwi]

I hate comp season. Particularly the way they now have to get a minimum score at two comps so they can move up. The season becomes all about trying to get those two scores so they can pass the step.

 

[wallinbl]

I always anticipate meet season with excitement, hoping to see all the new skills in action. Day of the first meet, I realize how nerve wracking they are and how much I don't care for them. It's nice when a good meet is over, however.

 

[profmom]

Last year was hard for me because there was one skill my daughter missed in pretty much every meet of the year. I felt so bad for the poor kid -- she worked so hard on it, and it just never came together for her. I came to dread watching that one event. Thank goodness that at every meet but one, she had at least one other event go well (by her standards). I think DS drove his coach way crazier than me, because he had his L seat on rings about 75% of the time in the gym and only managed to do it at two meets. (I have some hilarious video of his coach watching the wilting L and dropping his head into his hands in despair . . .)

Do I occasionally wish my daughter would do just a little better or one of her teammates a little worse? Heck yes. Medals have been few and far between, and I would be totally OK with one of her teammates only getting three so she could get one. But I put those feelings in the same category as getting up in the morning when I know I have a lot of work to do and wishing for a snow day. I know that I don't really want the snow day and it's more of a fanciful thing. And I can honestly say I've never felt disappointed in any of my children by a sports "performance." Disappointed by results? Sure. But I know they are giving it everything they've got, and they care about the outcomes more than I do. And she has some teammates who are amazingly good gymnasts, and I just love to watch them perform -- this may be easier for me than for some parents, because I know there's no way my DD will ever outscore them, so I can just watch and enjoy.

In some ways, it may be harder for the coaches who see these kids every day in the gym and know what kind of routine a child is capable of doing, though I suppose the benefits are correspondingly greater when a child reaches or exceeds her/his potential in a competition setting.

 

[MeetDirector]

DD started competing at Lvl 5 almost 7 years ago and is getting ready to start her Lvl 9 season in a couple of weeks. I don't think the anxiety ever goes away; the nerves for her as a meet begins knowing how hard she has worked to get where she is are there. A few things come to mind that have eased things over the years. 1) Take your cues from your gymnast; if they aren't stressed about something don't you be stressed about it. 2) Focus on the fun factor and realize that all of the hard work put in during the endless hours of practice cannot be erased by a few minutes of competition at a meet. 3) Since we stopped watching practices, we can actually watch a meet and be amazed with her abilities rather than focus on the little nits that the coach sees (it is his job after all to see those things). 4) Learn a little more about the sport so you can look at things differently; since I started doing the meet director thing I see things a lot differently and it has helped.

Good Luck.

 

[cbifoja]

I get very anxious before and during a meet. One of my gym friends is a very chatty woman in general and usually, I am quite social too. But on meet days, I clench up and get very quiet. Luckily my friend is perky enough for the both of us and she lets me just sit in my head, worrying.

The funny thing is, I don't know what it is I worry about. I know my daughter isn't going to be one of the top scorers on her team. I know she will hit her beam cartwheel about 85% of the time. I know she is about 75/25 on hitting her squat on. Her vault will look no different than it did at any other meet and the score will seem so arbitrary to me that it doesn't matter. On floor, her back leg will be bent in her split leap, but she will hit all of her tumbling passes. I KNOW these things!

I don't worry about her response because she doesn't care about medals. She is happy when she wins but doesn't seemed phased if she doesn't. I get more upset about her placement than she does because it's hard to go from always being in the top 3 in L3 to only sometimes getting in the top 3 in L5. I like bling. She likes her skills.

So yeah, my personality changes and the next day I can laugh at myself about it. But never on the day of the meet. Never.

 

[MaryA]

I have a love/hate relationship with meet season. On one hand, it is great to get DD do her thing. Since we can't watch practice, it's really the only chance I have. And she puts SO much time and effort and blood and sweat and tears into the sport that it is really important for her to have that moment in the sun. On the other hand, I suffer from "meet headache" from the end of the Star Spangled Banner till the end of the awards. I get SO anxious. Of course, this is a sport in which anything can happen... they can fall on a skill they've had for ages and nail a skill that they've had since yesterday... but in general, as others have said, after the first meet or two, you have a general idea of what you can expect. And some scores leave you scratching your head and some meets are against teams that sweep every single award and there's really nothing you can do about it so there's really no reason to worry about it. Yet I do. DD claims that she is not nervous, though I have learned this year that she is very good at swallowing her stress and pretending it doesn't exist. Which is probably good in the context of a meet but maybe not so good in the context of her overall health and well-being.

I do find myself rehearsing what I am going to say after... especially on events that maybe didn't go as well as she might have thought. I teach classes in resume writing and one of thing things I emphasize is that there should be no negative information on your resume... only good stuff. I've learned (the hard way) to take the same approach with meets. The negative stuff she a) probably already knows and b) will hear about from her coach. From me she will only hear good stuff. Not "Wow! That was your most amazing meet ever!" if it wasn't, but mentioning the things she did really well. I find that if I think ahead of time about what I will and won't mention, it keeps me from (outwardly) acting like a CGM.

We all have a CGM lurking in our soul. Our job is just to keep her locked up as tight as we possibly can.

 

[Gymmomwv]

Yes, completely! I think good advice is to prepare yourself after the meet and before you speak to dd. have some encouraging words prepared so that we don't fall into critiquing each move made. One of dd's coaches reminds us parents that it is their job to critique and tell the girls each little mistake they are making, it is our job as parents to pick them up, build them up, and make sure they know that in our eyes, they are the very best!

 

[Danica76]

Well, you are obviously not alone! I am also a wreck. I thought I was getting better, but after some evaluation, clearly I am not. And honestly, my DD has nowhere to go but up from last season, which was her first. She's repeating the same level and I see other repeaters winning everything. This is not the case for my daughter. But, she is improving and that's what I try to focus on. She won two 1sts and two 2nds, 2nd AA at her first meet this year. And I found myself discounting it in my head, because it was an extremely small meet. Not at all indicative of the competition to come later in the season. Shame on me! She had never come in first on anything. Ever. She was so excited and proud. And I was, too... outwardly. So yeah, my CGM lurks like crazy. I loathe her and her critical nature. I spend every meet with a headache, too, barely enjoying all off the hard work, subtle and huge improvements, hours driving and hundreds of dollars spent because I obviously have issues!!! Lol! Why should my enjoyment of my daughter's gymnastics depend on scores? It shouldn't. And that's something I really need to work on... on my own, without it affecting my kiddo. She's just happy to be there flipping around and competing. If shes happy with that, then I should be, too.

Not much advice here, just wanted to commiserate

 

[gymfun]

I thought I was the only one who disliked it so much!!! I do love watching all the girls perform but I am so nervous for my daughter. She absolutely loves the sport and really doesn't care about scores just loves doing gymnastics. It drives me insane!!!!

 

[AlexsGymmyMom]

I am pretty good at keeping my CGM in check for the most part! I really enjoy watching all the girls compete and I truly don't stress out about scores and placements. This is because my DD is usually a middle of the pack kid in terms of AA scores and has never been the rock star of the team.

What I dislike the most is the driving and staying in hotels! It was fun in the beginning but now I enjoy and appreciate the in town meets so much more (with the exception of Florida...duh who doesn't lol!!)
It drives me crazy that our gym does not go to the large in town meets more! There are some really big ones here but for whatever reason we don't go. Oh well.

 

[Seeker]

Wow....I love competition season! I love going new places, spending time with my daughter, spending time with the other girls and their parents. We always have a great time, go to dinners, cheer each other on, find something fun to do, etc. I really don't pay too much attention to the scores and what place she gets. Yes, I look and write them down in her little book, but it really doesn't matter to me as long as she achieves the goals she has set for herself and those she set with her coach.

That being said, my DD is pretty talented and she does well, but we all try not to stress about scores, places, etc. It is a marathon, not a sprint here. Gymnastics is one long season really, whether you're training or competing, so I try not to get worked up about it. As long as she is putting forth her best effort (she is), she's enjoying it (she is) and her coach is pleased with her progress (she is), then I am happy. Many things in life come easy for my DD so I like that gymnastics challenges her, gives her experience in putting forth her best effort, to keep trying until she gets something, etc. This is "life training" for her so I think that I owe it to her to support her, while at the same time holding her to a high standard and showing her that you can do hard things while also having fun and feeling a great sense of satisfaction with yourself when you succeed. Setting goals that are not associated with scores and placements definitely helps with that.

I have a hard job (in my profession), but I love it and enjoy it very much and that is something that I want my daughter to find as she becomes an adult. Gymnastics and school are that for her now...someday these skills and experiences will transition into other things. But I want her to look back at her gymnastics career someday and not only be proud of what she achieved, but also to remember being happy while she was doing it.

 

[sportyfam5]

Thanks to OP for putting out there what (apparently) a lot of us feel but may not have wanted to admit! Every year I can't wait for the first meet. Then I almost always leave secretly disappointed. I try very hard to praise my DD for her success and not say anything negative. I do internally compare with team mates and others, isn't it natural to want and expect your child to be the best? Maybe not....
Last year my DD fell off beam at least once at every meet! I used to blame coaches, they need to practice more ect. However, in practice she would stick several in a row. I witnessed them! I am so proud of her and I do let her know that. I really still need to learn to keep my mouth shut on the what if's. Last year at states, had she stayed on the beam she would have placed 3rd AA and made it to regionals. Instead she placed mid pack, but she placed 2nd on vault which is huge!!
This year 1st L9 meet she got a 9.05 on vault-so excited what a start! Then bars....warm ups seemed to go ok. During competition she just could make pirouette. I felt so bad because she said she had been having trouble. After several attempts and tears she skipped it and moved on. Then she missed her giant and just finished there. It turns out that she had fallen in warm-ups and cracked the bone in her thumb! Really? She was just cleared to full practice and has a meet on Jan 7th. She can't even get to handstand on bars so we'll see what happens.
Thanks for the post and a chance for me to express my thoughts. I will really think before I speak before and after the meets.

 

[LizzieLac]

I get really nervous!! I hate watching beam, even though that has always been a strong event for DD. She never falls, yet I can't even breath watching her.

What I find the hardest is her disappoinment when something doesn't go her way, or scores were not what she expected. Add to that not knowing what the judges are deducting for, this can be such a brutal sport - you are alone out there. So, I struggle with how hard it is to forever be DDs confidante, cheerleader, psychologist, and general sounding board when a meet or practice doesn't go so well.

 

[Galadriel]

my dd was unconcerned when she was middle of the pack, ultra concerned when she got towards top of the pack. I was possibly the opposite!
Me - i hate watching! it stresses me and gets that lump in the stomach!
I hate wondering if she will be a mess of tears, hope she will be happy with herself!
I always think to myself during a routine 'Dont fall Dont fall'
What works for us is for me not to talk to her at all before the competition and not after until she is ready.
she (and me ) are much better now.
if she makes a mistake she doesnt get so down on herself as she used to so it is easier on me too!
when she started out i did used to 'hope she beat x other gymnast', or come at least half way up the group.
Now i just hope she doesnt get hurt, fall, and comes away positive!
mission achieved if she does!