Parents Anyone else not allowed to watch?

[JoyAvenueMom]

"it may be true that most people in prison are men. and that most bad acts are created by men. BUT not all men are bad. i hate the insinuation that this topic is derived from. i hope you can all understand that. "

Dunno, I feel for you. We carpool with another family...and my husband has refused to ever pick up the other girl without having my daughter with him...even if it means going 20 minutes out of the way. He volunteers through school and church and has learned it is best to NEVER put yourself in a situation that could be questioned. The risk of being falsely accused may be low..but the price is so high you have to be constantly vigilant. Volunteers are now taught to try and avoid any physical contact, including hugs. This is really sad when you think about how many young girls could use more paternal hugs from men they care about and respect.

 

[Bajanswife]

Following on from above, when I do watch I am very careful to be completely uninvolved in what DD is doing. I need to send her coach a message that she is free to say the hard things that need to be said when DD is playing the fool, without worrying that I am judging her negatively. I have built my relationship with her coach like that from the beginning, where she knows I am not one of "those" moms, and she can approach me freely with any issues she's having with DD and I will be open and listen and work with her. So many parents are quick to blindly defend their kids when it isn't warranted, and from the time I had kids I was determined not to be one of them.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

"if i ever open my eyes and everything is black"....bwhahahahahahahahahahaha! a gymnastics coach said that too me in 1969...i just wet myself...hahahahahahaha...lol

 

[Krystan]

I agree there is a big difference between parents being allowed in the actual gym (yikes) and parents behind a glass in a separate room. We can't here anything the coaches or kids are saying, and they can't hear us. If a parent tried to get their kids' attention repeatedly or anything, I like to think they'd be asked to leave. Parents are absolutely NOT allowed in the gym itself.

 

[happychaos]

I agree there is a big difference between parents being allowed in the actual gym (yikes) and parents behind a glass in a separate room. We can't here anything the coaches or kids are saying, and they can't hear us. If a parent tried to get their kids' attention repeatedly or anything, I like to think they'd be asked to leave. Parents are absolutely NOT allowed in the gym itself.

This is the same with our gym. I don't think the coaches or gymnasts are even aware of who is or isn't watching. One time I WAS trying to get my DD's attention to have her come to get something, and it wasn't possible. I finally had to go to the front desk and get another coach to take it to her.

 

[happychaos]

you are paying for your child to learn how to do gymnastics in a safe way and in a safe environment. and unless you were a former gymnast, you wouldn't know if either of those were taking place.

herein is the conundrum. i understand perfectly. how do you know who is coaching your child?

relationships and trust are time valued. they will be developed over a period of time. the overwhelming majority of the people that run our industry are concerned about the same things that you are. why? Cause most of us are parents. 2% of any activity, and this includes society, have bad people. this does not mean you give yourself an ulcer over that 2%. though you have the freedom to do so if you so choose.

USA Gymnastics is the most pro active organization of all of them. And so are the coaches and administrators that work in the clubs. simply read the Athlete Welfare Policy. and after all is done to protect the kids, you are still left with the 2%. BUT, at least we have a system in place to put "sick dogs" down. would we like that we could catch or pre-empt the bad stuff before it happens? certainly we would. but there is no way to predict bad behavior.

the first line of defense in protecting a child is the parent. this means constant vigilance thru communication with your child. a parent can't be everywhere. a parent can't watch every single practice of any activity that their child participates in. a parent can not go to school each day and sit in every class with every teacher. THAT kind of vigilance is NOT healthy for your child on any level.

i have been at this longer than most, and longer than any of you have been married. and quite possibly longer than any of you parents have been on the planet. and i know this, when something bad happens, MOST kids will come and tell their parents. and in a gym setting? there are just too many "eyes". and today's kids are more sophisticated than they were even 10 years ago. without going in to the reasons why there are those bad people on the bad list, suffice, the bad behaviors were learned by the parents whose children came straight to them and reported what happened. in some of those, the kids went straight to the club owners and other coaches. you all need to understand this, our industry has a NO TOLERANCE POLICY for bad stuff. does this mean that stuff won't happen? no, of course not. some of these issues are biblical. but mark my words, if something bad does happen, USA Gymnastics and their industry member will do something about it.

try to understand my position. i have been listening to these kinds of issues since i was a gymnast. and i have learned that most of the bad stuff that has happened has happened in gyms that have "viewing". and all the time. bad stuff has happened right in full view of everybody. so then, "viewing" will not mitigate your concerns. and bad stuff that has happened in gyms are very rare. you understand, rare? it's the small stuff. the insidious stuff. the stuff you can't readily see.

it's the other small stuff. and discretion and vigilance must be applied. things like letting coaches drive your kids to and from practice. does this mean don't let it happen? NO. sometimes it's necessary. but only an idiot doesn't know that if that adult is sick, that the child can be at risk for something bad happening. and sleepovers at coaches houses. and coaches having your child's cell phone number. or email. or facebook contact. it's about grooming.

do you all understand? it's not about whether you watch your child's practice or not and thinking that if you do your children are protected. or if not, that if something happens it's your fault somehow for not being there. the facts are...if something bad is going to happen to your child, it will happen at the hands of a close and trusted family member. next will be teachers and coaches and clergy, etc; these are the facts.

so then, you are the parent. if you want to drive yourself nuts worrying about all these things you are free to do so. we chose not to when i and my wife raised our children in to adulthood. when our children did sports, we wanted them to own what they were doing. success or failure theirs. we provided the support and encouragement they needed for the rough spots. but the responsibility of their outcomes were on them. they had nobody to blame or give credit to but themselves.

and this DOES NOT mean that we were naive/absent parents in regards to all these issues that you all bring up. we were there. we listened. and we had discussions about these very things. and very often if my wife or i felt that who are children were with were questionable. again, constant vigilance and communication. but we did NOT observe every single thing that our children did. and we slept fine at night. and so did our children.

so it often seems to me that it is you, the parent, having the right to watch if you want and not being told that you can't. and more often than not, because you are paying. i regret that these concepts are illogical to me. and this does not make me stupid. the concepts are foreign to me because i know that none of your thoughts about "viewing" will mitigate aberrant behavior on the part of another adult.

therefore, the clubs have the viewing policies that they do to actually protect the kids emotional well being while at practice. and club owners know that the 1 day a week for 1 hour student will be the one whose parents are more crazy about these kinds of things. there is NOTHING that any of us in the industry will ever be able to do about that. it is what it is and has been that way since the beginning of private gym clubs. but after years of your children being in a gym, and they become competitive and so forth, if you still can't trust the people that your gymnast is with then i don't know what i or anyone else could ever say to alleviate your fears. but in most gyms, with most coaches, your fears are unreasonable and unwarranted, and may i submit that you may need to look in the mirror and get a hold of yourselves. i just can't imagine ever having lived and raised my kids feeling the way some of you do. to me it is irrational, illogical and gives me a headache thinking about how some of you are so paranoid. i just could never imagine living that way. no disrespect intended. i love you all. and that's all.

Dunno, I have said this before, but before I "retired" to be a mom I worked with children who needed psychiatric care. My degree and training are in this field. It is FALSE and DANGEROUS to assume that "When something bad happens, MOST kids will come and tell their parents". Those were your exact words. I could literally write a book about how wrong that statement is.

Also you said "if something bad is going to happen to your child, it will happen at the hands of a close and trusted family member. next will be teachers and coaches and clergy, etc; these are the facts."

Children are most likely to be abused by SOMEONE THEY KNOW AND TRUST!!! Coaches definitely fall into this category. Abusers will abuse who they have access to. While a male family member may be the most likely perpetrator of abuse, to minimize the risk posed by "teachers, coaches, and clergy" as you did, is irresponsible.

To your point that "you are paying for your child to learn how to do gymnastics in a safe way and in a safe environment. and unless you were a former gymnast, you wouldn't know if either of those were taking place." Truly, you don't need to be a former gymnast to discern if your DD and her teammates are treated respectfully and the coaches are acting professionally. There are scores of stories on Chalkbucket alone of children being treated inappropriately by coaches. My friend pulled her DD out of a gym after she witnessed the way her DD was treated by one of her coaches. She posted about it on CB a while back. If she hadn't been allowed to watch practice she NEVER would have known what was going on. She was also alerted to an issue with her DD at practice by another parent who was watching on a day she wasn't. Dunno, you are probably right that subtle signs of abuse could not be detected by a parent watching practice, BUT there are many things a parent can pick up on.

As I said before, I would ideally like to watch practice about twice per month. I am comfortable with that. In no way do I feel that that makes me a helicopter parent, overly-involved, hysterical, CGM, or paranoid. I love watching my DD do her thing, I like to see how she is interacting with her teammates and coaches, and I like to see that things are good. It makes me happy that when I am not watching, there usually are a few other team parents hanging around.

 

[gwenmom]

I can't imagine what today's parents would have thought of my coaches 30 years, ago. Being screamed at while being yanked around by a facemask. Thumped in the chest for talking back to a basketball coach. Being told by a baseball coach, that if I ever open my eyes and everything is black, "You might want to pull your head out of your ***."

I'm sure many would be disgusted. It only made me stronger. There were never parents around. We learned to listen, to work harder, and not to talk back. But most importantly, we learned these thing by ourselves.

.

Lol my ballet teacher was Russian an use to bounce quarters off our rear to make sure we were lifting our bums while balancing. Theory being if it bounced back the muscles were working. Same woman used to knock us in the back of the knees with her cane to make sure our knees weren't locked while at the bar. She also kept time by thumping the same cane on the floor.

Now she would probably be sued or arrested

 

[thefellowsmom]

I agree there is a big difference between parents being allowed in the actual gym (yikes) and parents behind a glass in a separate room. We can't here anything the coaches or kids are saying, and they can't hear us. If a parent tried to get their kids' attention repeatedly or anything, I like to think they'd be asked to leave. Parents are absolutely NOT allowed in the gym itself.

Ditto! We have no problems with people being distracting or even staying the whole practice. Most people drop off and pick up, showing up a little early to watch now and again.

I like that I can watch her a bit when i can get there a little early for pickup or something. It brings me so much joy to watch her do something she loves so much and she is absolutely thrilled if she happens to get to show me something new she is working on.

It is also quiet and air conditioned and there might be a fellow adult to chat with. There is no laundry or cleaning or clients calling my name. You can't underestimate the value of that moment of refuge in the chaotic life of a parent, at least this one

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Dunno, I have said this before, but before I "retired" to be a mom I worked with children who needed psychiatric care. My degree and training are in this field. It is FALSE and DANGEROUS to assume that "When something bad happens, MOST kids will come and tell their parents". Those were your exact words. I could literally write a book about how wrong that statement is.

Also you said "if something bad is going to happen to your child, it will happen at the hands of a close and trusted family member. next will be teachers and coaches and clergy, etc; these are the facts."

Children are most likely to be abused by SOMEONE THEY KNOW AND TRUST!!! Coaches definitely fall into this category. Abusers will abuse who they have access to. While a male family member may be the most likely perpetrator of abuse, to minimize the risk posed by "teachers, coaches, and clergy" as you did, is irresponsible.

To your point that "you are paying for your child to learn how to do gymnastics in a safe way and in a safe environment. and unless you were a former gymnast, you wouldn't know if either of those were taking place." Truly, you don't need to be a former gymnast to discern if your DD and her teammates are treated respectfully and the coaches are acting professionally. There are scores of stories on Chalkbucket alone of children being treated inappropriately by coaches. My friend pulled her DD out of a gym after she witnessed the way her DD was treated by one of her coaches. She posted about it on CB a while back. If she hadn't been allowed to watch practice she NEVER would have known what was going on. She was also alerted to an issue with her DD at practice by another parent who was watching on a day she wasn't. Dunno, you are probably right that subtle signs of abuse could not be detected by a parent watching practice, BUT there are many things a parent can pick up on.

As I said before, I would ideally like to watch practice about twice per month. I am comfortable with that. In no way do I feel that that makes me a helicopter parent, overly-involved, hysterical, CGM, or paranoid. I love watching my DD do her thing, I like to see how she is interacting with her teammates and coaches, and I like to see that things are good. It makes me happy that when I am not watching, there usually are a few other team parents hanging around.

and we will agree to disagree. and with most of what you said. you worked in a completely different field. and you have no idea what i do. and i coach and own a gym. it would take me too long to break down your response to my context. sorry...

 

[Gymdaddio]

I think there is a wide gulf in between a parent who would object the kind of treatment you received 30 years ago and anything I would consider a "helicopter parent."

You are right, and I would object to it as a parent, also. I wasn't necessarily commenting on this post, as I was commenting on the multitude of previous posts like it.

Mostly, I meant that if a parent sits and listens all the time, they WILL hear or see something to upset them. Usually, it will be just from a frustrated coach who has tried a million different ways to try to get their point through. And maybe this time, they happen to say that your DD isn't as good as some lower level gymnast. It doesn't make the coach horrible, but usually 30 commenters will pop up and say that no way they would stay at that gym. I guess that's where I was going with the helicopter comment.

My point was that maybe the gymnast needed to hear this even if it hurts at the time. We all need to learn to overcome adversity. My guess is that the coach might even feel bad for saying it. But there is another lesson we all need to learn, that just because someone says something, it doesn't make it true.

 

[happychaos]

and we will agree to disagree. and with most of what you said. you worked in a completely different field. and you have no idea what i do. and i coach and own a gym. it would take me too long to break down your response to my context. sorry...

Dunno, God forbid a parent listens to your advice on this matter

I understand that you are a very experienced coach and own a gym. I know you are the most respected member on here and I will probably be blacklisted for criticizing you. But honestly, it has to be said. You hold a lot of sway with parents, and I shudder to think that a parent would actually would take what you said seriously. Three most important takeaways...

1) Parents..do not assume your child will tell you if they are being abused, either physically or emotionally. Those that do tell often don't do so until much later (I'm talking years or decades)
2) Do not think that you should mostly worry about a family member abusing, and that you really don't have to worry about gym coaches, teachers, etc.
3) You do not need any special skills to know if what you are observing at the gym is not right.

These items are not debatable. I'm not sure where you got these ideas, Dunno. To post them in the first place is bad enough, and then to come back and stand by what you said....irresponsible at best, dangerous at worst.

I spent many years in two universities studying child development, child psychology, abnormal psychology and the like. After school I worked directly with children who were victims of abuse. Please trust me when I say that this is not a matter to be taken lightly. When I see someone who is a respected gymnastics coach post false and dangerous information, and then come back and STAND BY what he said......I am just compelled to reply.

Dunno, I don't know what "context" you are referring to in your reply, but there is NO context in which what you said is true. While I may not work in the gymnastics field, I DO work in the field that is tasked with helping children pick up the pieces when their worlds are shattered by adults who abuse. Yes, coaches and teachers included.

 

[kayjaybe]

As I said in a previous post, our gym doesn't allow you to watch once the kids hit level 3. So, while they are really young (and in shorter classes), you can watch to build that comfort level and trust.

I do love to watch my dd and would love to do so occasionally (like a few times/year), but our gym doesn't have a policy to allow this. But, I've actually found a way to do a bit of that while helping the gym, too.

I got involved in the booster club by chairing the concessions committee. So, a few times/year, I meet with my co-chair at the gym to plan menus & food lists and review inventory. I can usually catch a few glimpses of her while working.

Everyone wins - I get my sneak peeks a few times/year, which is enough to satisfy me and the team gets a much needed service completed (that most people don't want to do!)

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Being a parent is a difficult task, because your first response is to correct a child based on mistakes that you have made during your lifetime, "honey don't do that because..." . Now imagine coaches who have "been there seen that", watching you as a parent making mistakes much like your children do in your eyes.... That's it! we have seen the damage that parents unknowingly do to kids, and we are only trying to help you. And it always turns into a battle, but in my opinion, excessive parental viewing is not healthy for gymnasts, its just factual..... (and that includes all the parents who are just sitting in the back and not looking and being silent...). Increased fear issues, increased anxiety, increased risk of burnout, increased risk of injury, increased risk of distractions, increased risk of bad information,,,, and nothing positive....
Just imagine having your wife or husband sitting and watching you work for hours on end, (because they say that they just don't have the time or money to drive home during your shift).... It has no benefit and you will probably be divorced in a year...

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Dunno, God forbid a parent listens to your advice on this matter

I understand that you are a very experienced coach and own a gym. I know you are the most respected member on here and I will probably be blacklisted for criticizing you. But honestly, it has to be said. You hold a lot of sway with parents, and I shudder to think that a parent would actually would take what you said seriously. Three most important takeaways...

1) Parents..do not assume your child will tell you if they are being abused, either physically or emotionally. Those that do tell often don't do so until much later (I'm talking years or decades)
2) Do not think that you should mostly worry about a family member abusing, and that you really don't have to worry about gym coaches, teachers, etc.
3) You do not need any special skills to know if what you are observing at the gym is not right.

These items are not debatable. I'm not sure where you got these ideas, Dunno. To post them in the first place is bad enough, and then to come back and stand by what you said....irresponsible at best, dangerous at worst.

I spent many years in two universities studying child development, child psychology, abnormal psychology and the like. After school I worked directly with children who were victims of abuse. Please trust me when I say that this is not a matter to be taken lightly. When I see someone who is a respected gymnastics coach post false and dangerous information, and then come back and STAND BY what he said......I am just compelled to reply.

Dunno, I don't know what "context" you are referring to in your reply, but there is NO context in which what you said is true. While I may not work in the gymnastics field, I DO work in the field that is tasked with helping children pick up the pieces when their worlds are shattered by adults who abuse. Yes, coaches and teachers included.

i'm gonna try 1 more time. you are taking me OUT of context.

1. i did not say to assume ANYTHING. i said that MOST kids tell their parents EVERYTHING. again, you don't know what job i have in the day. not my coaching/gym job.

2. i certainly did not say what you are saying here. i said,

Dunno, God forbid a parent listens to your advice on this matter

I understand that you are a very experienced coach and own a gym. I know you are the most respected member on here and I will probably be blacklisted for criticizing you. But honestly, it has to be said. You hold a lot of sway with parents, and I shudder to think that a parent would actually would take what you said seriously. Three most important takeaways...

1) Parents..do not assume your child will tell you if they are being abused, either physically or emotionally. Those that do tell often don't do so until much later (I'm talking years or decades)
2) Do not think that you should mostly worry about a family member abusing, and that you really don't have to worry about gym coaches, teachers, etc.
3) You do not need any special skills to know if what you are observing at the gym is not right.

These items are not debatable. I'm not sure where you got these ideas, Dunno. To post them in the first place is bad enough, and then to come back and stand by what you said....irresponsible at best, dangerous at worst.

I spent many years in two universities studying child development, child psychology, abnormal psychology and the like. After school I worked directly with children who were victims of abuse. Please trust me when I say that this is not a matter to be taken lightly. When I see someone who is a respected gymnastics coach post false and dangerous information, and then come back and STAND BY what he said......I am just compelled to reply.

Dunno, I don't know what "context" you are referring to in your reply, but there is NO context in which what you said is true. While I may not work in the gymnastics field, I DO work in the field that is tasked with helping children pick up the pieces when their worlds are shattered by adults who abuse. Yes, coaches and teachers included.

Dunno, God forbid a parent listens to your advice on this matter

I understand that you are a very experienced coach and own a gym. I know you are the most respected member on here and I will probably be blacklisted for criticizing you. But honestly, it has to be said. You hold a lot of sway with parents, and I shudder to think that a parent would actually would take what you said seriously. Three most important takeaways...

1) Parents..do not assume your child will tell you if they are being abused, either physically or emotionally. Those that do tell often don't do so until much later (I'm talking years or decades)
2) Do not think that you should mostly worry about a family member abusing, and that you really don't have to worry about gym coaches, teachers, etc.
3) You do not need any special skills to know if what you are observing at the gym is not right.

These items are not debatable. I'm not sure where you got these ideas, Dunno. To post them in the first place is bad enough, and then to come back and stand by what you said....irresponsible at best, dangerous at worst.

I spent many years in two universities studying child development, child psychology, abnormal psychology and the like. After school I worked directly with children who were victims of abuse. Please trust me when I say that this is not a matter to be taken lightly. When I see someone who is a respected gymnastics coach post false and dangerous information, and then come back and STAND BY what he said......I am just compelled to reply.

Dunno, I don't know what "context" you are referring to in your reply, but there is NO context in which what you said is true. While I may not work in the gymnastics field, I DO work in the field that is tasked with helping children pick up the pieces when their worlds are shattered by adults who abuse. Yes, coaches and teachers included.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

well folks, i have no idea why i keep getting an internal error message. so, you'll have to read happychaos post and then read below. quoting in the quote ain't working today.

1. i did not say to assume ANYTHING. i said that MOST kids tell their parents. this MEANS that most kids tell their parents about bad stuff vs. the percentage of kids that don't. IN GYMNASTICS, most kids come forward to report abuse. and because of our (industry) stance, my hope in the future is that there will be less to report. and again, you don't know what job i have in the day. not my coaching/gym job.

2. i certainly did not say what you are saying here. i said, the statistics (that come from child abuse experts) say that it will be a close family member first. and then you added the word "trusted". those 2 words are synonymous in my book. then coaches, teachers and clergy. and not in any specific order. you want to dispute or debate that? and those statistics mirror what the experts say which have happened in my own family on both sides and extended

3. you really convoluted this one. and i used an example. the TV special on a very famous gym. when US GYM PEOPLE watched it we laughed. when YOU watched it, meaning the general non gymnastics public, we were skewered in the media and in the public eye. they used the words "emotional" and "physical" and "verbal" abuse. THERE WAS NONE.
so i guess if i agree with you, parents need special skills to discern what is and what has been healthy gymnastics culture for years AND CAN STILL BE INTERPRETED AS ABUSE BY PEOPLE LIKE YOURSELVES IN THE GENERAL NON GYMNASTICS PUBLIC THAT DON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

okay, now. stop it because we are almost saying the same thing.

oh, and my advice was that parents should be vigilant in their communication with their children daily. and my advice was what NOT to do with coaches. like car rides, sleepovers, etc; i guess i should have thrown in others, but hell, i assumed that the adults here would know what CONTEXT i was talking about.

FINALLY, i don't think you will be blacklisted. you have not offended me in any way. it's unfortunate only several posters understood the context of what i was saying. and i tried to keep it PG cause there are kids here. and i have a ton more i could say but won't cause kids read here. but even my read between the lines posts are understood by the kids. and i think they'll take away from my posts (past and present) and understand to "tell someone" if something bad happens.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

oh, and i didn't minimize anything about the subject matter. i think you only caught what you wanted to catch. so let me clarify for you one more thing.

i said that 2% of the world is bad. and that 2% of my industry is bad just like the world and real life.

but if you understand MATH, 2% bad in the world population is greater than the 2% in my industry. look at the bad list in just your area. now look at the banned members list.

i wasn't minimizing...i was simplifying. that was included in my central theme about close family members, etc;

 

[cbifoja]

I think that every parent has to do what is right for their child, family, and life situation. I get very tired of coaches trying to make those of us who stay for different reason feel bad for our decision. I am making the decision that is right for MY life. If my DD's coaches are okay with it, my DD is okay with it, and it makes my life easier, then yes, I'm going to stay.

It has nothing to do with a lack of trust in the coaches. We literally trust these coaches with our children's lives so me watching isn't about that. If you are getting "not trustworthy" vibes from a coach, then you need to take bigger steps than staying and watching.

A lot of this is also principle for me. My kid is under 10. There isn't a person on this planet who will tell me when I can and cannot see her. A dentist tried to pull that crap and found himself short two patients. I gave birth to that child and she is my ultimate responsibility. No one tells me whether I can be with my kid or not.

If my reason for staying at the gym was to watch my child, then that would be my business. She gets a lot of joy sharing her victories with me and believe me, if she had to be away from me for almost 20 hours a week, THAT would cause her to resent gymnastics and cause that dreaded burnout. As it is, her physical issues cause her enough anxiety with me there. If I weren't there and she needed me to help her with her issue, she would lock up and that would be it.

It really bothers me that some coaches try to paint those of us who stay as "damaging our children's gymnastics future." Some parents do have legitimate reasons to stay.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

and if i may, i would like to clarify further. and explain a bit further. i needed a few minutes to collect my thoughts.

counting me and siblings and that of my wife's and siblings equals 12 children. of the 12, 5 were abused by a family member or close friend of the family. NOT ONE was abused by a coach, teacher or clergy.

both sides of the family equals 32 grandchildren. of the 32, 4 were abused. 1 by a family member and 3 by a close friend of the family. NOT ONE was abused by a coach, teacher or clergy.

there are 7 great grand children. as far as i know, and because they are too young to speak, none of them have been abused.

my own experience tells me, and that of the experts, that i need to be vigilant about family members and close friends of the family. this DOES NOT MEAN to ignore coaches, teachers and clergy.

now in your line of work before you "retired to become a mom", are you going to state that most cases of abuse that were perpetrated on a child seen by you were by mostly coaches, teachers and clergy? or were most abusers that of family members or close friends of the family?

and it is also difficult to quantify ALL areas of abuse because of the unreported or even under reported.

so to qualify my thoughts as they relate to whether or not you are observing your child's practice and the efficacy of protection that you think that might provide your children, i would "worry" less about my industry and more about your own family members or close family friends. this does NOT MEAN i am suggesting that you minimize your vigilance on this subject matter with anyone in your child's life or that of gymnastics coaches. but please, let's just get a grip that there are much worse people/places that your children could be with.

the banned list is upsetting enough. but perspective is what still keeps me spreading the word about gymnastics and involving myself in it.

 

[cbifoja]

Dunno, I get what you are saying. I actually had a parent tell me that they were fine with their child staying with me because I'm a teacher. That stunned me. We had JUST met. She didn't know me from Adam....or rather Eve yet she was about to allow her young daughter to come into my home and spend the night. All because I was a teacher. She said it made her feel better knowing that about me.

I was just like....WTH Lady?!?!?!?! Do you not read the news??? Now yes, her child was absolutely safe because of who I am as a person, not because of my chosen profession.

Now that being said, of all the people who have ever told me about any kind of inappropriate behavior, only one happened at the hand of a teacher. Every other one was at the hand of a family member.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

I think that every parent has to do what is right for their child, family, and life situation. I get very tired of coaches trying to make those of us who stay for different reason feel bad for our decision. I am making the decision that is right for MY life. If my DD's coaches are okay with it, my DD is okay with it, and it makes my life easier, then yes, I'm going to stay.

It has nothing to do with a lack of trust in the coaches. We literally trust these coaches with our children's lives so me watching isn't about that. If you are getting "not trustworthy" vibes from a coach, then you need to take bigger steps than staying and watching.

A lot of this is also principle for me. My kid is under 10. There isn't a person on this planet who will tell me when I can and cannot see her. A dentist tried to pull that crap and found himself short two patients. I gave birth to that child and she is my ultimate responsibility. No one tells me whether I can be with my kid or not.

If my reason for staying at the gym was to watch my child, then that would be my business. She gets a lot of joy sharing her victories with me and believe me, if she had to be away from me for almost 20 hours a week, THAT would cause her to resent gymnastics and cause that dreaded burnout. As it is, her physical issues cause her enough anxiety with me there. If I weren't there and she needed me to help her with her issue, she would lock up and that would be it.

It really bothers me that some coaches try to paint those of us who stay as "damaging our children's gymnastics future." Some parents do have legitimate reasons to stay.

and i completely get what you are saying also. but in our industry, and without defensive posture, those that have been at this awhile have seen our share of parents that have quite literally ruined their child's gymnastics future. and mostly because they lived "vicariously" thru their children. and most had parents that never amounted too much in sports. and most weren't coaches on even a volunteer level cause they didn't do sports. and ALL of them were never satisfied and couldn't find ONE nice word to say to their children.

so then, this is a great subject with 2 sides. and many tentacles. to experiences in other peoples lives. like the poster above that said her husband won't drive anyone alone in a car. so sad that we all must live the way that we do. THAT is universal.