Parents Anyone else not allowed to watch?

[aussiebug]

We aren't allowed to. There was cgm drama a while back which had caused a ban on team parents from watching. We can only watch one session at the end of term for the last 15 minutes.

 

[kayjaybe]

At our gym, you can watch the rec classes, but once you get to Level 3 (pre-team at our gym), you can no longer watch.

It was tough at first, but I adapted pretty quickly and it probably is better for both me & dd this way.

 

[my4buffaloes]

We can watch all we want, but it just isn't healthy for the parents that stay every minute of every practice. They get so worked up over every little thing! Sometimes on the shorter days I stay and work (I work from home), but I am hardly watching. Right now I have a very good carpool setup for my older dd and only have to drive her once a week. My plan is to get there 30-45 minutes early on the days I drive and watch then. That is plenty.

My younger dd is not nearly as exciting to watch as she can't do the harder skills but I still like to watch her. Plus I get along with that group of parents better so I go to socialize too. Since I work from home I don't get nearly enough adult interaction LOL, so the gym is a sort of outlet for me. But you have to be careful not to get sucked into comparing girls. I make it my goal to not talk gymnastics with the other parents.

 

[JMACAZ]

We are allowed to watch though the coach's prefer not. I usually go for the last 15 min. I used to watch more but now that practices are over 3 hours I have no desire to hang out that long.

 

[gwenmom]

DD new gym requests the parents don't watch full practices. I usually catch the last half hour which is normally conditioning. I though DD would be upset I don't watch anymore but she seems to be liking it and is excited to surprise me at the first meet with her new routines (l3). I am excited to not have to hear the music over and over again.

At first I wasn't sure how I felt about not watching but the one day I came early and she kept stopping to wave at me I knew it was best I'm not there. She gets more attention at her new gym so the need she has to have someone to show off for is filled so she is still happy.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Thanks for the replies. I would really appreciate a "once a month" viewing policy or even an parent exhibition every once in a while. Show us what we're paying for! I can understand why watching a whole practice would be frowned on, it would be a bit obsessive to sit there hour after hour. At the end of the day, it is their sport. We wouldn't go sit in their classrooms at school, can you imagine how their teachers would feel? I suppose the coaches may feel the same way. I will have to be content watching meets and what she does on the grass and throughout the house, across parking lots, etc (LOL!) (although that's not supposed to happen either).

that's NOT what you are paying for. that's when you pay to go to the movies. where did you get that idea?

 

[happychaos]

We as coaches are in a position of power over the kids. It's a position that really allows us to help build the kids up in terms of their own confidence and self-image -- however, a bad coach can also tear these things down more easily and thoroughly and permanently than any school teacher could. Obviously there is the potential for physical/sexual abuse, but that's extremely rare. Psychological abuse and manipulation, however, are far less rare than they should be, and for this reason parents can and should be allowed to watch us like hawks.

In my opinion, parents should have the right to drop in and watch any or all of practice whenever they feel so inclined. I would encourage them to use this right very sparingly (as it can be a distraction and can put too much pressure on the kids), but I would never ever dream of denying them this right entirely.

Just my 2 cents as a coach.

YES to everything you said! I simply would not allow my child to spend such huge amounts of time with an adult if I were not allowed to drop in whenever I wanted. My kid's (private) school welcomes parents at anytime. DD's violin teacher prefers that a parent sit through every lesson.

I would be very leery of a coach who refused to let me observe how they coach my child.

 

[gymmiemom]

We can watch, but I personally don't. I would love it if the coach would make a no watch policy. We have 2 moms who really really need to take a step back and chill out.

It's one thing to watch and keep your mouth shut, it's quite another to be hollering at your kid to point their toes across the gym.

Anyways, I've learned that DD and myself are better off if I just leave gymnastics to her and stay out of it unless she brings it up.

 

[LIGYMMOM]

Dunno, not sure I understand what you're getting at. What is it you think I'm paying for?

 

[Deleted member 14190]

At our gym, you can watch the rec classes, but once you get to Level 3 (pre-team at our gym), you can no longer watch.

It was tough at first, but I adapted pretty quickly and it probably is better for both me & dd this way.

=
That is an excellent policy. Safety, performance and longevity are reduced when a parent is constantly hovering.

 

[OzZee]

We can watch at our gym. But once the kids are doing more than an hour I don't think anyone does. The 1 hour rec parents mostly sit and watch.
Sometimes a few parents end up chatting and hanging out for a bit - but I don't think there is much gymnastics watching going on.
We don't really have the travel times either - or maybe more used to driving around here? but most kids live within 10-20 mins drive. The couple of parents who do travel further will sometimes sit whilst waiting to go and say pick up another child, though most will go to the local shops or something.

Maybe as the kids are used to people coming in and out I've not noticed it being distracting either - lol, well maybe my middle child should, sometimes I think maybe she should be working a bit harder considering she (maybe) knows I'm standing there, lol.

 

[gymmomtoo]

We can watch all we want, but you pick out the cgms as the ones there every day all practice. I agree with whoever said it isn't healthy for the gymnast or the parent to watch every practice like that. I think parents should be able to watch whenever they want, but I don't think they actually should do it.

 

[skschlag]

We can watch all we want, but you pick out the cgms as the ones there every day all practice. I agree with whoever said it isn't healthy for the gymnast or the parent to watch every practice like that. I think parents should be able to watch whenever they want, but I don't think they actually should do it.

Due to circumstance, I am at almost every practice. This is not by choice. I walk when I can, I do errands when I need to, but I only have so much I can get done. There are several of us in that situation at our gym. Sometimes we go out, but honestly, that just spends more money that we don't have. So we sit.

I try not to watch, and usually only do so if something exciting is going on. I don't think I am a cgm, just a mom trying to save some money! LOL!

 

[Canadian_gym_mom]

Our gym has a fully equipped fitness room for parents to use while the kids train. We can also watch if we want.

 

[MaryA]

When my girls were little, I belonged to a fitness center that had little TV's on all of the treadmills and such. You could watch TV or you could watch the "nanny cam" in the babysitting room. If I could only watch my daughter practice while I was exercising, I might actually get in shape!

 

[GymBee97]

Most of the gyms I know of allow the first 15 min and the last 15min to watch. Our current gym doesn't say you can't but I don't know of any of the parents that stay 3 - 4 hours to watch.

As you get more time under your belt as a gym mom you won't even go in to the gym just drive and drop. At L4 and L5 I use to stay and watch for as long as I could until they said the You can't watch. I use to walk her in the gym and stay for the 15 min. But after years of this I now just drive and drop at the door.

if the ride it just too long to go back and forth many will let you stay so long as you aren't seen by the gymnasts (so no watching just waiting)

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Dunno, not sure I understand what you're getting at. What is it you think I'm paying for?

you are paying for your child to learn how to do gymnastics in a safe way and in a safe environment. and unless you were a former gymnast, you wouldn't know if either of those were taking place.

herein is the conundrum. i understand perfectly. how do you know who is coaching your child?

relationships and trust are time valued. they will be developed over a period of time. the overwhelming majority of the people that run our industry are concerned about the same things that you are. why? Cause most of us are parents. 2% of any activity, and this includes society, have bad people. this does not mean you give yourself an ulcer over that 2%. though you have the freedom to do so if you so choose.

USA Gymnastics is the most pro active organization of all of them. And so are the coaches and administrators that work in the clubs. simply read the Athlete Welfare Policy. and after all is done to protect the kids, you are still left with the 2%. BUT, at least we have a system in place to put "sick dogs" down. would we like that we could catch or pre-empt the bad stuff before it happens? certainly we would. but there is no way to predict bad behavior.

the first line of defense in protecting a child is the parent. this means constant vigilance thru communication with your child. a parent can't be everywhere. a parent can't watch every single practice of any activity that their child participates in. a parent can not go to school each day and sit in every class with every teacher. THAT kind of vigilance is NOT healthy for your child on any level.

i have been at this longer than most, and longer than any of you have been married. and quite possibly longer than any of you parents have been on the planet. and i know this, when something bad happens, MOST kids will come and tell their parents. and in a gym setting? there are just too many "eyes". and today's kids are more sophisticated than they were even 10 years ago. without going in to the reasons why there are those bad people on the bad list, suffice, the bad behaviors were learned by the parents whose children came straight to them and reported what happened. in some of those, the kids went straight to the club owners and other coaches. you all need to understand this, our industry has a NO TOLERANCE POLICY for bad stuff. does this mean that stuff won't happen? no, of course not. some of these issues are biblical. but mark my words, if something bad does happen, USA Gymnastics and their industry member will do something about it.

try to understand my position. i have been listening to these kinds of issues since i was a gymnast. and i have learned that most of the bad stuff that has happened has happened in gyms that have "viewing". and all the time. bad stuff has happened right in full view of everybody. so then, "viewing" will not mitigate your concerns. and bad stuff that has happened in gyms are very rare. you understand, rare? it's the small stuff. the insidious stuff. the stuff you can't readily see.

it's the other small stuff. and discretion and vigilance must be applied. things like letting coaches drive your kids to and from practice. does this mean don't let it happen? NO. sometimes it's necessary. but only an idiot doesn't know that if that adult is sick, that the child can be at risk for something bad happening. and sleepovers at coaches houses. and coaches having your child's cell phone number. or email. or facebook contact. it's about grooming.

do you all understand? it's not about whether you watch your child's practice or not and thinking that if you do your children are protected. or if not, that if something happens it's your fault somehow for not being there. the facts are...if something bad is going to happen to your child, it will happen at the hands of a close and trusted family member. next will be teachers and coaches and clergy, etc; these are the facts.

so then, you are the parent. if you want to drive yourself nuts worrying about all these things you are free to do so. we chose not to when i and my wife raised our children in to adulthood. when our children did sports, we wanted them to own what they were doing. success or failure theirs. we provided the support and encouragement they needed for the rough spots. but the responsibility of their outcomes were on them. they had nobody to blame or give credit to but themselves.

and this DOES NOT mean that we were naive/absent parents in regards to all these issues that you all bring up. we were there. we listened. and we had discussions about these very things. and very often if my wife or i felt that who are children were with were questionable. again, constant vigilance and communication. but we did NOT observe every single thing that our children did. and we slept fine at night. and so did our children.

so it often seems to me that it is you, the parent, having the right to watch if you want and not being told that you can't. and more often than not, because you are paying. i regret that these concepts are illogical to me. and this does not make me stupid. the concepts are foreign to me because i know that none of your thoughts about "viewing" will mitigate aberrant behavior on the part of another adult.

therefore, the clubs have the viewing policies that they do to actually protect the kids emotional well being while at practice. and club owners know that the 1 day a week for 1 hour student will be the one whose parents are more crazy about these kinds of things. there is NOTHING that any of us in the industry will ever be able to do about that. it is what it is and has been that way since the beginning of private gym clubs. but after years of your children being in a gym, and they become competitive and so forth, if you still can't trust the people that your gymnast is with then i don't know what i or anyone else could ever say to alleviate your fears. but in most gyms, with most coaches, your fears are unreasonable and unwarranted, and may i submit that you may need to look in the mirror and get a hold of yourselves. i just can't imagine ever having lived and raised my kids feeling the way some of you do. to me it is irrational, illogical and gives me a headache thinking about how some of you are so paranoid. i just could never imagine living that way. no disrespect intended. i love you all. and that's all.

 

[Quadqueen]

Dunno, I think there is a greater concern among parents that coaches are not emotionally/psychologically abusive to kids. I think even you would admit that is a bigger problem in high level sports than it should be.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

YES to everything you said! I simply would not allow my child to spend such huge amounts of time with an adult if I were not allowed to drop in whenever I wanted. My kid's (private) school welcomes parents at anytime. DD's violin teacher prefers that a parent sit through every lesson.

I would be very leery of a coach who refused to let me observe how they coach my child.

and why might that be?

imagine if you worked with kids and you constantly needed to be concerned about being falsely accused of anything. and to some people, that simple deterrent by the the violin teacher is a red flag. there is no winning in any debate about these issues.

in my gym, you want to come and watch? briefly? fine, but don't make a habit of it. why? cause maybe i don't trust you and why you're in my gym "observing" all the time. and especially if you're dads. as you can see, this debate cuts both ways.

in furtherance of this debate/topic, i have overtly religious men, and some from different cultures, that will NEVER step foot in my gym. i don't think an explanation is needed. i don't agree with this concept either.

it may be true that most people in prison are men. and that most bad acts are created by men. BUT not all men are bad. i hate the insinuation that this topic is derived from. i hope you can all understand that.

 

[2G1B]

FWIW, I don't stay at the gym because I don't trust my kids' coaches. I stay for the same reasons that skschlag said - it isn't possible for me to get home and back and I can only shop so much and still manage to pay the gymnastics bills. ;-) I try to not be there as much as possible; but I'm still there a good bit.

I do think that molestation is not as much of a concern as verbal abuse from a coach; but I hope that I would pull my kids out of a gym that provided that type of environment. I have tried hard to make sure that we are at a gym where my kids have positive relationships with their coaches and I have to trust that I did my job as a parent to pick the right gym. If something comes up to make me need to re-evaluate I will. I do trust that my kids will tell me if things get bad with their coaches and at that point I will start to pay more attention when I'm at the gym. For now, I will continue to chat, work, deal with my other kids, play candy crush and run errands as needed.