Parents C*r*a*z*y gym parent

[ggmom]

Ok to be honest it is me !! I am the crazy gym parent and I need advise:

My daughter is 13 yo and a 2nd year level 8 gymnast (looks like she will another year as well)

My daughter is having fun, enjoys practice, loves her team and gymnastics but isn't
getting much better (got 32's last year getting 34's this year - competing against girls
getting 37's).

My take on it is that gymnastics is expensive and if you aren't trying your very hardest
then I am throwing my money away. She can but WON'T do a giant - She can but WON'T
do a Yurchenko and her coach won't make her.

I want coach to push her - DD is lazy and will do the least possible amount of work - but coach
doesn't push the girls - only what they are comfortable with - I'm all about safety but I'm tell
you DD needs to be pushed.

There aren't alot of gyms in our area and some don't allow the girls to participate in other sports
and DD is a cheerleader, and softball player. Gym is also close to the house making pick up
and drop offs very convenient and fast getting to other sports and practices.

So if your DD was happy and doing OK would you want to pull her from gymnastics - it would certainly be nice
to have those several thousand of dollars a year for other expenses.

Signed,
Unsupportive Mother

 

[Deleted member D3987]

yikes!..............................

 

[wallinbl]

My daughter is having fun, enjoys practice, loves her team and

Sounds good.

 

[MaryA]

yikes!..............................

Dunno, you need to get more specific with your Yikeses.

 

[bogwoppit]

A whole lot of discussion on this has happened before. http://www.chalkbucket.com/forums/question-answer/35188-making-daughter-quit-lack-improvement.html

 

[TexasRose]

I'm guessing you're just venting??? Or are you serious? I find it hard to label a level 8 gymnast as lazy- they do some crazy hard skills and routines that require a lot of training. Just doesn't seem very lazy to me...

 

[Tumblequeensmom]

No, she's definitely not lazy!! She's has worked hard to get to Level 8, even if she's spent more than one season there. This is a really, really tough sport!!!

I think she IS 13 and maybe the allure of other things is pulling at her a bit? 13 seems to be the age when the girls either decide they want to stick with it and really give it their all, or decide to take a step back from this demanding sport.

Have you talked to her about what she wants to do?

 

[GymBee97]

bog pointed out the other thread with a similar issue. I go with don't let the scores drive your decision. If your DD is having fun and loves this then that is all that really matters. You said last year she got 32's this year 34's that is improvement. Every Gymnast can't be the one that gets the 37' and 38's. If it were simple to do everyone would be going to the olympics. This is a hard sport and it can take years to get a skill.

Also age 13 comes into play here that is the age where we parents have had our brains removed and know nothing and the 13yo know everything. Have you asked her if she wants to continue competing?

 

[Aussie_coach]

Those skills are scary for a young teenager. They hit a point where they start to be able to think in the abstract and can imagine things going wrong that have never gone wrong before.

When a young child is asked to do something scary they often don't think about getting hurt unless they have either been hurt before or seen someone get hurt doing that skill.

When an adult is asked to do something scary they may think about getting hurt but can weigh up the logic of the situation. And recognize that they have never been hurt doing it before, there are things in place to prevent it and it's not likely.

A teenager is a different story, their imagination is hard to control. They imagine all these worst case scenario's and can't yet use logic to decide that it is safe.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

dang...you stated that well. ^^^

 

[pattymello]

I don't quite understand why so many people find fear such a large factor in learning new skills. some of the incredibly insane, high level gymnastics skills seem like they should be near impossible purely because they are so freaky. They are made possible by the use of progressions. There isn't any reason for a gymnast to do something extremely scary and outside of their comfort zone because a coach can develop the skill with baby steps so the gymnast is never doing something much harder then what they have already done. I understand that there are obviously going to be limitations to this such as the coaches knowledge and possibly equipment but I have never found fear to be much of a problem when I coach.

Also i am new here and i like that Dunno is living up to his signature so well

 

[profmom]

Patty, I am a little surprised by your post, having watched more than one girl on our team work through significant fear issues with back tumbling on beam at the compulsory level. Our coaches use progressions to teach these skills, but no one ever hits every single back walkover or every single BHS, and it's understandable that a scary fall will make a kid a little gun shy for a while.

One of my daughter's coaches said to them once that fear is a normal part of gymnastics. What makes the difference is how you handle it. At least for my daughter, acknowledging the fear and thinking about how to work through it was much more successful than denying it or describing it as unreasonable.

As for the OP, I guess I'm with the parents who are wondering how the daughter feels about gymnastics. If it's still overall a positive in her life, I can't see the downside other than money to allowing her to continue something about which she's passionate. I find it a useful rule of thumb that I should care about outcomes in my children's sporting endeavors at least a little bit less than that day's competing child does.

 

[Granny Smith]

OP - I would sit down and have a conversation with your dd. Does she still want to do gymnastics? If she still loves gymnastics, does she still want to do it to the level of commitment that she currently does? I see she does cheerleading and softball, I hate to say it but it's hard to do gymnastics at the current level she is doing and then adding the other sports in there too.

I know that you threw scores out there for comparison against her competition, but if she is doing the other sports, how much time is she putting in the gym? The other gyms that are scoring the 37s, probably are the type of gym that doesn't allow for other commitment and quite possibly those girls put in more time in the gym. I'm not saying that this is totally the case, but it definitely could be.

Could she look into an alternative program other than USAG? If she truly has a fear of giants & the Yurchenko, other programs (Prep Opt, USAIGC, etc.) might work better for her. They could work with her current skill set or allow her to develop the above skills a little more slowly. She is definitely at a disadvantage competing L8 without giants, she can get by with a FHS vault, but many girls are now doing the Tsuk or Yurchenko.

There are several alternatives that can be sought out rather than just quitting, especially if she still loves the sport.

 

[ggmom]

Thank you ALL for your comments - I really do need to see everyone's side.

Thank you for the link to the similar thread I glanced thru it but will spend more time
later reading through it.

DD says that she wants to continue gymnastics; she also says that she would LOVE to
just go to the practices and never compete - but I really doubt that is true she would miss
the social aspect of the hotels; meals out with the families and even the competition; she
is usually boogying to everyone's floor music - high fiving the girls etc....

Gymbee - I SO agree about the brain - although I had forgot that since I haven't been thru it
in a while (DS is 20 and a boy they handle things differently !!)

Aussie_Coach - I also agree about the fear and that is part of my thought process - if she now knows
fear how will she progress? She truly had no fears of anything when she was younger but that wasn't good either.

Pattymellow - DD coach does use the progression method. We have had this coach for almost 2 years - prior to that
we had a "chuck it" coach - the girls would learn something in one day and be ready to compete it the next. Seemed more
fun to keep learning new things - but I also think it is more dangerous. But I have to say after having the very fast method
this method seems to take forever.

While our gym does allow (doesn't really like) other sports they still need to get their 16 hours in a week at the gym. The
better gym in the area that doesn't allow other sports also requires 16 hours (although from what I have heard it schedules 16 hours but makes the girls do things over and over until they get it right sometimes getting out an hour of more later than they are supposed to).

Again, thank you all so much - I'm sure many of you understand how difficult it is to talk to others about these things - non-gymnastics parents immediately say oh yeah just take her out. And gymnastic parents all think the gym their athlete goes to is the best so they believe you should switch and I am just trying to figure out what is right for my baby girl.

Thanks again !!

 

[pattymello]

Patty, I am a little surprised by your post, having watched more than one girl on our team work through significant fear issues with back tumbling on beam at the compulsory level. Our coaches use progressions to teach these skills, but no one ever hits every single back walkover or every single BHS, and it's understandable that a scary fall will make a kid a little gun shy for a while.

I get that certain skills will make a person nervous and they may have problems performing a skill if they have had a significant fall doing it. But if they are properly prepared for the skill and approach it in a smart manner, then fear shouldn't be a problem. Not saying they won't experience fear, just that it won't be much of a problem.

 

[JessLW]

Fear isn't always a rational response. I'm afraid of spiders, even though my brain knows that the vast majority of spiders out there are not going to harm me. Yurchenkos are a whole heck of a lot more dangerous than most spiders, yet even gymnasts who have the skill can get hurt doing them. The fear isn't so much that you can't do it, but that even if you can do it, things can still go wrong. I say this as someone who had big fear issues when I was a gymnast, and they were at their worst when I was about 13 or so. I stayed with the sport until I was 15, but the fear really held my progression back a lot.

OP, I'll echo that maybe prep-op would be a good idea for your daughter if she wants to keep doing gymnastics but is more keen on the fun side of it than the serious competition aspect. What does she want out of gymnastics at this point? If it is a social outlet for her and a fun way to keep fit, then prep-op could give her that and she'd still get to do competitions and travel, but in a more relaxed environment. Prep-op also allows gymnasts to work around their fears, since the range of allowed elements at each level is really huge. If she's having fun and still loves gymnastics I don't think she should have to quit, but maybe the program she's in right now just isn't the right fit.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Ok to be honest it is me !! I am the crazy gym parent and I need advise:

My daughter is 13 yo and a 2nd year level 8 gymnast (looks like she will another year as well)

1. My daughter is having fun, enjoys practice, loves her team and gymnastics but isn't
getting much better (got 32's last year getting 34's this year - competing against girls
getting 37's).

2. My take on it is that gymnastics is expensive and if you aren't trying your very hardest
then I am throwing my money away. She can but WON'T do a giant - She can but WON'T
do a Yurchenko and her coach won't make her.

3. I want coach to push her - DD is lazy and will do the least possible amount of work - but coach
doesn't push the girls - only what they are comfortable with - I'm all about safety but I'm tell
you DD needs to be pushed.

4. There aren't alot of gyms in our area and some don't allow the girls to participate in other sports
and DD is a cheerleader, and softball player. Gym is also close to the house making pick up
and drop offs very convenient and fast getting to other sports and practices.

5. So if your DD was happy and doing OK would you want to pull her from gymnastics - it would certainly be nice
to have those several thousand of dollars a year for other expenses.

Signed,
Unsupportive Mother

all right all ready...geesh...i'll clarify my yikes:

1st bold: daughter loves gymnastics. ain't getting better even though her all around went up 2 points over last years scores. what? she got 2 points better. and you're comparing her to other kids....are you nuts?

2: as i've stated before, when you start talking money...you should have thought about that BEFORE you had kids. and since it has now come to your attention, don't put her in anything cause 'anything' costs money. and she may not "won't" now, but she might later. and coaches have no way of "making" someone do something. a coach can lead them to water but we can't make them drink.

3. i suspect that your daughter does not have the same 'drive' as you. that's cause she's not you. she ain't lazy if she has gotten to where she is at 13 and is playing more than 1 sport which is your fault. bad guidance on your part. i'll expound further down. and again, it's not the coaches job to push in such a way that it becomes the main thrust to the athlete's comfort zone. when the kid feels confident and they don't 'see' in their 13 year old mind that they won't kill themselves (read Aussiecoach's post...he/she said it perfectly upthread) then they'll go for whatever it is their working on. and you say that you're all about safety...but you want her pushed beyond her present threshold of comfort. okay, you're nuts.

4: you want her to do more and beyond her comfort zone and do it with "safety" (which you're all about) yet she is gymnastically distracted cause she really ain't spending the time required to do those other things cause you are letting her do 2 other sports that take away from training. i don't know of any level 9's or 10's worth their salt that do anything else other than gymnastics full time. so then, you want her to do yurchenkos which is a full time endeavor on part time hours. okay, you're nuts cause you don't know any better. but wait...the gym is right next door, real convenient for YOU so much so that you can get her to those 2 other sports that are taking away from the time she should be spending in the gym attempting to LEARN THINGS THAT NOBODY ELSE CAN LEARN PART TIME and yet you say she is lazy and needs pushing...blah...blah...blah...

5. when i say "yikes" it's cause the posts make no sense or they are so outrageous that my response risks being irreverent as another poster stated i was capable of being. and then...the unmitigated gaul of signing something with "unsupportive mother". i must stop now or risk being banned.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

I don't quite understand why so many people find fear such a large factor in learning new skills. some of the incredibly insane, high level gymnastics skills seem like they should be near impossible purely because they are so freaky. They are made possible by the use of progressions. There isn't any reason for a gymnast to do something extremely scary and outside of their comfort zone because a coach can develop the skill with baby steps so the gymnast is never doing something much harder then what they have already done. I understand that there are obviously going to be limitations to this such as the coaches knowledge and possibly equipment but I have never found fear to be much of a problem when I coach.

Also i am new here and i like that Dunno is living up to his signature so well

i certainly hope that you intended that last line to be endearing lest i start in on you also. and read back in other posts to learn things and learn what instigated the why that is my signature line. and i sincerely welcome you to CB.

 

[ggmom]

all right all ready...geesh...i'll clarify my yikes:

1st bold: daughter loves gymnastics. ain't getting better even though her all around went up 2 points over last years scores. what? she got 2 points better. and you're comparing her to other kids....are you nuts?

2: as i've stated before, when you start talking money...you should have thought about that BEFORE you had kids. and since it has now come to your attention, don't put her in anything cause 'anything' costs money. and she may not "won't" now, but she might later. and coaches have no way of "making" someone do something. a coach can lead them to water but we can't make them drink.

3. i suspect that your daughter does not have the same 'drive' as you. that's cause she's not you. she ain't lazy if she has gotten to where she is at 13 and is playing more than 1 sport which is your fault. bad guidance on your part. i'll expound further down. and again, it's not the coaches job to push in such a way that it becomes the main thrust to the athlete's comfort zone. when the kid feels confident and they don't 'see' in their 13 year old mind that they won't kill themselves (read Aussiecoach's post...he/she said it perfectly upthread) then they'll go for whatever it is their working on. and you say that you're all about safety...but you want her pushed beyond her present threshold of comfort. okay, you're nuts.

4: you want her to do more and beyond her comfort zone and do it with "safety" (which you're all about) yet she is gymnastically distracted cause she really ain't spending the time required to do those other things cause you are letting her do 2 other sports that take away from training. i don't know of any level 9's or 10's worth their salt that do anything else other than gymnastics full time. so then, you want her to do yurchenkos which is a full time endeavor on part time hours. okay, you're nuts cause you don't know any better. but wait...the gym is right next door, real convenient for YOU so much so that you can get her to those 2 other sports that are taking away from the time she should be spending in the gym attempting to LEARN THINGS THAT NOBODY ELSE CAN LEARN PART TIME and yet you say she is lazy and needs pushing...blah...blah...blah...

5. when i say "yikes" it's cause the posts make no sense or they are so outrageous that my response risks being irreverent as another poster stated i was capable of being. and then...the unmitigated gaul of signing something with "unsupportive mother". i must stop now or risk being banned.

I WISH you would get banned - I don't think I have ever run into such a ignorant or rude person - I assumed this board was here to help parents with their vents and thoughts - either I am way off base with my assumption or you are the exception to the rule. You must be the biggest bit&* to walk to earth - who do you think you are?? You do what you want with your child and I will do the same. When your child decided gymnastics isn't for her and she doesn't have the skill to play another sport you will remember that it was you that made her choose at whatever age YOU decided she shouldn't do anything else !!

IF you look further it was not me that you asked to explain yourself so - go under a rock and stay there you ignorant .... Oh now I see you are a coach that explains alot I would certainly want you around my child .... NOT

 

[profmom]

Yikes!!!!!